Filthy Gods_American Gods

by R. Scarlett

  He stood in the middle of the room, his head held high, his features guarded, a hand stuffed into his pocket.

  Too beautiful to glimpse. That sharp jaw ticking as the seconds prolonged. That mouth pressed into a thin line. Those bright eyes filled with a hard glint.

  I tried to match his posture; steel and iron. Unreadable. As always. “I was busy.”

  Thick tension filled the room and each move I made was watched under calculating eyes.

  “Nathaniel,” I said, the words leaving my dry mouth and filling our silence.

  “What are we?” His words slashed through me; controlled, even.

  I stared at him, all the blood leaving my face. “We…we were having fun.”

  I watched him, but no emotion reached his face and he shifted his weight to his other foot.

  I thought back to his mother’s office, to the deal I’d made with her. I had to break it off with him, and it would be now.

  “It was a fling. We were just having fun to get rid of distractions…but—” My voice died on my tongue when I braved a look at him. His eyes had hardened. “I need to focus on my future. I doubt we’ll distract each other anymore since we got it out of our systems now.”

  He nodded curtly, his eyes leaving my face since I first turned toward him. His fingers rubbed his jaw, humming to himself.

  I cleared my throat. Emotions were brewing inside of me. Emotions I had never wanted to feel, never wanted to acknowledge. Saying those things to him when I wanted to say the opposite was crushing me.

  But did he even feel the same way?

  “I have to go, Nathaniel. Good luck in your future,” I said, keeping my voice as even as possible, but my heart was cracking open and spilling everywhere. He couldn’t see it though, he couldn’t see me breaking apart because I had mastered masks for so many years and he was believing it.

  And for once in my life, I wished someone would see right through my lies. That he would spare me this hurt.

  “I’ll see you around school, I guess.”

  When he still didn’t look at me, eyes drilling holes in the hardwood floors, I walked past him, letting myself take a deep breath.

  “I hope my mother’s money helps you.” His voice was like thunder to my ears and heart.

  I froze, a lump caught in my throat and looked back at him.

  His icy glare seized me.

  And it all came together.

  I hadn’t taken the money, but Mrs. Hawthorne had spoken to Nathaniel and told him I had. Probably told him the money-whore that I was had greedily agreed. That I didn’t care an ounce about him. That I was power-hungry and would do anything to get ahead, including using him.

  Fucking my way to a shiny paycheck, is what he thought I’d done.

  I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me.

  Anger swelled inside of me and I fisted my hands beside me. I wanted to tell him exactly what I had done, that I had agreed to save his future, instead of saving us.

  That I wasn’t being a villain.

  That I understood how hard he’d worked to achieve his goals and that there was nothing I would do to put any of it in jeopardy.

  That I loved him enough to let go of a future with him.

  I wanted to scream, I wanted to kiss him and tell him he owned my heart.

  That I loved him.

  I love you.

  Those words were like knives stabbing my chest over and over again as I stared back at him.

  “Goodbye, Nathaniel.” I let my voice shake, I let tears build and I turned away, leaving him behind.

  I rushed down the dirt path and back to my cottage. I kept my head down and made it into my room.

  I was leaving.

  I was leaving everything that happened this summer in the past and hidden deep inside of my heart.

  As I gathered my luggage, I felt someone wait by my door.

  I glanced up to see Mandy, her fingers playing with the edge of her blouse.

  I looked away, huffing and zipped up my purse.

  “Did you think no one would notice that you were constantly sleeping elsewhere? The way the two of you exchanged looks every chance you got?” Mandy shook her head, her blonde ponytail bouncing. “I’d do anything to get that reference, but sleep with my boss’s son is not one of them.”

  Her words felt like a slap across my skin and I straightened, gritting my teeth as I rolled my suitcase out.

  “You were my biggest competition and I wasn’t going to let a girl banging a rich snob stop me from winning,” Mandy continued. Because to her—to everyone else—I had been using Nathaniel for money and he had been using me for pleasure. A fun time. Nothing else.

  “I wouldn’t do that for money either, Mandy,” I hissed at her. “But reporting people who believed I was their friend just to get ahead isn’t something I’d do either.”

  Mandy’s scowl faltered and her eyes widened, but I didn’t stop. It was too late. I didn’t care anymore.

  “What? You’re going to tell me you fell in love?” She rolled her eyes. “Please, spare me the dramatics. He wouldn’t fall in love with you, you’re just a maid.”

  That hurt. a lot. Taking a shaky breath, I opened our front door and dragged my suitcase outside. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Mandy stood in the doorway, gawking at me, her features drawn into a frown. “Wow, you really thought he might.”

  I shook my head, blinking back tears. I made my way to the front entrance. Once outside, a tear spilled down my cheek and I brushed it away.

  I got to the waiting taxi and loaded my one bag in the trunk.

  I glanced back at the white, perfect manor. The place that was now filled with memories I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forget.

  “Ready?” the old taxi driver asked, arching a brow at me.

  I sighed, tearing my gaze away from the glimmering house of dreams and powerful men and women.

  I sat in the back of the taxi and buckled up, clutching my shirt. A sadness swelling in my chest and my eyes burnt the longer I stared at the house. A few green leaves fell from the old oak trees, spiraling in the cooling air.

  I had fallen for a god and I had to give him up to keep his immortality.

  The summer was over and so were we.

  Yale’s oak trees still held their leaves as I made my way across the Green, a walkway between the residences. I had returned to campus a few days ago and I was able to get a few extra hours at the Sterling Memorial Library. New students were filing in, in awe at the beautiful buildings and nature around campus. I remembered how enamored I had been with this campus, how hopeful and powerful I felt when I stepped onto its old stone sidewalks the first time.

  I didn’t feel powerful now, but I would move on.

  It was a hard pill to swallow and I still feared how I would react when I saw Nathaniel on campus again. I had been building my walls back up so high no one would touch me ever again.

  This year would be about me and my future and no one else. I would jump back from this, but my heart was still dragging behind me. Sometimes, it felt like it was still on those sandy beaches or under those beautiful willow trees that hid our secret world.

  Back on warm summer nights highlighted by the moonlight.

  As I entered the chapel-like Gothic Revival library through its vaulted nave, adorned by stained glass windows, I felt free and caged at the same time. These walls had been where I found peace and quiet to focus during my studies. But I knew he walked these stone slabs too and it wouldn’t be much longer until I saw him here.

  I smiled at Quinn stacking books behind the circulation desk. He was an older man and had told me stories over the years of students vandalizing the reading rooms with paint and smoke bombs for fun and streaking naked through the hallways for the Yale Football team.

  “My favorite student,” he said, grinning wide at me, his white mustache tickling his top lip.

  “Hi, Quinn.” I gave him a half hug and turned toward the desk, gazing at how
empty the rooms were. Soon they would be filled with students, all seeking sacred knowledge between these walls. Hopeful and dedicated to their goals.

  “You had a good summer?”

  I nodded, forcing a smile and he frowned back at me.

  “Ah, don’t let those rich kids bother you,” he said, tapping my shoulder as he walked past me to help someone nearby. He had always said that to me. Especially when the students purposefully knocked over books or told me to ignore their overdue charges and look the other way. He had been my protector here even if I didn’t want one. The father figure I’d never had.

  “Do you need any more shifts covered? I can balance some more,” I told him, avoiding his gaze and focusing on rechecking the books into the system.

  He folded his arms across his chest. “Juliette, you’re doing six shifts already in the schedule. You need time to go to class and sleep.”

  I shrugged. “I need the money to stay in those classes.”

  A silence spread between us and I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing what was coming.

  “I can help you if you need—”

  I shook my head. “No, no, Quinn. I would hate myself if I ever asked that of you.”

  “You’d pay me back one day. I know you would.”

  I shook my head again, pressing my lips into a thin line. I could tell he wanted to continue the conversation, but I kept my head down, focusing on my task. I wouldn’t do that to him.

  Ever.

  I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

  A widower, Quinn was still trying to help pay off his son’s loans from school. He was almost sixty-four and needed to save up for a good retirement plan. I wouldn’t burden him with more debts.

  As the afternoon carried onto the evening, I rolled the cart to each bookshelf, returning books back to their rightful spots. I found calm in the library, surrounded by books and soft voices whispering ideas and thoughts back and forth.

  Bending down, I struggled to stick one of the books back, grunting when it wouldn’t budge.

  Black oxford shoes stopped beside me and my throat grew dry as I paused, glancing up the tailored suit pants and up again until I saw a face.

  Gabe Easton.

  I hadn’t seen him since what happened with the senator. I hadn’t seen any of them now that I thought about it.

  He tilted his head to the side, his features stone cold.

  I didn’t like how much he towered over me and I stood, pressing my black skirt down, trying to ignore how my hands shook.

  I wasn’t afraid of him, but his mere presence stirred hell’s fire.

  I caught sight of James and Arsen standing a few feet back, casually waiting between the bookshelves. James, wearing a worn leather jacket and a busted bottom lip, and Arsen in all black—black shirt, black dress pants, black shiny shoes, and dark eyes. A few students paused, glancing at the scene.

  “Can I help you?” I arched a brow at Gabe.

  Gabe’s mouth quirked into a smile, but it wasn’t a kind one. It was cruel and ruthless and it made my stomach drop. “We need you to come with us.”

  That sent a dreadful shiver down my spine and I straightened, even though I was nowhere near his impressive height. Their presence was suffocating, like hell and heaven colliding.

  “I’m working,” I stated and brushed past him.

  He laughed once, but I didn’t stop. I gave one brief look to James and Arsen as I walked in-between them and toward the circulation desk.

  Quinn was watching me intently, arms folded as the boys followed me.

  I made it behind the desk and tried to ignore them, but they stopped right in front of me with only the counter separating me from them.

  Was this payback? Was Nathaniel seeking revenge? I hadn’t thought he would be so petty about all of this. I obviously hadn’t mattered as much to him as he’d mattered to me.

  “What?” I snapped, my patience breaking, the only thing I had left.

  Gabe didn’t speak, only stared at me.

  “I’m trying to work here,” I said, taking deep even breaths. “I said so already.”

  James leaned against the counter, raking his fingers through his messy golden mane. “We can wait. We can wait all night.”

  I blanched. “What do you want from me?”

  “Your time and presence,” Gabe stated simply. “Nathaniel needs you.”

  My stomach twisted at his words and I knew he watched me closely, but I couldn’t hide the concern flashing across my features. “Is…is he okay?”

  James hummed and glanced at his two friends. “I don’t know, is he?”

  “The asshole is a fucking mess,” Arsen muttered under his breath.

  My hands curled into my palm.

  “Spit it out.” My pulse was racing and I cringed at how my voice shook.

  “We need you to come with us,” Gabe said, again.

  I glanced at Quinn.

  “If you need to go, Juliette, you can. As long as you want to,” he said, glaring toward the boys at the last part.

  I gritted my teeth, reached for my purse under the counter and threw it over my shoulder. “Okay. Take me to him.”

  I walked beside Gabe and the other two boys walked behind us. Three dangerous men escorting me through the now-dark campus.

  Arsen pulled out car keys and I paled, watching as they approached a black Escalade.

  James opened the back door and gestured for me to get in first.

  I hesitated.

  “Are you going to hurt me?” My voice stayed strong, but my hands shook.

  Gabe furrowed his brow. “No. Nathaniel would butcher us if we even touched you.”

  That made me pause.

  With a deep breath, I marched to the car and got in the back, sliding onto the cool, black leather seats.

  It was dark inside and Arsen sped away before I even had a chance to put my seatbelt on.

  We sat in silence, James watching me with a smirk on his face.

  “What are you looking at?”

  His smile widened. “Just the girl Nathaniel has been obsessing over for what feels like centuries.”

  I glared at him, but my heart twisted at those words. Obsessing over me?

  What was he talking about?

  “We’re going to ask you a few questions that you need to answer,” Gabe said, coolly, crossing his muscular leg over his other.

  My body froze and I glanced at James who only smirked.

  “Okay…”

  “What were your intentions with Nathaniel Radcliffe this past summer?” Gabe asked—cool, fast, direct.

  I thinned my mouth, struggling to keep my skin from flushing. “We wanted to remove any distractions between us.”

  “By fucking?” James asked, cocking a brow.

  I glared. “Yes, by fucking.”

  “And did you succeed? Did you get what you desired?” Gabe asked.

  My eyes dropped to my folded hands on my lap, my heart pounding in every bit of my body. Loud and fast. “No.”

  Gabe frowned. “No, you didn’t get what you wanted?”

  I tried to keep my guard up, but when I stared at both of them watching me I faltered. I knew they could see the emotion clear on my features.

  “But you took the money,” James bit out. “No one can refuse the Benjamin Franklins.”

  Anger stirred inside of me and I dug my nails into my thighs. Gabe’s eyes darted to that movement and I froze.

  “Your past was—”

  “—is not my future,” I snapped, cutting Gabe off.

  The car grew silent and I relaxed against the leather seat. I couldn’t look at them.

  “You didn’t take the money, did you, Juliette?”

  I slowly looked back up at Gabe, my bottom lip shaking.

  “It doesn’t matter if I did,” I said, shrugging. “I wasn’t going to ruin his life. He worked too hard for it to all disappear because of me.”

  Silence again filled the car and after a moment, Gabe sighed
and shifted in his seat, pulling out a phone. He pressed one button and put it to his ear.

  Someone picked up on the third ring. “Yes, asshole. We approve.” His gaze shifted to mine for a second. “Yes. See you soon.”

  With that, he hung up and leaned back, staring at me.

  “Fucking whipped asshole,” James muttered under his breath, glancing at Gabe.

  Arsen drove fast, but smoothly through the busy downtown. When he pulled over in front of a brownstone house, I glanced at each of them.

  “Go inside,” Gabe told me, gesturing to the brownstone.

  I frowned, but slowly, unbuckled. So they weren’t coming inside with me?

  Confused and with my heart in my throat, I climbed out of the car and up the perfect steps. Once I reached the elegant iron door, I opened it.

  When I looked inside, I was met with a dark, empty apartment. Old hardwood floors, crown molding framing each room and a large white stone fireplace.

  It seemed elegant and spacious, but it was completely empty of furniture.

  My chest tightened at the sight of Nathaniel Radcliffe standing in the middle of what I figured was the living room.

  In his tailored suit, with his chestnut hair framing his chiseled cheekbones and those bright eyes, I almost collapsed to my knees.

  “Nathaniel,” I whispered, hating how much emotion existed in my voice saying his name.

  “Admit it.” His eyes scanned me carefully, looking for all the cracks in my armor.

  I wrinkled my brow. “Admit what?”

  “That you lied to me,” he said, edging closer, as if stalking his prey, knowing he would spook me.

  I swallowed thickly and bowed my head, unable to lie to him again.

  “You never took the money.” His voice was even, still controlled and I hated him for it. His body heat warmed me as he stopped in front of me and I stared down at his stupid, perfect dress shoes.

  Slowly, I raised my head, the burning intensifying in my eyes. “She threatened your future. She said she’d take everything away from you…I couldn’t be the reason you lost what you worked so hard for.” I licked my lips, the heated look he was giving me sending my pulse racing. “I know how important your future is and I wasn’t going to be the reason you lose it.”

  Tears fell, running down my cheeks. I wiped a few away. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried openly in front of someone.