Burn So Bright

by Jennifer Bernard

  “You’re cooking.”

  “Yup. Trying to earn my way around here. I’ve got decent kitchen skills, you know. I was a cook on a fishing trawler one winter.” He blew on the wooden spoon, then offered it to her. “See for yourself.”

  She came closer, stomach growling. She sampled the tomato sauce, which had an odd taste to it. But maybe it was just her. Her stomach was doing some strange things lately. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

  “Hey, it gave me a break from all the hard work I put in today.”

  At first she thought he was joking, but then she noticed the self-conscious look on his face. “I assume you don’t mean couch-warming?”

  “Nope.” He had a wild, fired-up look about him. “I had a breakthrough today. You know when all of a sudden everything is clear and you realize you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be and you know exactly what you’re supposed to do?”

  She flashed on that moment on the stargazing platform, when she’d watched the meteor shower burn so bright. “I guess so.”

  He pointed the spoon at her. “My broken leg has a bright side. I came up with a plan today. I want to bring attention to the wild world of wildfire fighters. YouTube channel, Tumblr, blog posts. The life of a wildfire fighter, in video, in his own words. The real thing, unfiltered and totally authentic.”

  “Wow.” She had to hand it to him, it sounded pretty impressive. “That sounds amazing, Josh.”

  “It’s especially important right now because we have more wildfires than ever. And I’m the guy to do this. Did you know that I won a writing contest in fifth grade? I bet you didn’t.” He grinned, looking so handsome, her heart clenched. “I’ve been shooting video ever since I got an iPhone. I have tons of footage. Just have to get everyone’s permission. Clear things with the USFS, the BLM, the CFS, the D of I, the blah blah blah. Should be no problem. I’ll just make myself a PowerPoint.”

  She laughed. His enthusiasm was absolutely infectious and so endearing. “PowerPoints are the answer to all life’s little problems.”

  He put down the spoon and snagged his crutches from their position leaning against the wall. He stumped toward her, his sun-bleached hair swinging along with his movements. When he was directly in front of her, he balanced on the crutches while he cupped her face in his hands. “I owe you a huge thanks for this.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah, you. You inspired me with all your energy and ideas and dedication.”

  “And my PowerPoint skills.”

  “Skills, yes. Maybe not those skills.” He lowered his voice to a sexy rumble. “I can think of a few other very inspiring skills belonging to Suzanne Finnegan.”

  He rested his forehead against hers. She shivered, thinking of all the skills he had to offer. Her stomach growled again. He laughed, then released her so he could get back to stirring the sauce. “You can inform your stomach that this will be ready in two minutes. I nearly forgot to ask, how did it go with the property search today? I heard Sean has other plans for the airstrip.”

  She lit up, remembering the huge news she’d gotten earlier in the day. “Yes, he’s talking to some Air Force guys who want to buy it. That’s off the table. But that’s okay—Brianna has a lead. She does gardening work for an old man who can’t keep up with his farm anymore, and he’s looking for people to help him. It could be perfect!”

  He turned to her, his smile so big and genuine it made her heart sing. “That’s great news. Big day all-around, huh? Way to rock it, Suzanne. Want to grab some plates and we can celebrate with a big old plate of carbs?”

  Smiling, she crossed to the cupboard. “You’re going to make such a good wife someday.”

  “Since I’ll never be a husband, maybe I should aim for wife instead,” he quipped back.

  On autopilot, she took out two of her favorite plates, the ones with a bright sunflower design around the edges.

  Never be a husband? It was the same thing he always said, but for some reason, this time it bugged her. But why? She had no interest in him as a permanent life partner. Josh was someone to have fun with. Like a playmate. A grown-up sexual playmate, someone who made every moment more enjoyable. In bed, on the couch, in the kitchen…

  Something funny happened to her heart just then. Like a twang. Like a guitar string someone had plucked. Its reverberations traveled through her entire being, with one clear note.

  Josh.

  Josh was…special. No one else was like him. Even after he went back to his regular life, no one else would ever quite take his place. He would leave a hole that would never really be filled. Someone else might come along—a husband, for instance. A man who wanted the life she wanted. But he wouldn’t be Josh.

  Oh, hell and damn and sweet mother of insanity—she’d fallen in love with Josh.

  With Josh.

  The man who wanted nothing to do with any of the things she wanted the most.

  “Everything okay?” She jumped when his voice sounded in her ear. The plates she was holding clattered against each other.

  “Yes, sorry. I was just…um…imagining how amazing it would be if we got that farm. Brianna says it’s beautiful and has all these outbuildings where farmworkers used to live. They’re kind of rundown, but I think if we spread the word about our Kickstarter or something, or maybe I’ll plan a fundraising event so we can renovate the living quarters, because I don’t have quite enough in the bank to cover the purchase and fixing the place up—”

  He turned her so she faced him and gazed at her steadily. It felt as if her heart did a full end-over-end rotation during that endless moment. She didn’t want him to see the truth, but didn’t know how to hide it either.

  But even though it felt as if he had X-ray vision, he didn’t say anything about the emotions somersaulting through her. A slow smile spread across his face. “I like seeing you so excited.”

  “Well, it’s, um, yeah. Of course I’m excited. It could be great, and I guess I’m getting a little carried away.” Oh Lord. She was going to make a fool of herself, wasn’t she? She cleared her throat. “Actually, we should eat quickly because I have a meeting later with the girls.”

  She didn’t have a meeting scheduled, but she wasn’t sure she could spend the evening alone with Josh. She needed to figure out how to handle this situation.

  She needed to be practical and think this through. Make a plan.

  His smile dropped. “Oh, really? I had some other ideas about tonight.” He dropped his face to the crook of her neck and nuzzled her there.

  Her resolve weakened, along with her knees. He smelled so good, the fresh, clean scent of his skin mingling with the aroma of tomato sauce. And the way he touched her was just so perfect. Sometimes light, sometimes firm, always as if she were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. It was irresistible. Maybe she should do this just one more time…what harm would it do?

  Just more amazing sex with the man who wouldn’t stick around. That was all.

  She put down the plates and threw her arms around him. He was so strong that even with a broken leg, balancing on crutches, he caught her against him without wavering. “You always have really good ideas.”

  “Only when I’m inspired. And you definitely inspire me. Over and over and over again.” He punctuated each word with a kiss until her face tingled everywhere he touched. Then he was kissing her on the lips, deep and thorough and utterly intoxicating. When he finally drew away, she felt lightheaded and clung to his broad shoulders.

  He was just as affected as she was; his breath came fast, his pupils dilated.

  “Damn, Suzanne,” he muttered. “Sometimes I think I’ll never get enough of you.”

  She ran her hands down the rippling muscles of his chest. “Never is a long time. We don’t have to think like that.”

  “Right. Live for the moment.” He nipped at her lower lip, using his teeth with just the right amount of pressure, so she felt the frisson all the way down her spine. “That’s what I do best.”


  Of course it was. She didn’t need to hear it all over again. She got it. “Shut up and make love to me.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Whatever had gotten into Suzanne, Josh wanted more of it. She was on fire that night. “Maybe I should make spaghetti sauce more often,” he whispered to her as they lay, spent and panting, on her big bed. Their sexual marathon had been interrupted by a break for pasta, but only briefly. Priorities…

  “Anytime, hotshot. Anytime. A low-calorie option might be good too.”

  “Nope. Won’t do it. Know how many calories I eat when I’m on a fire? Over four thousand a day.”

  “You’re not on a fire,” she pointed out. She rested on her side, the long lines of her curves begging to be caressed.

  “You sure about that?” He stroked her hip, enjoying the graceful turn of her hipbone, and the way her skin pebbled at his touch. “I think we just burned off that entire dinner. Hey, darlin’, want to burn up some calories with me?”

  “Nice line. Does that work with the ladies?”

  “What ladies? There’s only one as far as I’m concerned.”

  She went quiet, and he wondered if he’d taken his flirting too far. It was hard not to. She brought out his flirtatious side more than anyone he’d ever known.

  His cell phone rang from the living room. “Ring of Fire,” his tribute to his favorite singer and his profession.

  “I’ll get it.” She scrambled out of bed so quickly that he wondered if she was looking for an excuse. He watched her disappear out the door, captivated by the sight of her perfect heart-shaped ass. He settled deeper into the sheets. Obviously, he wasn’t a settler-downer type, but if he were, it would be hard to imagine anyone more perfect for him than Suzanne.

  She came back wearing the top he’d practically ripped off her body in the kitchen. Now it hung open, allowing the inner curves of her breasts and her trim little waist to peek through. She was a wet dream walking through the door, and his cock reacted accordingly.

  She handed him the phone and mouthed, “Your brother.”

  And that was the end of fun for the night. His parents and his brothers had been calling on a regular basis since he’d made his great escape from the hospital. He didn’t like ignoring their calls, even though they were probably bad for his stress level.

  “Hey, Andy. Before you even ask, I’m doing good.”

  “Glad to know, but that’s now why I’m calling. Mom and Pop are headed your way.”

  “What?” Josh sat bolt upright in bed, then winced as his leg protested. “Why? When?”

  “Mom has been talking about it the last couple of days. Dad got wind of it and decided to beat her to the punch. He left this morning. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s in the Caddy. Mom is flying, I think. She threw a fit when she found out.”

  Josh clenched the phone, all his Suzanne-induced contentment evaporating. “I want to join the Witness Protection Program. That’s my only hope.”

  Suzanne giggled, then put a hand over her mouth. He wished she wouldn’t. He loved hearing her laugh. Right now, he needed to hear her laugh.

  “Isn’t there some mission to Mars I can stow away on? I’ll be that robot they send out to take soil samples.”

  Over her hand, Suzanne’s face was turning pink with mirth.

  “They’re worried about you. Give them a break.”

  “Yeah, they should be worried about me. It’s hard to run for the hills with one leg in a cast.”

  “Ha ha.”

  “Anyway, thanks for the heads-up, bro. I appreciate it.” He ended the call and turned to Suzanne. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  She nodded gleefully, then shook her head. “Not at all.”

  “Ohhh, you’re going to pay, young woman.” He snagged her arm and spun her around so he could give her a little whack on the ass.

  She gave him a saucy look over her shoulder. “What kind of payment did you have in mind?”

  “I was thinking maybe you could be my sex slave. That seems fair, right?” He stroked the smooth skin of her ass, soothing the sting he must have left.

  Her eyes darkened to the shade he thought of as “fuck-me blue.”

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Actually, I was thinking of something a little different.”

  “You want me to be your sex slave? That works too.”

  “No.” She spoke as if explaining herself to a small child. “I was thinking I’d help you out with your parents. I think I know how to handle them.”

  “Keep going.” He entwined his hand with hers and brought it to his lips. “This might be even better than making you cater to my every sexual whim. Jury’s still out.”

  “The agency where I work, Stars in Your Eyes, has a special package aimed at couples who are at a turning point in their lives. It’s for older couples, or those who are going through a tough time. We call it the ‘Rekindle Your Fire’ package. How about if I take your parents on one? I’ll comp them. And I won’t tell them what it is. I’ll just say it’s a tour of Jupiter Point.”

  He gazed up at her, feeling like a puppy dog in the presence of a goddess. “You would do that?”

  “Sure.”

  “But they’re…you saw what they’re like.”

  “Yes. They bicker. A lot. A lot of people do that.” She cocked her head at him with a curious look? “Why is it so awful for you?”

  A flash of memory gripped him—crawling under his bed to escape the horrible shouting. The way it would follow him anyway, no matter how many pillows he stuffed around his ears.

  Why was it so awful? Because it tore him apart. It shredded him.

  “I don’t know,” he said hoarsely. Then he caught himself, and deflected with a joke. “Maybe I’m allergic.”

  She waited for him to say more, but when he didn’t, she pulled away from him. “Well, I don’t want you to suffer any medical setbacks, so I’m stepping up. Otherwise, you might be stuck on my couch forever.” She stuck her tongue out at him and whisked herself into the bathroom.

  Stuck on her couch forever…oddly, that didn’t sound as bad as it ought to. Though he might replace “couch” with “bed.”

  He lay back and contemplated the amazing fact that Suzanne was willing to spend time with his parents. He’d never asked a girl to do that. It had never even come up before. But here was Suzanne, offering up her time and a tour package that must cost a fair amount. She was such a standup girl, always ready to throw herself feet first into whatever her friends needed. He remembered Sean telling him that Suzanne used to confront other kids who were talking trash about him. Having Suzanne in your corner…well, it felt good, that was all. It made him want to do something equally heroic for her.

  He realized she was taking a long time in the bathroom. “Suzanne? You okay in there?”

  “Yes,” came her muffled reply. He heard the toilet flush and shortly afterward she emerged back into the room. He thought she looked a bit pale, and hoped it wasn’t his pasta’s fault. She turned out the light and crawled under the covers with him.

  When she cuddled against his body, all warm and soft and silky, his heart swelled. He adjusted their positions so her head rested on the divot between his shoulder and his chest. She fit there perfectly.

  For the moment.

  23

  Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod…

  That refrain had been going on a nonstop loop ever since she’d nearly thrown up in the bathroom.

  It was the pasta. It had to be. She’d eaten too fast. It had too much oregano. Something. It couldn’t be anything else. She and Josh always used condoms, every single time. There had never been a rip, or a premature disposal, or a lapse. They’d been absolutely meticulous.

  Calendar, calendar…how long had it been since her last period? She’d been keeping track pretty carefully when she was with Logan. They’d stopped using condoms, so knowing where she was in her cycle was pretty important. But his schedule had been so spo
radic toward the end. He’d been wrapped up with his finals and barely made it to Jupiter Point at all. They’d had sex maybe once in the last couple of months of their engagement.

  But one is all it takes.

  No. Impossible. She and Logan were through. This couldn’t be happening. Okay, okay, think. When exactly was that one time they’d had sex?

  Sadly, there wasn’t much to remember. It was over quickly, she hadn’t enjoyed it, and she’d lain awake fuming to herself about what a selfish lover he was. But that hadn’t happened during the danger time. Had it?

  She tried to count the days and weeks, but kept losing track. She was probably just late. It happened, especially when she was under stress. Yup, that was it. She was late, and she’d eaten too fast, and her breasts looked bigger because…late growth spurt? Maybe?

  This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t. Not when she and Logan were completely done. Not when she loved another man. A man who didn’t even know she loved him. A man who would probably run screaming if he did know. This wasn’t the plan.

  No. No no no. Not possible.

  Yes, it definitely was possible. Not just possible, but “holy shit this is real.” The news was delivered via a drug store pregnancy test that she’d driven all the way to nearby Benson to purchase. In fact, she’d bought five tests, which added up to quite a bit of money.

  If you think that’s a lot of money, imagine having a kid. By yourself.

  She stopped at a gas station and barricaded herself into the bathroom. Now she was on test number three, and so far the results were unanimous.

  Ohmigod. OMIGOD.

  Not only that, but she’d pored over the calendar and counted the days and there was simply no doubt about it. The father was Logan.

  In a dingy gas station bathroom off of Route 5, she buried her head in her hands and sobbed.

  A month ago, getting pregnant with Logan’s baby would have meant just moving things up a bit. Get married a little earlier, start their family right away instead of in a few years. But everything had changed. She didn’t love Logan. She didn’t want a life with Logan. And despite his “romantic gesture,” he didn’t really want her either. And he really wouldn’t want to have a baby.