Let It Be Me

by Barbara Speak

No sweeter words were ever heard. He didn’t want her anymore. It still had to suck to be her because I knew what I saw and she didn’t feel the same way.

  "It's always about food with you."

  "I'm a growing boy."

  "You're big enough. You don't need to grow anymore or you're going to start looking like the Incredible Hulk."

  "What are you trying to say? You don't like my body?"

  "I love your body just the way it is. Me, on the other hand..."

  "You are the sexiest thing God ever created."

  "There you go again with the compliments. Stop already, I'm getting a big head."

  "Never. You will always know how beautiful I think you are."

  "That's it. No more alcohol for you tonight."

  We both laughed as we walked to go get his fried, powered-sugar-covered mess of a snack.

  Eventually, it was time to collect Shelby. I asked Canyon if he wouldn't mind waiting for her while I used the bathroom and of course he agreed.

  Walking away from him didn't keep me from smiling. If anything it only got bigger.

  I found the restroom to be a one stall facility and wondered who would ever think that would be enough with a fair this size as I waited for the person occupying it to finish. When the door opened all thoughts left me other than, "Crap"!

  "So we meet again."

  Brooke walked over to the sink and began to wash her hands. I could have ignored her and just entered the stall but I felt she deserved more than that.

  "I'm sorry he chose to leave you standing out there like that. It wasn't nice and..."

  "Just don't hurt him."

  "Excuse me?"

  I wasn't expecting anything less than the bitch I had built her up to be so this comment threw me. She finished washing her hands, turned the water off and grabbed a few towels to dry them before she elaborated.

  "He's been through hell and back. I'm sure he told you the gist of it, seeing how close you two apparently are, but you weren't here to watch his life crumble. The trial nearly did him in. He doesn't deserve anything but to be happy so if you plan on sticking this out then do so. If not, leave well enough alone."

  I got her point loud and clear but felt no need to explain myself or what was going on between Canyon and me.

  "Thank you for the advice."

  I knew it wasn't enough and could quite honestly be taken as harsh but I didn't owe her anything. She looked at me and then threw her towel away before walking out of the bathroom leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

  Several minutes later, I was walking back to meet up with Canyon and a very happy Shelby.

  "Hey there, squirt. Did you have fun?"

  "It was so much fun! Maddie and I rode every ride twice. Thank you for letting me go with them."

  "Aw, you're welcome. I'm just happy you got to hang out with your friend."

  "Maddie comes from a great family. The Popes have been around here for generations."

  "It seems most of the town has. Does anyone leave? Never mind, we covered that."

  "You'd be right about that. Why would anyone ever want to leave God's county?"

  Once we made it outside the designated fairground area Canyon asked, "Where did you park?"

  I pointed to the field far off in the distance that went unseen due to the night sky and lack of street lights.

  "Out there somewhere."

  "Yeah, not gonna happen."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean first off, I've had a few beers and shouldn't be driving. Second, I wouldn't let you walk there by yourselves."

  "So are you coming with us?"

  "I couldn't ride in that truck again. No, you need to drive mine."

  "Why not, it's just a truck," Shelby asked but it was a question neither of us wanted to answer, therefore we just ignored it.

  "You want me to leave it here?"

  "You think someone is going to steal it? Come on, everyone knows where that thing came from."

  "Good point."

  "Where did it come from?" Shelby asked again as she grabbed a hold of Canyon's hand while we walked to his truck.

  "Oh, I was just teasing your sister a little bit, nothin’ you need to worry about."

  "You two talk about a lot of stuff I don't need to worry about. When will I get old enough to worry about it?"

  Both of us burst out laughing.

  Twenty minutes later we were pulling up to Canyon's driveway when he asked me to pass it up and go to ours instead.

  "Why? I can drop you off and bring your truck to you in the morning."

  "Please just keep going."

  I passed his driveway wondering what the heck he was up to. I glanced over at him but it was too dark to see his expression. I felt his hand moments later brush the hair off the back of my neck before he began rubbing muscles I didn't even know were tense.

  I pulled into the driveway, cut the lights, and turned off the engine trying to make as little noise as possible.

  Shelby leaned into Canyon giving him a hug. "Thank you for making up with Arianna."

  "What makes you think we were fighting?"

  "I'm just glad you're back."

  She climbed out of the truck and ran into the house leaving the door to the house open for me.

  "So, do you want to drive home from here? I'm sure you can handle it."

  "No, I can't. I've been drinking."

  "Give me a break. You haven't touched a beer since I've seen you. What are you up to?"

  "I need you to drive me home and make sure I get into the house okay. Hold me all night and make sure I don't get sick. I need..."

  "Are you serious? You need me to babysit you?"

  "No, I want you to stay with me."

  My smile wasn't enough. I leaned across the seat until I could kiss his lips.

  "Let me tell Shelby goodnight and I'll be right back."

  "I'll be waiting."

  I walked through the door expecting to see Shelby telling them about her night or to get chewed out for keeping her out so late but instead, she was already back in her room and my mother and John said nothing. I didn't want to make a big deal out of me being gone overnight again so I just leaned into her room and said, "I'm going to Canyon's, I'll see you in the morning."

  "Way to go!"

  "What?"

  "You got him back for us."

  I shook my head back and forth before I decided to walk in and kiss her forehead.

  "Good night, Shelby."

  "Good night, Ari."

  "Did you just call me Ari?"

  "Canyon does and I kind of like it."

  "You do, do you?"

  "Yep."

  "Well okay then. I'll see you tomorrow, honey, good night."

  I passed by both step-dick and my mother without a word and headed back to the truck. Canyon was waiting outside of it with his arms crossed leaning back against the hood.

  "Everything go okay in there?"

  "Surprisingly, yes. They haven't said two words to me all week."

  "No kidding? Maybe I knocked some sense into that asshole after all."

  "I doubt it. He's just stewing waiting to boil over. Shelby is his. For me to take her has to be eating him alive."

  "Come on, get in. We can talk about this at my house."

  I didn't think there was more to discuss but I also saw no point in arguing either. We both got in and rode the short drive to his place.

  Once we walked inside we didn't get past the kitchen before Canyon went right back to the conversation we left off on at my house.

  "Let's talk about Shelby and what's going to happen."

  "Okay?"

  "When you go do you see them staying here? I don't really understand how your family picked this town anyway. They don't fit in at all. John hasn’t found a job and your mom does nothing but stare at the wall. I’m not trying to be mean I've just been thinking a lot lately about this and I want you to know I will always be here for her if she needs me. I don't ever
want her to feel alone and it's important to me that you understand that."

  "Thank you for caring as much as you do but I really don't know what they will do. It wasn't like they picked here, more like it was picked for us."

  "What does that even mean? Let me guess, more secrets?"

  "I hate that word. I'm not trying to keep secrets from you. It's just a situation where the less you know the better off you are."

  "Would knowing maybe help me keep you around a little longer?"

  "No, it would create the complete opposite effect. We would move again for sure if anyone found out."

  "What makes you think they would find out? I'm not going to say anything."

  "Can I ask you a question without you getting mad?"

  "Of course."

  "Can we please just enjoy our time instead of arguing over something that can't be changed?"

  He didn't answer me right away. Instead he walked away into the family room. "Will you come in here with me?"

  I followed his voice and found him laying on the couch. Resting my shoulder against the corner of the wall I asked, "Is there room for me?"

  He patted the cushion he was laying on. "Right here with me."

  I walked the few steps between us and sat in the small space left next to him. "That's not what I had in mind."

  He pulled me down on top of him until our noses lined up.

  "I missed the hell out of you this week. I thought maybe keeping some space was going to help me prepare for you leaving but it only made me realize I was wasting the few moments I had left with you."

  I lowered my lips until they met his softly. "I never got that ride that we planned."

  "What ride? Oh! No kidding. We never did do that, did we? Well, when you wake up in the morning, come out to the barn and find me. I'll make sure you get your chance then. Sound good?"

  I kissed him once more before I whispered against his lips, "Being here with you right now is better than good."

  "Hmmmm, kiss me again so I don't forget."

  "Forget what?"

  "That you admitted you like being here."

  I kissed him with enough conviction he would never question what I wanted again. Even if what I wanted and what I could have were two different things.

  Chapter 18

  I didn't sleep in like he thought. Instead I was up pretty much the entire night wondering how I let myself fall in this situation to begin with. The way he held me in his arms as his breathing hit my shoulder was something I could see wanting to never let go of.

  We both came from crap which had to be the reason we connected so well. I hadn't had friends my whole life that understood me the way Canyon did. He may have pushed a little hard at times but who wouldn't? Knowing someone is keeping something from you would never allow you to feel completely comfortable.

  Something he said before we fell asleep stuck in my mind as I tossed and turned.

  "I never want you to be her, Ari. My mother kept what my father did to her a secret and it killed her. Secrets never help anyone. I couldn't protect her but I would do anything to keep you safe."

  I had thought he was talking about John and reassured him with, "You already are. I have never felt this safe. I mean that."

  He didn't correct me but it hit me later that he was referring to my life in general. The whole thing was one big secret. One he couldn't do anything about and for that I felt terrible. He was fighting a losing battle once again.

  When he woke at five I watched as his eyes fluttered to open. He noticed me staring and then buried his head into the pillows.

  "What are you doing awake?"

  "I told you I don't sleep well. Why do you think I could always hear you singing late at night? Good morning, by the way."

  "Good morning."

  He didn't move. With the pillow over his head he held still for so long I thought it was quite possible that he fell back asleep.

  "Hey, don't we need to get up and get to work?"

  "You're going to help me?"

  "I still need to pay off my debt, don't I?"

  "That doesn't include five o’clock work hours. You're more than welcome to stay in bed and try to get some sleep."

  "It won't happen so I might as well help, right? Come on, sleepy head, let’s get going."

  He sat up long enough to throw the pillow at me and then landed hard back on the mattress.

  "I didn't peg you for a morning person."

  "I'm an unpeggable person all around."

  I jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, even if it was just with my finger. I found some mouthwash on the counter and took advantage of that as well. By the time I made it back to Canyon's bedroom he was out of bed and stretching. He had his head back with his arms raised in the air over his head but none of that was what my eyes were focused on. The man I had once upon a time seen shirtless was now dressed only in his boxer briefs. Every muscle was flexed as he stretched and I mean EVERY one.

  My hands went over my mouth without thought just as he lowered his arms and looked over to me. Instantly, he covered himself and apologized as he ran past me into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. I sat on the bed wondering why it was that I couldn't have just slept like a normal person. He obviously wasn't counting on me being awake when he got up or I'm sure he would have worn shorts.

  The door to the bathroom opened with Canyon walking out with a smile on his face and straight to his dresser for some clothes.

  "Sorry about that. Morning problems."

  He pulled on a pair of jeans and grabbed a long-sleeved t-shirt.

  "It's no big deal. I just realized something though... I forgot to grab clothes last night. All I have is my dress. I can't work in that."

  "It would make my day to see you try."

  "I bet it would, Woody, but I need to go to the house and get some clothes."

  "Did you just call me..."

  "Woody? I sure did." He tackled me on the bed and started tickling me until he had me screaming, "Stop! Pleeeeeaaaaasssssse!"

  I was completely out of breath when he finally let up.

  "I kept some things of hers that might fit you."

  I had been laughing but went completely silent.

  "That's not necessary. I can just go home and..."

  "Don't be silly. You and she are practically the same size. How else do you think I would know what jeans would fit you? Just give me a second and I'll grab some stuff for you."

  He walked out of the room leaving me feeling awkward at best. I wasn't sure about wearing anything of his mother's. Would seeing me in her clothes stir up memories he wasn't ready to face?

  He came back with a handful of things and started laying them out on the bed as he said, "I wasn't sure what you wanted so I grabbed a sweatshirt, a short-sleeved shirt, some jeans, underwear, and some socks..."

  "I think I will pass on the underwear, Canyon, but thank you."

  "Oh yeah, well, I just didn't want you to not have options. They aren't used or anything. She had bought them right before... and uh...."

  I stood up from the bed, walked over to him and wrapped my arms tightly around him. "Thank you."

  He rested his arms around my waist while he kissed the top of my head. "It's no problem. Why don't you get dressed and meet me downstairs? I'm gonna go get breakfast started."

  "You don't have to cook me breakfast. I'd be okay with a banana and a yogurt."

  "You might but I'm not. I need to eat."

  "Of course you do."

  He slapped my butt and then walked out of the room and down the stairs.

  I turned back to the clothes and told myself they were just clothes. It would be no different than trying something on from a store where ten other people had tried on the same thing.

  Minutes later I was wearing all of it, aside from the underwear. The t-shirt was under the sweatshirt, the jeans fit perfectly and I had my boots from the night before. I still couldn’t believe I could wear a size
four but designer clothes obviously catered to the skinny girls of the world and out here they wanted a woman to feel good about her size. Something I very much appreciated.

  I could smell the bacon by the time I hit the top of the staircase. The aroma only intensified the closer I got to the bottom. By the time I reached the kitchen I was practically drooling. Eggs were frying, the bacon was popping and Canyon was standing with his back to me singing softly, George Strait's “I Cross My Heart”.

  Listening to the radio in my truck with only country stations to choose from was teaching me some great songs that I can't say I ever would have learned otherwise.

  I stood with my back pressed against the wall listening to something that couldn't be forgotten. He had the voice of an angel even at an volume you could barely make out. He turned for the fridge when he saw me standing there for the first time. The song stopped and so did he.

  "Wow." I looked down at myself trying to figure out what could possibly be wow worthy when he said, "I was right. It all fits perfectly."

  "Yeah, it does. Thanks again for letting me borrow it."

  "You can keep it. There's no sense in it hanging around here in a drawer."

  "Oh, uh, okay. So, what are you wanting to eat with that? I can slice fruit or..."

  "I was just going to grab some cheese and mushrooms for the eggs. You can get whatever you want out. Feel free."

  I waited until he got his things and then started rummaging through drawers for any kind of fruit I could find.

  "You don't have any fruit?"

  He was stirring the bacon when he looked over his shoulder and apologized. "Sorry about that. I need to go the store. I'm out of almost everything."

  I closed the door and went to sit in one of the chairs at the table. "It's no big deal. I can eat whatever."

  "Good because I made some killer scrambled eggs."

  Thirty minutes later we had cleaned up the mess in the kitchen after we finished practically licking our plates. He wasn't lying about those eggs.

  Just as my foot hit the dirt off of the last step of the porch I asked, "So, what's the plan? What do you need me to do first?"

  "First things first means I need to make and spread fertilizer. I don't expect you to have anything to do with that,