Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1)

by Love, K. J.

  “No. Just drive to the park by the house. I’m not ready to go home yet.”

  There’s a park close to the Lake House. It’s quiet, peaceful and a good place for me to tell Tessa what’s going on.

  “Okay, but I need to let Dad and Lisa know. They are going to worry until they hear from us.”

  “There’s a pay phone there.”

  “Kayla, we need to find Blake. I’m sure he’s going out of his mind.”

  “I can’t see him yet. Please, just take me to the park. Besides, I don’t even know where he is.”

  We get to the park and I walk to the edge of the water and sit down. Tessa, goes to use the pay phone to call and let Troy and Lisa know I’m okay.

  When she returns, she sits down beside me taking in a deep breath and then letting it out.

  “They said to hurry and come home. Can you tell me what happened now?”

  Bringing my knees up, I wrap my arms around them.

  “Well be prepared because I’m still can’t wrap my head around this one.”

  Staring out at the water, the sun is getting lower in the sky. Hearing some birds in the distance, I take in the scene before me. The stark contrast of how I feel compared to the peace and tranquility before me is like day and night.

  Will I ever reach a state of peace here on this earth? Was I always meant to have this constant strife in my life? Taking in a cleansing breath and then letting it out I try to take in some of the calmness that is before me.

  “Today, I found out that my adoptive father is my biological father.”

  Tessa shakes her head and cocks it to the side.

  “What? How can that be?”

  “I didn’t stick around for details.”

  “Who told you this? I just don’t believe that can be true.”

  “My grandmother. It’s true. At least if you judge by, the craziness that was going on between, Blake, my dad, and my grandfather, is any indication. I climbed out my bedroom window and ran.”

  The next thirty minutes or so I convey everything that took place today to Tessa. How, I don’t know who I am now and that I’ve been lied to my entire life. She sits quietly listening to every word. This is why I love her so much. When I finish, we sit for a while looking out at the water.

  “Kayla, I know you’re upset, but can I say a few things that I think you need to hear?”

  “I’ve never been able to stop you before.”

  I mean this to be a joke, but given my state of mind, it doesn’t come off that way. However, Tessa as always understands and ignores it.

  “You are still Kayla Rose Jameson. Nothing will ever change that. You’re still the girl with the huge heart and unshakeable faith. You still have the love of an amazing guy, who thinks you hung the moon. Yes, I said it even though he gets on my last nerve. You will always have me as a sister. And your grandparents love you just like they always have. I know right now all you can see is that you’ve been lied to about everything. I understand that. But, Kayla, you need to listen to the whole story. Take some time to think about it, but then go and get the answers to all of the questions you have.”

  She then shrugs as she says, “Then after that if you want to kick your dad’s butt, I’ll be right there to have your back. Of course, he’s a war hero, so we might need to call in more reinforcements.”

  Shoulder bumping me, she laughs and I can’t help it, I laugh a little too, but it sounds fake even to my ears.

  “Now, someone has been waiting patiently to walk over here. So I’m going to leave and let him take care of you.” She says giving me a weak smile.

  “Huh?”

  Turning I see my devastatingly handsome fiancé leaning against his truck. His face looks pained as he keeps his eyes pinned on me. How did I not hear his truck?

  “He loves you Kayla and he is going nuts worrying about you. You’d be an idiot if you shut him out. You’re going to need his support to help you get through this. Let him love you Kayla. He’s good at it.”

  Tessa motions for him to come over. He stands tall and slowly makes his way toward us. I really hope he isn’t mad at me for running off.

  Tessa and I stand, hug each other and say goodbye. She starts walking back to her car, but stops and pats Blake on the shoulder. They say something to each other and he nods his head. Blake continues to make his way to me. Wrapping my arms around myself, I wait for him to finally reach me.

  Honestly, I’m surprised that I haven’t had a panic attack yet. I think it’s only because I am still in shock. Like I’m just watching this happen to someone else. It’s not really happening to me.

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  Blake says it with so much love that, that’s all it takes. I throw myself into his arms and really cry for the first time since I learned I’m not who I thought I was. All of the events of the day hit me hard, causing my knees to buckle. He supports my weight and carries me to a table a few feet away from us.

  Blake holds me as I fall apart. He is there to put the pieces of my broken heart back together yet again. He is quite simply my everything. Losing track of time I notice that the sun has gone even lower veiling us in darkness that is lit only by the light of a full moon rising over the water. Realizing I haven’t even spoke to Blake I pull back and look into his eyes.

  “Oh, Blake. I'm so sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. You really scared me, baby. Don’t run off like that again.”

  “Blake, they lied to me about everything.”

  “Shh. I know. Just breathe, baby.”

  “Why? Why would they do this to me?”

  Blake is running his hand up and down my back. This is what he does to always calm me.

  “I don’t know. They wouldn’t give me any details. Elle, told me to tell you that she loves you. That they all love you. She said she always wanted to tell you the truth. She wants you to let them explain everything.”

  “Logically, I know I need to, but I don’t know if I can.”

  “Kayla, you should do whatever feels right for you. Don’t let anyone force you into doing anything.”

  “Can we talk about it later?”

  “Okay. Later.”

  “Oh my gosh Blake! You need to leave. You’re going to get home so late. You will be exhausted at work tomorrow.”

  “Do you really think I would leave you right now? I’m staying. If you want to go talk to your grandparents tomorrow, we will.”

  “Blake, I’d fall apart without you. I don’t know if I’ll be ready tomorrow to see them.”

  “I’ll always be here for you, Kayla. Maybe, you should sleep on it and decide tomorrow.”

  “Maybe that’s a good idea.”

  Blake and I sit for a while and no words are spoken. We don’t need words for him to comfort me, just his presence does that. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. My head is still spinning and I just don’t want to even think about it.

  We finally head back to the house where everyone is waiting for us. Lisa and Troy come and hug me and ask me if I’m okay, can they do anything for me. And tell me if I need them that they are there for me.

  Blake and I decide to sleep under the stars again. For some unknown reason it’s okay for us to sleep in a tent together outside, but Lisa and Troy will not allow it inside the house. There is no need for them to worry though. Making a promise to my grandmother and God, even after everything I learned today, I will not break it.

  Blake holds me all night. Nightmares and near panic attacks keep me awake most of the night, but he never complains. He just offers his support and love. I thank God for blessing me with this man.

  Morning comes and I’m still wide awake. In light of the night I have had, I’ve decided that going to talk to my grandparents is a must. Hopefully, even if I don’t like what they have to say, I will at least get some kind of closure and be able to sleep again.

  “Blake, I think I need to go talk to my grandparents. After, I shower will you take me?”

  He pull
s me close and kisses my head, then puts his finger under my chin and lifts it so that he can look into my eyes.

  “Of course I will take you. Baby, I’m so proud of you for deciding to do this. I think it’s exactly what you need. Not for them, but for you.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me I needed to see them?”

  “That’s a decision that you needed to make on your own. It wasn’t my place to tell you what you needed to do. It’s my place to love and support you. I can give you my opinion if you ask for it, but in the end it has to be your decision.”

  “Thank you for everything, Blake.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job. Let me clean this up while you go get ready. When I’m finished, I’ll go jump in the shower. Before we go, I’ll take you to breakfast. Okay?”

  “Sounds like a plan. I could really use some pancakes with strawberries on them. I’m starving.”

  He closes his eyes, shakes his head, and purses his lips.

  “What’s wrong, Blake?”

  “You didn’t eat last night. I didn’t make sure that you ate.”

  “It’s okay, Blake. Really. I couldn’t have eaten anyway.”

  “But I should have at least got you something so you could have tried to eat.”

  “Blake, I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. If I want something to eat, I know how to get it.”

  “I know, but…”

  I cut him off. “No buts. I love you, but you gotta lighten up a little.”

  Giving him a big smile, he grins back at me. Throwing his own words back at him was a stroke of genius.

  “Just go get ready, before I have to pop your butt.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Grrr. I think I like that. Say it again.”

  “Nope. I’m following orders, gotta go.”

  I take off running and laughing.

  “It’s good to hear that.”

  He calls after me.

  “What do you mean? Hear, what?

  “Your laugh. I’ve missed it. I love you.”

  “I love you more.”

  “Not possible.”

  After a wonderful breakfast of pancakes, with strawberries, bacon, eggs, milk, and a glass of orange juice, I thought I was going to bust. Blake was determined to make sure that I didn’t get hungry again for a while. We are now on our way to my grandparent’s house. I won’t lie the thought of going is petrifying. While I want to know the answers it still scares me. What if the answers I get makes the way I’m feeling even worse?

  “Kayla, you’re overthinking again. Baby, whatever you find out I will be right there with you. If at anytime you think that you can’t handle anymore, you just let me know and I’ll get you out of there, no questions asked.”

  The way he likes to take care of me is so endearing. I do believe he would do anything for me. My love for him grows every day. Just when I think I couldn’t love him more, he does something else to prove me wrong.

  “I’m okay. But thank you. You have no idea how much you being here with me means to me.”

  Blake pulls his truck into the driveway. Upon turning the truck off, he looks over at me, takes my hand in his and gently kisses it.

  “I’ll always be with you. Any time you need me, I’ll be here, for life. Are you ready?”

  Am I? No, I’m not, but I’ll never be ready for this. Hiding from it for the rest of my life isn’t realistic though. More sleepless nights like last night don’t sound appealing either.

  “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. At least my dad isn’t going to be here. I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for that.”

  Blake gets out walks around the front of the truck and opens my door. He takes my hand helping me down. I’m not as nervous as I thought I would be. Maybe it’s because Blake is with me or the fact that my dad isn’t here, or the fact that I prayed that God would get me through this in one piece and lead me to peace.

  Carefully, I open the front door. I hear my grandpa and it sounds like he is crying. My heart falls to my feet. Running down the hallway, I realize he’s in my old room. Upon entering the room, I see him sitting there with his head buried in his hands. Turning to make sure Blake is behind me, he nods his head, letting me know, ‘I’m here for you’. Walking over I sit beside the man who raised me from age six. He startles and then relief washes over his face.

  “Grandpa, what’s wrong?”

  He reaches up and grabs me in a tight hug.

  “Oh, Rose, you’re here. She’s worse today. She’s so worried about you. Rose, you have to hear her out and forgive her before she has to leave us.”

  “That’s why I’m here, Grandpa.” I say patting his back.

  “Good girl. You’ve always been a good girl. We love you, Rose. I’m so happy that you finally know the truth.”

  “Grandpa, that’s just it, I don’t know all of it. I need answers.”

  “We’ll give you what we can, but your father will have to give you the rest. He never would tell us everything. He said we didn’t need to know.”

  “I want to see Grandma now.”

  All three of us walk out of the room and down the hall to Grandma’s room. Even after today, I have a feeling I’m going to be left with many questions.

  “Elle, Rose came back.”

  My grandma turns her head toward us, when I see her my heart aches, she looks even weaker than she did just yesterday. Immediately, I feel horrible for leaving her after she told me the truth. Rushing to her bed, I fall to my knees beside her. Burying my face in her cover, I begin to cry.

  “I’m so sorry, Grandma. I was so confused. I should’ve let you finish, I shouldn’t have run out.”

  Feeling her fragile hand stroke my hair, floods me with memories of being smaller, when she would do the same thing whenever I was upset.

  “Shh. Hush, child. I understand. You came back that’s what’s important. You’re here now.”

  “Kayla, I’ll go and let you have time with Elle.”

  Not raising my head, but knowing I don’t want him to leave I reach my hand out behind me. A calmness fills me when I sense him take a step closer to me and take my hand in his. My grandma takes a ragged breath.

  “Stay, Blake. She needs you.” My grandma says in an almost inaudible whisper.

  “Yes, Ma’am.”

  He walks a couple more steps to come up beside me, he lowers himself right next to me on the floor, our thighs touching. That simple touch brings me a sense of comfort.

  “I’m here, Kayla. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Nodding my head yes, I try to compose myself enough for Grandma to get this out. Me being a crying mess isn’t going to help anyone.

  The room is silent for a few minutes. My grandpa has moved to the other side of the bed and is sitting beside my grandma. Although I can’t see him, I can sense his movement around the small room.

  Noticing that no one has said anything in a very long time, I raise my head to see three sets of worried eyes on me.

  “I’m okay. Well, I mean, clearly, I’m not okay, but I want to hear whatever you can tell me.”

  My grandma nods her head toward a pair of chairs across the room, but I don’t want to move.

  “Blake, can you bring those chairs over here?” I ask him.

  “Of course.”

  Blake gets up off the floor and brings one chair over to me.

  “Here, baby. Sit.”

  Getting up, I sit in the chair and my grandma takes my hand in hers. Blake brings the other chair over and sits it beside me.

  “Blake, honey, can you hand me that water?” Grandma asks.

  Blake reaches for the water on the nightstand and hands it to her. Grandma releases my hand to grip the cup with both of hers. Her hands tremble as she slowly brings the cup up to her lips. She takes a sip and hands it back to Blake. He sits the glass back on the table, sits down beside me and takes one of my hands while my grandma takes the other. My grandpa is just sitting there watching ove
r us.

  “I’m going to start from the beginning. It was October, nineteen sixty-nine, when Andrew came and told us he had gotten a young girl pregnant.”

  I swallow and try to imagine my dad, younger and scared that his wife would find out he was unfaithful.

  “That was back in the days when Paige was distant and having a hard time. She was withdrawn from everyone, including your dad. Her inability to have a child had consumed her. It’s all she ever thought about.”

  That’s no excuse, I think to myself and my biological mother was so young. What was he thinking?

  “Your father had been drinking a lot back then. He avoided going home at all cost. You have to understand, he had been really unhappy for months. Paige didn’t come around us much then, so we didn’t know how bad it really was.”

  Grandma starts coughing and can’t stop. Grandpa gets up and grabs the water and sits her up to take a sip.

  “That’s enough Elle. You need to rest.” He says.

  “No. Have to finish.”

  “I’ll take over. You rest.”

  She simply nods her head and lays down, closing her eyes.

  “Talk. I’m just resting my eyes.”

  Grandpa pats her arm and then begins his story.

  “Andrew was in a panic. This wouldn’t look good for him and his military career. He was hoping we could come up with a way to cover up the truth. He still loved Paige very much even though she had been pushing him away for months. He told us that the baby was due in April. Despite everything we were excited about our first grandchild coming.

  We told him we would do what we could to help. He loved you already. You were a part of him, but he had to look out for Paige and his career too. He wanted a solution to be able to keep all of you.”

  “So his job was more important?” I ask.

  “No, child. Being able to provide for you was. Elle and I called an old lawyer friend of ours. He was known for his less than legal practices. He could make things disappear, make paper work look legal, and hide anything you needed hidden.”

  “So you paid this lawyer to draw up fake adoption papers?”

  “Oh, the papers were real. It was just Paige who was adopting you. You already belonged to your father. But his name was on the papers so that Paige would think it was both of them adopting you.”