The Mammoth Book of Irish Romance

by Trisha Telep

  He rested one arm on his knee and raised his head up even more proudly, not caring to push away the unruly dark curls that spilled over his brow. “The manner of the trial matters not, Highness. The queen of my heart is worth any price, no matter how difficult or high.” Now he let a small smile curl up one corner of his mouth. “I must presume that a noble of your obvious intelligence and integrity would make the trial at least possible for one of my kind to achieve.”

  The fae are proud creatures. Compliments to them are like sugar water to a hummingbird. Many are addicted and come to expect them after a long life. Bryan watched as the words had the expected reaction. The King puffed and straightened his shoulders while his queen let out a small growl of annoyance. “Of course it is possible. But hear this, Human. Pretty words will not help ye in thy quest. Only courage, wits and strength of will and body.” He raised a hand. “Elwich, come forth.”

  The fae of the long hair and armour of light stepped to the throne and bowed his head. “Aye, milord?”

  “I have decided ye will race Human. His dispute is mostly with ye and the prize ye claimed in the outside world.”

  Bryan felt air on his tongue as his jaw dropped. How exactly was a race possible against a fae? The raider smiled slyly. “To where shall we run, milord?”

  But now the King settled back in his seat and laced fingers over his flowered vest. “’Twill not be a race on foot, but on steeds.” He flicked his eyes Bryan’s way. “’Tis possible, aye? Much depends on your selection. Ye will each choose a horse from among all we possess. Human will carry his heart’s queen to the cave at the top of the nearest peak, where the crown stars grow.” Now the blazing eyes moved to the fae, who was likewise shocked. “Elwich, ye will carry my wife and consort, Hermetia. The goal is simple. The first one to reach the cave and crown their queen wins. The loser . . . dies.”

  Queen Hermetia chuckled low and Bryan finally felt fear in his heart. How could he hope to defeat a fae warrior and the Queen of all the fairies in their home world? But at least he had Bridget. She knew this world and their ways.

  The Queen stood and started towards the horses confidently. But she hadn’t taken two steps before she completely froze in place. She pitched forwards and had not Elwich leaped up to grab her, she would have hit the ground face first. The fae warrior looked up at the King, stunned as both his and the queen’s armour dissolved into so much dust.

  “But this is a test of more than just horsemanship, as I said. If Human has no magic, then neither shall ye. When my fair lady queen awakes, she will be powerless and voiceless, as will Human’s fiery halfling. But each woman has a personal knowledge and ye must watch and listen to learn what they can teach. I’ve found that true love can often be a . . . burden on those who are possessed by it. It robs one of common sense, and magic ability.” The King glared at the white-haired fae and ice painted his words as surely as if he was born of winter. “Isn’t that correct, Elrich?” The King raised an arm and he and the other fae disappeared into a puff of smoke, but his words continued to fill the air. “Have a care, warriors. Let no harm befall your beloveds or face my wrath. I will be watching thy progress and will tolerate no trickery.”

  Beloveds? Was the King claiming his consort was loved by another – not true to him? But no matter. That was a matter of politics and none of his concern. Bryan raced to Bridget’s side to find her bonds were loose. She was pliant and could move her face to smile and mouth the words he’d heard so many times – I love you. The look on her face said more than words ever could, though, and he was warmed and made certain of his purpose.

  But she could utter no sound and seemed terribly weak. “Ah, Bridey. Queen of me heart,” he said softly, meaning every word. “I told you I would never let them take you. We’ll be at home before the stew has finished boiling.”

  He picked her up easily and she lifted her arms to wrap around his neck. They raced to the horses that were tethered nearby, and he found it strange they were first to the steeds.

  The horses tossed their fiery manes as Bryan and Bridget approached. The closer they got, the more agitated the horses became. First backing and pulling on their reins, and then rearing up to kick with their stone hooves hard enough to raise sparks. Bryan stepped away, baffled. How was he to ride one of these beasts?

  But then he felt Bridget’s hand on his shoulder. When he looked, she was shaking her head. She lifted her arm and pointed past the horses. But there was only dense undergrowth ahead. Was she suggesting they forgo the horses? “No horse?”

  Her mouth moved and he concentrated to understand the words she was saying. “Iffer orz?” She shook her head, not so much angry as frustrated. She slowed down her movements and he mocked the motions with his own lips. “Ifferent . . . Oh! Different horse! Not one of these?” She smiled. Well, the King had said any horses we possess, so he presumed they weren’t limited to the ones at the tether. She raised her arm again, and it gave him an idea. He lifted her hand to support her arm and he pointed one of her fingers, moving it slowly until she nodded.

  Yes, just through the lush flowers, he could see a building. Without a second thought, he raced into the distance hand in hand with Bridget. From behind him, he could hear Elwich reach the horse line. The warrior’s laugh taunted him as he left the horses behind. “Fool! Ye have no chance now.”

  Sure enough, he turned and discovered that the horses were disappearing into smoke. All except the massive black stallion with a sparkling blue mane that Elwich and his queen rode. Although it could hardly be said the Queen rode. Elwich had thrown her indignantly across the saddle, as he had with Bridget. The steed reared back in displeasure at the two passengers, but leaped into the air with a rush of wind that nearly pushed Bryan and Bridget to the ground. Bryan turned his worried face to meet his wife’s eyes, but she only smiled and raised her arm again.

  Had Bridget ever talked of horses? Wait! Yes, she had! I called him Neverwhere, because he was never where he was supposed to be and wouldn’t do as he was told. He would just suddenly appear and want to be ridden, already saddled. His hair was whiter than snow, with a coppery mane that was the same colour as mine. He allowed no other rider than me, and none could abide that – for a halfling to own the heart of the fastest of stallions. So deadly was he that they kept him away from the others for fear of breeding his stubbornness by accident.

  But if he allowed no other . . . no, he wouldn’t consider that. He trusted Bridget, at whatever cost.

  The paddock was quiet as they approached, but then a wind pushed them forwards. An eerie sound began from within the building: it was part scream and part battle cry. Bryan’s blood chilled in his veins and every hair on his body stood at attention. Yet Bridey was smiling with a child’s trust and love and he couldn’t help but be strengthened by her reaction.

  As they approached the building, she began to look around. He stopped and waited, happy to abide her desire, and frankly fearing getting closer. She pointed towards a hawthorn bush nearby. Was he to cut a branch? They were sacred, not to be harmed. Surely she wouldn’t suggest such a thing. Then she mouthed, Under, and he looked down. He set her carefully on the ground near the bush. She began to snap off thick toadstools and motioned for him to do the same. That’s right! He remembered the story now. He loved me best because I knew how much he loved the mushrooms. They locked him up so he couldn’t eat them because they made him tipsy, like drinking butter beer. But he did love them and would do anything I asked for even a wee piece.

  He started snapping off the thick mushrooms until she motioned for him to stop. He stuffed them in his pockets and followed where she led. As they approached the door, he could hear the maddened screams turn to snorts and then snuffles before being finally replaced by an excited snicker. It was no small trick to open the heavy paddock door but with her help the hinges gave way.

  The steed was amazing to behold. It was easily half again larger than the other horses, of a white so bright it made him squint. “He’s a fin
e one, he is. Just as you described him, love.” Bridget smiled at him and then held out her arms to the horse. The beast came as far as the massive iron bars would allow, stretching its neck so she could run her wrist along his nose. But then the horse’s attention was drawn to Bryan. The eyes flashed with a copper glow and it bared teeth unlike he’d seen in the mouth of a grass-eater. They were the teeth of a shark, rows of curved and vicious incisors that could easily cut flesh to ribbons. It lunged forwards, and would have taken a chunk from his arm if he hadn’t moved quickly enough. Instead of reacting with fear, Bridget actually reached out and slapped the beast with the side of her hand.

  It reacted more with surprise than anger, but cocked its head like a curious dog when she reached her arms around Bryan and held him tight. She kissed his face over and over, tiny touches of her lips that made him weak-kneed. Then she smiled at the horse and patted his jacket.

  “Oh! That’s right. I have a treat for you, Neverwhere.” Bridget beamed that Bryan had remembered the horse’s name and even the steed looked interested. He pulled out a few mushrooms and placed them on her upturned palm.

  Oh, how that tail flipped with joy! It sent sparks dancing into the room. Neverwhere ate them one at a time, savouring them like the finest delicacy. His mane shook and his whole body shuddered in pleasure before taking another with the same gentle action. After the third mushroom he licked her hand to get the last taste, making her giggle wordlessly. Seeing the two friends together – Bridget and her horse – made him realize how very hard it must have been for her to be rejected from this life, this world. There were things here he couldn’t give her in the outside world. The intelligence in the eyes of this animal said it was more than a mere beast of burden. He was a pet, a friend, and possibly more. Bryan had no idea whether Fae steeds were sentient, but he wouldn’t be at all surprised if Neverwhere started spouting poetry for Bridget’s pleasure.

  Bridget motioned for him to offer more of the mushrooms to the horse. If he really did get tipsy, he didn’t want to give the animal too many, but it was a fairly large horse, so it should be able to manage a few more. He reached into his pocket and pulled out another of the tiny, fragrant treats. “Would you like another, Neverwhere?”

  Bryan reached his arm forwards slowly, his hand still closed into a fist. He liked his fingers a little too well not to be cautious. The horse eyed his closed fist with distrust but looked back to Bridget who nodded and smiled. The horse snuffled the fist, the breath feeling as hot as the air from a furnace. Then it started moving its lips, trying to get the fist to open. The tail was moving again, showering Bryan in golden sparkles that made him laugh. Finally he opened his hand and the horse ate the mushrooms, just as carefully as it had with Bridget.

  As he pulled back his hand, the bright eyes of the horse followed, hoping for another taste. Bryan was quite sure that Neverwhere would have leaped forwards and torn the jacket from his body if he thought there were more mushrooms hidden. He heard a thumping sound and realized Bridget was trying to get his attention. She was mouthing a single word, and he was having a difficult time understanding. It was short, just one syllable, but didn’t match any word he could think of. She seemed to realize that and spoke more words, glancing from him to the horse and back.

  Oh! She wanted him to ask the horse if it would take them. Frankly, he was fairly certain they’d already lost the race. How could Elwich and the Queen not have already arrived by now? This had taken too long, but it was hard to deny Bridget any delay she wished.

  But there was no harm in asking, nor in trying to complete the quest. He faced the horse and, just in case it could be insulted as other fae could, he offered a short bow of his head as an introduction. “Neverwhere, would you be so kind as to carry Bridget and I to the cave where the crown stars grow? We would gladly share more mushrooms as a reward.”

  Bryan glanced at his wife and she gave him a tiny nod with a smile that said he’d asked well. The horse stepped back from the fence and seemed to contemplate the question. It looked from Bridget to Bryan and back again before nodding its head three times and letting out a shrieking whinny.

  But before Bryan could open the gate, the horse disappeared in a puff of smoke – just as the other horses had. Was it a trick? Were they being punished for rejecting the horses offered? Fear filled the pit of his stomach and even Bridget looked worried. Her eyes filled with tears and she mouthed, I’m sorry, over and over.

  “’Twasn’t your fault, lass,” he said quietly, and pulled her into his arms. “We’ll just have to do our best.” Perhaps they were meant to walk after all. If they died, then so be it. They’d do so together.

  She buried her face in his neck. He could feel her cool tears wet his shirt as her body shook with soundless sobs. “No matter, love. Don’t you think on it at all. If I must carry you the whole way, then I will, and to the devil with their rules and their contest.”

  Three

  Let no food nor water pass your lips or they will own your soul. The sun beat down on them like noon in the desert. Bryan’s tongue felt three times the size and he could barely swallow from the effort and the heat. Did her warning mean only in the sithen? On foot, they would die without water. It could be days before they reached the cave at the peak of the mountain. “Can we drink nothing at all, Bridey? We won’t make it without moisture of some kind.”

  She chewed at her lip, like she always did when she thought, and looked around the lush greenery. Suddenly her eyes lit up and she motioned him to the left. He went where she bid and came to the edge of a large red and green fern. The leaves were broader than his chest. Nail was the word she mouthed and he pulled one of the two nails he’d kept from the construction site from his jacket pocket. He was surprised he’d been left with them, but perhaps this was all part of the King’s plan. Slow them, and then help them. He wondered if Elwich and the Queen were enduring the same sort of trials. Did their horse disappear from under them in mid-flight? He would have imagined they should already be there and have won if their horse was still able to travel.

  Bridget broke off one of the thick fern fronds then indicated that he should use the rusty nail to puncture the leaf so they could drink from the plant.

  The moment he stabbed the end of the nail into the frond it began to leak green fluid. After a few moments, the fluid changed to the clearest water and Bridget opened her mouth for a drink. Bryan couldn’t have imagined it possible to love her more, but every moment that passed she proved she was smart and capable, all wrapped in a package of such beauty he could weep each time he saw her.

  The flow of water seemed to go on far longer than it should have considering the size of the frond, but she seemed satisfied and he felt no odd sensation that he might be falling under a spell. He carefully plucked the nail from the plant and the water immediately stopped. It withered and died in mere seconds.

  As he took Bridge’s hand again, they heard the thunder of hooves. It seemed to come from everywhere at once and he couldn’t decide where to move to get out of the way of the herd of animals that sounded ready to trample them.

  Neverwhere appeared in a burst of tawny light. He bore a saddle made for two on his back. Bryan eagerly stepped towards the horse, but just as he reached for the reins, they were jerked from his grasp and the stallion disappeared again. Bridey’s coppery eyes flashed with the same anger he felt. “So, he hopes to taunt us, does he?” He raised his face to the cloudless blue sky. “You’ll not humiliate us, Highness. We require no animal to win this contest and your efforts only embolden us more.”

  Bridget nodded firmly, echoing his statement with her movements. But they hadn’t taken more than a handful of steps before Neverwhere appeared once more. This time, it was clear the horse would not disappear so easily. It fought against whatever magic tried to snatch it away, kicking and thrashing as its reins were pulled into a sparkle of gold-white magic. But with a final throw of his massive head, it roared in anger and landed on the ground with such force that
two trees were torn from the ground, narrowly missing Bryan and Bridget. If they hadn’t moved quickly, the contest would likely have ended at that moment.

  The horse shook his head, eyes flashing with the same fire that flew from his mane and tail. He looked around suspiciously, as though expecting to be pulled from them once again, but remained in place. Finally, he snorted, flipped his head in a very self-satisfied manner and trotted over to where Bryan and Bridget were standing. Neverwhere snickered softly and nuzzled Bryan’s jacket pocket. He couldn’t help but smile. “You really can’t get enough of these, can you?”

  Two mushrooms disappeared into the horse’s mouth before an audible sigh and a bluster of lips. When the horse’s eyes opened again, he turned to the side and offered the saddle to them. While Bryan was leery and feared the horse being taken from them again, the King had promised they could ride. He would have to take him at his word, for woe be to the fae, even the King, that went back on his word.

  After making certain Bridget was secure in the saddle, he threw a leg over the steed and commanded firmly, “To the cave of the crown stars, Neverwhere. Be off with ye.”

  The world dissolved into light and motion such that he’d never experienced before. He loved to ride fast on his motorcycle, but nothing could compare to the stomach-churning roller coaster that was a fae flying steed.

  “Isn’t it wonderful? Can you see why I love this horse?” Bridey’s voice from behind him made him turn so suddenly he was dizzy.

  “You can talk!”

  She smiled and then laughed. “Why do you think I insisted on Neverwhere? He’s nearly completely resistant to magic. It’s why he’s untrainable.”

  The landscape slipped by, but Bridget seemed completely at ease with it, even though the back of the motorcycle had always made her nauseous. She nudged him with her chin and motioned down. The ground was so far down and moving so fast that his stomach lurched with vertigo. “Look, Deathknell is below, with loose reins and no rider. I was surprised Elwich chose him. He’s fast, but never did like the Queen. I’ll wager he threw them.” Sure enough, a black horse with fiery blue mane was pawing the air below them, headed back to where they started.