by K. Langston
Shit, stay focused.
“Trent made bond.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“We’ll talk more when I get home but, MaryAnn, you have nothing to worry about.”
“I’ll have to face him eventually.”
“Yes. But it will be when you’re ready and not a second sooner. You with me?”
“I’m with you.”
“Good. I’ll be home around seven. We’ll talk more then.”
We said good-bye and I ended the call, anxious to get through this shift so I could get home to her.
My anxiety was through the roof by the time Ryker made it home. I sat in the same spot for hours.
Worried.
Wondering.
What if Trent found me? What happens when he does find me or we do come face-to-face again?
Because, eventually, it’s bound to happen.
Will I be strong enough to fight back?
The dark thought did a number on the small shred of confidence I’d found over the last few days.
It was early afternoon. We were on the sofa, Ryker sitting next to me, with both feet propped up on his lap, painting my toenails. I had a hell of a time containing my smile. It was cute watching this tough guy execute such a delicate chore. I had tried to do it myself, finding any little way to feel better about myself since my face was such a mess, but I was still pretty sore and wasn’t doing a very good job. Then when he offered to take over, I melted a little inside.
“You’re really good at that,” I said, wiggling my toes.
“Be still or it’s going to look worse than it already does.”
I stretched my neck, examining his handiwork. “Looks better than I could have done.”
“Reese broke her left arm skiing when we were fifteen,” he grunted.
I smiled as I thought about all the ways Reese probably bribed him to do it. He could never say no to her. “You’re such an amazing brother.”
“I try.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask, how are your brothers? Did Denver and Suzy ever get married?”
Sadness stole the smile right from his face before he let go of a long sigh. “They got married right out of high school. Then moved to Breckenridge to be closer to her father who was dying. A few years after he passed away, Suzy got pregnant. The baby made it, she didn’t.”
“Oh my God.”
“It’s been hard on him. Almost ten years now and he still hasn’t gotten over it, I don’t think. He won’t date anyone. Hell, he still wears his wedding ring.”
“Some loves can never be replaced.”
My chest filled with longing, wondering how different my life would be right now if Ryker had been the one I married and not Trent.
His face was stoic, but I could see the same longing buried deep in his eyes. “I suppose not.”
Clearing my throat, I continued. “Did he have a son or a daughter?”
“Daughter. Her name is Isabelle, but I call her Dizzy Izzy. When she was little she used to love for me to spin her around and around until she got dizzy. She’s a trip. My poor brother—she’s a straight-up tomboy and all sass. He’s so screwed.”
I chuckled. “I bet he’s an amazing father. Is he the only who got married or has children?”
Finishing up my pinky toe, he switched feet, taking my casted foot into his lap and starting with my big toe.
“Asher got married five years ago, but it only lasted six months.”
“Really? What happened?”
“She was constantly accusing him of cheating. They were fighting all the time.”
“Did he?”
He stopped painting and found my eyes. “Cheat? Hell no. He’s an officer. A dedicated one. We may spend more time on the streets than we do with our family but that doesn’t mean we don’t care about them. It’s because of what we have waiting for us at home—that’s why we fight so hard to keep it safe.”
There was strong conviction in his voice. A true testament of his commitment to the force. He lived it. Breathed it.
It was in his blood.
“You’re not afraid?” I asked, my heart shaded with fear.
“Afraid of what?”
Swallowing hard, I had a hard time pushing out my next words. “Getting shot.”
“Not really, it’s part of the job.”
“It scares me,” I confessed.
“Why?”
My throat grew tight with emotion, a new kind of fear settling deep in my heart. “Because I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a badass.” He kept his eyes focused on my feet, but the smirk on his lips was glorious.
I chuckled. I had to agree with him, he was really a badass. And he was good at a lot of things, especially making me smile.
“Anyway, Asher moved to Memphis not long after the divorce. Our uncle works as a sergeant for the PD there. He just got promoted to lieutenant. He’s a hell of a lot happier now than he was then, that’s for sure.”
“Good for him.”
“You’d hardly recognize him now. He’s covered in tattoos.”
“Really? Asher?”
“Yep.”
Asher was somewhat the nerd of the bunch growing up. He was quiet. Kept to himself. Read a lot. But his eyes were like the rest of the Cunningham brothers, sharp and intensely expressive, but I never would have guessed there was a rebel living underneath the pressed khaki pants and collared shirts.
“That’s crazy.”
“I know.”
He finished my pinky toe then set the polish aside. Lifting my other foot to his lap, he puckered his lips and began to blow.
Oh my goodness.
I tried to think of anything else besides the desire simmering beneath my skin.
“What about Benson?” I asked.
I needed him to keep talking and stop blowing.
“He graduated NYU with a bachelor’s degree then went to the academy. After that, he moved to Washington and went through the required training to become a secret service agent.”
“Benson is secret service?”
“Was. Not anymore. He worked detail for the secretary of state for about a year, but there was some kind of falling out between him and one of the other agents. So he stepped down from his post and joined the Metropolitan PD. He’s worked his way up to commander now.”
“Wow, commander.”
“Yep.”
“So he hasn’t settled down with anyone yet either?”
“I think there was someone. He mentioned her a few times, Karmen, I think her name was. But nothing ever came of it I guess.” He shrugged. “He has his fair share of lady friends though, as he likes to call them.”
“Lady friends?”
“Friends with benefits.”
“Oh.”
“What about you? Do you have any lady friends?”
He raised a brow, a smirk toying with his lips. “That’s not how I roll, baby. You should know that.”
“I know. Which makes me wonder why you’re not with anyone. You’re such an amazing guy, Ryker. Any woman would be a fool not to make you hers.”
“True. But none of them have been you.” The comment made my heart flutter but his next question had it sinking to my stomach. “I just have one question. Why didn’t you ever call?”
Looking down at my hands, I avoided his gaze. “I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“That you forgot about me.”
“MaryAnn, look at me. I could never forget you. Never.”
“Then why didn’t you ever call or write?”
“I did. I called and wrote you every day for months. Your grandmother said you didn’t want to talk to me, and all my letters were returned unopened.”
I gasped. “What?”
Ryker looked as confused as I was. “You didn’t get them?”<
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“Of course I didn’t. I would have called you back. Wrote back. I ached for you. Wondered why you never called. Losing my parents, you, and Reese, it nearly killed me.”
“Jesus, MaryAnn. I reached out for months. The last time I called I spoke to your grandmother, and she told me to stop calling. Since I hadn’t heard from you, I backed off.”
The disbelief and outrage tore a sob from my chest. “How could she do something like that? Why? You were all I had. You and Reese and your family.”
“Shh…come here,” he said, hooking a hand to the back of my neck before pressing his forehead to mine. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.”
“I feel like I’ve been alone for so long. You have no idea what it’s like to have no one to turn to. No one to lean on. I just want to be loved, Ryker. Is that too much to ask? I just want to be loved.”
“Baby, I never fucking stopped.”
Air froze in my chest, the look in his eyes conveying far more than those words ever could. I found myself wanting to swim in the dark pools. Dive in headfirst.
Then maybe I could breathe.
His heavy gaze moved from my eyes down to my lips then back again.
I leaned in closer, giving him permission. Closing my eyes on a blessed sigh, his nose ran down the slope of mine as his breath fanned my lips.
“Ryker? MaryAnn?” the female voice called, halting my movement and thus, breaking the spell.
“Who’s that?” I whispered.
“Reese,” he gritted. “I think this is the first time ever I’ve not been thrilled my sister is home.”
I looked over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of Reese. She was wearing a bohemian dress, flip-flops, and a pair of black hipster glasses. She looked completely different.
Yet exactly the same.
“Oh my God!” she yelped, throwing her bag down and skipping toward us. She rounded the couch only to shove Ryker out of the way and engulf me in a massive hug.
Tears sprung to my eyes. “I’ve missed you so much, sweetie,” she said, emotion thick in her voice as she embraced me.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
She pulled back, cupping my face. “You’re no worse for the wear, I tell you that. You done?”
I should have known she wouldn’t sugarcoat it. Growing up, she’d always been unapologetic about who she was. Never afraid to speak up and give it to you straight.
Nope, she hadn’t changed a bit.
Unlike me.
It was only a two-word question but the weight of it was enormous. I’d asked myself that at least a dozen times a day. Was I done? Was I really ready to walk away from the only life I’d ever known for the past six years?
“Never again.”
“Good. Because I’d hate to have to kick your ass, too.”
Just looking at her, you could tell she was a woman who knew what she wanted out of life. Even though Ryker had called her reckless and sometimes immature, she seemed every bit as self-assured as I longed to be.
“Now I just need to find a job so I can get back on my feet,” I told her, and Ryker tensed next to me.
Reese smiled knowingly. “I think I know someone who can help you with that. You up for getting out tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
“I’m coming with you,” Ryker said, a hint of frustration in his voice. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen Hank,” he finished.
“Hank? Who’s Hank?” I asked.
Reese tossed me a wink. “You’ll see.”
* * *
The moment we walked into the Bird House, I knew it was special. From the soft colored walls to the beautiful words that adorned them. Written in scripted affirmation…
Cast your worries upon the birds of the wind.
The words settled deep in my heart, each word taking root inside my soul as the hostess led us to our table. They were all covered in burlap tablecloths and cerulean colored mason jars with peonies stuffed inside. It was as if someone plucked a restaurant right out of the south and plopped it right in the middle of the city. And the smells coming from the other tables were heavenly.
Ryker pulled out my chair first, making sure I was settled and my crutches were out of the way before he took his own seat.
“You good?” he asked.
Reaching out, I gave his leg a gentle squeeze. “More than good.”
His hand covered mine, fingers curling to lift it to his mouth where he planted a soft kiss on top. My heart sighed at the subtle gesture.
With one arm draped over the back of my chair, Ryker placed my hand back on his thigh and began perusing the menu, so I did the same.
“Whoa, no wonder it smells so good in here,” I said, looking over my choices. Fried chicken, catfish, steak. “How’d you find this place?”
“I volunteered here throughout high school. I think we all did,” Reese said, looking to Ryker and he smiled with a nod. She continued. “It’s a private organization that helps those affected by abuse. They mostly cater to women but their door is open to anyone seeking help. They provide everything from legal support to medical care to housing. They also offer job placement and counseling.”
Before I could ask any questions, a woman approached our table. Dressed in a pair of black dress pants and a fitted white collared blouse, accented with a string of pearls around her neck.
“Reese? How ya been, darlin’?”
Reese stood from the table, embracing the tiny woman. She couldn’t be any taller than five feet without those four-inch heels she was wearing, but this woman had a presence and she was absolutely beautiful.
“It’s so good to see you again, Hank. I’ve missed you. How are things?”
Hank?
This woman certainly did not look like a Hank. She looked sophisticated. Smart. Her blonde hair was twisted elegantly at the back of her head, while little tendrils of gold framed her porcelain face. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes had me wondering how old she was.
“Honey, if I were any better I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
Ryker stood, embracing her next.
“Lawd, it’s been too long. How’ve you been, sweet boy?”
“I’m good.”
“I see,” she said in a sultry voice.
A small whimper of jealousy hung in my throat, but something told me she wasn’t interested in Ryker like that. That she was more like a mother figure to him than anything.
“And this gem must be MaryAnn.” Extending her hand, she gave me a warm smile. “Pleasure to meet ya, darlin’.” Her southern drawl was thick and smooth. I could listen to this woman talk all day long. “Reese tells me you need a job.”
A smile tipped my lips, my chest expanding with gratitude, knowing Reese had already spoken to her about it. “Yes, ma’am. But, um, I have a broken foot, so I’m not sure what use I’ll be until I get this cast off.”
She waved her manicured hand back and forth. “That ain’t nothin’. I have girls come in a hell of a lot more banged up than that.”
Apparently, Reese had filled her in on everything.
“I have the perfect spot for you. Can you start on Monday?”
“Of course.” I was on the verge of tears, pure joy seeping into my chest. I couldn’t believe how easy this was. “That would be…amazing. Thank you so much,” I said to them both.
Reese smiled.
“Anytime, darlin’. Do you need anything else? A place to stay?” Hank asked.
“I got that part covered,” Ryker all but growled.
“I’m sure you do,” Hank replied, then her hazel eyes met mine. “But, honey, if that changes, you let me know.”
I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip. Was this really happening? This seemed like a new chapter in my life, one that had yet to be written, one I had no idea could even exist until this very moment. The realization slammed into me, hard and fast, my emotions completely taking over.
Ryker handed me his napkin and Hank’s voice broke throug
h my sobs. “This journey is your own. No one else’s. I know what it’s like to live with fear. The fear of the unknown. The fear of failing. The fear of leaving for good. But once you decide, once you make that choice, each choice after becomes easier and easier. Are you ready to start your new life, MaryAnn?”
I turned her words over in my mind carefully. This was my journey. My life to take back. I’d wasted too many years being worthless. He stole all of those years from me along with everything else.
It was time to take it all back. I lifted my chin, wiping away my tears once and for all.
“Yes, I’m ready.”
The last week has been a blur but in a good way. I’ve been feeling more and more like myself as the days go on. I still have a long ways to go but I feel like the damaged part of my soul is slowly being restored. And I have mostly Ryker to thank for that. He’s made me smile more in the last week than I have in the last six years. It feels good to smile again. To laugh again. To be myself and not be afraid of the consequences.
Things have been unusually quiet in regards to Trent. Something I didn’t expect. Maybe he’s so angry with me, for standing up to him and following through with the charges, that now he hates me as much as I hate him. Either way, I’m thankful for his silence. It pairs well with the solace I’ve found at the Bird House.
I could thank Reese a million times over and it would never be enough.
In my short time here, I’d already learned so much.
While some restaurants cut corners to save time, they took every corner with tender loving care. Everything done here was done by hand.
In addition to this location, there were several others spread through multiple states. There was also a catering business, a bed and breakfast, and stables that offered riding lessons near Upstate that all required full staff. The brilliance behind the concept was no one stayed in one position longer than three months. There were exceptions when it came to management and the volunteers, but the goal was for each employee to grow from one position to the next. Relearning life and social skills that deteriorated or were oftentimes extinguished when someone was in an abusive relationship.
The counseling sessions here were extremely helpful as well. It was comforting to be around women who had been through what I’d been through. Who were now, like me, trying to find their new place in the world. Their stories were parallel to mine.
