Inspector Hobbes and the Curse - a fast-paced comedy crime fantasy (unhuman)
Page 35
Before I’d made up my mind, Hobbes bounded back into the cellar. On landing, he turned, jamming the door into place.
He’d got rid of the bomb. ‘What did …?’
A tongue of hot red flame hurled him and the door across the cellar and, though it all happened so fast, I’m sure he whooped just before he slammed into the back wall. There was a deafening roar, a flash of heat and a rumble.
I picked myself up, coughing in the dust haze.
‘Well,’ said Hobbes, standing up, rubbing his elbow, ‘that would have been more fun if the wall hadn’t got in the way.’
Dregs rushed downstairs, barking and sneezing, Mrs Goodfellow close behind. Looking around, she shook her head. ‘Look at the mess you’ve made.’
‘It was a bomb,’ I said. ‘A great, big, bloody bomb!’
‘Language, Andy,’ said Hobbes, his face blackened like a coal miner’s. ‘I’ll clean myself up and finish my dinner. Maybe you’ll let me enjoy my glass of wine in peace this time.’
I stood there dumbfounded until Mrs G, setting to with dustpan and broom, chivvied me out the way. She didn’t appear at all concerned that we might all have been killed.
That was pretty much the end of it, as far as we were concerned. We never heard any further news of Felix or Violet, but every time I read a story about a mysterious big cat sighting I wondered and, though Hobbes reckoned they’d probably gone abroad to continue their horrible schemes, I had a sneaking hope I’d reformed her.
The Bashems and Mr Bullimore, having picked up a small fortune in insurance money for the disastrous festival, continued to live on Loop’s Farm. Though we became friends, I never felt quite comfortable if left on my own with them, especially after dark. Some fears were fundamental.
One lasting outcome was that the tunnel leading from the cellar collapsed. I was glad nothing could use it anymore, but I think it upset Hobbes. Another effect was that a section of Blackdog Street subsided, leaving a hole three metres deep. Although the council and gas board looked into it, they never got to the bottom of the mystery. They did, eventually, fill it in.
The day after the explosion, I began writing this memoir, thinking it might help me come to terms with losing her. It didn’t.
Coming soon …
Inspector Hobbes and the Root of all Evil
unhuman III
Wilkie Martin
Andy, Hobbes and Mrs Goodfellow are surprised by the unexpected arrival of a large, disruptive American woman, invoking memories of Hobbes’s past. Gold robberies, a skeleton and a vampire come together, to create a puzzle for Hobbes, one in which he needs help from some unexpected sources.
What is Sir Gerald Paynes’s secret? Why does Hobbes think a collection of ordinary rocks is so significant? And has Andy found true love at last?
The Witcherley Book Company
ISBN 9780957635142 (paperback)
ISBN 9780957635159 (ebook)
Also available
Inspector Hobbes and the Blood
unhuman I
Wilkie Martin
When the hapless Andy Caplet, then an inept local reporter, is first assigned to Inspector Hobbes he has no idea what horrors his future holds. Besides coming to terms with Hobbes’s weirdness and with the bizarre eccentricities of Mrs Goodfellow, he soon realises that not everyone is what they appear to be.
Who is behind the crime wave in town? Is it possible to catch vampirism from false teeth? And why is the secret to the mystery in the blood? These are just some of the questions Andy must answer as he struggles to make sense of this new world he’s been plunged into.
The Witcherley Book Company
ISBN 9780957635104 (paperback)
ISBN 9780957635111 (ebook)
Acknowledgements
Once again, I would like to thank the past and present members of Catchword for their support, guidance and encouragement: Geoffrey Adams, Gill Boyd, Liz Carew, Jennifer Cryer, Jean Dickenson, Rachel Fixsen, Susan Gibbs, Richard Hensley, Rhiannon Hopkins, Nick John, Sarah King, Dr Anne Lauppe-Dunbar, Dr Rona Laycock, Peter Maguire, Jan Petrie and Susannah White.
I would like to thank Kelly Owen at Ultimate Proof Ltd for copy-editing and for proofreading, and Cathy Helms at Avalon Graphics for the cover.
Writers in the Brewery and the members of Gloucestershire Writers’ Network have also provided much appreciated support.
Finally, a huge thank you to my family, to Julia, and to The Witcherley Book Company.
Wilkie Martin
Wilkie Martin’s first novel Inspector Hobbes and the Blood, also published by The Witcherley Book Company, was shortlisted for the Impress Prize for New Writers in 2012 under its original title: Inspector Hobbes. As well as novels, Wilkie writes short stories and silly poems, some of which are on YouTube. Like his characters, he relishes a good curry, which he enjoys cooking. In his spare time, he is a qualified scuba-diving instructor, and a guitar twanger who should be stopped.
Born in Nottingham, he went to school in Sutton Coldfield, studied at the University of Leeds, worked in Cheltenham for 25 years, and now lives in the Cotswolds with Julia, his partner of 30 years.
Contact Wilkie Martin
Visit Wilkie's website www.wilkiemartin.com
Follow @wilkiewrites on twitter
Like Wilkie's author page on facebook
Subscribe to wilkiewrites on youtube
See Wilkie's author page on amazon.co.uk or on amazon.com
Published in United Kingdom
by The Witcherley Book Company
Copyright © 2013 Martin J Wilkinson and Julia How.
The right of Martin J Wilkinson (Wilkie Martin) to be
identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in
accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission in writing of the copyright owner, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
Names, characters, places and events in this book are fictitious, and except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to any actual events or locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9780957635128 (paperback)
ISBN 9780957635135 (ebook)
Font: Minion Pro 11 point (paperback)
Book cover jacket designed by Cathy Helms (www.avalongraphics.org)
LIC Library Subject Headings: Character., Cotswold Hills (England)--Fiction., Cotswold Hills (England)--Humor., Crime fiction, Crime--Great Britain--Fiction., Detective and mystery fiction., Detective and mystery stories, English--Fiction., England--Fiction., English wit and humor--21st century., English wit and humor--England--West Country., English wit and humor--Great Britain., Fantastic fiction., Fantasy fiction, English., FICTION / Crime., FICTION / Romance / Fantasy., FICTION / Humorous., FICTION / Mystery & Detective / General., Humorous fiction., Humorous stories., Humorous stories, English., Mystery and detective stories--Fiction., Police--England--Cotswold Hills--Fiction., Police--England--Gloucestershire--Fiction.
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