Falling

by Wendy Smith

  “Cole?”

  I look down at Kaia. The photos don’t do her justice. She’s so much like Brooke it’s uncanny, but she has my brown eyes. “Oh my God. I’m so happy to see you two. Once you left town, I didn’t know where you’d gone. I tried to find you, but—”

  “We have to get going.”

  I lick my lips. “Can’t you stay for just a few minutes? I heard Kaia say she wanted ice cream. I’ll get it.”

  “That’s really nice of you to offer, but we really do need to get going. I’ve got to get changed for work, and Kaia’s babysitter’s waiting.”

  “Don’t you have a little time?”

  Brooke’s chest rises and falls rapidly. “It’s good to see you, Cole, but my second job is a lot more strict on being punctual than the first, and I need to get us home and make dinner before I go out again.”

  “Let’s catch up. God, it’s so good to see you.” I smile at Kaia, and Brooke pulls her closer.

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. We’ve got to go.”

  “Can I call you, or …”

  She turns and leads Kaia away. The little girl—my little girl—looks over her shoulder as they walk down the street.

  In the distance, Brooke disappears around a corner, and my stomach flips. For four years, I’ve thought about her often. Mom barely speaks to me now. Once Brooke left town with Kaia, she blamed me for everything.

  She was right. It was all my fault.

  Now Brooke works two jobs, and that’s my fault too.

  And my girl. Oh, my girl.

  Kaia is such a beautiful child. How could I have ever walked away from her?

  The pair of them are like a magnet, pulling me in. I draw on anything that’s left of my athletic ability and sprint to the end of the road. Growling at the other people on the pavement in my way, I get to the corner and turn.

  For a moment, they’re lost to me.

  I spot the bright pink dress my daughter’s wearing and start off again.

  “Brooke,” I yell as I get closer.

  She stops and turns.

  “Cole, I thought—”

  “Call in sick. We need to catch up.”

  Her nose twitches, and I know what’s about to come. It always did that before her temper broke and she ripped me a new one. “I can’t. I don’t have sick leave left, and I can’t afford not to be paid. We have to go.”

  “Let me take you home.”

  Pain crosses her face, and I see, I really see how much I hurt her. Even four years later. “You’re not entitled to anything.”

  “Please.”

  She leans closer. “You never gave a shit before. Why would you start caring now?”

  Turning, she gives a little tug on Kaia’s arm. “Let’s go, sweetie. We don’t want to run late.”

  “Brooke.”

  “I’ve got to go. I’ll be late.”

  The bus stop looms, and she runs for it, waving a bus down. She and Kaia jump into it.

  I’m left standing on the side of the road, watching my wife and child disappear into the distance.

  I left that life behind four years ago.

  I left them behind four years ago, and there’s been a hole in my heart ever since.

  It’s something I’ve tried to push to the back of my mind. We married in a hurry because she was pregnant with Kaia. And when it didn’t work out, I thought Kaia would be best with her mother.

  Now, I see Kaia. Now, I see Brooke.

  I’m really not so sure that what I did was right.

  But there is one thing I’m sure of.

  I am an asshole.

  Mike nudges my arm. “You okay?”

  I called him after my encounter with Brooke, needing someone to talk to. I nod my thanks to him and stare across the bar, the noise of office workers celebrating the end of the day loud in the crowded room.

  “Yeah, just not sure what to do next.”

  “Do you want to know what I’d do?”

  I shift my gaze to him. “What?”

  “Don’t push her. It sounds like she’s got a story to tell, but she has to be ready.”

  I shoot him a sideways look. “How did you get so wise?”

  “Patience, Padawan.”

  I laugh. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

  He shrugs. “I’ve tried relationships and they haven’t worked for me. Yet. It sounds to me like your girl was the right one, but the timing was all wrong.”

  I sip at my beer, his words settling. Maybe he’s right. I already know I don’t want to force myself into her life, but I do want to see my daughter. I have that right. And I can’t deny the feeling I got when I saw Brooke again. Damn, I want to get to know her again. To make her laugh again. To be there again.

  “I’m going home,” he says, slamming his empty glass down. “See you at work tomorrow.”

  Nodding, I gulp down the rest of my Coors Light. “Good idea.”

  “Sleep on it, Cole. Go back and see her again in a few days when she’s calmed down a bit. She needs to know you’re not the enemy.”

  “Her working two jobs is really bugging me. I know how much she’s getting from my trust fund. So why does she need to do that?”

  “Maybe she’s in trouble, but she’s got no one to turn to.”

  As his words sink in, my heartache gets worse.

  In doing what I thought was best, I could have made things worse.

  One way or another, I have to make things better.

  3

  Cole

  I’m there on Friday.

  I don’t even know what I’m doing beyond the fact that I have the strongest urge to see Brooke and Kaia again. I didn’t get a wink of sleep all week thinking about how much Brooke’s struggling and how I’m to blame for all of it.

  This feels wrong, but I watch the door of the day care like a hawk.

  I spot her from a mile away.

  Her blond hair hangs in soft curls, but she’s still made up to work in an office. She’s wearing a long pencil skirt with a matching jacket. If I was a cynical man, I’d think she’d been spending her child support on herself instead of Kaia.

  But I’m not. I saw how stressed she was. What’s she going through that’s making her work two jobs? I know how much she gets from me.

  The guilt that I haven’t been a part of my daughter’s life grows as I watch her exit the building with her mother. She’s got a huge smile plastered over her face, and the love she has for Brooke is clear for all to see.

  I swallow hard, watching them. Licking my lips, I make my approach. “Brooke.”

  She fixes her gaze on me. “Cole.”

  “Have you got time to talk today?”

  She shakes her head. “I’ve got to go.”

  “Can we make a time to talk?”

  “Why?”

  I shrug. “Because it’s so good to see you. Both of you. And I want to spend some time with Kaia if you’ll let me.”

  She takes a deep breath. “I have no idea why you’d suddenly want to do that. What’s going on, Cole?”

  I nod. “I understand. Here I am out of nowhere, and—”

  “Not just out of nowhere. You’ve not shown an interest in Kaia since she was three months’ old.”

  “I don’t know if that’s fair. You left town.”

  Her eyebrows knit as she frowns.

  I hold my palms up in surrender. “Okay. You and me. Can we please talk? Not around Kaia. I don’t think she needs to hear it all.”

  Brooke looks down at Kaia. Our little girl is staring up at her. Brooke shifts her gaze back to me. “Sure. But not during the week. And Saturday is out. It’ll have to be Sunday.”

  “Sunday works for me.”

  “Come for dinner. Kaia goes to bed at seven, and we eat around six. You can have an hour with both of us, and then we’ll talk.”

  I nod. “Sounds good. I’ll give you my number and you can text me your address. I know you’re in a hurry.” There’s no point in telling her I al
ready have the details and freaking her out.

  She opens her handbag and pulls out a mobile. It’s one of those old-style phones which only does calls and texts. Something you never see these days. “Shoot.”

  She types my number in, and shows me the screen before saving it.

  “Hear from you soon?”

  Brooke answers me with a stiff nod. I smile at Kaia, giving her a small wave.

  “Bye,” I say.

  I watch as they disappear into the distance.

  For the longest time, I thought they’d be better off without me.

  I was wrong.

  In the evening, I glance at my phone every thirty seconds. At least, that’s what it feels like.

  I’ve never been more nervous in my life.

  I still have this nagging feeling that in trying to do what I thought was right for all of us, I failed.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out. I can’t help but smile. She’s sent me her address, confirming Jason’s information. It bothers me that Brooke and Kaia live in that part of town.

  I thought they’d have enough money to live in a nicer neighborhood, but it appears I’ve made a lot of assumptions.

  Brooke would do anything for Kaia, so I can’t imagine they’re there by choice. What happened?

  I need to get to the bottom of all of this.

  See you on Sunday, I text back.

  When I don’t get a response, I make my way to my bedroom and place the phone on the cabinet beside the bed. I can understand where Brooke’s coming from. I shut her out, so she shut me out.

  I’m the one completely in the wrong. I always was.

  How do I make things right?

  4

  Brooke

  Did I make a mistake sending Cole our address?

  Seeing him again was weird. It’s unfair that the sight of him still leaves my heart racing the way it always did. Even though he broke my heart.

  My thumb hovers over the phone to reply to his text, but instead I put it down.

  It’s confusing.

  He wants to see us. Wants to see Kaia. But what does that mean for the future?

  I’ve fought tooth and nail to keep our heads above water. Cole left promising the world, but my world fell apart as soon as he was gone.

  Yet, I’m giving him a chance to see Kaia and for us to speak.

  Old habits die hard.

  Only a few years ago, I would have given him anything. But he took everything and walked away.

  “Brooke.”

  I look up at the sound of Craig’s voice. He’s the barman working tonight. Thankfully the big boss, Marcus, isn’t here. He’s the one with the hard-on for punctuality, and he’s not the easiest man to deal with. But a job’s a job, and this is only two blocks from home.

  The other good thing about this place is that it’s fairly quiet. We have our regulars, and the occasional drop in. It makes me wonder how long it’ll be here.

  “Can you take this to the table in the corner?” Craig asks.

  I grab the two beer glasses, and head to the only occupied booth we have. Two young guys sit in the corner, and one whistles as I approach.

  “Here you go.” I place the beers on the table.

  “Is that it?” one of the men asks.

  “Did you want something else?”

  He winks. “Why don’t you come and sit with us?”

  “No thanks. If you need any more drinks or something to eat, let me know.”

  His friend’s face lights up, and he gives me a sly grin. “I can think of something I’d like to eat.”

  Turning on my heel, I don’t even respond as I walk away. Most of the customers who drink here are fine. They show up, drink, and then leave.

  And then sometimes we get assholes like this.

  “You okay?” Craig asks when I get back to the bar.

  I lean on the counter. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

  Craig’s a sweetheart. He’s only been here a few weeks, and he’s a lot easier to work with than the grumpy guy who worked here before him. He watches out for me, and I know he’d step in if things got out of hand.

  “I can take the next drinks over if you want me to.”

  “Don’t worry about it. One day I’ll have to deal with a teenage daughter. I’m sure she’ll give me more crap than those two ever will.”

  He laughs. “How old’s your kid?”

  “Four going on fourteen.” I close my eyes and huff at a hand landing on my ass.

  “Hey, sweetheart. I’m ready for my next beer.”

  I slip sideways, away from his grasp.

  “I’ll sort you out, John.” Craig smiles at the man beside me.

  “I want blondie to do it.”

  Craig shifts his gaze to me. “Table four has some fries on order. They should be ready by now.”

  “Thank you,” I mouth.

  He gives me a short, sharp nod and I round the bar, heading into the kitchen. There are no fries, but this gets me out of John’s line of fire.

  “Getting hassled?” Eric, the chef, leans on one of the kitchen’s counters.

  “John.”

  “Say no more.” He cocks an eyebrow. No one would put up with John if he wasn’t a friend of Marcus’s.

  “Ugh.” Katie, the other waitress on tonight, rolls her eyes. “Again?”

  “Every night this week.” I sigh.

  “He’s such a dirty old man. It’s gross.”

  I nod. “There are two more charmers in the booth, by the way.”

  She throws her hands in the air. “Great. There goes my night.”

  “At least we’re in the same boat.”

  Katie hooks one arm around my neck. “Let’s win the lottery and sail away, my friend.”

  “If only.”

  “We need to start buying tickets. I’ll go you halves.”

  Eric laughs. “You two would miss me too much.”

  “We would.” I smile. I’ve been working here for a year, and these guys are like family. If I have to work a second job to support my family, I could do a lot worse.

  “Speak for yourself.” Katie pokes her tongue out at Eric.

  “Don’t you show that tongue to me. Not unless you’re going to do something with it.” He grins.

  I roll my eyes. “I’m leaving before this foreplay becomes serious.”

  “I ain’t doing that in my kitchen.” Eric grins.

  “Now you tell me.” Katie laughs.

  “Brooke, Katie. I’ve got a drinks order that needs delivering.” Craig sticks his head around the corner.

  “Is it those guys in the corner booth?” I ask.

  He laughs. “No.”

  “John?” Katie asks.

  “Not him either. You’re safe.”

  She walks over to Craig, poking his chest with her index finger. “I’d better be. Or you’re in trouble.”

  “Take a break,” Eric says to me. “I’m sure you’re due for it.”

  “Good thinking.” I make my way through the kitchen and into the small room we use for breaks.

  Cole. In the quiet, my mind wanders back to him. I thought I had won the lottery when we got together, and it had nothing to do with his family’s money.

  For one night he made me feel like a princess, and he stepped up when that night produced Kaia.

  One year later, he pulled the rug out from under my feet.

  Should I really let him back into my life?

  I’m tired, and I still have to work tomorrow and Saturday night

  Walking in the door, I drop my handbag on the floor, and my shoulders slump.

  “Hard night?” Rosalyn asks. She’s my neighbor and babysitter, and she’s helped me through this tough time when I’ve felt like I’m rapidly getting nowhere. If she couldn’t look after Kaia in the evenings, I’d be screwed.

  “I’m exhausted.”

  She pats the couch beside her. “Come over here.”

  When I reach her, she puts her arm around me and
pulls me into her. I love Rosalyn. She’s more of a mother to me than my own mother ever was. Even in the brief times when she had her shit together.

  “I saw Kaia’s father today. He wants to talk. I think my brain overthinking things is tiring me out.”

  She laughs. “You’re probably right. I thought he was out of the picture.”

  “So did I. When he left, he said he wanted to make things better for Kaia and me. But he’s not around to yell at the super when there’s no hot water.” I sigh.

  “Do you want to know what I think?” she asks.

  I meet her gaze. “What?”

  “You told me once that it made you sad that he never came back for you. Now he’s here. I think you should hear him out.”

  I sigh. “You think I should let him back in?”

  “Hell, no. Make him work for it. Whether it’s Kaia’s life he wants to be a part of, or both of yours, he has to prove himself.” She smiles. “You two are so precious, and he needs to realize that.”

  I wrap my arms around her neck. “You’re the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “And you work so hard. If he starts giving you what he owes you, maybe life will be a little easier. And I’m not just talking about money.”

  I gawp at her. “Let’s not talk about my love life.” Or lack thereof.

  “I remember a young woman who moved in here who was hurting over losing her husband and her mother. You lost them in different ways, but the heartache was the same. And then, just when you got to the point of opening your heart, you were hurt all over again. Don’t be afraid to let him in, Brooke, but make him put in the effort.” She kisses my cheek. “I’ve got to get home, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Thanks, Rosalyn. I appreciate it. The babysitting and the talk.”

  “If it’s okay with you, I’ll take Kaia to my place for a little while before bedtime tomorrow. My oldest granddaughter is home for a couple of nights.”

  I smile. “Kaia would love that.”

  “She will. I’ll make them chicken nuggets for dinner.”

  “She’ll love you forever for that.”