Cowboy Homecoming

by Louise M. Gouge

  They sat on a green brocade settee and clasped hands.

  “Son, this is going to sound harsh, but I don’t think you should see your father yet.” She stared away toward the large window on the eastern side of the room. “Doc has urged us not to trouble him with anything that might upset him and cause a relapse.” Tears formed in her eyes. “I haven’t said this to anyone else, and I won’t. It breaks my heart to tell you because I’d never want to hurt you, my dear son. But I must think of my husband. I didn’t tell him about your letter saying you were coming home because I didn’t want him to wire you not to come. So I told him the night before you were to arrive that you were on your way. That’s the night his stroke happened.”

  A giant weight seemed to drop on his chest, and Tolley suddenly couldn’t breathe. So he had caused the Colonel’s stroke. Mother didn’t notice his distress, for she went on.

  “Mind you, when I told him, he didn’t say anything. Nothing at all. He clammed up and went to the barn to do his evening chores. You know how he is when he has to think over a matter. Later Seamus came to the house and said your father had collapsed. We brought him up to the house and sent for Doc. You know the rest.”

  Tolley couldn’t bear the news, nor could he bear to hurt Mother. Nonetheless, he’d clearly made a mistake in coming back to Esperanza. “Um, I’m—I’m gonna leave now.” He kissed her cheek and then hurried from the room before he broke down. He rushed past his sister and sisters-in-law, who bustled about the kitchen, and dashed out the door.

  Before he could mount Thor, Lizzie tore out of the house, her sweet pink face covered with tears.

  “Uncle Tolley, you can’t leave. You promised...”

  Her plaintive cry wrenched his heart, and he somehow managed to subdue his anguish.

  “That’s right, I did.” He reached out to take her hand. “So let’s get started.” He’d give her a quick lesson before dinner. Then he could send her into the house and slip away unnoticed.

  Together they crossed the barnyard and entered the barn. If Gypsy held any resentment toward Tolley, she didn’t let on.

  Lizzie took her lessons in stride. Standing on an overturned bucket, she brushed Gypsy and helped Tolley put on her blanket and saddle. He taught her how to sit, how to hold the reins, how to use her knees to give directions, how to take care of the animal after the ride. The plucky little gal listened carefully to everything he said, and her eyes sparkled with happiness the entire time. She showed all the grit and natural ability with horses every Northam possessed.

  They were emerging from the barn when Susanna came out to announce dinner.

  “Oh, my.” She looked at her daughter with mild vexation. “You’ll have to clean up before you can eat. You, too, Tolley.”

  “Sure. I’ll be—” No, he wouldn’t be “right behind” them. Once Susanna and Lizzie entered the back door, he mounted Thor and headed back to town. He had no idea how he’d keep his promise to Lizzie about further riding lessons, but he wouldn’t come back to Four Stones again, not with the Colonel’s illness being his fault.

  He should’ve stayed in Boston. Should’ve sought a position in a law firm there. If not for his commitments to finish Mrs. Foster’s bathroom and defend Jud Purvis, he’d slip out of town today and never look back.

  Chapter Ten

  As Laurie finished the dinner dishes, she heard the front door open and close. The boarders and Mrs. Foster were taking their Sunday-afternoon naps, and surely Tolley wouldn’t be home yet. She opened the hall door in time to see him trudging up the stairs, shoulders slumped.

  “Tolley?” She entered the hall. No matter what the other two boarders might say if they saw them talking, she’d find out what happened to him.

  He stopped his ascent but didn’t look her way. “You need something?”

  Any other time, his sullen tone would’ve annoyed her. He seemed eager to go to his room, so she needed to think fast. “Yes. Can you come help me?” She gave him her sweetest smile, although she had no idea what she’d ask him to do for her.

  He followed her into the parlor.

  “Sit.” She pointed to the settee. Might as well get straight to the point.

  He stuck his hands into his pockets and rolled his head with annoyance. “Just let me go.”

  “No. Sit. Talk.”

  He dropped his muscular body onto the settee. “What do you want me to say?”

  She sat beside him and touched his arm. “What happened at the ranch?”

  His stomach growled loudly, and he gave her a sheepish grin. “For one thing, I didn’t get dinner.”

  “Easily remedied. Go sit at the dining room table. I’ll give you something to eat.”

  She made sure he obeyed, however reluctantly, and then hurried out to the kitchen, returning in less than five minutes with a plateful of leftover roast beef and vegetables. She sat adjacent to him, gratified to watch him devour the food. Ma always said the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach... Wait. She didn’t want his heart, just wanted to be his good friend.

  When he’d eaten half of his dinner, she repeated her question. “So, what happened?”

  He shrugged. “It’s best for me not to go out there.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, Doc says the Colonel appeared to be waking up and—”

  “Leave it alone, Laurie.” His sorrowful tone and the sadness in his eyes broke her heart.

  “Your brothers and Rosamond are very happy you’re back home. I’ve seen it these past two Sundays.” When he stared down at his plate, she kicked his foot under the table. “You’d be surprised by what I can see while seated at the organ.”

  When he didn’t respond, didn’t even smile, she decided on another approach. “Of course, Micah sees a lot from the pulpit, too, and he has the best insights of anybody in town. Maybe he could...help you.” She dearly wanted to be the one to help him, but if she couldn’t, her minister brother-in-law was her second choice.

  Now he gave her a sad little grin. “You know, you’re right. I’ll go over there now and see if he’s busy.” He stood and tossed his napkin on the table. “Thanks, Laurie. You’re a real pal.”

  * * *

  Pal? Not the way to address a girl he planned to start courting, even if it was for a marriage of convenience. He couldn’t think about it too much right now because of the grief weighing on his heart. But he did appreciate her attempts to cheer him up.

  For now, he wished he’d visited Reverend Thomas on a neighborly basis before today. He couldn’t remember ever having a single serious conversation with the man. Seemed sort of disrespectful to approach him about his pathetic life without first establishing a friendship. But if he didn’t get this weight off his chest, he’d suffocate.

  Grace answered his knock on the parsonage door. “Hey, Tolley. Come on in. Good to see you. Have a seat.” She waved him into the parlor. “What brings you out on a Sunday afternoon when most everybody else is home taking a Sunday nap?”

  Laurie’s next-older sister seemed a whole heap happier these days. Growing up, she’d often hung her head because, being so tall, she’d been teased by the fellas at school, including him. Shame filled him over that cruel behavior, but Grace seemed to have forgotten all about it, if her friendly greeting was any indication. Besides, Reverend Thomas didn’t mind how tall she was. The preacher’s love for his bride always radiated from his gray eyes.

  “Afternoon, Grace.” Tolley sat in the chair she’d indicated, and she sat on the settee next to it. “Is the reverend here?”

  She touched his arm. “Is everything all right? Is the Colonel—”

  Tolley wrestled his emotions again. “He’s doing better.” No need to say he didn’t know firsthand. “Doesn’t anybody come around for a visit unless there’s a problem?”

  His grin felt a little stiff,
but she didn’t seem to notice. Instead, she laughed.

  “I’ll call Micah. He’s working on his hobby, but he never minds having a visitor.” She rose and left the room.

  In less than a minute, the minister entered the room, hand extended. “Afternoon, Tolley. It’s good to see you.”

  Tolley stood and shook his hand, and they went through the usual friendly banter. Then Reverend Thomas studied Tolley with an insightful gaze reminiscent of Reverend Harris’s. “What can I do for you?”

  Sudden emotion closed Tolley’s throat. He coughed into his fist. “Well...” No other words would come.

  “Tell you what.” The minister gripped his shoulder. “Let’s go over to my office. Grace, would you please bring us coffee and some of that wonderful lemon pie?”

  They walked across the parsonage’s backyard and through the church’s back door to the minister’s office. Instead of sitting at his large oak desk, the pastor sat in a chair beside Tolley. The simple gesture made talking to him much easier than expected. While he’d never been one to confide in anyone, his two-year friendship with Reverend Harris taught him the right confidant could help a man solve his problems or at least help him find a measure of peace.

  Grace brought the refreshments and set them on the desk. She gave the preacher a kiss on the cheek, waved to Tolley and left them alone. As good as the lemon pie looked, Tolley couldn’t eat a bite after Laurie’s delicious roast beef dinner. Those Eberly girls sure could cook. He did take a sip of the coffee the minister poured for him.

  “Reverend, I need you to pray for me. With me, I mean.” He didn’t need to start at the beginning of his sad story because the reverend knew about most of it. Instead, he spoke of his father’s constant disapproval through the years, how Tolley finally tried to straighten out his life while in Boston only to return home and find the Colonel struck down. Repeating what Mother had said proved hardest, that news of Tolley’s imminent homecoming caused the stroke. While his heart wanted to cry out in anguish, he ended his tale on a whispered question. “Am I so evil, so unacceptable, that my return nearly killed my father?”

  Through it all, Reverend Thomas’s kindly, interested expression never wavered, never showed a whit of accusation. When Tolley finished, they sat in silence for several minutes.

  “I think many of us have problems of one kind or another with our fathers. I confess I did.” The reverend punctuated his words with a mirthless chuckle. “Yours seems a bit more complicated than most.”

  “You had problems with your father?” Tolley couldn’t imagine this agreeable, godly man having difficulties with anyone.

  “I did. He wanted me to go into politics...his brand of politics. I wanted to preach the gospel and minister to people seeking the Lord. The only way to keep peace between us was for me to put some physical distance between us. That’s why I came out here. I learned an important lesson from it. We can’t change other people. We can only change ourselves, and then only with God’s help.”

  Not the answer Tolley hoped for. “I have changed, and I’ve tried to stay close to the Lord so He can guide me. But is it wrong for me to still want the Colonel’s approval? I mean, I did what he wanted. I went to college, earned good grades, became a lawyer.” He wouldn’t mention his plan to marry Laurie for further approval. “What more can I do?”

  Reverend Thomas sat quiet for a moment. “It’s not about doing. God’s love for and acceptance of us aren’t conditional. They’re freely given. We don’t have to do anything to earn them.” He turned to Tolley, his tone conversational. “So what we do isn’t as important as what we are. God wants to us to be Christlike, but that’s His work, not ours. Our work, for lack of a better word, is to seek His face through the scriptures and prayer, learn who He is, what his attributes are and then ask Him to fill us with His character.”

  Tolley fought the urge to say, Yes, but I’m already doing that. He wasn’t really. Hadn’t been since he arrived home and found out about the Colonel’s stroke.

  They bowed their heads and, as each prayed for the situation, the weight on Tolley’s chest lifted, and a small measure of joy and peace entered his heart.

  On his way back to the boardinghouse, he ruminated on the minister’s soothing ways. He’d spoken to Tolley as if they were friends, equal in every way. Tolley came away from the meeting feeling well liked, well respected.

  Yet in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but wish for, pray for the day when his father would like him and respect him as an equal in that same way.

  * * *

  Tolley poked his head through the kitchen door and smiled. “I’m back.”

  Her hands floury with biscuit dough, Laurie returned a smile. “Hey, there.” From the spark in his eyes, she could tell Micah had encouraged him, as she knew he would. The people of Esperanza were blessed to have her brother-in-law for their minister. Although she’d prayed their meeting would go well, she wouldn’t intrude by asking Tolley about it.

  “Say—” he entered the kitchen and helped himself to a cookie from the platter on the table “—would you like to go out for a buggy ride?”

  “I really shouldn’t.” Even on a Sunday afternoon, she had plenty of work to do. She brushed a stray strand of hair from her forehead with the back of her hand. “Don’t eat any more of those cookies. They’re for tonight’s dessert.”

  “Come with me, Laurie. It’s a beautiful day.” He gave her that devastating smile she would miss when she returned to Denver, and her silly heart did a little skip.

  “Well...” She rolled out the dough and cut it with an upside-down glass, placing the round shapes on a cookie sheet. “These have to bake first.”

  “Great. I’ll go over to the livery stable and fetch the buggy. Be back in twenty minutes.”

  “But—” Although on Sunday evening everyone made their own sandwiches of leftover roast beef and cold biscuits, she still felt responsible for managing the meal so everyone got a fair share. Still, she hadn’t been away from the boardinghouse except for church for over a week, so maybe a buggy ride would do her good.

  While the biscuits baked, she checked on Mrs. Foster, who appeared especially glad to see her.

  “My dear,” the lady said, “do you suppose you could help me get dressed and take me down to the front porch? I’d love some fresh air on this fine summer day.”

  The request sent a tiny thread of disappointment through her. Taking care of Mrs. Foster right now meant she must forgo her own outing with Tolley. She quickly dismissed the idea as selfish. “Of course. Now that you’re getting better, I should’ve asked if you wanted a change of scenery. I’ll be right back after I take the biscuits from the oven.”

  She moved the cookie sheet from the oven to the pie safe to cool and returned upstairs.

  “Let’s get you dressed.” She selected Mrs. Foster’s Sunday-go-to-meeting gown from the mahogany wardrobe and helped her put on all the necessary underpinnings. “Let me fix your hair.” The task accomplished, she helped the widow from her room and down the front stairs.

  As she’d expected, Tolley had returned with the buggy and waited on the front porch. When they emerged, disappointment crossed his face but quickly disappeared.

  “Say, would you two lovely ladies do me the honor of accompanying me on a buggy ride?” To his credit, he didn’t miss a beat in expanding his original invitation.

  “A buggy ride?” Mrs. Foster’s voice held a childlike wonder. “It’s been so long since I took a Sunday afternoon drive.” Tears formed in her eyes, and she gave Tolley an adoring smile. “Not since Major Foster passed away.”

  Tolley returned a crooked grin, as he did when deeply moved. Laurie felt the same way. The major, one of the three founders of Esperanza, along with her pa and the Colonel, died six years ago. Why hadn’t anyone, herself included, thought to give his widow an outing?

/>   “I’ll get our bonnets.” Laurie dashed back into the house and fetched bonnets, parasols and gloves, returning as Tolley lifted Mrs. Foster into the buggy.

  The delight on the widow’s face banished Laurie’s disappointment that she and Tolley wouldn’t be alone. She traded a look with him. From the twinkle in his eyes, she could see he felt the same way.

  Two people fit in the padded leather driver’s bench and one person in the small front-facing jump seat behind it. Tolley helped Laurie into the back and took his place beside Mrs. Foster. Then they were off, headed toward Main Street.

  “Look at those mountains.” Mrs. Foster gazed off toward the distant Sangre de Cristo Range in the east. “Here it is June, and Mount Blanca still has snow on its summit.” She ducked out from under the buggy’s canopy and stared upward. “Look at that blue sky. Major Foster used to say the San Luis Valley has the bluest sky in the world.”

  “I agree.” Tolley glanced over his shoulder and winked at Laurie. “What do you think, Laurie? Is our San Luis Valley sky bluer than Denver’s?”

  Her heart skipped a beat...again. Why were his winks and smiles causing such foolish reactions? “Definitely bluer than Denver’s.” Hardly a reason to stay here.

  As they drove west out of town, Mrs. Foster continued to remark about the scenery, the cattle in the field, the San Juan Mountains ahead of them, the rapid summer flow of the Rio Grande, the flight of birds overhead. The dear lady seemed to be making up for her usual quietness.

  Tolley stoked her commentary with questions about the major and the early days of the community, clearly interested in her perspective. Laurie watched in wonder from the jump seat. My, how he’d changed from a self-centered boy to a generous, kindhearted man. If she didn’t have an important career waiting for her in Denver, she could easily see falling in love with him.

  No, she mustn’t think that. Marrying Tolley would mean abandoning all of her long-held dreams. She couldn’t. They meant far too much to her. She loved her home, but like her second-oldest sister, Beryl, who’d married an Englishman and now lived across the ocean, Laurie wanted something beyond the quaint and quiet ways of people in the San Luis Valley.