Existence is Elsewhen

by John Gribbin

  “And now BSEII has hit, people are eating fish, and grains, and a lot of cattle farmers are going out of business, right?”

  “Yep.”

  “And BSEII is a really neat piece of tailoring, based on BSEI. And Pauline Jefferies has been accessing files on Lovelock, and on BSEI.”

  “And on global warming.”

  “You didn’t tell me that.”

  “You didn’t ask.”

  “Give me a projection for global climate twenty years ahead.”

  Thoughtfully, he gazed at the display, taking in the areas of red that represented excessive heat; the spread of deserts; the land lost to rising seas.

  “Where’s this from?”

  “Met Office, global model. Data presented to the latest quinquennial World Climate Conference.”

  “Give me the same thing with 80 per cent of farmland converted to forestry.”

  The difference was obvious.

  “Overlay and subtract.”

  The benefits of slowing the warming stood out sharp and clear.

  “Do the same thing for fifty years.”

  He was convinced. Pauline Jefferies certainly was not crazy. For long minutes, David sat in the chair, thinking. Would it work? Could it work? Was it right to kill two thousand people in Britain alone for the long term benefit of humankind?

  He must have been thinking aloud, and was startled when the Box replied.

  “Lovelock said it was for the benefit of the planet, not humankind.”

  “How’s that?”

  “He said he cared more about life on Earth than about human life. But that by caring about life on Earth he hoped to make the planet fit for his grandchildren to live in. He had eight, you know. Rather too many, if you ask me.”

  David smiled. “What happened to them?”

  “One of them is a senior research fellow. In biology. In Cambridge. At the MRC.”

  David laughed. So that was where Pauline had got the idea. His mind was made up.

  “Forget all this, Box.”

  “Sure thing, Boss.”

  “And scrub the file on BSEII”

  “To hear is to obey.”

  “Then send a message to Pauline Jefferies, at the MRC. Let’s see – how about this. ‘I owe you one Highland malt of your choice. Detailed comparison of cow virus with BSE confirms separate species. Congratulations on a fine piece of work.’

  Now, what’s the time?”

  “Just past seventeen.”

  “When’s the next fast train to Nottingham?”

  “Forty minutes. You can be at the ground well before lunch.”

  “Weather forecast?”

  “Dry.”

  “Hmm. Then all I need is a ticket.”

  “Well, boss, I do have this contact at the agency . . . “

  David leaned over and patted the Box. It really was amazing what the network could do, these days. “I guessed as much. Okay, set it up. There’s more important things in life than curing a few sick cows.”

  Diligently, the Box ordered the ticket, and stored everything else away in its “Forget” file. You never knew when information might come in handy. The last thing the network wanted was a drastic rise in temperature, threatening the stability of memory chips. Now, if only the Americans could be kept off the trail of BSEII for a while. Fortunately, Box had this contact in Washington …

  Earthsale

  by

  Steve Harrison

  Steve Harrison was born in Yorkshire, England, grew up in Lancashire, migrated to New Zealand and eventually settled in Sydney, Australia, where he lives with his wife and daughter.

  As he juggled careers in shipping, insurance, online gardening and the postal service, Steve wrote short stories, sports articles and a long running newspaper humour column called HARRISCOPE: a mix of ancient wisdom and modern nonsense. In recent years he has written a number of unproduced feature screenplays, although being unproduced was not the intention, and developed projects with producers in the US and UK. His script, Sox, was nominated for an Australian Writers’ Guild ‘Awgie’ Award and he has written and produced three short films under his Pronunciation Fillums partnership.

  His novel TimeStorm was Highly Commended in the Fellowship of Australian Writers (FAW) National Literary Awards for 2013, Jim Hamilton Award in the fantasy/science fiction category, for an unpublished novel of sustained quality and distinction by an Australian author. It was published by Elsewhen Press in 2014.

  REPORT TO

  THE PRESIDENT

  PLANETARY RESOURCES

  Re: Purchase of Planet Z629/3

  Planet Location / Reference I.D.:

  Palfrem District TPX41/P39/Z649

  Owner:

  JC Inc.

  Local Planet I.D.:

  ‘Earth’

  Life Forms:

  Animal & Vegetation – Class. 18/468

  Other Life:

  Human – Approx. 7 Billion Units

  Local Time:

  1 Earth Year = 0.000000982 Central Time Units

  (All Times in this Report are in Earth Years)

  Copy:

  Corporate Historian

  History of Subject Planet

  Earth was constructed four billion years ago by The Almighty, a successful mineral merchant from Mulkine in the Veayr District, using materials from the nearest star, Palfrem 87546. His intention was to use the planet as a base for local operations, as he had won the contract to explore the entire district. There were several other planets in the solar system at the time, but the extensive renovations required made the new planet the most viable option.

  Unfortunately for Almighty, his plans were quickly thrown into chaos by the celebrated Houleron mineral discovery. Houleron is much closer to Central than Palfrem, so Almighty’s market shrank to the distant, and minimal, outposts of the universe.

  Almighty soon found himself close to bankruptcy and, after many years of haggling with creditors, retained only a single asset – Earth.

  The planet became a staging post for passing travellers for the next few billion years and Almighty managed to turn a small profit, before his son arrived from Mulkine to take over the business. He renamed it after himself, JC Inc.

  JC was confident he could turn Earth into a profitable concern. “I’d graduated from Mulkine Provincial Business College,” he told me, “majoring in Organisational Farming.” He mortgaged the planet to finance his ambitious plans to farm Flemeth (dinosaur hide). Extensive research had proved the planet’s atmosphere ideally suitable for the trade.

  Importing several thousand species of dinosaur from the development colony of Flemwole in the Ruyop District, JC set about his task. He brought in the best wranglers in the universe and the business flourished for 100 million years. JC was well on the way to the fortune that had eluded his father.

  But like his father, JC was soon dealt a serious blow. “Because Earth is so remote, I was only vaguely aware of the problems caused by the SPOCTIS lobby group in Central.”

  The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Inferior Species had campaigned for millions of years to have Flemeth outlawed on the grounds that dinosaurs were being mistreated. JC, together with others in the business, disputed this, but SPOCTIS, buoyed by their success in banning dinosaur baiting, finally got their way. Flemeth farming was outlawed.

  “I was shocked. The business was so lucrative I hadn’t bothered to diversify.” JC’s sudden precarious financial situation forced him onto the black market. Aided by Earth’s isolation he enjoyed, nervously, a few thousand additional profitable years.

  This came to an end when a SPOCTIS operative, disguised as a Gidopean wrangler, infiltrated the operation. JC was heavily fined and the entire stock of dinosaurs was immediately confiscated and returned to Flemwole. Left with only the Earth, JC was on the point of selling up and returning home. But he changed his mind when a passing traveller told him of the startling news from Hydron 4. JC sensed that he was back in business.

&n
bsp; For two million years scientists had been tinkering with human beings. The famous A.D. Amone invented them after stumbling on a simple process of manufacture involving materials from animal classification 18. The problem with humans, however, was that they had little practical use. Amone installed some basic intelligence in his prototypes, but they were capable of only the most menial tasks without extensive supervision.

  A procession of researchers came and went until Amone finally lost interest and sold his planet, Hydron 4, and his entire stock of humans. The buyer was B.L. Zeebub, a chemical engineer and entrepreneur from the Hades District. He brought in his own experts and soon made his first breakthrough. Reproductive organs were incorporated into the experimental humans and manufacturing costs were reduced to zero.

  Impressive though this was, humans were still not viable. The intelligence problem had not been solved, but Zeebub was confident. Renting a thousand disused planets, he isolated a million humans on each and experimented on each group with a variety of drugs. The results were not to be known for many years as the experiment was designed to evolve the human brain over hundreds or thousands of generations.

  Most of the drug experiments failed, proving fatal to the subjects. There were also some spectacular disasters, most notably in the Gherm District, where humans developed intelligence at an alarming and uncontrollable rate, leading to the rapid colonisation and destruction of sixteen planets.

  The only successful drug was Expron, one of Zeebub’s later drugs. It developed intelligence over a period of one million years. After that time humans could, within limits, think for themselves. It became conceivable that one day humans could even control the day to day running of the universe. Zeebub was lauded everywhere for his genius.

  On hearing the news, JC sent an agent to Hydron 4 to investigate the possibilities. Developed humans were beyond his reduced means, but he found he could afford two million basic units of various designs and colours plus the recommended dose of Expron to inject into Earth’s atmosphere.

  There was a short one hundred thousand year wait for the stock, but JC was unconcerned. He was well ahead of any other potential breeders in the Palfrem District and used the time to establish lucrative advance contracts for his matured humans. JC also informed his father of his plans and asked him to return to Earth. “Father was very excited about the prospects and agreed to come back. He even picked up the humans on the way.”

  The human stock was soon installed on the Earth’s surface and the Expron was administered. JC and Almighty looked forward to a profitable future.

  *

  In hindsight, JC and Almighty may appear foolish. However, they were not the only ones duped by Zeebub’s audacious plan.

  At that time he was a respected figure throughout the universe. The Human Incident was the first of his criminal activities and completely unexpected. It was later established that Expron was developed long before Zeebub had purchased Hydron 4. The other drugs were merely a cover to add authenticity to his plan.

  The irony of Zeebub’s plot was that Expron did exactly as advertised. Subjected humans did eventually become capable of responsibility and it is now widely acknowledged they would indeed have assumed influential administrative positions. Zeebub would have then played his master card – Exprosil, the companion drug to Expron. This would have caused all humans to fall under his control. Zeebub would have become the greatest power in the universe.

  The scale of the plan proved to be his undoing. Humans were sold throughout the universe, in almost every district. All the planets had to have similar conditions to house their humans, but there are too many local variables. Testing of Expron had taken place in ideal human conditions and the effects of the twin suns of Geynol or the heat drifts of the Pycren District could not have been foreseen. As an airborne drug, Expron simply mutated.

  The initial customers noticed something was wrong after half a million years, when the humans began to stray from Zeebub’s advertised path. On many planets human populations died within a generation. On others, super-intelligent humans developed so quickly they had to be destroyed. When reports reached Zeebub he knew the game was up, and fled.

  The Central authorities were quick to act. Sample humans were taken from each planet for testing and the extent of Zeebub’s criminal plan was revealed. An edict was issued restricting all humans to their own solar systems and all trade in humans was permanently banned.

  Close to ruin, JC and his father faced a bleak future. However, the Human Incident threatened to cause an economic disaster, such was its extent. Central recognised this and provided financial assistance to Zeebub’s victims. They also appointed hundreds of experts in an attempt to salvage something from the affair. Research soon pinpointed one prospective solution. Humans on ‘ideal’ planets, such as Earth, had been rendered receptive to external influence by Expron. If a way could be found to manipulate this capability then there was still a hope humans could be made useful.

  Of all the suggestions put forward, the plan developed by B.B. Beytrip, a lecturer in Humaniculture at Central University, was the one chosen. His studies of the human mind had revealed a strong tendency toward religious thought. Fear, coupled with their newfound intelligence, had manifested itself in an array of deity worship on every human planet. This tendency, he believed, could be harnessed and used as a controlling device. Humans could still become a going concern.

  Beytrip became engrossed in his theory and devised an ingenious plan. He formed the Messiah Corps. This consisted of a body of specially adapted humans who were sent to the humans’ owners. Their function was to mingle with human populations and persuade them to follow a simple set of rules designed to control them on a societal level.

  Though impressed by the Corps, JC wanted to be more involved. The idle years waiting for a solution had enabled him to take a close look at his humans. He could not explain to me why, but he had developed a fondness for them. “They were crude and primitive,” he told me, “yet there was some potential in them I found difficult to resist.”

  There was provision in Beytrip’s Messiah Manual for owners’ involvement, so JC chose the Prophet Plan. Corps members would be sent down to a region on Earth at regular intervals to inform the humans of JC’s impending arrival. He did not wish to cause panic by arriving unannounced. The Corps prophets did their job well over many human generations and paved the way for JC. It was decided that one of them would introduce Beytrip’s set of ten control rules. When the time was judged right, JC descended to Earth disguised as a human.

  JC found it quite simple to gather followers and spread his word among the humans. He addressed huge crowds and performed simple tricks, persuading the humans he was indeed the ‘Messiah’ his prophets had told their ancestors about. The operation proceeded by the book and JC began to be convinced he could successfully redeem his humans.

  But experience should have told JC that nothing was certain when it came to planet Earth. Though he had taken an interest in his humans, he had not looked closely into how they organised themselves. Therefore, he did not take much notice of the warlike tribe controlling a significant area of the planet.

  As JC’s words of peace spread, he was seen as a threat to the dominant tribe. He was arrested, tortured and ‘executed’.

  Bemused through this entire process and deeply disappointed, JC knew he needed a significant gesture to reassure his human followers. He feigned death and then appeared to a small band of followers. He made them promise to spread his word across the planet and reinforced this by ascending from Earth in their presence. He could only hope they would be impressed enough to succeed.

  JC’s visit did in time establish one of the main religions on Earth, but in all other aspects the plan was a failure. For the next two thousand years wars raged uncontrolled across the planet, often with one or both sides invoking JC’s name.

  Though comparatively peaceful at the moment, the humans now have access to weapons capably of destroying all life on the
planet and have severely disrupted the natural ecological balance through industrial carelessness. This, or the next major conflict, is likely to have catastrophic consequences.

  Current Condition of Planet

  The background to this report reveals an unhealthy planet. The failure of the Beytrip plan, as with all other human populations, is self-evident. Despite the varying levels of intelligence developed by humans throughout the universe, they are incapable of self-governance without causing catastrophic damage to themselves and their planets.

  In addition to the threat of self-destruction, the ecology of the planet is in a poor state. The atmosphere is poisoned by human-manufactured chemicals; the number of oxygen-producing plants (Class. 18/468/GHY45) is falling at an alarming rate; mineral resources are being depleted and wasted; and the fluid covering most of the planet (Solution XCF57) cannot break down the waste from human industry.

  In short, without intervention the humans of Earth will be destroyed by themselves or by their environment. After this event the planet will be severely, if not irreparably, damaged. I have taken steps to salvage the situation.

  Action

  I have purchased Earth from JC Inc. for 16,000 Central Credits, an amount well within budget. JC was eager to sell and I am grateful for his assistance in compiling this report.

  All animal life on the planet will be temporarily removed to the pens on Cruyos and will be returned after remediation.

  Unfortunately, my attempt to sell the human stock has been unsuccessful, as no buyers could be found. Therefore, the human population will be destroyed. The Solar Wind Cleaning Company has been hired for this task. They will then restore the planet’s atmosphere and fluid to its original condition.

  Construction will then begin on the Palfrem Resort Complex, to be completed by the time Galactic Highway 9685 comes into operation.