Anathema
Page 2
My master, Kandek, only allowed me glimpses of the outside world in his presence. No open windows, no glances between the curtains, nothing. It was forbidden and anyone who saw me try was ordered to turn me in to him or face punishment with me if caught. To avoid getting anyone else in trouble, I had learned to ignore windows. I couldn’t bear for anyone else to get in trouble for my mistakes.
Most of my days were spent in the dark back room of the kitchen. I washed and dried dishes, put them away and repeated that for every meal. Not exciting, but better than cleaning out urine pots.
It wasn’t my place to ask why the outside world was forbidden to me, but the other slaves had their theory. Due to Kandek’s interest in having private meetings with me in his chambers, everyone thought he wanted to make me his concubine after I came of age. After today.
Yet he always seemed interested in what I had to say and I’d never noticed anything inappropriate about his behavior.
While it was strange he would request an audience with me and not any other slaves, I couldn’t believe he had bad intentions. Behind closed doors he was kind, almost friendly to me. Although I had witnessed his cruelty, I couldn’t believe he would ever treat me that way.
No matter how much I protested their beliefs, the other slaves still treated me like an outsider. Only Ivy had gone out of her way to befriend me and over the years, she had defended me many times.
“Morning, Luci,” I said as I walked into the kitchen. The heat of the room overwhelmed me as the breakfast bread baked in the ovens. The smell of rising yeast never failed to make my stomach growl.
“Finally.” Luci said, wiping her flour-covered hands on her gray dress. “I’ve been waiting for you. I was about to send someone to fetch you. You spent too much time chatting with Ella this morning. You two need to move faster in the morning.”
“Sorry.” I balled my hands up into my dress, feeling the token lying within the secret pocket. “Since Ivy left so early this morning, I had a little extra work to do.”
Luci rolled her eyes and grunted. “Ivy has never been anything but nice to you and here you are blaming her for making you late. You’re so ungrateful. Now get out so I can open the windows.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I took one quick glance at the heavily curtained windows. Not only did they provide light for Luci and her staff on sunny days, but they also gave the heat from the ovens a place to escape. And they couldn’t be opened until I had taken my place in the back room.
Holding back a sigh, I shuffled into the dark dish chamber. The walls were filled with shelves and with dishes of every kind waiting to be filled with every kind of delicacy from roasted pheasant to exotic fruits from the Southern Kingdoms beyond the mountains. There were small bowls for finger cleaning between courses. Soup bowls, salad plates, and mixing utensils. Hand-painted plates saved for visits from dignitaries ranked higher than Kandek and the chipped ceramic plates we slaves used for everyday meals. I was amazed how many dishes one man and his household could use in one day.
As I pulled dishes off the shelf for today’s breakfast and placed them on the cart, I let my mind wander away from Ivy and to my other troubles.
I wanted to forget today was my fifteenth birthday. I wanted to lose myself worrying about Ivy, but no matter how hard I tried to keep my mind off of it, I couldn’t forget that today I faced my greatest fear.
Handmaids sewed dresses of the finest silk with gold thread and embellished with pearls. Every man’s finest garb would be aired out for the occasion. Food from all over the island arrived daily to be added to the feast. The oranges from the south shined like gold. My mouth watered just looking at them. I could smell the cakes, already in the oven for today’s celebration.
Unfortunately none of it would pass my lips. I wouldn’t wear a beautiful dress either. Those were only for noblemen and their wives who would be here to watch me receive a permanent gift from my master, the brand of a fox on the back of my neck, forever marking me as his property.
Every morning we slaves shaved our heads as a sign of our restricted status. Only free people were allowed to grow their hair. Long ago, there was the theory that if a slave ever escaped and hid long enough to grow an adequate amount of hair, she could join society as a free person. To avoid losing their slaves forever among the masses, masters branded the slaves they intended to keep on their fifteenth birthday.
Ivy received hers last month and we had gripped hands until the moment the guards came to take her away to her party. Forced to stay behind because the great room had many windows, I called out to Ivy as the guards grabbed her elbows and led her away.
“Be strong Ivy, but don’t be ashamed to cry.” I cupped my hands around my mouth, yelling to Ivy as the guards dragged her out of the room.
“I’ll never give him or any of his stupid guests the satisfaction!” Ivy shook her arms free from the guards. Shoulders thrown back, arms straight, and fists at her side, Ivy marched out ahead of them.
I imagined the scene taking place and the murmurs of the lords and ladies as they would watch Ivy get strapped into the chair. Forced to bend at the waist with her arms still tied behind her back, Ivy’s face would rest in a hole on the table. One guard would hold her head down as the other would sear the brand into the back of her neck. It was always the same story, but only from those who were brave enough to tell the tale.
Kandek did allow each slave one person to wait for them after the branding. Ivy naturally chose me, so I waited alone in our sleeping chambers for her return. Not long after taking Ivy away, the guards returned with her propped up on their arms.
Her head hung down; the branded fox red and swollen on the back of her neck. In the background I had heard the raucous laughter of the partygoers. My stomach flipped as I realized this would be me in a short time. I had never seen the immediate after-effects of branding before and I would never forget.
Throwing her into my waiting arms, the guards left as quickly as they had come.
“Are you okay?” I whispered into her ear. Her head lay on my shoulder, my arms around her back.
“When it’s your birthday I promise to hold your hand until the moment they force me away from you.” Ivy held her head up to gaze into my eyes. A lone tear escape from a blue eye. After that, she didn’t speak to me, or anyone else, for three days.
I helped Ivy hobble to our bunk. Once she settled into bed with a medicinal poultice made for her by the herbalist, my duties as her aide were over and I was forced back to work. The day’s party would dirty many more dishes than normal and I was needed in the kitchen. But that night we held hands as we fell asleep.
As I pulled the last of the dishes off the shelf, tears fell as it hit me how alone I was.
I wondered what anathema meant as I slipped the coin out of my pocket. I flipped it over and looked at the baby again. Its head turned and looked straight at me. But it didn’t wink. Oh no, this time it smacked its hand to its mouth and blew me a kiss.
2
“Reychel,” a low voice whispered from the doorway. I spun around, not at all surprised to see Grey leaning against the door. His voice, so low and smooth, occupied many of my daydreams. I’d recognize it anywhere. “I’ve got a message for you.”
I wiped my hands on the towel hanging from my waist and attempted a smile. But as always happened in his presence, I couldn’t decide whether to smile or talk. Instead a half smile appeared followed by a tiny noise.
I balled up my fists and pushed my toes into the tips of my shoes. Would I ever be able to control myself around him like Ivy did? It was so easy for her, but me, oh no, I thought I was doomed to a lifetime of stilted words and weird expressions around boys.
“Happy birthday,” Grey said, rubbing the brand he received last year. “You’ll do okay. It’s not that bad.”
“Really?” I asked, stunned. Having seen Ivy’s return, I wondered if her experience was unusual. A small bit of hope rose in my chest. Maybe it wouldn’t be as awful as I feared.
“Oh,” I laughed. Why was I so eager to believe everything everyone told me? “Of course it does. I saw what it did to Ivy.”
“Speaking of - where is Ivy?” he asked. “I haven’t seen her around at all this morning. Usually I pass her in the market while I’m delivering messages.”
The lies rolled around in my brain. Ivy was up early. You probably just missed her. She was asked to run a special errand in regards to today’s party. But none of them would slip easily off of my tongue in front of Grey. Many nights I’d lulled myself to sleep wondering what it would be like if he touched me, even the smallest accidental elbow bump would send me into hours of fantasies. I could barely converse with him on a normal day, how could I lie to him now?
Before I could turn around, a single tear dropped out of my eye. In Eloh’s name, why couldn’t I hold myself together?
“Reychel,” he whispered again as he took a step closer. “If she’s off on some crazy errand then she may not be home in time for your branding ceremony.”
I nodded, not looking at his face. The lie was his, but it fit and explained my tears. It was better than I could do at the moment. His boots shuffled closer and I held my breath as his arms encircled me. His chin rested on my head. As my scalp shifted to accommodate his broad chin, I felt tingles course through my body. It felt better than I’d imagined, not that I ever thought he’d actually take me in his arms.
He moved his mouth down to my ears as he whispered, “If she’s not back in time, will you let me help you?”
I swore I felt his lips brush my earlobe, but I was too overwhelmed to register anything more than the obvious. He wanted to help me, be the one to make sure I was well before and after the ceremony. It was beyond anything I could have dreamed.
“Yes,” I answered into his shoulder, nodding my head slightly.
Grey pulled back, but only far enough so that his arms were still around me. “You’ll do okay, Reychel.”
I glanced at him. His brown eyes wandered my face and lingered on my lips before settling back on my eyes. The skin around his eyes crinkled as a smile sprouted from his lips. He cocked his head to the side and slowly moved in toward me.
“Grey,” Luci screamed from the kitchen. “Are you done delivering that message yet? If you are, then get your butt out of the back room. Reychel has work to do.”
“Message,” he fumbled as he let go of me, stepping back to the doorway. “I forgot about the message.”
I wanted to tell him it was okay, that I was happy with what had, what was, happening. But I just nodded, my lips together. His fingers broke the seal on the note and opened it.
“I’ll read it.” I reached out for the note.
“No,” Grey said, “I was given orders to read it to you, as a witness that you received the message.”
“Okay,” I said, pulling my hand back.
“You’re to report to Kandek’s private chambers,” he said, his eyebrows narrowing. “Alone and make haste.”
His shoulders slumped as he repeated his message one more time. I knew how it sounded. Just like every other slave, he wondered why I spent so much time alone with Kandek. I knew it the moment he read the first sentence.
“I have to go now,” Grey said, backing up to the doorway. His eyes no longer sought mine.
“It’s not what it sounds like,” I begged, finding my voice. But it was too late, he had already left.
I stomped my feet on the dusty floor and put the last of the breakfast dishes on the cart. I wheeled the cart off, averting my eyes from the bright sun streaming through the open window. I pushed the cart to Luci and told her the contents of the message before hurrying down the hall. My mind drifted back to Grey. Had he considered kissing me? I certainly thought he was going to until Luci interrupted us. Then the message. I felt the heat rise up from my belly.
My whole life I had accepted my fate here. No looking out windows, no trips outside even if everyone else was given a chance. I attended Kandek as he asked, no more, no less. But why? What made me so special?
As I entered Kandek’s outer rooms, my eyes couldn’t help but jump to the window. The heavy damask curtains were drawn, leaving the room dark save for the light of three candles on the table. The fireplace looked as if it hadn’t been used in a long time. It was summer, after all, but a bit more light would have been welcome.
I felt my nails dig into my palm as I made a fist to knock on the inner door. It hurt, but it didn’t hurt as much as the anger I felt. Before I could pull back for another go, the door creaked open. A young boy peered out at me, his bald head making him look more like an old man than a seven-year-old kid.
“He’s waiting for you, Reychel.”
“Thanks, Ian,” I sighed.
He pushed the door backward, his left leg flexing while his right stood crooked to the side. Although he’d been injured in a horse and cart incident as a toddler, Ian had managed to make himself useful as a personal servant to Kandek. Most rulers would have tossed him out to live on the street, but Kandek had kept him around. Another curious case like my own; my master was full of mysteries.
“Reychel here to see you, m’lord,” Ian yelled as he gestured for me to follow him to the interior chamber. He shuffled ahead, leading me to an overstuffed damask chair near the window. Sweeping his arm to the side, he indicated I should sit.
Another door across the room opened and Kandek strode into the room. I pushed myself up as Kandek waved his hands at me.
“Sit, sit, my dear Reychel. There are no formalities here in my chambers.” He patted Ian on the head. “Out, my boy. Reychel and I have important things to discuss.”
Ian smiled at me.
“Did you lose another tooth?” I bent over, placing my thumb on his chin. His grin grew larger.
“Yep, Reychel, I did,” he said.
I smiled, feeling some of my anger abate. His youth kept him from assuming any improprieties, a big relief after what happened with Grey. I couldn’t deal with another accusing glance. Behind Kandek’s back, Ian gave me a little waggle of his fingers and hobbled out of the room.
A scowl forced its way on to my face as I noticed Kandek’s big grin.
“What’s wrong, Reychel? Today’s your birthday. You should be thrilled.”
He threw himself into the chair opposite me. Behind his left shoulder was a big window with the shutters closed. It was always the same. We’d have some small talk, then he’d throw open the shutters giving me my only exposure to direct sunlight and my view of the outside world.
But today he thought I should be thrilled? What a cruel joke. Instead of forcing a smile, I felt my eyes narrow as I glared at him.
“Nervous about the branding ceremony, are you?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small leather bag. “Rub this ointment on the back of your neck before coming to the great room. My herbalist tells me it numbs the pain.”
I took the small bag, opened the drawstrings, and peered inside. A small amount of opaque cream pooled in the bottom. My thoughts drifted back to Ivy’s branding day and the pain she endured all in the name of slavery. I was so sick of being treated different from the other slaves.
“But why me?” I asked, clutching the bag in my hands. “No one else has ever been given an ointment. They have to suffer the pain for days! I know Ivy, who would never admit it, felt unspeakable pain.”
“Ivy, hmm?” Kandek stroked his graying goatee. It was in strong contrast to the fiery hair atop his head. “Where is your friend?”
Cursing my stupidity for even bringing her up, I stared at him defiantly. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t you?” He stood up from his chair and opened the shutters. My eyes squinted from the bright, direct light as I turned my head to the side.
“No, I don’t,” I said. At least it wasn’t a lie. I didn’t know where Ivy was.
“Honestly, I’m not worried about that right now. She’s easily replaced. Anyone can go to the market for cook. How’s the sunlight feel?”
As my eyes grew used to the overwhelming brightness, I turned my face back toward the sunlight. Bright puffy clouds drifted into view, filtering the rays. For a moment I let the warmth of the sun sink into my skin. It had been so long since I’d felt the sun against my face and my anger toward Kandek began to wane as I relaxed.
“Here’s some tea,” he said, passing me a little blue teacup. I recognized it as one in a set I had cleaned and dried this morning. “Take a drink and then tell me one of your stories.”
He sat back in his chair, legs crossed and his arms, long to match his body, folded across his stomach. His eyes rested on mine. They weren’t filled with malice or desire, just curiosity. It was the same as always. He listened to my stories and then sent me back to my chores with a smile on his face. I didn’t understand it, but the desire to argue trickled away as I enjoyed the rare glimpse of the world.
Rising from my chair, teacup in hand, I leaned against the wall next to the window, peering out in the bustling city. Merchants hawked their wares in booths lining the streets while people rushed in and out of inns looking for a respite from the noon heat. A mother corralled her children, who would rather chase an errant goose than tag along on her search for bread and eggs. I giggled as her youngest grabbed a hold of a tail feather, plucking it clean away from the goose’s rump.
But it was the sky that tugged at my eyes. I saw people every day, the sky was a treat. A lone hawk circled in the distance awaiting the perfect moment to grab his lunch. Other than him, it was a peaceful day in the heavens filled with white puffy clouds making shapes for the world to interpret. The dark blue in the west foretold of coming rains. I was lucky Kandek had chosen this time for me to gaze out the window.