Once settled in our rooms we decide to go out together for an early dinner. Sophie has chosen a place close to the hotel. It is nice to dress up and put on some makeup. Paris is a beautiful city, I can understand why Jude loves it. I wonder where he grew up, if he ever walked this sidewalk. I'm sure he must have spent time in this district. The maitre d shows us to our table. Everyone seems a little tired from the train still.
"So, what’s on the itinerary for tomorrow?" I ask, hoping to get everyone back to enjoying themselves on this trip. Sophie begins to explain the museums and galleries on the schedule when I notice a man enter the restaurant, choosing a seat a few tables over from ours. He seems to be interested in us. I tell myself I'm just being paranoid again and try to ignore him.
"Mariana, you haven’t touched your plate, spill it," Angie demands. I look up at Mariana and feel like the worst friend in the world. I've been so absorbed in my own problems that I haven't noticed Mariana falling apart. Not that Mariana not eating would be a sign that something is wrong but her quiet demeanor and the way she’s fidgeting with her napkin tells me something serious is on her mind.
"We are not leaving this restaurant until you finish everything on your plate," Angie tells her. I raise my eyebrows, knowing there is no way Mariana will eat all that.
"Now who's the mother?" Mariana scowls. I watch her take a few slow bites of her salad.
"What is it Mariana? Has something happened?" I ask her. She looks up from her plate and stares at me a moment before taking another bite which surprises me. I glance at Sophie then Angie, neither seem to know what's wrong with her. She takes a sip of water then sighs, looking back over at me. I can’t help but think I’ve done something to really upset her this time. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been around enough. I’m about to apologize but she speaks first.
"I have decided to break up with Mason when we get back. I think we need to have a cooling off period. He is planning on asking me to marry him but I’m not ready for that yet. My eyes have been opened, like you pointed out before this trip Eden. You asked me if I was in love and I couldn't answer that. After seeing the way Jude looks at you I realize that I want that too. I don't need to settle for a guy that my parents have chosen. I want to marry a guy that has truly chosen me. I want lust and love, passion and what else did you say you wanted?" she says, taking another bite of her dinner, her resolve coming through. I smile and touch the top of her hand.
"Fireworks and butterflies. There is no rush for you to get married Mariana. You are only twenty one, you have time to find true love and you will. There’s someone out there that will give you butterflies in your stomach when he looks at you and unbelievable fireworks in the bedroom," I tell her with a grin. Angie wraps her arm around Mariana’s shoulder and nods her head in agreement.
“There is someone out there that will want to spend his life making you happy and not just the in laws or his bank account,” she says.
“I know there is someone special out there for you, for all of us. The man you choose should consider himself lucky and worship the ground you walk on. Settling is not in your nature Mariana,” Sophie said, surprising us with her views on love. I consider questioning her on Quinn again but decide I’ll confront her later. Right now Mariana needs us.
"I’ll find him, you're right, all of you. There is no need to rush into this marriage. If I don’t love him then I won't marry him. Honestly Eden, thank you for making me open my eyes. I really want what you seem to have almost instantly found. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so happy, so vibrant," she said and I gulp, feeling eyes boring into me. I glance quickly towards the man that is sitting close to us. I can’t help but think he is trying to listen to our conversation. For some reason I feel as though I need to keep Jude's name silent from him. He looks familiar to me but I don't know why.
"I'm not sure what I have yet or if it will last. I am just enjoying him while I have the chance to. I don’t dare hope for more. It may break me if I do," I explain, feeling the pain of separation from him again. I finish my wine and we pay our bill. On the way out I notice that the man that I thought was watching us is gone.
"I think we'll call it an early night tonight but tomorrow will be a full day. There is a burlesque show we have tickets for tomorrow night so rest up," Sophie says when we enter the hotel. We managed to get our rooms on the same floor but not side by side. I had overheard the concierge mention that the room availability was slim, they had a full house this week. I haven’t heard from Jude all day. I left him a text, telling him my room number but he hasn't responded which makes me nervous.
Once inside my suite I run a bath. The hot water relaxes my tense muscles. Thankfully I didn't see that man from the restaurant in the hotel lobby. I was worried he might be following us. I can't shake the feeling that I've seen him before and that he wasn’t at that restaurant for pleasure. A part of me believes he was there for me. If I dared mention that to my friends they would have shipped me home in a straight jacket. Angie is already worried about my sanity. Taking a few deep breaths, I try to forget about him. I won’t be able to solve this tonight.
I look around the beautifully decorated bathroom, smelling the french soaps and sinking further into the tub. I rest my head, closing my eyes, hoping to release the tension building in my temples. Memories are attempting to break through and I can’t fight them, holding them back is becoming harder. The smell of a man's cologne and burning cigars overwhelms me. A deep voice is talking but I can't make out the words. Then a woman's scream startles me. My arms flail out of the tub, causing water to splash over the edge and onto the floor. I stand up quickly and wrap the bath towel around my shivering body tightly. Pulling up the plug, all I can do is stand there and watch the water run down the drain. That wasn't a vision, that was a real memory and for the first time since these nightmares started, I am truly frightened by what I will remember next.
I resolve to try my best not to overreact until this trip is over. I need to be in the safety of my home when it all returns. The suite is dimly lit but I manage to dress in my nightgown and robe. I pour a rather large glass of red wine and look out the window onto the busy evening sidewalk. I do love this little oasis in the city of Paris that Sophie picked out and I love having my own room. It had only been three nights but the four of us in that tiny room in London was just too close for comfort, even if I didn’t sleep there much. I like to have my space. I get claustrophobic and now with the dreams I feel like I should be alone. Maybe Jude shouldn't join me here either. I'll keep him awake or worse, terrify him. I've been thinking of sending him another text but I don't know what to say exactly. I want to see him. I want him here. I miss his smell, his touch just everything about him and I feel unsafe, almost frightened to go outside knowing he isn't here. Which is strange because I seemed to manage just fine before meeting him. I glance at my phone and feel tears well in my eyes.
"What is wrong with me?" I say aloud, falling onto the bed. Running my hands over the soft duvet, there is nothing I can do to stop the memory bubbling up to the surface, it's too strong to stuff back down. I stare up at the ceiling, hoping that if I don't close my eyes then it will go away but it's getting closer and very vivid. A young man comes into my view and I can’t resist him. He has a comforting smile, not malicious or threatening. I rest my head back down on my pillow and decide to let this one in, relieved at least that it isn't a woman named Marisa bleeding in front of me this time.
The boy looks tall, solid and muscular even. He has very short, sandy blonde hair. I can only see his side profile. I call him a boy because he looks younger then me. His chin is clean shaven, his skin tanned like he's spent the summer outside and his clothes seem to hang off him a little, as though that is the look he was going for. He reminds me of some boys from high school I used to know. Suddenly he laughs, his sound rumbles through me. I’m startled by the familiarity of it. Unable to take my eyes from him, I don’t even dare blink, I watch as he opens a bag of food. I gat
her it is take out and he's offering it to me. I can't see his eyes under the brim of the hat he put on. I need to see those eyes. His smile turns serious as though he's deeply concerned that I'm not taking his offering.
"You have to eat Eden. You have to survive this, please, for me at least, eat," he begs. I know his voice, I know that accent, it is too unique to go unnoticed.
“Please, let me see your eyes,” I whisper. Just as he's about to tilt his head for me my cell phone buzzes and the memory vanishes. With shaking fingers I reach for my cell, sighing at the interruption until I see it's from Jude.
Him: I'll be at your suite soon my beautiful girl. Be waiting.
Always with the commands, he knows I'll be waiting for him. He's ruined me for all others. He has haunted my dreams and now my visions are of him. I can't not think about him. From this day forward I will always be waiting for him. Just the thought that he's almost here with me, makes me feel safer, happier and whole again. So many feelings swirl through my head when he's around. It almost seems as though he's bringing me to life. My mother and sister have always told me that I don't react enough, I don't laugh sincerely. I don't cry at sad movies. I have never fallen in love, my heart has never been broken and a kiss from a boy has never made my heart flutter. I didn't beam with excitement when I was accepted to Harvard, I just said good and shrugged like it was nothing, like I hadn't worked my ass off for the past four years of my life to get in.
I had overheard my father talking to my doctor once after an appointment. He had told him that he believed one of the side effects of the medications I was on would subdue my emotions. He wanted to warn my father that it is best I don't become too excited or worked up over anything. I wonder if the medications have affected me more than I thought.
I glance back down at the text and realize that this is the first time in my life that I have ever been nervous, excited, sad, extremely happy and insanely orgasmic, all with Jude and without my meds. I text him back.
Me: I'm waiting.
I reply, feeling afraid, another new emotion for me. I stand up, walking towards the big window and look out from the sixth floor of my room again. The building is old, seeing as it is in the Latin Quarter. There is an elevator though, which is good. If I need to make an escape there are two possibilities now. Escape, why am I thinking of escaping? I don't want to escape from Jude. I'm not frightened of Jude, just my feelings for him. But something or someone else is frightening me. It's probably just my reactions to the nightmares I've been having.
I sent a text to my parents earlier to tell them I've arrived in Paris and the first thing my father responds with is, 'Have you been taking your medication as prescribed?' I can't help but wonder why he's asking me this. Did he find the full bottles in my closet? I wouldn't put it past him.
I tighten my robe around me again. I know Jude will demand I get naked but until he’s here I don’t want to feel that vulnerable. I want to do as he says but only when he’s here to protect me. I drop my face into my hands, angry with this fear that won’t subside. What am I so afraid of? Why am I afraid? I can feel a vision coming on, another memory to shake me and I’m not sure I can handle anymore tonight. I sit down on the sofa, staring at the door. The walls are moving and the lights are flickering. Digging my fingernails into the sofa I hold on as I keep my eyes glued to the door.
“Jude, please hurry,” I groan before the room swirls around me. I close my eyes, trying to stop the dizziness. The moment my eyes open again I’m in a different room, it’s cold and empty. The gray concrete below me hurts my bare legs. I’m only wearing a short summer dress, exposing my scraped knees and bruises on my ankles. My arms are covered in goosebumps, dried blood and more bruises. Why is there blood on my arms? I try and wipe it off but it has stained my skin. Tears are falling down my cheeks but I’m not making a sound. I hear a door open and I try to turn my head to look up but it feels so heavy.
“Eden, look at me. You’re safe now, I’m here,” he tells me. The concern in his voice surprises me. He sits down beside me on the cold, hard concrete and wraps his arm around my shoulder. He is warm and his beating heart calms me. I listen to the rhythm of it and I attempt to look at him again. He is the same boy that tried to feed me earlier.
“I won’t let them hurt you. I promise you, my beautiful girl, I will keep you safe,” he tells me, his voice confident and angry. He isn’t angry with me he’s angry with them. I slide down his chest, resting my head on his lap. He brushes the hair from my face and rubs my shoulders. I like his warm touch, savoring the feeling while I can because I know he’ll be gone again soon. He never stays the night, when I need him the most. I look up into those eyes, his deep ocean blue eyes. Jude’s eyes.
I sit up quickly, gasping for air and realize I’m alone. A knock on the door causes me to jump up, knocking over a lamp in my sudden panic. I have tears streaming down my cheeks when Jude walks in, holding me within a breath. I should have asked how he had unlocked my door or more specifically how he managed to get a key-card for my room but I don’t. Instead I wrap my arms around him as the tears pour out of me. I want to scream for all these memories, all these nightmares to end.
“I’m sorry Jude, I can’t stop these damn tears. I swear I never cry. I never have and I’m so scared when you’re not here. I need you and I don’t know why,” I confess to him. He almost seems to understand. He pulls me tighter into his embrace.
“I’m here baby. You’re safe with me, my beautiful girl, it’s okay now,” he tells me, kissing my forehead and I know he’s the boy from my vision but I don’t know if it’s a memory or just my imagination. If he knew me before he would have told me by now, wouldn’t he?
CHAPTER EIGHT
Just Before Midnight
Jude
"Daniels, I'm in Paris as per your request," I inform him, keeping my voice emotionless which is difficult now. I am consumed by guilt and fear. I can’t keep lying to her but I can’t let her run from me either. Her father can’t know I’ve crossed the line. I’ve spent the day on a job Byron asked me to do for him. I almost refused but he said he'd keep an eye on Eden for me. I’ve never had reason to doubt him before but I’m surprised he knew Eden was here. I agreed because that is what I have been trained to do, follow orders. My father and Byron control me, I work for them first although Eden’s safety will always be my number one concern. I’m sure Byron isn’t thrilled about this but he wouldn’t hurt her.
"Good, she's well I presume?" Daniels asks, sounding distracted.
"Of course she's fine, she’s under my watch isn’t she? I should inform you though that Byron is aware she is here. He asked me if I was protecting her or if you had someone else. My concern is that if Byron found out she’s traveling out of the country without you then so could Lexter Lewis," I say hoping to get his full attention now. He makes a noise, clearing his throat, seeming to excuse whoever he was with. Once I hear a door close near him he responds.
"I’ll look into Lex's whereabouts here and see if there have been any rumblings about him going to Europe. Just keep a closer watch on her. Did Byron mention how he knew she was there and why would anyone tell him? Is he still doing business with Lex?" he asks, sounding either annoyed or angry with this. I hear the fear in his voice even though he’s trying to mask it with indifference. He has questions but he won’t ask me them now. He tries to hide his weaknesses but they are plain as day. He is afraid of Lex Lewis and anyone Lex does business with. The fact that he didn’t dare ask me how I knew about Lex tells me more than any words spoken. He is now afraid of me.
"No he didn't tell me how he knew and as far as I can tell they haven’t been in business together since, well for six years now. I'll find out who told him she was here and why. I’m staying across from her in the hotel for added security. I do have another question for you. I noticed she's been taking medication. Is she sick? Does she have a weakness I should know about?" I ask, hoping for an honest answer. He knows I am aware of all the details of that
night her mother died. I have Eden’s cell transfigured so I get her incoming texts, just in case she gets any threats from Lex. I saw the text from Daniels to Eden, asking her if she is taking her medications. I couldn’t ask Eden about it without causing her to question how I knew. The medical reports I had uncovered before were dated, I wasn't sure if she was still being medicated or the real reasons why, since it is obvious now it isn’t to make her memories return.
"She's been taking medications for several years, experimental if you must know, to keep her memories subdued from the night her mother died. I'm only telling you this because I think she may have left them here. She told me she's still taking them but I'm not sure I believe her. If you saw her taking them then that's a good thing. I couldn't imagine what would happen if she get's her memories back while traveling. I'd have to find a hospital there to hold her until Dr. Michaels could get to her. Let me know if she's showing any symptoms of those memories possibly returning," he informs me. I'm shocked, speechless even. I knew she had a form of permanent amnesia but to be drugged to keep those memories buried in her psyche sounds wrong. It sounds dangerous.
"I will. Are there any side effects to these meds she's been taking?" I ask, hoping not to cause any suspicion on his end, but for Eden I need to know more. He breathed out heavily, as though he feels guilty himself.
"All I will say is that the side effects are not physical, as far as I have been told. She is just kept in a very non-excitable state. She doesn't show her emotions very well. Damn it, I hate talking about this. She is my daughter and I feel like she's a guinea pig for big Pharma but what choice do I have. If she remembers what happened, if she remembers her life before I took her in then she will hate me and she'll be in worse danger if Lex finds out she remembers him. Just make sure she's safe and medicated," he orders before hanging up.
Jude's Salvation: This Love Series Page 8
