Guy Hater: A Romantic Comedy

by Ethan Asher

  After a few agonizing minutes of Charleigh not saying a word, her face alternating between smiling and utter confusion, she finally says, “Okay. But on one condition.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “You’ve got to keep baking me those brownies. Every. Day.”

  “Every day?”

  “Every. Day.”

  I laugh. “If it means you move in with me, you’ve got it.”

  “Good.” She plants a chaste kiss on my forehead. “Now we’re heading back to the dance floor. I hear the Spice Girls and I’m not about to miss my jam.”

  She hops off the swing and I watch her as she hurries off in direction of the Spice Girls. Everything around me seems to blur and slow down as I watch Charleigh. I don’t hear anything. I don’t see anything. The only thing that rises into my consciousness is her. The love of my life—who is now showcasing some of those same dance moves I first glimpsed in her bedroom.

  And that’s what I love about her. I love how she dances to the beat of her own drum. I love how passionate she is—even though that passion includes terrible ’90s pop music. I love how she doesn’t back down from a challenge. She’s kind, loving, and more than I deserve.

  And even though I rarely know what to expect from her, there’s no one else in the world that I would rather spend my life with than her.

  Epilogue

  Charleigh - Five Years Later

  “Oh my God, Charleigh. You’ve outdone yourself again,” Deirdre says.

  I smile. “I’m so glad you like it.”

  Deirdre was my first client when I struck out on my own years ago. Since then I’ve remodeled her kitchen, reworked the landscape, and now I’ve just finished my last job for her—a complete overhaul of the old barn on her property. It used to be a working farm, but there haven’t been any animals, other than her herd of huskies (seven is my last count…), for years so the barn was left unused and derelict.

  But that’s no longer the case. We converted the barn into a gorgeous multi-level apartment with soaring ceilings and thick transverse beams.

  “I don’t know how you do it,” Deirdre says.

  I smile. “With a lot of help.”

  It's true. I couldn't have done any of this without Ryder's crew. He takes my vision and turns it into reality. But more than that, none of this would've been possible without Guy. He gave me the push to strike out on my own, even when Christiana told me I was making a mistake by quitting the firm. He gave me the financial backing to take the risk. He even quit his job to help out full time. I told him he didn’t need to but it was what he wanted. His job had been wearing him down mentally, and he needed a change. Both us did. That first year was full of changes and challenges and setbacks, but we somehow made it through, much to Andrea’s chagrin I’m sure.

  Sometimes I wonder about her—

  where’d she end up after I left Florence + Foxe. But then I look at my husband and the life we’ve built together and realize that I don’t care in the slightest.

  Husband.

  It feels so weird saying that. Guy is my husband. It still gives me a chill a year later. A good chill. The best kind of chill.

  Guy: You ready to see your new home?

  Oh. My. God.

  Charleigh: Seriously? It’s ready?!

  Guy: I’m over here now if you want to see it for yourself.

  We closed on a house months ago. We spent five wonderful years at Guy’s home, but we both decided we wanted to start a new chapter in our lives. We wanted a new place to create new memories, free from the past. And to be honest, it was just too big for us. Our new home isn’t very far away, but according to my mother, it’s not close enough. But then again, anything that’s not next door isn’t close enough for her.

  It’s a ranch-style farmhouse that sits on a few acres of land—the perfect size and location and style for us. But it needed work. Guy spent the last few months working on the renovation for me, making sure everything’s moving forward, because I’ve been inundated with so many projects that I didn’t have the bandwidth to work on it.

  There were times when I tried to inject myself, but Guy forced me to stay out of it and focus on my clients. He wanted the final project to be a surprise—no peeking of any kind allowed. It was basically the most difficult thing for me to do, but I made it without a single peek.

  I'm ready to be surprised. In a good way, I hope. And I hope Guy's ready to be surprised too because I have something up my sleeve.

  “I’ve got to go, Deirdre. Let me know if there’s anything else that you need from me.”

  “Oh, I’m sure I’ll find something for you. I can never get enough of your designs.”

  I rush to my car and speed over to my new home. Guy, Deanna, Jamie, Marissa, and their baby girl, Aubrey, are all waiting for me.

  “Welcome home,” Guy says as I approach.

  “Holy shi—” Marissa clears her throat just before I finish. “Ship.”

  “What’s a holy ship?” Aubrey asks, tugging at Deanna’s pants.

  “Oh, that’s just the Titanic,” Deanna says.

  Aubrey then launches into a series of “what” questions as I walk straight to Guy and give him a massive hug.

  “I’m so glad you made me wait. It’s absolutely gorgeous.”

  "Well, it was designed by a talented woman."

  “I should hire her.”

  “I’m not sure she’s available. I hear she’s pretty busy these days.”

  “I bet.”

  “Ready for the tour?”

  “Hell yeah.”

  As soon as I open the large cedar door, my jaw drops. I’m completely blown away by how everything has turned out. Even though I knew exactly how it should look based on my plans, I’m still shocked to see it all come together. It’s even better than I’d imagined.

  The once enclosed entrance is open and sprawling, the tall angled ceiling accented with large, richly colored timber beams. The large resurfaced fireplace and reclaimed wood mantle has me drooling, and when I see the kitchen, brownies stacked high on the counter, I know I made the right choice by putting Guy in charge.

  Once we finally finish the tour, Guy asks me what I think, and I tell him, “It’s wonderful, but it’s missing something.”

  He looks nervous—so, so nervous. “What? Is there something wrong with—”

  “No,” I say, raising my hand.

  Time for my surprise. I reach into my purse and grab the thick piece of wood I’d been hiding.

  Guy looks at me strangely. “I’m not going to ask how you fit that in your purse…actually, I am. How did you?”

  I tap my purse. “It’s enchanted. I’m Hermione Granger,” I say with a smile, turning around and heading for the front of the house. Everyone follows me outside and when they’re behind me, watching, I hold the wood against the door.

  The etching of the wood reads:

  The Finch Family est. 2018

  Charleigh, Guy, Karina, Carter.

  It takes a few moments, but eventually, I hear Marissa gasp, followed by Aubrey asking who Karina and Carter are.

  I look back and see Guy. There’s an expression on his face that I’ve never seen before, but it’s the exact expression I never knew I wanted to see. I can feel my legs get a little wobbly as I feel myself giving way to the overwhelming emotions coursing through me. And before I have the chance to wobble more than once, Guy lunges for me, grabbing the etching and me at the same time.

  He kisses me again and again until he finally pulls away, kneeling to set the wood on the ground. He places a hand on my stomach as he rises back up. “Is this for real?” he whispers, his voice wavering.

  I nod, tears beginning to well in my eyes.

  He hugs me, his cheek brushing against mine. “I can’t believe it,” he whispers.

  “Believe it,” I whisper back.

  “What did I tell you?” Marissa says. “I don’t know about that last name though.”

  “I had to veto that o
ne. Finn Finch. Too much alliteration.”

  “I think it’s perfect,” Guy says.

  “I think you’re perfect. I think our family is perfect, although I might be a little biased.”

  “I’m okay with that.”

  “Who’s Karina and Carter!” Aubrey yells.

  “Your new cousins,” Deanna says, tapping Aubrey on her nose.

  “Can I meet them?”

  “In a few months.”

  “I guess we’re going to have to add a nursery into the plans,” Guy says.

  I nod. “Yes, we will."

  And for the first time, I see tears stream down Guy’s cheeks. My heart swells, and every nerve ending on my body begins to fire. There's no question that I married the perfect man.

  “I love you, Charleigh,” Guy says.

  I smile, so wide it begins to hurt. “I love you more.”

  You’re Awesome

  Why?

  Because out of all the possible books you could’ve picked up to read, you chose mine. And it’s my first novel, too, so you were REALLY taking a chance.

  Thank you. It means a lot. And I hoped you enjoyed reading it.

  If you have a few minutes, please leave me a review on Amazon. It helps me become a better writer and helps readers like you find books that they might like (or not like!).

  But even you don’t, I still think you’re pretty awesome.

  Thank you again.

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