It Wasn't Me

by Vale, Lani Lynn

  Jonah rolled his eyes and took the keys out of my hand, pocketing them before opening my door.

  Even in his hurt state, he was still being courteous and solicitous.

  I loved him.

  God, how I loved him.

  When that police officer had come to the door earlier and told me that Jonah had been in an accident, I’d been a wreck. Hearing that he was okay hadn’t dampened my fear.

  As Jonah prowled around the hood of his truck, I watched him. Watched as he didn’t limp or look hurt at all.

  Hell, if it wasn’t for the stitches on his face, you wouldn’t be able to tell that he’d been in an accident period.

  When he got inside and fixed the seat that I’d had to pull forward an entire foot, I continued to watch him.

  It was only after we were pulling out of the parking lot that I repeated my question that he’d yet to answer.

  “Are you sure that you want to go?” I asked again.

  He glanced over at me.

  “Yes, I’m sure,” he answered. “I want to meet your father and mother, officially, as your husband. I also don’t want to start off on the wrong foot with them.”

  I smiled.

  “My dad is already going to be pissy because he’s recuperating. He’s going to be extra pissy when he finds out that he didn’t get to walk me down the aisle,” I pointed out.

  He grumbled something under his breath, and I had to strain to hear.

  “We’ll just get married again if that’s what he wants.”

  I smiled all the way to their house.

  When he pulled up into the compound, and I told him the gate code, we rolled inside and stopped in front of the first building.

  ***

  Jonah

  “Nice place,” I murmured. “I thought this was the office.”

  “It is,” she admitted. “Dad’s sat his ass in front of the security monitors, from what I’ve been told. He’s been doing some shit from the office because he’s tired of us ‘hounding him’ about ‘being okay’ and ‘doing too much.’”

  “Maybe y’all are driving him fuckin’ out of his mind,” I suggested.

  She rolled her eyes and got out.

  But before she could go inside and lead me along with her, Piper’s sister called her name from the house across the way.

  The house was beautiful. It was something that you’d see out of a fuckin’ Home and Country magazine, only it was in the middle of Fort Knox.

  The compound was made up of quite a few homes that I could see, and there were even some smaller dwellings off to the side that looked to be in use, too.

  But all of the homes were encompassed in a rather large compound guarded by fences that even the most hardened of criminals couldn’t breach without losing a leg in the process.

  “Piper! Come here, I want to show you something,” Pru called. “Holy shit, my baby is walking!”

  Piper left me like a hot potato, and I wondered whether I should go inside to talk to her dad or go with her to see whatever baby was walking.

  I would’ve followed Piper had the door not opened and a very pissed off looking Sam stared out at me.

  “Jonah,” he said. “Fancy seeing you here.”

  I felt my gut clench.

  His eyes narrowed on my face.

  “What happened to you?” he asked.

  I gestured with my chin to him as I climbed up the stairs. “The same thing that happened to you, only I got out a bit easier than you did.”

  Sam’s eyes studied me, then moved to Piper who was clapping and cheering with his girls.

  “This walking thing isn’t new,” he said. “Come in, we’ll share a beer while they forget that I’m here.”

  I snorted. “Good luck with that, man. They know you’re over here.”

  “They’re giving us time,” he said as he made his way inside, limping the entire way.

  His leg was in a cast from his thigh down to his foot, and he likely should’ve been utilizing crutches. Yet, he wasn’t.

  Not that I was surprised.

  They’d wanted me to stay overnight, and there was no way in hell that I was going to do that.

  Instead, I told them that my wife was a nurse and that if anything happened throughout the night, she was more than capable of handling it.

  They’d agreed, and I’d gotten to go home.

  I was also going to work tomorrow because my bosses weren’t privy to that conversation that suggested that I take a few days off.

  Luckily, neither was Piper, otherwise, I wouldn’t have had a choice.

  I was feeling fine, and I knew that if I stayed home, Piper would want to take off her first day at work. My mother would come over. Hell, even my brother and sister might come. And just sayin’, but I didn’t like that many people in my house at one time.

  “Want a beer?” Sam asked, looking at me expectantly.

  The nurse’s first order was ‘not to drink any alcohol with my pain pills still in my system.’

  “Sure,” I said. “If I die, or go into sudden cardiac arrest, you might want to mention to the medics that I had a high dose of pain pills before I came over here.”

  Sam chuckled and reached for a beer from the fridge that was underneath his desk.

  After handing me mine, he said, “Same goes for me.”

  I chuckled and twisted the top off the beer bottle, then took a long, deep swallow.

  His eyes narrowed on my hand.

  “You’re married?”

  I froze, beer halfway to my face, and swallowed a large gulp of beer before saying, “Yes.”

  “Since when?” Sam asked.

  I went for another swallow of beer when the bottle was suddenly yanked from my hand. Sam’s wasn’t far behind, and a furious looking Piper glared at both of us.

  “What part of ‘no alcohol with the pain meds’ did y’all not understand?” she snapped.

  I felt myself smiling, but that smile quickly fell off my face when she said, “This is not funny.”

  “I didn’t say it was, honey,” I tried.

  She narrowed her eyes.

  “And you,” she turned to her father. “This is why you’re in here, isn’t it?”

  Sam didn’t say anything, but his eyes were sparkling.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied.

  Piper’s eyes went to the desk where four empty beer bottles were lined up, along with what looked to be a week’s worth of wrappers from snack foods.

  “And you know you’re not supposed to be eating this bullshit,” she said. “Your near heart attack a couple of months ago was a signal that you needed to start taking better care of yourself.”

  “I take perfectly good care of myself,” he said. “And I’m fine now. They said that was just a fluke.”

  “It might have been, but there’s no reason in the world that you can’t eat better,” she said stubbornly.

  “I eat just fine,” he said. “I have gone a full week of eating the shittiest food on the planet. So sorry if I want to eat a goddamn Little Debbie times five.”

  Piper rolled her eyes and then took a sip of my beer, making me want to pull her into my arms and lick the taste off of her lips.

  I managed to control myself.

  Barely.

  “What’s that?”

  Sam’s question had us both looking at him, but he wasn’t looking at us. He was looking at Piper’s finger.

  “Ummmm,” she said, hedging.

  Sam’s gaze turned to me.

  “Just got married, huh?” he asked.

  I felt my lips twitch.

  “Yes, sir,” I answered, not sure whether I should stand up and protect myself from the punch that I knew he wanted to throw or not.

  “When did this happen?” he asked stiffly.

  “While we were in Vegas,” I answered.

  Sam’s eyes turned to his daughter.


  “You want this?”

  Piper’s shoulders sagged.

  “More than I want my next breath,” she answered softly.

  I felt something inside of me release at her words.

  Sam’s eyes once again turned to me as he said, “You hurt her in any way, and I don’t care if I’m dead and gone, I will find a way to kill you.”

  I didn’t doubt for a second that he would.

  “I won’t,” I promised.

  “Daddy,” Piper said.

  “Take this to the trash can and go wait outside,” Sam suggested. “Or even better, how about you go tell your mother that she doesn’t get to plan your wedding.”

  Piper winced.

  “Dad…”

  “Now, honey,” I said softly. “I’ll be okay.”

  Piper sighed and pressed a kiss to my cheek, but she didn’t leave with just the wrappers from his food. She also left with the beers in her hand, as well as the last two that were in the fridge.

  “Damn meddling women,” Sam muttered. “Do me a solid and head over there. Press that picture frame in right there.”

  I looked to the side wall from where Piper had disappeared through, then got up stiffly and walked to the wall. After pressing the picture frame in, I was surprised to see the door that appeared as the wall slid to the side.

  “Umm,” I said as I stared at the door. “Is this going to lead into a dungeon where you’re going to trap me for the rest of my life?”

  “No,” Sam snorted. “It leads to my beer stash.”

  And it did.

  I opened the door and found the room filled with wall to wall safes, as well as boxes and boxes of beer.

  There were also quite a few other essentials, like multiple boxes of Little Debbies.

  Grabbing eight—which was all I could hold with one hand—I walked them to the fridge and put them in to cool. Once that task was done, I looked over at Sam with a ‘what now’ expression on my face.

  “Grab two more, then go into the break room and pull a few glasses from the freezer,” he ordered.

  I did as he asked, following his directions to the break room.

  Once I had the glasses in my hand, I walked back to the hidden room, grabbed two more beers, then handed him the frosted glass as well as the hot beer.

  “Thanks,” he said. “I like drinking beer from a glass, anyway. I just didn’t want to walk that far.”

  Surprisingly, the safe room was cool enough that when I poured the beer into the frosted mug, it came out tasting pretty cool.

  After drinking about half of it, I said, “I love her.”

  Sam snorted. “Knew you did as soon as you called her ‘honey.’”

  I thought about that, about how I’d sounded not too long ago, and realized that it did sound like I loved her.

  “I’m not quite sure how it happened,” I admitted. “One second I was holding her hand on the way home from Germany, and the next we were married with our fingers inked.”

  I didn’t tell him about the other tattoo that was healing quite nicely. The one that was my second favorite.

  Because I really did love seeing my ink on her finger. One that was a permanent fixture that would always mean that she was mine.

  Needless to say, I was no longer unsure about our marriage. I was going to stay married to her forever. She just didn’t know it yet.

  “That’s how these Mackenzie women work.” Sam chuckled. “Her mother was the same way. I was protecting her from myself, and all of a sudden, she wormed her way into my heart, like a goddamn parasite, and she was there. Has been since.”

  “Did you seriously just compare me to a parasite?”

  I gulped down the rest of my beer and placed the now empty mug on the counter before turning to see Piper’s mother, who looked like a very beautiful older version of her daughter, filling up the door frame.

  Sam downed the rest of his beer as well, then placed the empty on the counter next to him.

  “I was just sayin’,” Sam said. “That it’s hard not to love y’all.”

  She rolled her eyes and turned those eyes that looked so much like Piper’s to me.

  “You’re Jonah?”

  I stood up, feeling the stiffness in my muscles, and offered her my hand.

  She didn’t take my hand.

  She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

  I refused to tell her that her doing so hurt, and instead wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back.

  “It’s very nice to meet you,” she said as she took a step back. “But if you ever hurt my daughter, I’m going to chop your balls off with a hacksaw.”

  I laughed at that, looking to the doorway to find Piper and her sisters standing there. Piper had a toddler on her hip, as did Pru. Phoebe had a baby that looked to be about ten months old.

  Not that I really could tell the exact age, I was basing this solely on what my sister’s and brother’s kids looked like when they were that age.

  “Mother,” Piper laughed. “What the hell?”

  “I’m just sayin’.” She shrugged. “I have to let them know that you’re always protected.”

  Piper just shook her head. “Did you let Bayou and Hoax know this as well?”

  Cheyenne grinned. “Maybe.”

  Bayou was married to Phoebe, and Hoax was married to Pru. And I had no doubt that each man had received much the same treatment.

  “Let’s go eat dinner. Hoax and Bayou will be here momentarily, then you can tell me what the hell happened to your face and why you look like shit.” Cheyenne snapped her fingers.

  Then she left the room, grabbing both empty beer mugs on the way out.

  ***

  Piper

  Later that night, as we were getting ready for bed, I came out of the room with the big box I’d brought from my parent’s house.

  “Hey, do you think you could possibly show me how to start the Roomba?” I asked softly. “Or help me figure it out?”

  I mean, he was a man. Didn’t all men inherently know how to work shit?

  He grumbled a ‘yeah, baby’ under his breath and went to get the box.

  I’d gotten it a year ago for my birthday, and instead of taking it to Germany with me, I’d left it here with my mom in my old room. That was where a lot of my ‘unable to ship to Germany’ stuff had gone.

  As a single woman, I’d lived on base in a small economy-sized room. There wasn’t much room for anything in it besides a bed, a few personal items, and my television. Hell, I was lucky to fit a snack-sized fridge in there.

  “This thing is fancy,” Jonah said as he came back to the table reading the box. “Did you know that you could set it up via the app? And you can even pinpoint a spot and tell it to clean.”

  I did not, but I was happy to know that my parents hadn’t skimped on my birthday present and they’d gotten me a good one.

  Chapter 15

  Please recycle. We want the world to be a beautiful place for Betty White after we’re gone.

  -Meme

  Piper

  It was an entire four weeks later when I finally admitted it.

  I sent a text to my sisters, knowing I needed their help.

  Piper: How does one know if they’re pregnant if they haven’t taken a test yet? I mean, I know all the signs body wise…but I’m not exhibiting any of those. I’ve missed my period, but that’s not abnormal with me. I just feel…off.

  Phoebe: take a test, dumbass.

  Pru: It’s one o’clock in the morning, moron. Why are you texting us? Go get a test.

  I rolled my eyes at my sisters’ lack of understanding.

  Piper: I’m on night shift. I can’t freakin’ go get a test. I honestly just thought about it, anyway.

  Phoebe: swear to God. I’m your little sister. And you are a nurse! You should be advising me on this shit, not the other way around.

  Piper: What crawled up your ass?


  Phoebe: I can tell you that it wasn’t my husband.

  Pru: Gross.

  Phoebe: You’re gross.

  Pru: Your mom’s gross.

  I snickered at that.

  Sadly, the sound of a bed alarm had me sighing.

  “Shit,” I said, momentarily pushing everything else from my thoughts. “Here we go.”

  And we definitely went. Quite a bit.

  I didn’t stop moving until well past dawn, and at that point, I was so exhausted that I could barely see straight.

  Luckily, I only had less than an hour left on my shift.

  Even more luckily, I was allowed to go home early seeing as all five of my patients had delivered, and the maternity ward was officially ‘quiet.’

  Not that I said that aloud. One didn’t say things like that if they wished to have a good day.

  So, being the nice, loving wife that I was learning how to be, I stopped by the donut shop and got a dozen donuts in assorted flavors.

  I’d noticed over time that Jonah was a pretty clean eater. And by ‘clean’ I mean he didn’t eat bad at all.

  Not until it came to donuts.

  Donuts were definitely his weakness.

  And when I say weakness, I mean he didn’t eat just one. He ate ten.

  Which was why I also got some donut holes for me, and a kolache.

  He didn’t like the kolaches. He said it was too much bread to meat ratio, and wouldn’t eat them without whining about it.

  So with donuts in hand, I arrived home just in time to find him climbing out of the shower.

  The uniform he’d had on while at work the day before was still lying on the floor where he’d discarded it the night before after his shift. Right beside it was his gun belt, likely almost dead cell phone, and his wallet.

  Dropping the donuts on the bathroom counter, I turned to him and grinned.

  He was watching me with hungry eyes, and that hunger had absolutely nothing to do with donuts.

  “You’re home early,” he growled.

  I watched as a particular fat drop of water dripped from his beard and began rolling down his chest. It went through the flat plane of his belly, trickling over his abs, until it came to a stop in his pubic hair. Pubic hair that was framing Jonah’s massive erection.

  I nodded. “I am. There must’ve been a full moon or something. We had ten women come in within a two-hour period, all within hours of delivering. I left early because there was nothing else for me to do. I’d already played super nurse all night. There were ten healthy babies.”