I take a deep breath, putting my cell back in my pocket. If what Daniels said was true then she has been off the meds, because she has shown a lot of emotion to me over the last few days. I need to know more about these medications and how long she's been off them. If she remembers things while I'm with her I'll need to be prepared to handle her. She'll go off the deep end for sure. She may even hate me for lying to her. I can sympathize with how her father feels now. I'm worried about the same things. If she can identify Lex in court then she is in more danger then I thought too. He'll take her. Maybe even kill her if he doesn't use her for his personal benefit. Lex is one of the vilest men I have ever met in this life. He kills without a second thought, he killed Marisa and she was his favorite toy. If he knew how beautiful Eden is now there would be no stopping him from acquiring her.
Walking into her room and seeing her falling apart did something to me tonight. I never want to see her cry again. I have too many memories of her falling apart. I want new memories of her. I want memories of her laughing and smiling like we’ve created in the last few days. I want to make her happy every day and I need all her sad memories of her past to vanish again. I understand that she has to remember the life she used to live before she can move on but I can’t handle seeing her cry anymore. If we are ever to have a future she has to forgive me for being a part of her nightmare and hopefully put it behind her, bury it again, if that’s possible. She can’t do that unless she remembers everything, including how we met. All I can do is hope that in time she’ll come to forgive me. A man can always hope.
I fill up the ice bucket and walk quickly back to her room. Opening the door, I see her crying softly again. I breath in, holding back my frustration that I can’t just make this all go away. I place some ice in two cups and pour a whiskey for myself and some Amaretto for her. I know she has a sweet tooth so she might prefer this. I walk to her and place myself softly beside her on the sofa. She takes the drink and grins, I can see her embarrassment through her puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. She is a dignified, stubborn woman and falling apart in front of me is not something she’s proud of I’m sure.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me Jude. You're probably thinking you shouldn’t have followed me here. You should never have asked me out for breakfast. I’d understand if you want to leave. No one needs this,” she mumbles through her tears. She thinks I’ll leave her like this. She really doesn’t know me. It would take a lot more than this to scare me away from her.
“I’m not going anywhere my beautiful girl, I promise you that,” I tell her, kissing her trembling lips. Even through her despair she kisses me back. Her full red, luscious lips consume me for a moment, almost breaking me down and letting my body take what it needs from her but reluctantly I pull back. We need to talk now, I have to know what she’s remembering. I gently hold her cheeks in my hands.
“Tell me what you think is happening Eden? What is scaring you so much? Why are you crying?” I ask her, needing her to open up to me. We have to start getting all this out if we are to go through it, then hopefully pick up the pieces on the other side. She stares at me, looking me in the eyes as though she’s considering letting me in. She’s debating how much she wants to tell me. Afraid she’ll sound crazy. I can tell all this from her expressive eyes and her soft hands covering mine with a slight shake.
“I think I’m having flashbacks of a time I can’t seem to remember. At least I think they are flashbacks, maybe they are visions, maybe it’s just my imagination playing tricks on me. I don’t know, it’s confusing, kind of hard to explain really,” she says, sitting up straighter. I release my hold on her and clasp my hands tightly on my lap, trying to hide my own nervousness. She turns on the sofa and looks into my eyes. I nod for her to continue because I can tell she’s going to tell me more.
“Jude, I don’t have memories of my life before I turned sixteen,” she tells me. I knew this but her telling me is confirmation that the medications she was taking worked. I gulp, afraid to ask her what her last memory is of.
“Was there an accident? Some kind of head trauma?” I question her, wondering how her father explained this to her. She nods, as though she doesn’t believe it. Her eyes close and she lowers her head before she speaks again.
“I was told I was in a car accident. I was also told there was a fire in our home and all my baby and childhood photos had burned but miraculously all Beth’s photos were fine as well as my parents wedding photos and other memorabilia from the past. I believed them Jude. I bought all their fucking stories,” she tells me, her breath sounding shallow. Eden doesn’t swear so I’m shocked by her words unless more of the real Eden is coming through. The one that grew up where she did and didn’t think anything of getting a tattoo at fifteen. I can tell she’s putting pieces together as she speaks for her own rationalization.
“It has always been all black but lately it seems like those memories are pushing through the fog. I'm remembering people I have never met and places I have never been,” she says with a shaky voice and I reach for her, holding her hands in mine again. I can’t image how this is going to hurt her when it all comes back. She leans away from me and looks into my eyes. I know what’s coming. My heart is racing. I can’t lose her, not now, not again.
“Sometimes I think I see you, when you were younger and I feel like we have met before. It almost makes me think you have taken care of me, fed me, protected me, held me in your arms,” she smiles at the memory and so do I. She stills as she watches my face.
“It’s true?” she asks, her voice trembling. I hold her hands tighter praying this isn’t the moment she tells me to go. She hesitates, I can feel her pull back slightly before she relaxes and allows me to hold her there.
“It’s true Eden. I have taken care of you before, six years ago. At least I tried to, I wanted to. When you remember it all I will be here for you but I won’t give you any details. You need to remember on your own so that my words don’t create a distorted memory. I don’t know much about amnesia but I think this is something you have to bring back carefully,” I explain to her, hoping she won’t demand that I tell her how we met. She seems to accept this, her gaze settling on her hands clasped tightly in mine, resting on my knees. I need her closer but I won’t push.
“Do I want to remember Jude? Do I want to remember my past? Do I want to remember meeting you?” she asks, already knowing the answer to those questions. Her eyes lift and settle on mine. I don’t know how to answer her. I want to tell her that she doesn’t, that the memories are going to tear her apart. Her life will never be the same, her foundation will crumble below her and I am the only one she can grab on to but I don’t say any of this. I shake my head and hold her against my chest. She wraps her arms around me and I kiss her hair, trying with everything in me to comfort her, to keep her.
“You found me again, were you looking for me or was finding me just a fluke?” she asks, her voice sounding rough.
“I looked for you Eden. I could never forget you but I didn’t think we would happen, I swear I didn’t plan this. When I saw you I just couldn’t resist. I told you I go after what I want and I want you. I’ve always wanted you, from the moment I first saw those eyes I wanted to keep you,” I tell her, hoping she’ll understand. I almost let it slip that I love her but I have to keep that in. I could lose her at any moment. I can’t let her know I’ve loved her for six years, followed her and protected her. She would never forgive me for the lies and the deceit. She’ll hate me for invading her privacy, even if it was only to protect her.
She surprises me when she suddenly climbs onto my lap, straddling my hips. I am a bad man for allowing this. She is my salvation but she will ultimately kill me in the end.
I can’t deny that I love the weight of her on me. She fits perfectly as she wraps her arms around my neck and her lips land on mine. I know we’ll talk more later but right now she wants my love and I have every intention of giving it to her, all of it.
“I need yo
u,” she whispers against my lips. I kiss her, hard and with passion. I slide my tongue through her open lips, groaning as she devours me. Her taste is liquid sin and I’m intoxicated the moment she slides her tongue over mine. Gripping her legs, I stand, easily carrying her with me.
“I need you too, so much my beautiful girl,” I groan, carrying her quickly to the bed. I lay her down and slide up her nightgown, over her head and dropping it to the floor as I look down at her. She’s perfect, her skin and her curves in the moonlight dissolves my fears. She’s breathing slowly but I see goosebumps on her arms. She’s anticipating my touch and I’m so hard looking at her desire me like this. I plant my face between her warm creamy thighs, my favorite place as I lick and suck on her until she cries out my name. She loves the flick of my tongue, my dark kiss. I sink my throbbing cock into her and begin my assault. I can’t go slow and loving with her. It’s a maddening passion that takes over when I enter her. I thrust hard and deep, my hands leaving bruises on her hips as I possess her. I never want her to tell me to stop. I never want to hear her tell me to go slow because I know I can’t. I pound and thrust into her until I feel the world disappearing around us, until there isn’t any memories but us, fucking. I hear her scream out her orgasm and I follow. My head rolls back and I pump hot cum into her until I’m empty. I reach down and wrap her in my arms. My eyes close as I feel her arms tighten around me. She is mine and I am hers, forever.
After falling asleep in my arms, I laid her down on the pillow and watched her. I have considered going to her father and asking to continue my services when she returns to Boston but that will only raise his suspicions. Mr. Daniels isn’t the kind of man that likes to be told what to do. I have made that mistake in the past when I told him to have the threat extinguished. I could do it or someone on his team could do it but he turned angry at the suggestion, telling me it wasn't that simple and I should stay out of it if I knew what was good for me. Well sorry Daniels but if you can't take care of your daughter then I will. I have no intention of letting this threat to her life continue. While she is here in my care, I can continue wrapping up my obligations here in Paris and as soon as she boards that flight back to Los Angeles I will be right behind her.
I don't really know what to tell her yet about our future. I'll have to keep my distance because her father would have my head if he saw me with her and killing her father is unfortunately not an option if I want to stay in Eden’s life. How do I tell her that we can't go out in public together, that I can't meet her parents or her friends? I know Daniels has implanted a few spies in her close group to guard her. Lex may have too for that matter. Thankfully none of them joined her on this trip. I already had the three of them checked out and they all appear to be legit close friends of hers.
I'll have to just pray she likes the secrecy and the mystery, because I plan on visiting her at night. I'll explain that I have a contract position in New York, so I have commitments during the day but I'll hide away with her in her apartment each night, leaving by dawn. I’m not too concerned about her guards, I know how they work.
Just the thought of her warm body against mine at night makes me happy, for the first time in my life there is someone that needs me, wants me and maybe if I'm lucky may even love me. All my darkness and scars won’t matter to her. She makes all that disappear. I am selfish, I know this. I should walk away from her, let her live a white picket fence life, have babies and go to dinner parties but I won't. She is mine. We are meant to be together. There is a darkness in her, she has buried her scars. She has somehow been able to forget but I know it's there and so does her father. Whoever is after her knows this too. I will find them and bring them to justice, my form of justice.
Watching her sleep is the most precious thing in the world to me. I would die if I couldn't be near her, listening to her breathing. All I need is her breath and I will stop at nothing to protect it.
Her father must be concerned with more than her life. He has greed in his eyes. He stands to lose a lot of money if he folds, but why did he take her in the first place and why did his wife allow it?
When I heard Eden cry out before the gun was fired I had thought they killed Eden too. The silence after the shots rang out through the building nearly broke me. I was numb as I witnessed her body being carried out with her mothers. I had held in my tears, not wanting to show them to my uncle but I was hurting and not just from Lex’s stabbing threat to stay away from her the night before.
Byron had to drag me away from that warehouse. I didn’t have a weapon at the time, they took them from us when we entered the property gates. I would have been shot myself if I tried to intervene in Lex’s personal business. I tried to rationalize with myself, to gain control of my emotions, something I’ve never had to do before. If Eden lived then I had to as well. I would live the rest of my days making up for this.
If she had been shot she might still survive if her father really did take her like Byron told me he did. Finding her again was the only thing that kept me from attacking them all once I had my gun back.
My beautiful Eden had been destined for a life of abuse, pain and torment. I tried to convince myself that if she died she would have been saved from it all. Being Lex’s captive was not a good life and she would have been his to own if her father hadn’t taken her that day.
Byron had told me not to get attached to the prisoners, they will come and go from your life but her, Eden, I was deeply attached to her and died a little when they took her away from me. I still don’t know why Daniels showed up to take her. He must have made some kind of deal with Lex. It infuriated me when I found her and he hadn’t changed her name. He moved his entire family across the country but he never hid her identity. If I found her then so could Lex unless of course he’s known all along where she is.
She stirs and I go to her. She has nightmares that she doesn't understand but she will. I haven't told her that she has been crying out in the night and she never mentions her dreams in the morning. When I hold her against my chest she always falls into a deep, peaceful sleep.
I looked up memory suppressing medications on the web but couldn’t find anything so I called a psychologist that I knew in New York last night after she fell asleep. I asked him about the drugs, needing to know more about her type of amnesia. I asked him if he knew anything about these drugs or the type of non-excitability Daniels was talking about. He told me that her memories could come back in the blink of an eye, especially if she was put in another traumatic event or under any stressful situation. As far as the medications were concerned, he has never had any experience with them. He believes in helping patients overcome tragic events, return their brain functions and memories so that they can work through it and carry on with a successful life. He also said that a person could only suppress a memory that blocks so many years of their life for so long. It has no choice but to come back eventually, but that being said there are a lot amnesia patients that never have their memories restored but those ones are usually from severe head trauma.
I have to believe that her mind will demand her to remember. I need to be there for her when these memories do come back. No one else will understand, least of all Mr. Daniels. I still don’t trust his motives or his actions. He must be protecting himself somehow, using her as a shield.
I can hear her whimpering louder now. Sometimes she calls for her mother and it breaks my heart. I know what it feels like to lose everyone you had no matter what they did to you. My parents had put their dedication to their empire ahead of me, having me sent off to train away from home at twelve. I appreciate being able to defend myself and protect Eden now but at the time I wanted to play sports and study like my friends were. It was difficult to have to leave them, to give up my youth and my innocence.
My father and my uncle have been involved in the export business for years. They have built up a small dynasty here in Europe and with clients in America. Most of their dealings are not in London. I guess I was groomed for the family
business but I never signed on for the exporting of humans or the torture of innocents. My father told me repeatedly he is not involved in that and knows nothing about it. His business with Lexter Lewis was about money and Byron shouldn’t have been there if he was holding innocent hostages.
My father’s illegal affairs start and stop in banks and board rooms. It's all white collar crimes and based on the accumulation of money. I grew up in luxury, the best schools, expensive cars, suites and dream vacations. I had everything except someone that truly loved me for me. I used to think that was lame, I could have any woman I wanted and I went through a number of them but no one looked at me the way Eden did then or the way she does now. Like I am her world, her dream, like she can't live without me. She looks at me like she knows me. I suppose a part of me would like it if she remembered me from six years ago, but I don't want her to know the truth, not about me.
When I met her I was in the middle of my training. The mental training part of my job and she was held hostage at a warehouse in New York. Her mother, Marisa had smuggled funds from the wrong people and they wanted payback. She said she didn't have the money and I believed her but my uncle’s business associate didn't. I remember telling him not to let Lex hurt a woman and her kid.
"Why is the kid here? Why didn't you leave her at the house?" I shouted when Lex finally made his appearance at the warehouse, feeling angry I vented.
“You will have to excuse my nephew, he’s new to the business. I’ll take him out and we’ll meet later to discuss my proposal,” Byron had tried to excuse my outburst to Lex. I was fuming. Lex just smiled and looked from my uncle to me.
Jude's Salvation: This Love Series Page 9
