Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1)

by Love, K. J.

  Tessa steps back from the truck. I know I’ve scared her; however, right now I can’t manage to care.

  “You go in there and tell Kayla that if she wants to do this to me, she is going to have to face me to do it. She doesn’t get to rip my heart out without talking to me face to face. Tell her I’m not leaving this driveway until she does.”

  “She’s not going to talk to you Blake. I tried to talk some sense into her, but she just feels what she did is wrong and she is ate up with guilt. By the way, you destroying your truck isn’t going to help anything.”

  Guilt? She regrets being with me. She thinks it was a mistake. That hurts worse than her saying she can’t see me. I’ve never shared anything like we shared last night with anyone else. I scrunch up my forehead and look at Tessa, who is standing a few feet from my driver’s side window now.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. Just tell her I’m not leaving until I talk to her. She’s not getting off that easy.”

  Tessa walks inside and I wait. She's going to see me one way or another. Shaking my head, I was afraid of this, but I just kept pushing it out of my mind. She was so sure of what she wanted last night. The thought that she would regret it now is shocking, but not unexpected. Deep down, I knew we should have waited

  Tessa walks back out with her head down. She isn’t coming out. What am I going to do?

  “She’s crying Blake. She won’t come out and see you. She said if you care about her at all, you’ll leave. She can’t face you. She’s afraid of what you think of her and what everyone else will think of her. She really isn’t the type of girl that does stuff like this, you have to know that.”

  “I do know that and it’s because I care about her that I have to see her. I would never think badly of her. If I did, why would I even come here? I didn’t have to show up here. Tell her if she doesn’t come out the next thing I’m going to do is rip my radio out of my truck and if I have to I will come in and drag her ass out here. She is going to talk to me.”

  “Please don’t cause a scene. My mom is home.”

  “Then make sure she comes out. Tell her she doesn’t have a choice. She comes out or I go in.”

  Tessa nods and walks back in the house. Closing my eyes as I wait, I try to bring my anger level down. The last thing I want is for her to be scared of me once she finally does come out.

  The front door opens and there she stands. Her arms are wrapped protectively around herself. She looks scared, without a doubt broken. I want to rush out and wrap her in my arms, I’m just afraid she will reject me and it will only make the situation worse. She raises her head and our eyes connect through the windshield of my truck. For the first time in my life, I have to swallow down tears that threaten to spill down my face. She looks so sad. Her eyes aren’t the bright crystal green I’m used to seeing. She looks like she hasn’t slept at all and her eyes are red from her tears. It kills me to think that I'm causing her more pain. But at the same time, I can't let her walk away without knowing how I feel. And there is no way that I could ever let her think that I would think any less of her because of last night. It was the most incredible night of my life.

  Slowly, she makes her way to the truck. Whereas I sit frozen, unable to do anything that may make her run back inside. Opening the door, she climbs into the passenger seat. Closing the door, she averts her eyes and won't look me. Keeping her head down, she focuses on her hands that she's wringing together in her lap.

  I search for the words to say that will take away her pain and whatever else has her acting this way. Why does she feel that I’d just walk away from her after last night? Why does she think I would feel anything negative about her?

  “I’m sorry Bla-Blake. I need you to leave. I can’t… I don’t want to see you. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

  Her words are broken, just like her. Why is she doing this? It’s like she is punishing herself. “I’m not leaving Kayla. Not until you talk to me. Look at me and tell me why you are doing this.”

  She raises her head and looks angry. Good. The anger I can work with. This broken and want to punish and hurt herself girl, I’m not so sure about.

  “I don’t have to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to you. I never should have let last night happen. It’s entirely my fault. I’ve ruined any chance we ever had and I’ve hurt everyone involved. I just want you to go and forget about me. Forget you ever met me.”

  Now I’m angry. “And what Kayla? You go back home and continue to stay in a relationship that you hate? Can you so easily forget me? I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as you think it will be. You forget I’m the one who was there. I’m the one who knows what we both felt and shared. I’m the one that felt your heart racing and saw the content happy look on your face. I’m the one you were asking to kiss you and not stop.

  You, just like me, said you had never experienced anything that strong or that special. I could never forget I met you. You have changed me forever. I feel like you’re a part of me and forgetting, you would be forgetting myself. You haven’t ruined anything baby. The only way you can ruin it, is by pushing me away. I don’t care how hard you try; you’re not getting rid of me that easily. Don’t do this, I’m telling you. I’m not going to let you go.”

  “You don’t think I know that! I was there I’m the one that’s sitting here with my heart torn into pieces.” She’s pointing at her chest and yelling at me. “I’ve made a mess of everything. I’ve given myself to a man I don’t really know while I’m still engaged to another one. I’ve gone against everything I’ve been taught and believe in! I’m not blaming you. You can walk away. This is all on me.

  Just walk away, Blake. I can’t be with you. My life is so screwed up. I’m screwed up. I need to get my life back on track. Don’t think I’ve changed my mind. I’m still going home and I’m ending things. I’m going to just move forward alone. I’m going to graduate, and maybe go to Florida. I have to move out when Tessa starts college anyway. It’s better this way.”

  Like hell she’s moving to Florida. “Damn it. Listen to me. Do you not hear anything I’m saying? I don’t want to walk away and I’m not going to. And just so you know. You know me better than anyone else ever has. You know the real me Kayla.”

  Okay, I’m going to try another tactic. Pushing her like this, fighting back and forth like this, was not going to do us any favors. Slowly, I inhale and let it out.

  “You promised me a week. My week isn’t up. I still want to spend this time with you. And I’ve been thinking a lot since I dropped you off last night. I just didn’t expect to get this kind of greeting from you today.”

  “How can you still want to spend a week with me?”

  I’m shocked. Can she not read me at all? “Kayla if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll explain everything I’m feeling. I just don’t want to scare you, but at this point I guess I have nothing to lose. You’re determined to push me away no matter what I say.”

  She is looking down at her lap again and her tears are still falling. How she can have any tears left is beyond my comprehension. I’m just going to go for it.

  “Look at me Kayla. Please.” She turns in the seat and so do I; we are now facing each other. “I may be making a big mistake by doing this, but I don’t care anymore. I’ve got to make you understand.”

  I reach up and gently wipe the tears from her cheeks. She’s beautiful. My broken girl. Yes, my broken girl. I take her hands in mine and rub my thumbs across the top of her fingers.

  “I’m still living at home right now. I’ve never been in a hurry to move out. I never saw the need until now. I’m going to build a house on the five acres of land I already own. I want you to come here after you graduate. I want you here with me. I don’t want you to go to Florida. That’s too far and my heart couldn’t take it. If you want to, you can stay here now. You don’t ever have to go back. We can go get your stuff today. I’ll take care of you Kayla. All you have to do is say the word and it’s done. Please
say you’ll at least think about this. I’m going to build the house, regardless of what you say because I know this is supposed to happen. I just need you to realize it. You are a part of me. You’ve touched my soul and there will never be anyone else that will touch me the way you have.”

  She is just staring at me. I can’t tell what she is thinking. I can see shock there, but I’m not sure what else I see. After a long, tense few moments, she finally speaks.

  “Have you lost your mind? Are you on drugs?”

  I laugh. “I don’t do any kind of drugs. I might drink and not even a lot of that. And never at this time of day. I may in fact have lost my mind, but if that’s the case I don’t ever want to find it again. I want you Kayla. I want to be with you forever. I want you to see that we are meant to be.”

  She crawls across the truck seat and into my lap. Thank you, God. Letting out the breath that I was holding, I wrap her in my arms and breathe her in. She feels so tiny in my arms. Kayla is curled up like a cat and I love the way she feels here. I love her. Of course, I won’t tell her that, not yet anyway. I have told her in every way I can without actually saying the words and that’s enough for now. When Kayla finally speaks it startles me a bit.

  “I can’t stay here. I have to graduate. We don’t know each other enough for me to move here even if I had already graduated.” She laughs. “I’m really starting to question your sanity.”

  I smile and shrug. “It’s you. You’re causing me to lose my mind. I can’t think of anything, but you and what I can do to make you happy.”

  When she looks up at me, my heart unclenches and slowly starts to beat again. Leaning down I softly brush my lips against hers

  Kayla smiles at me and buries her head into my neck. I hear her mumble.

  “I know the feeling.”

  I smile against her hair. “Can we go on our lunch date now?” She shakes her head yes.

  “I have to get cleaned up first. I don’t want to go looking like this.”

  “You look perfect. Besides, I’m hungry. You’ve made me wait long enough.”

  She laughs and slaps my arm. “Blake. I look awful. You don’t want to be seen with me like this.”

  She really has no idea. “I’d be proud to be seen with you.” I kiss her forehead. “Now get your cute butt over there and put your seat belt on. I can’t risk you getting hurt.” She giggles and moves over to her side of the truck.

  “Yes, sir.”

  She gives me a big smile and buckles up. I growl at her. She is going to be the death of me. I stick my head out the window and yell for Tessa, who has been sitting on the porch trying to ignore us, but wanting to be close enough that if Kayla needed her she could come running. You have to respect the girl, for that.

  “I’m taking my girl to lunch now. Would you like to come with us?”

  It’s the polite thing to do, so I invite her, but I’m hoping she will say no. She doesn’t disappoint me.

  “No. Y’all need some time together. I’ll have her to myself when we get back home.”

  I nod to her and start the truck. You might have her to yourself for a while, but if I get my way she will be living here very soon.

  Chapter 14Kayla

  I wake up and smile to myself, in spite of the fact that I know what awaits me when I return home. I'm not going to stress about it though. I’m going to enjoy the time I have left with Blake.

  Today, Blake's at work. Which means that I won't see him until later. His plan for tonight was to take me to play miniature golf. Laughing to myself, he was so shocked when I told him I've never played. According to him, it's a must, so I agreed to let him teach me how to play.

  Yesterday was pretty amazing. We went to eat lunch at a burger joint and then went to sit by a beautiful lake and talk. We talked about nothing really and spent a lot of time just listening to the sounds of the water and wildlife.

  He sat on the grass as I lay with my head in his lap. He lovingly stroked my hair as he spoke to me. It’s almost too good to be true, this thing that we share. It frightens me and I’m afraid of losing it. I’m afraid of when reality sets in and I have to go home that I’ll never see him again. I know he is telling me something totally different. It’s just that, with me, no one ever really stuck around and it’s hard for me to trust people.

  “Hey, lazy bones, what are you doing?” Tessa walks into the room.

  “I’m just sitting here wondering what to wear on my date with Blake to play miniature golf. Any thoughts on what I should wear?”

  It probably doesn’t really matter what I wear. I’m certain I need to wear something comfortable; even so, I do want to look nice for him.

  “Miniature golf, hmm. I’d just wear shorts and a tank. It’s still going to be hot and this humidity is horrible.”

  She’s right the humidity in North Carolina will make you miserable. Combine the high temperatures with the humidity and that equates an unbearable heat index. A ninety degree day with very high humidity can give you a heat index of one hundred and six. Yeah, that's pretty hot.

  “Okay, that sounds good to me.”

  “Are you feeling better about things?”

  I look at Tessa as I answer her question. “I’m better. I just know that things are not going to be easy and I’m trying to prepare myself for that. When I’m with Blake everything seems natural like we were meant to be. Then when I’m away from him, doubt begins to creep into my mind. If I could have him by my side all the time, my life would be so much easier. I’m just ready to break things off for good with David and graduate. I’m also worried what graduation means for me and Blake. I have to move out of your house, so that means I am going to need somewhere to live. Moving to Florida with my mom is sounding a lot less appealing now.”

  “You’re really that into Blake?”

  A grin spreads across my face; it happens spontaneously every time I think of him. “I really am Tessa. I think he's absolutely wonderful. He’s like two men wrapped in one and I love that. He can be all possessive and Alpha male, then turn around and be the most romantic man I’ve ever seen. He’s better than the ones I read about in my books.” Tessa laughs softly.

  “Blake is no Romeo, Kayla. You’re simply blinded by your feelings.”

  I look at her and shrug my shoulders. “Whether he is or not, is neither here nor there to me. I believe he is and that is all that’s important.”

  “Like I said, you’re blind.”

  She laughs harder this time. I’m becoming somewhat agitated at her. I want everyone to see the Blake that I do, at the same time, I love that I only get to see that side of him. It just makes it hard for everyone else to understand my feelings for him.

  “We will just have to agree to disagree on this topic, Tessa since, I love you so much.” I smile at her. “I truly want you to give him a chance and try to see the man that I see.”

  “I didn’t say I don’t like him. He is a one hundred percent improvement from pot head.”

  I laugh this time. “You have such a way with words, my friend. I’m going to shower and get ready for my date.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  “Baby, you’re hitting the ball too hard. That’s the second time you’ve hit the ball onto the next hole.”

  I swear he's laughing at me. “Don’t laugh at me. That’s not very nice.” I place my hand on my hip and point my putter at him. “You are not being a southern gentleman, Mr. McGinnis.”

  “Baby, I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing with you.”

  “I’m not laughing!” I pout. He holds out his arms and walks toward me.

  “Aw, come here sweetheart. I seriously didn't mean to upset you. Allow me to show you how to do it.”

  He hugs me to him and I smile. I wasn’t angry really, on the other hand, I’ll pretend to be any time if it causes him to embrace me, like this. “You’ll show me how to putt?”

  “Honey, I’m a pro at this. Let’s start this hole over.”

  “Awfully full of your
self, aren’t you?” I follow him back to the last hole. His backside is a work of art. I giggle to myself at that thought.

  "Are you ogling my butt?" He asks without turning around and looking at me.

  "What? No! Why on Earth would you think that?"

  "To be sure you can appreciate the male form and my frame should be appreciated."

  Pleased, with his comeback, he laughs at himself. I just shake my head

  “Now I see why everyone talks about you like they do. You really do believe you’re God’s gift to women.”

  He stops and turns around to smirk at me. “Baby, people talk about me, because I am that good.”

  “Bah, just show me how to putt Mr. Full of Himself.” I’m trying not to laugh since I know that he is just messing with me. I just don’t want him to know, I know that.

  “You sure do have a lot of nicknames for me and they all seem to start with Mr., I must confess, some of the other things you have come up with to go along with Mr., I’m not such a fan of.” He fake pouts at me.

  “Oh, shut up! Your ego is not easily wounded I’m sure.” I walk past him and put my ball down to hit it.

  “I’ll have you know that my ego can be injured easily by you. Possibly not so much by others, but it can most definitely be irreversibly damaged by you.” He gives me that look that makes me melt.

  “I’m sorry if I wounded you with my words. Now, will you please instruct me on how to properly hit this little ball into that little hole? That way I can surpass your expertise and beat your butt.”

  He walks up behind me as I line up the putter with the ball. He starts to tickle my sides and I squeal. I’m laughing so hard I almost don’t hear him speak.

  “Your skills will never surpass mine on the miniature course, or an actual golf course. There are a lot of things I’m good at, some things I’m okay at, and some that I excel in. I excel in this.”