Come Alive (The Cityscape Series)

by Jessica Hawkins

  “What?” he exhaled. “Why?”

  “Just pull out,” I said, feeling panicky.

  He dropped his head into the crevice of my neck and breathed hotly onto my collarbone. “Oh, God.”

  “Bill, don’t come inside me,” I said more forcefully.

  “Aren’t you . . . Shit,” he cried and sat back. He grabbed himself and rubbed his crown against my stomach, groaning until liquid heat was spurting over my skin.

  “That was hot,” he said between heavy breaths. “You are so hot.” He leaned over to kiss me before pulling on his pants. He passed me a tissue. “You’re on birth control. Why’d you want me to pull out?” he asked as I wiped away the stickiness.

  “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I just got nervous.”

  “That was a rush though, huh?” He yawned. “Imagine if someone had caught us? I would’ve been toast.”

  I kissed his nose and got dressed. When he yawned again, I told him he was coming home with me. He readily agreed.

  ~

  When I received an e-mail from David telling me how much he had enjoyed our ‘friendly’ walk, I knew exactly how he felt. The simplicity of our time together was refreshing. And when he asked if I wanted to do it again, I was ashamed of how little I hesitated before replying that I did.

  I met him downstairs after work. Even though I had spent the afternoon convincing myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I still scanned the lobby to make sure there wasn’t anyone I knew.

  His arms were crossed over his broad chest as I approached. “Good evening,” he said with a wide, contagious grin.

  “Good evening,” I repeated. I walked out through the lobby door when he held it open.

  “You’re nervous,” he said.

  “Maybe a little.”

  “I don’t make you uncomfortable, do I?”

  “No,” I said. “I just feel like I’m doing something wrong.”

  “We’re just two friends walking,” he reminded me.

  I nodded. “It’s nice, just walking.”

  “Yes, just walking is nice. But I can think of nicer things.”

  I blushed and bit my bottom lip. I could also think of nicer things. When he winked playfully, I pretended to search for something in my purse to hide my embarrassment.

  The city was our soundtrack for the first few blocks. As the sun set, the evening grew colder, and I buried my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

  “What are your plans this weekend?” he asked eventually.

  “I’m thinking of going to the animal shelter. It’s been a while since I volunteered.”

  He smiled. “Of course. I remember that you like to walk the dogs. Where do you take them?”

  “Usually just down to the water or the park. The shelter isn’t far from my apartment.”

  “Lincoln Park?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll be there this weekend. My parents are driving in, and we’re taking my sister’s kid to the zoo.”

  “That sounds really nice.”

  “We’re barbequing in the park afterward.” He went to say something else, but stopped himself.

  “Oh. Will Dani be there?”

  He chuckled. “I was wondering when you’d bring that up again.”

  “I’m just curious.” I hazarded a casual shrug. “Like, has she met your parents?” I asked, fingering a lock of hair.

  “You think we’re more serious than we are.”

  “When was the last time you went out?”

  He cleared his throat. “A few nights ago.”

  “A few nights?”

  “Yes.”

  “After I saw you? But you and I . . . We walked, and . . .”

  “And what?”

  “Nothing.” I watched the sidewalk disappear under my feet. After a moment, I said, “I forget how good you are at that.”

  “At what?”

  “Juggling women.”

  “I wasn’t juggling women. We’re just walking, remember?”

  I nodded. “But you do . . . juggle women. Because you’re a player. Aren’t you?”

  “So you keep saying,” he said. “You called me that at the Meet & Greet that night.”

  “But isn’t it true?”

  He smiled. “I don’t have time to pursue women.”

  “You could be pursuing someone right now instead of walking with me.”

  He covered his heart with his hand. “Ouch. But yeah, you have a point.”

  “So if you don’t pursue women, does that mean you and Dani are in a relationship?”

  “Relationships also take time.”

  “So you just have . . . flings.”

  “I generally don’t deny myself a beautiful woman if she’s offering. If that makes me a player, then I guess that’s what I am.”

  I was surprised when an arrow of jealousy shot right through my heart. Jealousy was the ugly monster that lived in my mother – up until recently, it was something that I rarely felt. “Does Dani know that?” I asked.

  “Listen,” he started, “I like her. She’s a sweetheart. But you don’t need to worry. Lucy has been very persistent in trying to set us up. Nothing will come of it, though. I’ve told Dani so, but she’s stubborn. I think Lucy’s given her this idea that I want to be tamed, and I just don’t know it.”

  My jaw tingled as I clenched it. The thought of them together crept back into my head. I wasn’t sure I believed him – after all, it was far from the impression Dani had given us. “Are there others?”

  “What?”

  “Are you seeing anyone else?”

  “Maria.”

  Oh, of course. Maria. Gorgeous, straight off the catwalk Maria. Since the first time I’d seen them together, her image had been seared into my memory. Maria, mocha-skinned with ribbons of caramel hair, in her siren red dress; Maria, his go-to girl, the one who was ever-present in his life – available for events, work functions and other things . . . .

  “Well, obviously there’s Maria,” I said snidely. “That is a given.”

  “As my friend, you should be happy that I have someone who I can call when I’m lonely.”

  “As your friend, that isn’t a reason to sleep with someone random.”

  “Maria and I have been close for years,” he argued. “She’s far from random.”

  I scowled.

  He stopped short in the busy sidewalk, sending pedestrians scattering around us. “What did you expect, Olivia?” he demanded. “You ran away and literally left me empty-handed. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

  The world whirred around us, but we stood like statues, facing each other. “I don’t . . . expect anything. I do want you to be happy, but . . .”

  I tried to read his expression. His eyes remained hard until something flashed in them. “Maria, Dani – they don’t mean anything. You have to know that I would,” he stopped, his face darkening. “But when I think about . . . about you and . . . you and him – ” He shook his head, and his jaw hardened noticeably. “I can’t go there.”

  I grasped his forearm and dipped my head toward him, alarmed by the look on his face. “Me and Bill?”

  “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” he said with conviction.

  It was my first indication that Bill and I weren’t the only casualties in this unfolding mess. That maybe David was hurting more than I realized. There was something sinister in his face; a tempest brewing inside him. I wanted to reassure him that I was also scared, that I had a dark place, and I went there too often.

  As I looked at him, everything around us fell away. I had a powerful need to comfort him, to care for him like he was mine to make happy. I needed to tell him what I’d felt in the house; that my feelings for him might be morphing into something else, something deeper.

  “The house,” I started.

  He glanced up and fastened anxious eyes on mine.

  “The house – ” I stopped, swallowing dryly. His entire presence narrowed in on me, inte
nsifying the expression on his face. “We didn’t get it,” I croaked finally.

  He blinked his gaze up over my shoulder and cleared his throat. His face closed again and after a moment, he pivoted slightly to resume walking.

  “Maybe I was being unrealistic,” I said, shuffling to catch up with him.

  His expression was tight when he looked down at me. “That place would have been a lot of work,” he said with a hint of irritation.

  “I know, but there was just something about – ”

  “I really don’t want to hear about the house,” he snapped.

  “Oh. All right.” I cleared some hair from my shoulder and made a point to look forward or at other people for the next few blocks.

  It was dark by the time we approached Michigan Avenue Bridge. I pulled my jacket closer against the wind as we crossed the Chicago River. He asked if I was cold, and I said no, because what good would it do to admit that I was? He couldn’t hold me or give me his blazer, because it was all just too intimate knowing the things we had done together.

  He stopped in the center of the bridge and motioned back toward the Loop. “Can you imagine the Great Chicago Fire on your heels, driving you across the river?”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Your only objective is to get to the other side – but so is everyone else’s. All those people trying to cross at the same time. Panic is a phenomenal thing. You know that it went on for two days?”

  “All because of a stupid cow.”

  He smiled down at me. “Yes, that stupid cow.”

  It felt so natural for him to brush his knuckles over my cheek that it happened before either of us had realized it. It was only a second, and he pulled back immediately. But it left my skin singing.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “You can’t do that,” I said. “You can’t just do that.”

  “I know. It just happened. I’m sorry.” He left down the other side of the bridge.

  But oh, I wanted it to just happen again. My reprimand was not because I didn’t want that too, but because I was always on the verge of making a mistake with him. His touch was intoxicating, burning like wildfire through my body and straight to my core.

  Helplessly, I followed, unsure of whether or not he wanted me to. When I caught up to him, I gestured to the right. “I’m going this way.”

  “I didn’t know we had a destination,” he said, turning with me.

  “I promised Lucy I would check on things while they’re away.”

  He slowed to a stop. “And here we are.”

  “Here we are,” I echoed, watching him closely.

  He pulled a hand from his pocket and rubbed his chin, as though debating. He went to stick his hand back in his pocket but pulled the lobby door open instead. I looked from him to the door and back.

  “I’ll walk you up.”

  There was no question in his voice, and I didn’t protest. I hid my face from the doorman as I waved in his direction, and we rode the eight floors up in silence. I located the keys and turned to him, leaning my back against Lucy and Andrew’s apartment door. “Thank you. I don’t know why, but I enjoy walking with you a lot.”

  “I know why,” he said.

  “Okay,” I prompted, fighting back a smile.

  “I’m not telling.”

  I arched an eyebrow at him. “Really?”

  “I’m omniscient when it comes to these things. A good guy to have around.”

  “It doesn’t do me any good if you withhold your great knowledge.”

  “True,” he said, placing an outstretched hand against the doorframe. “But I’m withholding it for your own good.”

  “Well now you have to tell me.”

  “Sorry, honeybee,” he said throatily. “It’s privileged information.”

  “Friends don’t call friends ‘honeybee,’” I pointed out.

  “Sure they do.”

  “It’s flirtatious.”

  “You can’t possibly think that I don’t flirt with my female friends.”

  “You shouldn’t,” I breathed. “You might give them the wrong idea.”

  “And what idea is that?”

  I flushed at the many wrong ideas that occurred to me.

  “It’s okay,” he said when I didn’t respond. “You don’t have to tell me. I can guess based on your pretty pink cheeks.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, angry that my fair complexion was giving me away. “Now you’re intentionally misbehaving.”

  He laughed wolfishly. “This is not misbehaving. There’s a whole world of misbehaving that we’re not doing.”

  Goddamn if I couldn’t help the way my body shuddered. “You didn’t answer my earlier question. Why is it like this when we’re doing something as simple as just walking together?”

  His face turned serious. “Are you really prepared to have this talk?”

  I hadn’t realized, but my heart was pounding. I shifted the keys in my sweaty palm. I knew I should look away, but my eyes wouldn’t obey. “What talk?”

  “You know what talk, Olivia.”

  The talk, I guessed, was about us. About what we were doing. And about why just taking a walk was so nice, but also so wrong. He was leaning closer now. His gaze lingered at the base of my neck, and his tongue flickered over his lips. Just on the other side of the door was an empty apartment, our own private escape. On the other side of the door was the potential to make mistakes – over and over again . . . . I touched my fingers to the base of my neck, sure that he could see my pulse racing.

  “Answer me. Are you prepared for what I have to say?”

  “No,” I blurted. “I’m not ready.”

  He pushed off the doorjamb with aplomb. “Well when you are, let me know.”

  He turned and walked back down the hall. I fumbled with the keys, cursing when I dropped them at my feet. I wanted to call after him, invite him in and drown in the fantasy of us, just for one night.

  Instead, I entered the apartment before I made an enormous mistake. I slammed the door shut with both hands, bracing myself against the barrier between us.

  CHAPTER 12

  LATE SUNDAY MORNING, I slid behind our breakfast bar and grinned at Bill.

  “You’re in a good mood,” he said cautiously.

  “I’m going to the shelter.”

  “Great, babe, you haven’t been in forever.”

  “Come with me.”

  “Nah, you go have fun. I should catch up on some stuff.”

  “Come on,” I prodded. “It will be fun. We can get lunch after.”

  “I don’t think so. Sounds nice, but I really can’t blow this off,” he said, waving an overstuffed folder in my direction.

  “But you’ve never even been.”

  “Well, that’s because I’m swamped,” he said angrily. “There are no breaks when it comes to this job. And because of the fishing trip, I have to get as much done as possible this week.”

  “All right.” I held up my palms in defeat and bent over to lace up my tennis shoes. “I just think you’d enjoy it. You work so much.”

  “So do you.”

  “I know,” I called from below. “But I’m going to try and cut back, now that I’m more settled in this promotion.”

  “You know I don’t have that option. The partners expect us to bust our asses.”

  I sat back up. “Okay. I get it. I’m going to go then. Don’t work too hard.”

  He kissed my forehead and tossed the folder on the kitchen table. “I’ll try not to.”

  Twenty minutes and five M83 songs later, I had arrived at my destination. The manager, George, greeted me with a warm smile and told me they’d missed me the past few months. He set me up with an older golden Labrador mix, who lovingly nudged me with her snout when I asked if she was ready for her walk.

  Out front, I threw my hair into a quick ponytail and led her toward the park. I pulled my phone out twice on the way, only to put it away again. Finally, I took it out a last time
and opened the text message David had sent me the day before.

  Sep 15, 2012 3:30 PM

  Meet us in the park tomorrow.

  I hadn’t responded, and now I bit my nail nervously as I stared at it.

  Sep 16, 2012 12:22 PM

  How was the zoo?

  As soon as I had sent it, I cringed. My nerves flared, knotting my stomach and causing me to pull hard on my earlobe. What was I thinking? And what if he had brought Dani after all? What if he didn’t want to see me? Why should I care if he did or didn’t?

  Sep 16, 2012 12:25 PM

  Chaotic. Are you in LP?

  Sep 16, 2012 12:26 PM

  Yes.

  Sep 16, 2012 12:28 PM

  Come to the Lily Pool, Fullerton entrance. On my way.

  I looked down at the dog. “Don’t judge me,” I told her.

  At the gates to Alfred Caldwell Lily Pool, we waited. My heart rate accelerated when I saw David in the distance. As soon as he spotted me, his long legs moved in considerably quicker strides. His muscles stretched a short-sleeved black t-shirt. I stole a glance at his brawny, bronzed legs, wondering how he was able to maintain such a stellar tan.

  “Hey,” he said, a smile spreading across his handsome face.

  I squinted up and returned his smile. “Hey.”

  “Who’s this?”

  “Sofie from the shelter.”

  “Hello, Sofie from the shelter.” He crouched down and took the dog’s head in his hands, scratching behind her ears. “Canyon’s with us, they can play.”

  “She’s sort of old.”

  “Canyon too. Have you been inside?” he asked, motioning to the Lily Pool.

  “No.” I looked at him sheepishly. “I’ve walked by but never noticed it. I had to look it up on my phone,” I admitted.

  He took the leash from me and looped it around the nearest tree. “Come inside with me. Sofie’ll be fine here for a minute.” With a hand on my shoulder, he guided me through the gates and into a peaceful, rustic oasis. A sprawling pond was dotted with floating lily pads and bordered by large stone slabs.