Steal This Book

by Abbie Hoffman

  Your friend should be in the court with some cash (at least a hundred dollars is recommended). For very high bail, there are the bail bondsmen in the area of the courthouse who will cover the bail for a fee,generally not to exceed 5%. You will need some signatures of solid citizens to sign the bail papers and perhaps put up some collateral.

  Once you get bailed out, you should contact a private lawyer, preferably one that has experience with your type of case. If you are low on bread, check out one of the community or movement legal groups in your area. It is not advisable to keep the legal aid lawyer beyond the arraignment if at all possible.

  If you’re in a car or in your home, the police do not have a right to search the premises without a search warrant or probable cause. Do not consent to any search without a warrant, especially if there are witnesses around who can hear you. Without your consent, the pigs must prove probable cause in the court. It’s unbelievable the number of defendants that not only come naked, but pull their own pants down. Make the cops kick in the door or break open the trunk themselves. You are under no obligation to assist them in collecting evidence, and helping them weakens your case.

  LAWYERS GROUPS

  National Lawyers Guild

  The “Guild” provides various free legal services especially for political prisoners.

  If you have any legal hassles, call and see if they’ll help you. You can call the one nearest you and get the name of a good lawyer in your area.

  • BOSTON—70 Charles St.

  • DETROIT—5705 N. Woodward St.

  • LOS ANGELES—c/o Haymarket, 507 N. Hoover St.

  • NEW YORK—1 Hudson St.

  • SAN FRANCISCO—197 Steiner St.

  Outside of these areas, there are no offices, but people to contact in the following cities are:

  • FLINT, MICH., Carl Bekofske, 1003 Church St.

  • PHILADELPHIA, PA.—A. Harry Levitan, 1412 Fox Building

  • WASHINGTON, D.C.—S. David Levy, 2812 Pennsylvania Ave., N.W.

  American Civil Liberties Union

  The ACLU is not as radical as the Guild, but will in rare instances provide good lawyers for a variety of civil liberty cases such as censorship, denial of permits to demonstrations, and the like. But beware of their tendency to win the legal point while losing the case. Here is a list of some of their larger offices.

  • ALABAMA—Box 1972, University, Alabama 35486

  • CALIFORNIA—ACLU of Northern California, 503 Market St.,

  • SAN FRANCISCO, CA—94105 (EX 2-4692)

  • COLORADO—1452 Pennsylvania St., Denver, Colorado 80203 (303-TA5-2930)

  • GEORGIA—5 Forsyth St. N.W., Atlanta, Georgia 30303 (404-523-5398)

  • ILLINOIS—6 S. Clark, Chicago, Illinois 60603 (312-236-5564)

  • MICHIGAN—234 State St., Detroit, Mich. 48226 (313-961-4662)

  • MONTANA—2707 Glenwood Land, Billings, Montana 59102 (406-651-2328)

  • NEW MEXICO—131 La Vega S.W., Albuquerque, New Mexico 87105 (505-877-5286)

  • NEW YORK—156 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10010 (212-WA9-6076)

  • NORTH DAKOTA—Ward County (Minot), Box 1000, Minot, North Dakota 58701 (702-838-0381)

  • OHIO—Suite 200, 203 E. Broad St., Columbus, Ohio 43215

  • WASHINGTON, DC—(NCACLU) 1424 16th St. NW, Suite 501,

  • WASHINGTON, DC—20036 (202-483-3830) (202-483-3830)

  • WEST VIRGINIA—1228 Seventh St., Huntington, West Virginia 25701

  • WISCONSIN—1840 N. Farwell Ave., Rm. 303, Milwaukee, Wisc. 53202 (414-272-4032)

  To obtain a complete list of all the ACLU chapters, write: American Civil Liberties Union, 156 5th Avenue, New York, NY 10010, or call them at (212) WA 9-6076.

  JOIN THE ARMY OF YOUR CHOICE

  The first rule of our new Nation prohibits any of us from serving in the army of a foreign power with which we do not have an alliance. Since we exist in a state of war with the Pig Empire, we all have a responsibility to beat the draft by any means necessary.

  First check out your medical history. Review every chronic or long-term illness you ever had. Be sure to put down all the serious infections like mono or hep.

  Next, make note of your physical complications. When you have assembled a complete list, get a copy of Physical Deferments or one of the other draft counseling manuals and see if you qualify. If you have a legitimate deferment, document it with a letter from a doctor.

  The next best deal is a Conscientious Objection status (C.O.) or a psychiatric deferment (psycho). The laws have been getting progressively broader in defining C.O. status during the past few year s. The most recent being, “sincere moral objections to war,” without necessarily a belief in a supreme being. There are general guidelines sent out by the National Office of Selective Service that say it is a matter of conscience. The decision, however, is still pretty much in the hands of the local board. Visit a Draft Counseling Center if you feel you have a chance for this type of story. They’ll know how your local board tends to rule.

  There are still some more cases to be heard by the Supreme Court before objection to a particular war is allowed or disallowed. It is not grounds for deferment as of now.

  Psychos are our specialty. Chromosome damage has totally wiped out our minds when it comes to concentrating on killing innocent people in Asia. When you get your invite to join the army, there are lots of ways you can prepare yourself mentally. Begin by staggering up to a cop and telling him you don’t know who you are or where you live. He’ll arrange for you to be chauffeured to the nearest mental hospital. There you repeat your performance, dropping the clue that you have used LSD in the past, but you aren’t sure if you’re on it now or not. In due time, they’ll put you up for the night. When morning comes, you bounce out of bed, remember who you are, swear you’ll never drop acid again and thank everyone who took care of you. Within a few hours, you’ll be discharged. Don’t be uptight about thinking how they’ll lock you up forever cause you really are nuts. The hospitals measure victories by how quickly they can throw you out the door. They are all overcrowded anyway.

  In most areas, a one-night stand in a mental hospital is enough to convince the shrink at the induction center that you’re capable of eating the flesh of a colonel.

  Just before you go, see a sympathetic psychiatrist and explain your sad mental shape. He’ll get verification that you did time in a hospital and include it in his letter, that you’ll take along to the induction center.

  When you get to the physical examination, a high point in any young man’s life, there are lots of things working in your favor. Here, long hair helps; the army doesn’t want to bother with trouble-makers. Remember this even though a tough looking sergeant runs down bullshit about “how they’re gonna fix your ass” and “anybody with a trigger finger gets passed.” He’s just auditioning for the Audie Murphy movies, so don’t believe anything he lays down.

  Talk to the other guys about how rotten the war in Vietnam is and how if you get forced to go, you’ll end up shooting some officers. Tell them you’d like the training so you can come back and take up with the Weathermen.

  Check off as many items as can’t be verified when given the forms. Suicide, dizzy spells, bed-wetting, dope addiction, homosexuality, hepatitis. Be able to drop a few symptoms on the psychiatrist to back up your story of rejection by a cold and brutal society that was indifferent, from a domineering father that beat you, and mother that didn’t understand anything. Be able to trace your history of bad family relationships, your taking to the streets at 15 and eventually your getting “hooked.” Let him “pry” things out of you if possible. Show him your letter if you had the foresight to get one.

  Practice a good story before you go for the physical with someone who has already beat the system. If your local board is fucked up, you can transfer to an area that disqualifies almost everyone who wants out, such as the New York City boards. If you can’t think of anything you can always get FUCK ARMY
tattooed on the outside of the baby finger of your right hand and give the tough sergeant a snappy salute and a hearty “yes sir!”[4]

  CANADA, SWEDEN & POLITICAL ASYLUM

  If you’ve totally fucked up your chances of getting a deferment or already are in the service and considering ditching, there are some things that you should know about asylum.

  There are three categories of countries that you should be interested in if you are planning to ship out to avoid the draft or a serious prison term. The safest countries are those with which Amerika has mutual offense treaties such as Cuba, North Korea and those behind the so-called Iron Curtain. The next safest are countries unfriendly to the U.S. but suffer the possibility of a military coup which might radically affect your status. Cambodia is a recent example of a border-line country. Some cats hijacked a ship bound for Vietnam and went to Cambodia where they were granted asylum. Shortly thereafter the military with a good deal of help from the CIA, took over and now the cats are in jail. Algeria is currently a popular sanctuary in this category.

  Sweden will provide political asylum for draft dodgers and deserters. It helps to have a passport, but even that isn’t necessary since they are required by their own laws to let you in. There are now about 35,000 exiles from the Pig Empire living in Sweden. The American Deserters Committee, Upplandsgaten 18, Stockholm, phone 08-344663, will provide you with immediate help, contacts and procedural information once you get there. If you enter as a tourist with a passport, you can just go to the local police station, state you are seeking asylum and fill out a form. It’s that sample. They stamp your passport and this allows you to hustle rent and food from the Swedish Social Bureau. It takes six months for you to get working papers that will permit you to get employment, but you can live on welfare until then with no hassle. The following places can be contacted, for additional help. They are all in Stockholm:

  • Reverend Tom Hayes 82-42-11 or 21-45-86

  • Kristina Nystrom of the Social Bureau 08-230570

  • Bengt Suderstrom 31-84-32 (legal)

  • Hans-Goran Franck 10-25-02 (legal)

  Canada does not offer political asylum but they do not support the U.S. foreign policy in Southeast Asia so they allow draft dodgers and deserters to the current tune of 50,000 to live there unmolested. Do not tell the officials at the border that you are a deserter or draft dodger, as they will turn you in. Pose as a visitor. To work in Canada you have to qualify for landed immigration status under a point system.

  There will be a number of background questions asked and you have to score 50 points or better to pass and qualify. You get one point for each year of formal education, 10 points if you have a professional skill, 10 points for being between 18-35 years of age, more points for having a Canadian home and job waiting for you, for knowing English or French and a whopping 15 points for having a stereotyped middle class appearance and life-style. Letters from a priest or rabbi will help here. Some entry points are easier than others. Kingsgate, for example, just north of Montana is very good on weekdays after 10:00 P.M.

  The best approach if you are considering going to Canada is to write or, better still, visit the Montreal Council to Aid War Resisters, Case Postale 5, Westmount, Montreal, 215 Quebec or American Deserters Committee, 3837 Blvd., Saint Laurent, St. Louis, Montreal 3, Quebec. They will provide you with the latest info on procedures and the problems of living in Canada as a war resister. If you can’t make it up there, see a local anti-war organization for counseling. If you are already in the army, you should find out all you need to know before you ditch.

  It’s best to cross the border while you’re on leave as it might mean the difference between going AWOL and desertion if you decide to come back. In any event, no one should renounce their citizenship until they have qualified for landed immigration status as that would classify the person as a non-resident and make it possible for the Canadian police to send you back, which on a few rare occasions has happened.

  Because there have been few cases of fugitives from the U.S. seeking political asylum, there is not a clear and ample formula that can be stated. Germany, France, Belgium and Sweden will often offer asylum for obvious political cases but each case must be considered individually. Go there incognito. Contact a movement organization or lawyer and have them make application to the government. Usually they will let you stay if you promise not to engage in political organizing in their country. In any event if they deport you these countries are good enough to let you pick the country to which you desire to be sent.

  We feel it’s our obligation to let people know that life in exile is not all a neat deal, not by a long shot. You are removed from the struggle here at home, the problems of finding work are immense and the customs of the people are strange to you. Most people are unhappy in exile. Many return, some turn themselves in and others come back to join the growing radical underground making war in the belly of the great white whale.

  8. STEAL NOW, PAY NEVER

  SHOPLIFTING

  This section presents some general guidelines on thievery to put you ahead of the impulse swiping. With some planning ahead, practice and a little nerve, you can pick up on some terrific bargains.

  Being a successful shoplifter requires the development of an outlaw mentality.

  When you enter a store you should already have cased the joint so don’t browse around examining all sorts of items, staring over your shoulder and generally appearing like you’re about to snatch something and are afraid of getting caught.

  Enter, having a good idea of what you want and where it’s located.

  Camouflage is important. Be sure you dress the part by looking like an average customer. If you are going to rip-off expensive stores (why settle for less), act like you have a chauffeur driven car double parked around the corner. A good rule is dress in the style and price range of the clothes, etc., you are about to shoplift.

  The reason we recommend the more expensive stores is that they tend to have less security guards, relying instead on mechanical methods or more usually on just the sales people. Many salespeople are uptight about carrying out a bust if they catch you. A large number are thieves themselves, in fact one good way to steal is simply explain to the salesclerk that you’re broke and ask if you can take something without paying. It’s a great way to radicalize shop personnel by rapping to them about why they shouldn’t give a shit if the boss gets ripped off.

  The best time to work out is on a rainy, cold day during a busy shopping season.

  Christmas holiday is a shoplifter’s paradise. In these periods you can wear heavy overcoats or loose raincoats without attracting suspicion. The crowds of shoppers will keep the nosy “can-I-help-you’s” from fucking up your style.

  Since you have already checked out the store before hitting it, you’ll know the store’s “blind-spots” where you can be busy without being observed too easily.

  Dressing rooms, blind alley aisles and washrooms are some good spots. Know where the cashier’s counter is located, where the exits to the street and storage rooms are to be found, and most important, the type of security system in use.

  If you are going to snatch in the dressing room, be sure to carry more than one item in with you. Don’t leave tell-tale empty hangers behind. Take them out and ditch them in the aisles.

  An increasingly popular method of security is a small shoplifting plastic detector attached to the price tag. It says “Do Not Remove” and if you do, it electronically triggers an alarm in the store. If you try to make it out the door, it also trips the alarm system. When a customer buys the item, the cashier removes the detector with a special deactivation machine. When you enter the store, notice if the door is rigged with electronic eyes. They are often at the waist level, which means if the item is strapped to your calf or tucked under your hat, you can walk out without a peep from the alarm. If you trigger the alarm either inside the store or at the threshold, just dash off lickety-split. The electronic eyes are often disguised as part o
f the decor. By checking to see what the cashier does with merchandise bought, you can be sure if the store is rigged. Other methods are undercover pigs that look like shoppers, one-way mirrors and remote control television cameras. Undercover pigs are expensive so stores are usually understaffed. Just watch out (without appearing to watch out) that no one observes you in action.

  As to mirrors and cameras there are always blind spots in a store created when displays are moved around, counters shifted, and boxes piled in the aisles.

  Mirrors and cameras are rarely adjusted to fit these changes. Don’t get turned off by this security jazz. The percentage of stores that have sophisticated security systems such as those described is very small. If you work out at lunch time, the security guards and many of the sales personnel will be out of the store. Just before closing is also good, because the clerks are concentrating on going home.

  By taking only one or two items, you can prevent a bust if caught by just acting like a dizzy klepto socialite getting kicks or use the “Oh-gee-I-forgot-to-pay” routine. Stores don’t want to hassle going into court to press charges, so they usually let you go after you return the stuff. If you thought ahead, you’ll have some cash ready to pay for the items you’ve pocketed, if caught. Leave your I.D. and phone book at home before going shopping. People rarely go to jail for shoplifting, most if caught never even see a real cop. Just lie like a fucker and the most you’ll get is a lecture on law and order and a warning not to come back to that store or else.

  TECHNIQUES

  The lining of a bulky overcoat or loose raincoat can be elaborately outfitted with a variety of custom-made large pockets. The openings to these pockets are not visible since they are inside the coat. The outside pockets can be torn out leaving only the opening or slit. Thus you can reach your hand (at counter level) through the slit in your coat and drop objects into the secret pockets sewn into the lining.