THORN (A Brikken Motorcycle Club Saga Book 4)

by Debra Kayn

  While Nikki never answered with words, she showed her happiness at having Chee in her life in different ways.

  "The daycare at the clubhouse is the best thing in Nikki's life. She looks forward to going there on Saturdays. Chee is her bestie now. Those two want to be together all the time," she said.

  "That's good to hear." He chewed the rest of the candy. "Have you ever thought of putting her at Brikken daycare and taking her out of the one at the school?"

  "Well, school starts tomorrow. She'll be going to full-time K-1. I only have to worry about daycare in the summer."

  "I thought she already did kindergarten," he said.

  "She did. This is an in-between class offered to those who are lacking in one department or another." She shrugged. "She'll be with the first graders, but they'll work at making sure she learns at a rate to keep up with them until they officially put her up a grade. Not speaking at school means someone has to overlook her learning. They can't let her slip between the cracks, or she'll fall behind. Once she talks all the time, she'll have no trouble keeping up. She's a smart kid."

  "Like her mommy." His gaze heated.

  She hoped Nikki grew up with fewer mistakes and had the time to appreciate her carefree life longer than she had growing up. Not that she regretted having a child at sixteen years old, but she wanted fewer struggles for her daughter. A little longer to be a child would only help make life easier when she was an adult.

  "Being here is hard," she whispered, hoping Nikki wouldn't inherit all her faults.

  He nodded. "I worry about you."

  "I'm okay." She rubbed her thighs under the table. "I just feel awful because you're here and—"

  "Stop." He inhaled deeply, and his chest broadened.

  She rubbed her hands together under the table. Would she have to wait fourteen more months to have an honest conversation with him? She'd never survive. He'd walk out of prison and find that she'd turned to ashes from all the guilt burning inside of her.

  "Have you met anyone that you can talk to in here?" she asked, thankful there were no women. Since he'd been taken away at the start of their relationship, she never had to deal with the threat of other women coming between them. There were females who hung out at the Brikken clubhouse, and she suspected that was one reason why Ed neglected Nikki on his weekends to have her.

  That, and the drinking.

  But, Ed was dead. Dead because of her.

  "Nah, I keep to myself." He set Nikki down when she started to grow restless and pointed for her to go around the table.

  Jessy held out her hand and guided her daughter to the chair beside her. Thorn's days and nights probably blended being stuck in one area with the same people. To find out he stayed an outsider while incarcerated came as no surprise. He was a man who walked alone, even with a club backing him with strong family connections.

  The announcement came that the visiting hour was ending in five minutes. The nerves in her body sped up.

  She stood, hating having to say goodbye. It was worse than walking through the doors, knowing she was going to see him.

  The whole visit seemed mandatory but with someone whispering in her ear that she had no right to Thorn. She needed to be punished. That to pay for her crime, Thorn would be ripped away from her.

  Every second, she imagined someone contacting her and telling her that Thorn no longer wanted to see or talk to her.

  Thorn tilted his head. Her spine tingled, and she moved forward, walking into his embrace.

  His lips came down to her ear, and he whispered, "Remember, I love you."

  "I don't know how you can after what I've done," she whispered back, pushing out of his hug.

  If she let herself believe...

  If she let herself want...

  If she let herself need...

  "Jessy?" Thorn reached for her.

  She shook her head, stopping him. "This isn't fair."

  The last announcement came over the loudspeaker. She grabbed Nikki's hand and walked out without looking back.

  Beyond the prison walls, Nikki cried, fighting against having her handheld. She picked up her daughter and took the abuse of her kicks and her little fists swinging.

  "Thorn," screamed Nikki.

  Jessy's tears fell. She wasn't the only one that wanted Thorn.

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  The hands of the clock behind the cage high on the wall moved slowly. Thorn waited until it was six forty-five and then walked over to the phone and disconnected the inmate's call.

  "Hey," bellowed Gary.

  "Move away from the phone." Thorn left his threat unspoken. He had a reputation before he walked through the door thanks to the Brikken tattoo displayed on his upper arm and the stories of his father and brother during their time spent on the inside still circling the prison units.

  "Don't close your eyes, Stanton." Gary backed away, never taking his gaze off Thorn.

  He picked up the phone receiver, punched in his code, then the number he needed. A fifteen-minute phone call would cost him ten bucks out of his JPay account.

  The cost didn't matter. It was just another way prisoners were being robbed, along with what they charged for items out of commissary.

  "Hello?" said Jessy.

  The operator came on, announcing his inmate number and asking for permission to put the call through. Thorn leaned his back against the wall to keep an eye on the other inmates.

  "Thorn?"

  "Yeah, I'm here, sweetheart." His chest constricted. "Does Nikki want to hear me?"

  "Of course. She's standing right here. I'll give her the phone."

  "Hang on." He lowered his voice. "I'll call you at seven thirty. Make sure you pick up."

  "Okay." Jessy paused. "Here's Nikki."

  He waited a few seconds, knowing she probably wouldn't say anything. "Hey, princess. It's Thorn."

  "Thorn?" said Nikki.

  He dropped his chin, hiding his grin in his beard. She'd learned a new word in the three days since he'd seen her.

  "I bet you're excited to turn six years old in a few days. Since I can't be there, I'm going to have a few surprises for you. You'll get them on Thursday." A one-sided conversation was harder on the phone. He couldn't see her expressions. Remembering that she allowed herself to say yes or no, he changed the topic. "Have you gone over to the house with the swing set again?"

  Several seconds passed. "Yes," said in a tiny voice.

  "Do you like the house?"

  "Yes."

  He already knew from Chief that Jessy and Nikki had gone over to the property and made a list of supplies they'd need to clean the house. His father had made his own evaluation on what needed to be done to make it livable.

  Thanks to his dad, Jessy would be able to do the things she was capable of doing, and he'd hire out to do the large repairs.

  "You know, Chee only lives a mile away from the house we bought. When you're older, you'll be able to walk over and play with him, or he can come over and hang out with you."

  "Chee at...school."

  He rotated his shoulders, charged by hearing her say more words. "Ah, I forgot that school started. Do you like your teacher?"

  "Yes."

  "Make sure you listen and learn. You're a smart girl."

  "Yes."

  "I'm proud of you, Nikki." The child who's cry tormented his life for the last four years was slowly finding her voice. "You're going to have a good life from here on out."

  Silence came over the phone. Whether Nikki understood his promise or it was too much for her to grasp the unknown changes in her life, he'd never know. It could be that she'd lost interest in the phone call.

  "You should hop in bed, princess, and get your rest. Be good for your mommy," he said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Nikki."

  "Bye." Muffled noises came over the phone.

  He hung up as he heard Jessy come back on the line. She'd get her own call from him in thirty minutes when he was sure Nikki slept, and he could talk to h
er without any interruptions.

  JESSY SLID OPEN THE sliding door and stepped onto the patio. She held the phone to her chest. Her urgency to put Nikki to bed before Thorn called back proved unnecessary. Her daughter fell asleep within fifteen minutes of getting off the phone.

  She leaned her head back against the side of the building and closed her eyes. All day long, she talked herself out of believing in a relationship with a man in prison. A biker. An older man.

  Though he was serving time because of her, she never asked him to confess to a crime he never committed.

  Then, he'd called Nikki, and her heart melted all over again. She forgot about the motorcycle he rode, his age, and focused on how he always seemed to take care of her and her daughter. His unselfishness made her selfish for his love.

  The phone rang. She connected the call. "Hello?"

  "This is Seattle Penitentiary..." The operator's voice droned on.

  "Yes," she said, accepting the call.

  "Jessy?"

  "I'm here." She paced the small concrete slab.

  "Nikki asleep?"

  "Yeah, she's in bed." She looked around. "I'm on the patio."

  He paused and finally said, "What the hell are you thinking?"

  Taken off-guard by the gruffness of his voice and the forceful question, her spine stiffened. She remained quiet. Everything he'd asked her to do about finding a place to have a home, keeping quiet, and letting Brikken help her out, she'd done.

  She'd done it despite how she felt about taking charity or the guilt ruining her life.

  "Do you love me?" he asked.

  She held her forehead, shaking. "Yes."

  "Then, why are you acting like I'm forcing you to make us a home somewhere where Nikki will be able to play in a yard, and you'll be able to grow all the fucking red roses you want?"

  Red roses? She shook her head, confused by the conversation.

  "This is for us, sweetheart," he said.

  "Is there an us?" Her chest thundered, keyed up from everything she held inside of her. "I kill—"

  "Shut it down, Jessy."

  Knowing Chief gave her the rules of what to discuss and what not to say over the phone, she couldn't hold her tongue with Thorn. Not now. Not when he was finally asking her what was wrong. "But, I—"

  "Damnit, Jessy. Shut. It. Down." He exhaled loudly over the phone. "Listen to me carefully. Shit happened. If you could separate yourself and view this as happening to someone else, you wouldn't fault that person for the results. We're going to get through this, and go on."

  "I hate this," she blurted. "I can't live like this."

  "You can, and you will. I will do anything to make sure we get through this. Anything. You got that?"

  "I get it. It's just...," she whispered, exhausted from the arguing. "I'm a horrible person. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve—"

  "Don't. We'll talk about all this when I'm out."

  "I can't believe I..." She stopped herself from saying she killed Ed. "How do I live with myself? How do I explain this to Nikki when she's older and asks what happened to her dad?"

  "We do it together."

  She sagged against the wall. "I thought you'd call and we'd have a normal conversation. That's what I wanted. I just want things to be normal and my life, our life, will never be that way again. What happened is ruining us, and that's my fault."

  "Fuck, sweetheart. Normal isn't what I want." His voice lowered. "I want you to make the prettiest home for us, and when I'm able to be there with you, things will get easier. Life is full of hardships, and I need you with me for the ride."

  She sucked in a breath. "Why?"

  "Because you're going to make each day sweeter for me and even out the days that are pure shit. You're going to make me want to come home, and I'm going to make sure you know how much I love you."

  She closed her eyes, calmness sweeping through her. When he was with her or talking to her, she believed they could succeed at making their relationship work.

  "I do love you," she whispered.

  "I know you do." He paused. "The operator is going to cut off our call in a couple minutes, and I don't want someone else taking you away from me, so I'm going to say good night."

  "Okay." She opened her eyes. "You'll call again?"

  "Tomorrow. Same time, unless something comes up."

  Not wanting to let him go yet, she said, "I want you to call."

  "I like hearing that, sweetheart. Go get your rest."

  "Okay."

  "Night."

  "Night, honey," she whispered, disconnecting the call.

  She inhaled deeply, taking in the cool air. Her overheated body remained hot. Thorn ignited something inside of her that had her believing in him and all he promised.

  But, she'd killed a man, and Thorn was the one paying for her crime.

  She fell to her knees and fisted her hands. Away from Nikki, out of sight of the world, she screamed silently, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Thorn."

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  The bell hanging from the diner door dinged. Jessy raised her head from the cash register and plastered a smile on her face, ready to push the customers into eating and leaving because she had a birthday girl who waited for her special day.

  Recognizing Johanna, she closed the drawer and motioned her in. "Grabbing dinner for the family or taking a nice, quiet meal to yourself?"

  "Neither." Johanna approached her. "I have a question for you."

  "Oh, okay." She leaned over the counter. "Shoot."

  "What do you think about kittens?" Johanna raised her brows, unsuccessfully hiding a grin.

  "Hm." She cocked her head. "Why do I think this is a trick question?"

  She hadn't seen Johanna since last Saturday when she picked up Stassi after her first day working at the diner. While she'd spotted the Brikken riders hanging around the outside of the apartment, at the diner, and when she picked up Nikki from daycare on Saturdays, everyone associated with Thorn seemed to be keeping their distance for the last couple of weeks.

  Chief was the only one who came around almost every day to discuss progress on the house.

  "Let me be blunt then." Johanna laughed. "Thorn got Nikki some gifts for her birthday, including a kitten."

  "How?" She straightened. "He can't send anything from the prison."

  "He gave Chief a list, and I hunted everything down." Johanna shrugged. "The Stanton men don't shop. While I'm doing what I was asked, I'm also a mom. If someone bought my girls a pet when they were little, I'm not sure what I'd think about that. They take time, money, and commitment, and without knowing if you even like cats, it'd be rude to surprise Nikki with one that you don't really want."

  "Nikki would freak." She blew out her cheeks. "In a good way, I think. But, our apartment complex has a no-pet rule."

  "Apparently, Thorn thinks you could keep the cat at your new house...well, old house that you're fixing up. He mentioned to Chief it would be a good mouser. That way if you didn't want the kitty in the house, it could live outside." Johanna stepped back from the counter and pointed at the door. "Do you want to see the kitten first before you decide? Jackie's outside holding it."

  "You're determined to fulfill this job for Thorn, aren't you?" She shook her head in amusement and resignation. The last thing she needed was to take care of a kitten. It'd be different if Thorn wanted a cat and took responsibility for it. But, he wasn't here.

  Johanna grinned. "Family...gotta love them."

  "Can you hang around for five minutes. I just need to close out the cash register, grab my purse, and let Bee know what the remaining customers need before my shift is over." She hurried off at Johanna's nod and found Bee talking to Charlie in the kitchen.

  "Ah, just in time." Charlie carried a Styrofoam container over to her. "They're still warm. Just pulled them from the oven."

  She leaned over and kissed Charlie on his smooth-shaved cheek. "Thank you. Nikki's going to love them."

  "Make sure you g
ive her an extra hug and kiss from us." Bee hugged her. "Now, go whoop it up. It's not every day your daughter turns six years old."

  "Okay." She laughed. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

  She hurried back through the diner and went out the front door, looking for Johanna. Finding her standing beside her car, she headed straight for her.

  "This is Jackie, our daughter...Thorn's sister." Johanna smiled. "She was just telling me that she hadn't met you yet."

  "No, we haven't." She smiled at Jackie. "Hi."

  "Geez, you're my age." Jackie laughed. "Someone forgot to tell me that information. Though, I'm not surprised."

  Warmth crept up her neck. Used to others shock when finding out she had a six-year-old daughter and judging her, she kept her come back to herself. "Yep, I'll be twenty-two next month."

  "Oh, close. I'll be twenty-one in six months. Finally." Jackie held a towel close to her chest. "We'll have to go out one of these days when we both have time off work and get to know each other."

  Surprised by the invitation, she found herself nodding. "Or, you could come over to my place and visit. You can meet my daughter."

  "Sure. That sounds fun." Jackie looked down. "So, here's the kitten my brother wanted to give Nikki. She's ten weeks old, eating solid food, and is absolutely adorable."

  Jackie thrust the bundled towel at her. She set the container of snickerdoodles Charlie made for Nikki down on the roof of her car and wrapped her arms around the cat, afraid it would get away.

  Johanna peeled back the edge until a furry face popped out. "Isn't she adorable?"

  "Oh, my God," she whispered, holding the covered gray kitten up to face level. "It's so little and cute. Nikki is going to..." She looked at the two women. "I have no idea what she'll do, honestly. We've never had a pet. I haven't even taken her to the zoo before."

  At that moment, she knew there was no way Nikki wasn't getting the kitty for her birthday. She'd let Thorn give Nikki the cat, and if it didn't like being at the house alone when no one was there, she'd smuggle the kitten into the apartment. If the manager kicked her and Nikki out, they could live in one bedroom of the house and fix up the rest of the place as she could.