Ready For You

by J. L. Berg

  And share his bed. That part wasn’t lost on me, and seeds of jealousy took root in my mind, sprouting with vengeance as I once again pictured the two of them together. I hadn’t believed that Mia was celibate in the eight years we were apart, but now, I had a face to go with my worst nightmare. It was like someone describing Freddy Krueger compared to actually seeing him firsthand.

  “But then, he wanted more?” I assumed.

  “Yes.” She nodded. “I should have seen it coming, but I did my best to ignore it. When I met him for dinner one night, I walked into a completely deserted restaurant covered in flowers and candles, and I panicked. He gave this beautiful speech about how much he loved me and how he wanted me to be the mother of his children, and all I could do was stare at the exit, trying to figure out how quickly I could make a run for it.”

  “Why?” I pressed, needing to know.

  She took a deep breath and turned her eyes up toward mine. “At the time, I told myself it was because I was hiding so much from him. He didn’t know anything about me. And most importantly,” she said quietly, her eyes squeezing shut as her voice faltered, “he didn’t know I couldn’t have those children he wanted so desperately.”

  The air in my lungs suddenly halted at her confession. “What do you mean?”

  Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes, and she took a choked breath. “I should have told you earlier. I shouldn’t have kept it from you for so long,” she babbled through her tears.

  “Mia, please, help me understand,” I said gently.

  “The night I miscarried…when I went into the ER, they did the procedure to…remove the baby.” She paused, her tears turning into strangled sobs.

  I pulled her hand into mine, stroking it with the pad of my thumb.

  “It happened all so quickly, and I found out later that there was quite a bit of scarring…so much so that I can’t carry another baby—ever.”

  Pain lanced through my heart, worse than I’d ever known. It was worse than when I had turned and seen the look of pure horror on Mia’s face when she found Aiden standing in her living room. It was worse than when her mother had handed me the note that I thought would end my life forever.

  The woman I loved couldn’t have children. My heart was breaking for her. Ever since I’d known Mia, she’d loved children. It was how I’d known we would be okay having a child so young—because I had Mia to guide me. Giving, kind, and selfless, she would have made the best mother.

  “This is what you’ve been hiding from me?” I asked, sweeping away a tear from her cheek.

  “Yes, I was so afraid to tell you. I was afraid if I told you about Aiden, you would ask why I left, and I didn’t have the courage to tell you.”

  I couldn’t handle the separation between us any longer. I’d come here to put as much distance between us as possible, but now, watching her grieve and crumble before me, the mere inches between us felt like miles. Wrapping my hands around her waist, I effortlessly pulled her onto my lap, cradling her in my arms, as I savored the feel of her warm body against mine.

  “Why? Did you think I wouldn’t love you? That I would blame you?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know…I’m broken,” she cried.

  I smoothed the hair away from her face and bent down to kiss the tears away from her soft cheek.

  “Baby, I would never, ever blame you for that. You’re not broken, and I could never love you less. It’s not possible. If anything, it only makes me love you more.”

  Her frantic eyes stilled and met mine. They were red and puffy from the constant stream of tears, but she was still beautiful.

  As much as I wanted to kiss her and take her for my own without looking back, I had to know that she was all mine beyond a shadow of a doubt.

  “I don’t want to ask, but I have to. If that is the only reason you walked away from Aiden, don’t you think he deserves to know?”

  “He knows. I told him the night he showed up here.”

  My heart picked up, and I squeezed her tighter, fearing her answer. “And?”

  “And he went back to Atlanta—for good.”

  My eyes darted up to hers, searching her face for something, anything. “Why?”

  “I said I thought, at the time, that was the reason I left. But I realized I ran from that proposal because he wasn’t you.”

  It was all I needed to hear. My fingers dived into her hair, pulling her closer, as my mouth found hers. It had been too long since my lips tasted hers, and I instantly devoured her, feasting on her softness like I was starved.

  Needing to erase the visions of Mia and Aiden that my mind had been creating all week, I lifted her off the couch. Never breaking our kiss, I carried her up the stairs. As I rounded the corner into her bedroom, I gently nipped her lip. She moaned against my mouth, and I felt it all the way down to my cock. Finally reaching her bed, I gently laid her down and took my time removing her shorts and tank top until she was in nothing but a pair of panties and a thin lace bra.

  My hands roamed over every inch of her skin, feeling the curve of her hips, the swell of her breasts, and the deep juncture of her thighs. Each brush of my hand sent shivers through her body, making her moan and arch her back in need.

  “Please, Garrett,” she begged.

  “I’ll take care of you, Mia. I’ll always take care of you,” I vowed.

  She watched with hooded eyes as I made quick work of my clothes, lifting my shirt over my head with one hand and unbuttoning and dropping my shorts and boxers in seconds. Starting at her toes, my fingers traced her ankles, spread over the backs of her calves, and made their way up to her trembling thighs. My lips followed the same path, tracing a wet passage up her leg and continuing beyond. I kissed her flat stomach, the valley between her breasts, and finally returned to her lips. Bracing myself so I wouldn’t hurt her under my weight, I lowered my body onto hers and sighed in pleasure as skin met skin. I felt like I’d finally found home again.

  “This is what I want, Mia, forever. I don’t care about what you can or cannot give me. You’ll never be broken in my eyes. I just want you—forever. Only you.”

  A single tear trailed down her cheek, and I caught it with my thumb, brushing it away. I kissed the spot where it had fallen.

  “No tears. Just give yourself to me, exactly as you are. Can you do that?”

  She didn’t answer. Her fingers dug into my hair, and she kissed me hard. I instantly responded, returning her fiery passion with my own. Her legs wrapped around my middle, pushing my hard length against her wet heat. I growled, gripping her round ass with my hands, as I pulled her closer. I’d almost lost her. Any amount of distance seemed too much at that moment.

  “Give me this for the rest of my life, Mia. It’s all I need,” I breathed in her hair before scattering kisses across her chin and cheek.

  Lifting up on my elbows, I gently eased into her welcoming body, inch by inch, allowing both of us time to enjoy every blissful moment. Our eye contact never broke, even as I bent down and placed a tender kiss on her lips. Savoring the feel of our bodies once again connected, I went slow, taking my time to make sure every thrust hit just right. Her hips arched up to meet mine, as sweet sounds of passion escaped her lips.

  I wasn’t just making love to her. I was giving everything to her. I was handing over my heart despite the difficulties we’d had and the road blocks we might face in the future. She was what I wanted in this world, and I felt this overwhelming need to show her with every kiss and lingering touch I gave.

  My lips found her taut nipple, and I swirled my tongue on the pink tip as I continued to love her. I picked up my pace and tilted her hips forward, hitting that sweet spot that made her cry out in pleasure. Her nails dug into my back, and I released her nipple, letting it go with a pop.

  I moved up to meet her lips. “I love you, Mia Emerson. I will always love you,” I vowed.

  She tightened around me and cried out her release, shuddering and moaning into my mouth, as the orgasm rac
ked through her body. As her body milked mine, I felt my balls tighten a split second before I came hard, and I shouted her name as I released into her.

  I kissed her dewy wet skin and tucked her naked body into mine. I felt at peace. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but sometime later, I awoke to Mia pointer finger moving up and down my chest, making tiny hearts up and down my abdomen. I smiled and placed a single kiss on her lips and jumped off the bed. She laughed at my sudden exuberance as I picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.

  “Garrett!” she shouted, as I took the last few steps and set her down on the counter. She yelped as her ass hit the cold countertop. I gave a quick chuckle as I reached into the shower and turned on the water. It quickly warmed up, and I pulled us both under the warm spray. I washed her hair and took my time moving the soap, covering her body in suds. I rubbed my hands up and down her skin and watched in fascination as her nipples pebbled and hardened from my touch.

  “I want to wash your hair, too,” she said, squirting some of the shampoo she’d bought for me when I’d started using all of hers.

  I smiled, realizing she hadn’t removed it from the shower. She had been hoping I’d come back.

  “How do you plan on doing that?” I asked, looking down at her to emphasize our obvious height difference.

  She gave me a quick smirk and planted her arms on my shoulders, hoisting herself up, as she wound her legs around my waist. Laughing, I wrapped my arms around her hips to stabilize her. She started right away, working the shampoo into my short hair until it foamed and lathered. I enjoyed my new view as her breasts pushed against my face, and I carefully ran one of my hands down her slippery body, pushing her against the wall for support.

  “You better not drop me,” she said, trying her best to sound intimidating.

  “Never.”

  We once again drained her hot water heater. Mia yelped and screamed as the temperature switched from hot to cold in seconds. We rushed out of the shower, and I wrapped her in a towel before running into her room to grab her robe. Once she was snuggled inside, I carried her to the room and laid her on the bed. I covered her with blankets for added warmth.

  I quickly dressed and ran a hand down my wiry face. I needed to shave. I headed into the bathroom and gave Mia a bit of time to relax. It had been days since I’d shaved, and I was looking a bit haggard. A bit of scruff was sexy, but this was ridiculous. I was starting to look like a hobo. I grabbed the shave gel off the shelf and pulled my razor out of its spot in the cabinet.

  I grinned like a damned fool. I liked seeing my stuff intermingled with hers. It gave me a sense of peace I thought I’d never find again.

  I finished shaving quickly and dabbed my wet face with a towel before exiting the bathroom. I was intent on enjoying some additional quality time with Mia. Instead, I found her curled up on the bed in tears. The bottle of lotion laid next to her, covered in old photos. Her hand was clutching the ultrasound picture I’d found several weeks ago. I rushed to her side and knelt at the edge of the bed, bringing our eyes level.

  “Mia,” I said, pulling the ultrasound picture from her clutched fingers. “Please tell me what’s wrong, so I can fix it.”

  “I went to grab the lotion for you, and I just had to look at it again. I look at it all the time, Garrett. I don’t think you can fix it. You can’t fix any of it because it’s me who can’t be fixed.” She sat up and tugged at her robe, pulling it tightly against her body. She drew her knees up to her chest. “Today…us together like this…it’s exactly what I want for the rest of my life. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Garrett.”

  I joined her on the bed, placing a tentative hand on her knee. “I’m right here. You already have me.”

  “I know, but what happens when you want more? I can’t give it to you, Garrett. I ruined that for us a long time ago. I can’t give you children. A life with me is nothing but a dead end.”

  The absolute joy I’d felt moments before as I’d carried her from the shower drifted away like dust in the wind as she spoke. This was not a woman who was ready to move forward with her life. This was a woman who, much like I had been for the past eight years, was still very much stuck in the past. I had done the impossible. When everyone had told me to stop looking at everything I’d lost, I’d taken their advice and made the leap. I started looking ahead and focused on all the joy I could have with Mia if I was just willing to try.

  But what I hadn’t realized was that she hadn’t leaped with me. She was still stuck in our memories, grieving a child we’d lost and a future we’d never have, rather than looking at the one we could have right now. That day, when she told me about the ultrasound and she spoke about bottled feelings—I’d hoped that by telling me about the miscarriage it would cure everything, but I hadn’t known the whole truth, and seeing the woman in front of me now, I realized she still had so far to go.

  “Mia, life with you would never be a dead end. I don’t care if you could give me a hundred children or none. I didn’t fall in love with you with any expectations. I fell in love with you, only you. If life had presented us with a dozen different choices for our future, I would gladly choose any of them as long as you are by my side.”

  I took a strangled breath. I hated myself for what I was about to say, but I knew that it needed to be said if we were ever going to move forward with our lives together.

  “Mia, I’m willing to make a life with you, regardless of what kind of life that is. The future is unwritten, and I want to spend my life discovering ours together, but I can’t do that while you’re still grieving the past. You’ve been punishing yourself for far too long, and it’s time to let it go.”

  Letting go of her hand, I kissed her softly on the forehead and stood. I felt her eyes on me as I walked to the door of the bedroom, and as I turned around, they were still watching me.

  “When you’re able to do that, I’ll be waiting. I’ll always be waiting for you.”

  I forced myself down the steps and out of the door, hoping the next time I returned that it would be for good.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  ~Mia~

  It had been two weeks since I watched Garrett walk away as I lay helpless and unable to move forward with him. It had been fourteen days since I cried myself to sleep, clutching that sonogram in my hand, like I’d done so many nights since I’d returned home.

  The next morning, I’d woken up alone with nothing but a worn black-and-white photo to comfort me, and I’d realized he was right. I had been stuck in the past. No matter how much I’d wanted to move forward, I had been bricked in behind a solid wall, separating myself from everything I wanted because I was drowning in my own regrets.

  Unfortunately, my realization hadn’t come with a solution or an instant cure. Eight years of blaming myself for something that, deep down, I knew I had no control over hadn’t been an easy hurdle to overcome. Eight years of buried emotions take time to unearth and as much as I wanted to run back to Garrett and tell him I was miraculously cured, I knew I had to find a way through this by myself.

  I’d spent the first few days going through the motions of my life, putting on a happy smile even though I felt like I was crumbling. Leah had blessedly been off work, so my happy-go-lucky routine had been, for the most part, overlooked. I’d managed to skate by without much notice. My nights had mostly been spent in silence as I had gone through every old photo I had, remembering the life we had and the life we were going to have.

  I’d smiled and laughed at the goofy photos, remembering the sunny summers we’d spent at our spot by the river. My mother had never allowed me to wear a bikini, and I’d hated every suit she’d ever bought me. Much like the great shoe rebellion when I was sixteen, I’d snuck out and bought a bright pink two-piece. I’d never seen Garrett’s eyes flare so feverishly. He’d dragged me into the water and pushed me against a smooth boulder, and he’d shown just how appreciative he was of my new purchase.

  Not every photo had brought back happy feeling
s. There was one that had instantly made my lips tremble and my womb ache with emptiness. We’d taken it the day I confirmed what I’d secretly been expecting for over a month.

  After many tears and a few panicked moments, Garrett had jumped off his childhood bed and reached into a drawer in his dresser, pulling out a camera. As I’d wiped tears from my eyes, I had asked him what he was doing, and he’d said he wanted our son or daughter to know how happy we were when we found out about them. So, we’d cuddled close, nudging our heads together, and snapped a photo. My eyes were rimmed with red, and my lips were puffy, but both of us were grinning from ear to ear. We had been ready for it all, but it was never meant to be.

  I’d spent days doing this, dwelling in old photos, while my future was wasting away—and Garrett was waiting for me to take the leap and leave it all behind. Guilt and regrets were a funny thing. I had wanted nothing more than to run out my front door, jump in my car, drive in the direction of Garrett’s apartment, and tell him I wanted him and only him for the rest of my life. But every time I’d looked at the front door or coaxed myself into putting on my shoes, I would remember the day I’d lost our child. Fear would settle back in, and I’d sink back further into my hole.

  He’d said he didn’t care. He’d said he wanted me. But what would happen in a few years when everyone our age was pushing around a stroller or complaining about daycare costs? How would he feel about his decision then? Would he resent me?

  On one of my many nights of photo-bingeing while lying on my bed, letting my self-deprecation sink in deeper, my eyes had settled on the photo of Garrett and me standing with his parents. A twinge of pain had hit sharply at the sight of Garrett’s father standing next to Garrett with an identical grin on his aged face. Garrett looked so much like him, but his eyes were all his mother’s. She’d passed that trait on to both of her children, and those signature green eyes were hard to miss.