Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1)

by Love, K. J.

  “Blake, I have something special to put on for you.”

  “Later, we have plenty of time for that. Right now, I want to make love to my wife. I plan on showing you what I’ve been holding back since we met. I don’t plan on leaving this room for at least two days.”

  “Oh, okay.” My words sound shaky and unsure.

  He runs his hands down my body touching every inch of me making my body come alive. Chills cover me and I moan from the pleasure. He stops at my feet slipping my sandals off and dropping them to the floor. Placing kisses on each ankle as he makes his way back up my body. Resting on his forearms, which are on either side of me, he looks deeply into my eyes.

  He lowers his lips to mine and I melt into the mattress beneath me. I’ve never known this type of pleasure and love. We are connected on a deeper level, a blessed level. Man and wife coming together as God intended. Committed to one another and only to one another.

  From the moment I met Blake, I knew that looks were deceiving. The man has been patiently waiting to be in this moment right now and yet he still takes time to take in every inch of my body. From my ankles to my lips, there is not a single inch he neglects.

  Blake slowly removes everything that seperates us leaving nothing between us. My skin tingles in anticipation. Anticipation of finally coming together as husband and wife overwhelms me and I succumb to the intensity of falling over the edge with nothing more than his lips and hands on me.

  Pulling back Blake smiles down at me, nothing but love shining in his eyes. “I love you, Mrs. McGinnis, now and for the rest of my life. Nothing and no one will ever change that. You are the most important thing to me on this earth. Everything and every decision I make from here on out, will be made with you.”

  Blake wasn't lying when he said he was holding back. This moment was unlike the others that we have shared. It was intense, and loving, but there was more, a lot more.

  "Oh, Blake," I breathe out as he continues to show me his love. "I love you so much."

  Closing my eyes, I arch my back off the bed pushing firmly against his chest, losing myself in the moment. Suddenly, fireworks shoot off behind my eyes, my whole body reacts to everything he is doing. There was no stopping me from calling out Blake's name. It was probably loud enough that people back home could hear me.

  Leaning down and taking my lips with his, I feel him tense as he too calls out my name from deep within his chest, causing vibrations to rumble against mine. Without warning the tears fall. They weren't from pain, but pure and utter happiness. My heart that was once shattered into a million pieces was now whole and stronger than ever before. All because of a chance meeting on Spring Break.

  "I love you," Blake whispers into my neck and I wrap my arms tighter around him.

  Our week continued much the same way. Sight seeing during the days, after the first two days, and nights where Blake and I shared moments together that somehow got better every time. Spending my life with this man will be easy.

  Three years later and making love with Blake is even better. Whoever said marriage causes you to lose the fire you had in the beginning obviously did not know what they were doing. Because marriage just makes it better, the trust is there that you don’t have with just a boyfriend/girlfriend. There is nothing more special than looking deeply into the eyes of the person you love with all of your heart as they make love to you.

  Blake and I have had some tough times in our marriage, but we always pulled together during those times. Our trouble started when we made the decision to have a family. After months and months of trying with no pregnancy to show for it, I was crushed. The first thing that came to my mind was my miscarriage I had as a teenager. Fear that me refusing to have that D&C done overwhelmed me. Keeping this information from Blake killed me.

  Not being able to give Blake the family we desperately wanted was a nightmare I didn’t want to live. Turning to the one person who would understand, she set me up with a specialist and even went with me. My Mama has been my rock, assuring me that Blake would love me whether I could give him children or not. She also encouraged me to share my fears with Blake because blocking him out would be a huge mistake. The specialist reassured me that me waiting so long to have the D&C did not cause any permanent damage that would prevent me from conceiving, carrying, and giving birth to a healthy baby. But every month that I didn’t become pregnant my faith would diminish.

  “Baby, I’m home!”

  “I’m in the bed where else would I be.”

  His laugh floats through the house.

  “Poor, baby. Get’s to lay in the bed all day, while I slave away to afford this life of luxury for her.”

  “Life of luxury? Are you providing a life of luxury for some other woman, while your wife is here in this house that’s falling down around her?”

  And there he is my sexy husband dirty from his day at work. His hairs a mess from his running his hands through it in frustration. Dirt smuged across his face he gives me his cocky grin causing his dimples to wink at me. He leans against the door frame, crossing one of his legs over the other, resting the end of his work boot on our hardwood floors. Taking in a deep breath I slowly let it out and sigh. If I don’t get to make love to him soon I may not survive.

  “Come on. I’ve not done that bad of a job since you’ve been out of commission. The house is fairly clean.” He says putting one of his hands in his pocket drawing my eyes to his waist. Oh, he is good, my Grandma was right.

  After a year of not be able to become pregnant, I was broken and feeling down. Trying to hide how much it was affecting me from Blake I would put on a smile and continue on with life as usual. My love for photography filled my days while Blake was at work. It actually ended up being very profitable, making me feel like I was contributing to our household. Blake always said that I could work or I could stay home and concentrate on being a wife and mother. Saying it would always be my decision, he wanted me to be happy.

  One night I was so upset after once again finding out I wasn’t pregnant, I decided to pull out my letter from my Grandma. Feeling the time was finally right, I broke the seal on the letter, unfolding it, I closed my eyes.

  “Speak to me Grandma.”

  My Rose,

  Knowing you, I’m guessing you didn’t read this right away and if that is the case, I’m glad. I want to tell you that you are an amazing young woman that has a heart that is just as beautiful as she is. You brought such joy into my life. Just when I needed it.

  My faith was slipping. I didn’t understand why God would not give a baby to your Dad and Paige. I questioned Him on a regular basis. There were so many children being born to mother’s who should never be mothers. Babies born to people who abuse them, I will never understand that. Then there are the women that chose to end a pregnancy when they could have chose life for that baby and given it to a couple like your Dad and Paige. So, just when I was losing faith, your Dad brought you into our lives.

  Now I don’t condone the way you were brought into the world, but God works in mysterious ways. Your Dad was wrong and he realized that really quickly, but we were blessed with you and for that I will always be grateful. God gives us trials so that we can grow. He also answers prayers even though it may take him longer than we like.

  When you face a problem and you’re ready to lose you faith, cling to God more than ever. Have faith and He will get you through. Talk to him Rose, give your heart and your problem over to him, and then never pick it up again. I promise if you do that you will see the blessings in fold. Fully trust in Him and you can’t go wrong.

  I love you my Rose. I couldn’t be more proud of you and I’m so happy that I can go knowing that you have Blake and that you promised to make things right with your Dad. Give Grandpa a kiss from me. Until we see each other again.

  With all my love,

  Grandma

  “You really need to quit trying to turn your wife on when you know she can’t do a thing about it.”

  Cocking hi
s head to the side he raises his eyes brows and freigs innocence.

  “I’ve done nothing my dear. I’m standing her nasty and dirty from a hard days work.”

  Then he has the nerve to wink at me. Rolling my eyes at him, he laughs and stalks toward my bed.

  “How are my girls today? Were you good to Mommy?” He whispers against my very swollen belly.

  “She is just as ready to get here as I am for her to be here. Now if we could just get the doctors to agree with us.”

  “Hmm. I think she may need to stay in there a little longer.”

  He leans forward and kisses my nose.

  “I’m going to go shower, dress before I come back in the room, and then get you some supper.”

  “I hate that you have to work all day and then take care of me when you get home.”

  “Baby, I don’t mind taking care of you. It’s my job. You take care of our little girl and I’ll take care of you.”

  He rises from the bed, walking into the bathroom.

  “Aggravating, patronizing, man.” I whisper under my breath.

  “I heard that.” He calls out from the bathroom.

  Blasted sonic hearing of his.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Blake

  Kayla has a check up today. We are praying that her blood pressure stays down. It’s been high and she has been on bed rest for almost three months. After more than a year of trying to become pregnant we were over joyed when she finally took a test that turned out to be positive. She is now a little more than six weeks from her due date. The doctors are hoping to hold off for at least two more weeks, however, they would love to wait longer than that.

  “Kayla, stop shaking that leg. You’re shaking up poor Brooklyn like she’s a milkshake.

  The couple next to us laughs but tries to play it off as if they are reading something funny in their magazine. Kayla gives me the evil eye, I just smile at her, giving her the stare that makes her weak. Being on bedrest for so long is driving her crazy. She worries about me losing my patience with her, I must confess her mood swings are killer. When I said my vows, I said I’d love her through the good and the bad. So, that’s what I’m doing.

  “Kayla McGinnis!” The nurse calls out.

  Getting up, I reach out both hands to help her to her feet.

  “Come on, Mama. We get to see our baby girl again.”

  We walk back where the nurse takes Kayla’s blood pressure and gets an alarmed look on her face.

  “I’m going to have a quick word with Dr. Martin.”

  The nurse quickly exits the room. Giving Kayla a weak smile, I walk over and take her hand.

  “Blake, something is wrong.”

  “Let’s just wait and see what they say. It could be something simple.”

  I’m trying my best to remain calm for her, but honestly I’m freaking out. Minutes tick by like hours. When the nurse does come back in, she asks Kayla to lie on her left side.

  “Mrs. McGinnis, Your blood pressure is higher than we want it to be. So, I’m going to turn off the lights and have you rest here, on your left side, for a few minutes. Try to relax and take some slow deep breaths. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Okay.” Kayla says in a shaky voice.

  Relax? How can we relax after hearing that?

  Twenty minutes later, the nurse comes back in turns the light on and takes Kayla’s blood pressure again. By the look on her face, I can surmise that the news isn’t good. She picks up the phone speaks to someone using codes that I don’t understand. Then suddenly the room becomes chaotic.

  “What’s going on?” I ask grabbing the arm of one of the nurses.

  “Sir, we need you to step into the hallway.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.”

  “Sir, your wife and baby are in distress. We need to transport her to the hospital to get the baby delivered. Now, please step back and let us do our job.”

  Hearing the words I’ve been so terrified to hear over the last few months, my chest becomes tight and painful.

  “Please, Sir.”

  Looking at Kayla, she looks scared to death. Get it together McGinnis you have to be strong for her. Bringing her hand up to my mouth, I kiss it. It’s something that I do often and Kayla loves it.

  “It’s going to be okay, baby. Just think we get to see Brooklyn very soon.”

  “I’m scared, Blake.”

  “I know, baby, but you have to remain calm for Brooklyn. You’re strong. You can do this. We can do this together.”

  She nods her head to me and gets a determined look on her face. I smile. That’s my girl. Faster than I can see what’s coming, Kayla is in the back of an ambulance with me sitting beside her trying to stay out of the way. Listening to the EMT’s call to the hospital giving Kayla’s stats, everything becomes more real.

  Once we make it to the hospital, they wheel her down the hallway toward some double doors. A nurse tells me that I can’t go with her, I have to get cleaned up and put a gown, booties, hat, and mask on.

  They keep rolling Kayla away along with my heart. She reaches her hand behind her and calls out for me.

  “Blake, I need you. Don’t leave me.”

  Tears are in my eyes and I don’t care who sees them. That girl and baby are my life.

  “Sir, the quicker we get you dressed the quicker you can be with your wife and baby.”

  That’s all I needed to hear.

  “I’ll be in there in just a minute, I promise. I love you.” I call out to her.

  “I love you too. Please, hurry.”

  “Show me where to go? I need to be with them.”

  She walks me down the hall away from the door that Kayla just went through. The pull I feel is so incredible I'm having to force my body to go in the opposite direction that it wants to. The nurse stops in front of a door, then tries to hand me some scrubs and a funny looking hat along with some other stuff.

  “Thank you. But is there a phone that I can make a call on real quick. I need to let our family know what’s going on.”

  “Sure. There’s a pay phone right around the corner.”

  “Thank you.”

  Running, I turn the corner and find the phone. Calling the one person I know that will get the word out to everyone, I dial Tessa’s number telling her to let everyone know that we are in the hospital and that Brooklyn is being born today.

  Making my way back to the nurse, she hands me the stuff she has been patiently standing there holding.

  “You can get dressed in here. Wash your hands and up your arms. Put all of this on over your clothes. I’ll be outside waiting to take you to your wife.”

  Rushing, I drop my keys and almost drop the things she gave me to put on. Laying it all on the table by the sink, I wash up and begin to put the things on. I think back to the first time I saw her. Beautiful blonde hair, those hypnotizing green eyes and just the right kind of curves. That beautiful smile and musical laugh, which I love to hear. She has to be okay. They both have to be okay.

  Once I’m finished, I rush out the door and almost run into the nurse.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. You’re not the first nervous dad I’ve dealt with. Follow me.”

  Following her, I try to calm my nerves. Not knowing what I’m about to walk into, I take a deep breath. The doors swing open and I’m blinded by bright light. She takes me to a door just down the hall on the left and as those doors open even more blinding light bathes the room. There is my girl on the table with a drape hung to block her view of her stomach. Walking straight to her, I gently wipe the tears from her eyes.

  “They’re doing a c-section, Blake. I don’t want a c-section.”

  “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be right here with you the whole time.”

  “Hi, Kayla. We are going to get your baby out in just a minute. How are you feeling?” Dr. Martin asks.

  “I feel like I’m going to be sick and the
room is spinning.” Kayla answers.

  There is a man sitting on the other side of Kayla. He has a bunch of needles laying on a tray by him. He picks one up and sticks it into Kayla’s IV.

  “I’ve got something for that.” He says as he pushes the fluid into the IV. “You should feel better in just a second.”

  “Better.” Kayla says.

  “Okay, Kayla. You are going to feel some pressure honey. Nothing too bad. Just hang in there with me okay?”

  She just nods her head. Tears are running from her eyes and down the side of her face wetting her pillow.

  “Kayla, look at me, baby, focus on me.”

  She turns her head and I rub her hair. Getting very close to her face, I begin to hum, her favorite song of course. She squints her eyes shut and then scrunches up her face. The doctor must be making his incision.

  “Baby, can you feel that?”

  “No, I just know what they are doing and it’s freaking me out.”

  Laughing a little, I kiss her on the nose.

  “Okay, Kayla, we’re in. Now you are going to feel some tugging and pulling, but nothing that should be painful.”

  She nods again.

  “Dad would you like to see when the baby comes out?”

  “Can I?”

  “Sure, just stand up and you can look. Just don’t pass out on us because we will leave you on the floor until we’re finished with mom and baby.” He says with a laugh.

  Standing I see what looks like a large ball. He makes another incision and I realize I’m looking at my wife’s insides. That’s when I decide it’s best to sit back down.