The Duke Who Lied

by Michaels, Jess

  His emotions were so plain on his face, quite a feat considering how he had been punished for just that as a child. Now he came to her, utterly open. Because she needed it.

  “Thank you,” she said, and then glanced toward the door. “It’s been such a long day. I think I’ll go up, have a bath and go to bed.”

  “Yes,” he whispered. She turned and went to the door, but as she lifted her hand to open it, he said, “I love you, Amelia.”

  She froze there, hand shaking, body and mind screaming at her to accept those words. But she didn’t turn. She left the room, left him behind and trudged up to her bed.

  But there would be no sleep tonight. She knew there would be no sleep for a long time to come.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Amelia sat on the settee staring at the fire, a letter drooping from her hand. Hugh had left her be for three long days, but that didn’t mean his presence in her life had been any less constant. Her favorite flowers appeared in her bedroom every afternoon when she came to prepare for tea. Her favorite foods were laid out for her at meals. The servants were extra gentle with her. Lizzie slipped in and out of rooms like she was trying to be a ghost so that Amelia could have her time.

  And then there was this letter from her father, received not an hour before. She’d expected it. Certainly, he would have heard about the death of Aaron Walters by now, and she guessed he would have a reaction.

  Just not this one. He’d written her a letter of apology. Her father. The man who had never looked at her and not seen how he could further himself. He had written her something heartfelt and warm, filled with what felt like true contrition about Walters’ nature and what he had almost allowed her to do.

  That was Hugh’s work, she was certain. Her father had written something about her husband telling him the news, and she could well imagine the dressing down Hugh had given him on her behalf.

  Yes, her husband was always there, even when he wasn’t in the room with her, filling up all the space and making her want him. Heart and soul, body and mind.

  There was a light knock on the parlor door, and she straightened and faced it. “Enter.”

  Masters put his head into the room. “Your Grace, the Duchess of Willowby has arrived. Are you in residence?”

  Amelia sighed. She had expected Diana far earlier, based on their conversation from a few days before. In fact, she had been expecting all the duchesses to descend upon her, driven to wheedle her forgiveness out of her.

  “I’m home,” she said. “Send Her Grace in, thank you.”

  Masters went to fetch her guest and Amelia took her time folding the letter from her father and putting it away. She stood, smoothing her skirts, and faced the door with something resembling a smile.

  Diana swept in a moment later and immediately crossed the room to hug Amelia wordlessly. Amelia buckled against her friend, drawing deep breaths so she wouldn’t humiliate herself by weeping.

  She had done enough of that in private.

  “Sit,” Diana ordered gently, as if this was her parlor, not Amelia’s.

  But Amelia could not deny her, so she did as she was told and watched as Diana hustled to the sideboard. “Should I order more tea?”

  Amelia chuckled. “It seems to be your house, Your Grace.”

  Diana turned with a smile. “I’m sorry, I’m being thoughtless and pushy. Lucas says it is in my nature to take care of others. The healer in me, you know.” She came back to the settee and took a place next to Amelia. She searched her face. “The bruise has healed a great deal. It should be gone in a day or two.”

  “If only the rest was so easy,” Amelia sighed.

  “Yes, if I could patent a salve for a broken heart, I would double Lucas’s fortune.” Diana shook her head. “But that is not possible.”

  Amelia worried her lip. “I assume Hugh has gone to you two.” Diana’s silence was the answer. “Did he sent you as his agent?”

  “No.” Diana said immediately. “Quite the opposite. There have been many offers to come and talk to you by all the duchesses and half the dukes. He has asked everyone to leave you be, respect your wishes to be left alone. I’m certain he would be angry if he knew I was here.”

  Amelia ducked her head. “So everyone knows then?”

  Diana smiled. “They’re a family, Amelia. I was like you, alone most of my life, and in the beginning the idea that all the friends and their wives were so intertwined was unsettling. But you’ll see, as you come to know everyone, that it is truly magical. You end up with a heart full of sisters and brothers to turn to. People who won’t judge and who accept you for exactly who you are.”

  Amelia clenched her hands together. That sounded like heaven. “If I come to know everyone. I don’t even know where my marriage stands at present.”

  “That’s why I’m here,” Diana said, patting her hand. “To help you through this, since I thought you might need a friend.”

  Amelia laughed, though she felt little humor. “Aren’t you a little biased?”

  Diana’s laugh was heartier. “Oh yes, I am. But so are you.”

  Amelia let out her breath slowly. “I am.” She glanced at Diana. “He lied to me. My father, I expected that from him, as much as it hurt. He always saw me as a tool to be wielded. But I hated it, and Hugh knew how much I did. I never expected him to…”

  Diana nodded as Amelia trailed off, unable to continue. “I cannot imagine. Especially since it is so obvious that you care for him.”

  Amelia flinched. “Yes, that is true, too.”

  “Do you love him?” Diana’s question was gentle, but Amelia felt her seeking gaze. She nodded without looking up. Diana retook her hand. “He made mistakes. Two very bad ones. The first was before he knew you. The second was when he was afraid to lose you.”

  Amelia bent her head. As she’d spent the days and nights alone, she had come to much the same conclusion. “He should have told me,” she said.

  “Yes, he should have. But he didn’t,” Diana said.

  Amelia shifted, feeling a swell of protectiveness toward Hugh. “But…he meant to. Didn’t he?”

  “He did. He has said as much to all of us, as he paces our halls, tormenting himself. He hates himself for not doing so, and for putting you in danger because of it.”

  “I’ve lost so much.” Amelia got up and walked away, restless in her confusion and despair.

  “I’m sure you have,” Diana said after a moment’s silence. “I have, too. I’ve been in the kind of pain where I was so afraid to move that I actually made it worse. I nearly lost everything. I would hate to see you do the same.”

  Amelia turned and speared her with a gaze. “You think I should forgive him.”

  Diana shrugged. “I think you shouldn’t shut him out while you try. Amelia, he does love you. That much is plain.”

  “What’s funny is that I’ve stopped questioning that,” Amelia said, her voice trembling. “I think of all he did, all he said, all the ways we’ve been connected. I know, in my heart, that he does love me. But I can’t trust…myself.”

  “Why?”

  “I thought Walters was a good man!” She shook her head. “I couldn’t have been more wrong. But I told myself I loved him. And now I tell myself the same about Hugh. What if I’m just a fool, like Walters said? What if I’m so desperate for any scrap of love that I’ll find it in any corner?”

  Diana got up and rushed to her. “There is a marked difference between a man who manipulated you to get your fortune and one who has truly fallen in love with you. And I assume the feelings you have for each man were different, too.”

  “Yes, of course. With Walters, I was always…slightly uncomfortable. Always reaching for something that I now understand he kept away from me in order to reel me in further. I was uncertain with him. With Hugh…even at the beginning when I tried to tell myself I hated him, there was something about him that drew me to him. He offered me kindness and gentleness. He o
ffered me the truth about his past, even though I knew it was difficult, and he coaxed my own from me without judgment or lack of interest.”

  “You connected. Truly,” Diana encouraged her.

  “Yes,” Amelia admitted. “Diana, when I am with him…I’ve always wanted a home. A real home. I pictured it as a place, but…”

  “It’s a person.” Diana blinked at tears. “That, my dear, is love. And it’s real, not some schoolgirl notion from a lonely mind. It is how every one of our duchess friends would describe her husband, and all of them are truly in love.”

  Amelia lowered her gaze, but not because she was upset or sad or confused or filled with self-recrimination. It was because the happiness and acceptance that filled her was so powerful that she had to steady herself.

  “Talk to him,” Diana said. “Give him that chance to be the home you’ve earned. And to be the same for him.”

  Amelia smiled at her. “I will. I must.”

  “Good,” Diana said, and squeezed her tightly into a hug.

  Amelia clung to her, a raft in a stormy sea, and shook with the power of what she felt, what she knew and what she would do. She only hoped that when she reached for Hugh, he would be there to take the hand she offered and the future they both deserved.

  Hugh sat in his study, staring at a pile of correspondence that had gathered in the past few days. There were invitations and inquiries, some likely important, but how could he focus on such mundane things when all he could think about was Amelia? All he could want was Amelia. All he had lost that had ever mattered was Amelia.

  He glanced up and jolted, for there she was, standing in the entryway like his errant, troubled mind had conjured her there. She was pale, with circles under her eyes like she hadn’t slept, and she watched him closely.

  “Amelia!” he cried, leaping to his feet and coming around the desk. He brought himself up short there, remembering her desire to be alone. She didn’t want him crowding her, forcing her.

  She stepped inside and shut the door behind her, leaning back on it like it was the only thing holding her up.

  “I spent my life knowing I could trust no one,” she said softly, without preamble, without hesitation. “My mother was uninvolved, my father unconnected. It made me who I am. That day when he tried to kill us, Aaron said I was so desperate for love that I was a good target. And he was right. I was desperate. And then there was you.”

  Hugh bent his head, feeling the accusation in her words. The one he deserved. “I took away what you wanted. I caused you pain.”

  “No.” He lifted his gaze to hers and found her staring at him intently. “At first I thought you did that. At first I wanted to despise you for it. But as we grew closer, I came to a realization that has changed me as much as my past did.”

  He could hardly breathe, and forced himself to stay where he was rather than rush to her and take her into his arms. “What is that?”

  She moved since he didn’t, pushing from the door and crossing two steps closer. He could almost touch her now. God, how he wanted to touch her.

  “I realized everything I have ever wanted was in your house. Your company.” Her voice broke. “In your arms. I tried not to, because you are too intense and too strong and too…too you, but I fell in love with you.”

  A strangled sound came from Hugh’s throat, and he couldn’t move as he stared at this beautiful, remarkable woman he had hurt, who was standing before him confessing her heart regardless. This strong, powerful woman who could bring light to everything dark in him. Who could carry him when he felt weak. This woman he loved more than anything else on the earth. In the stars.

  “I had only just accepted how I felt,” she continued. “When I found out what you’d done. That you’d lied to me.”

  He stiffened, now wondering if she was describing her love in past tense. It was so hard not to try to explain himself, to argue his case. But he managed to simply nod. “Yes.”

  She shifted. “I’ve thought a lot about that in the time you’ve given me. And Hugh, I can understand why you lied. I know my father. And even if I didn’t, he confessed to me in his letter—which I’m sure you had a part in—that he all but forced you to marry me to save me from Walters.”

  “I still could have told you why,” he whispered.

  She shook her head. “I was a stranger. Why would you have trusted me with Lizzie’s darkest moment?”

  He frowned. “I should have. It impacted your life and at least you would have been able to choose your own path. It was my pride that silenced me as much as her reputation.”

  She nodded slowly. “So you have said. And I have one question, Hugh.”

  “Anything.”

  “Once you knew me, once we grew close…why didn’t you tell me right away?”

  He froze, for the answer to that question was difficult. But he could only be truthful now. If he wanted her back, and he wanted her back more now than ever since he knew she loved him, he had to give her honesty as his first and most powerful gift.

  “The more I fell in love with you, the more I feared what my deception would do. I convinced myself at first that I could simply wait, let our relationship blossom and then tell you. Once Lizzie confessed to you, I recognized how unfair that was. I wanted to tell you then, but we were going to London. I decided to tell you here. After things had settled. I didn’t know how dangerous Walters truly was until the day he attacked you.”

  Her face relaxed a fraction. “But you would have told me.”

  “Yes,” he declared with a passion that leapt to the surface with ease. “I don’t expect you to believe that, but I would have. Perhaps even the day you found out yourself. I know I must prove myself to you. Prove that you can have faith in what I say again.”

  “How?” she asked.

  “Any way you choose,” he said. “Any way that will show you I am worthy. It may take a long time and I’m willing to do it. Every day in every way I can.”

  She moved closer once more, and her breath shuddered out as she reached for his hand. Her bare fingers closed around his hand and the warmth of her crept through his entire being. How he had missed that. Missed her.

  She looked up at him, her eyes misty with tears. “I still love you,” she whispered.

  “You do?” he asked, barely able to believe it. Praying it wasn’t a dream.

  She nodded. “I do. I love you and being apart these past few days has been terrible for me. I can see it has been for you, too.”

  “I wanted to respect your wishes,” he said, lifting her hand to his heart and knowing she could feel the throb, even through all his clothing. “You don’t know how many nights I stood at your door and wanted to come in. Just to look at you. Just to touch you.”

  He lifted her hand higher, brushing his lips to her knuckles as a tear slid down her cheek. But she smiled. She smiled at him and in that moment, he saw his future in her eyes. A future that was not marred by pain, but filled with joy and beauty. Surrounded by love.

  “You had good intentions,” she whispered. “I know you did. You are incapable of anything else. And if you promise me today that those lies are the last you’ll ever tell me, I will believe you. We can start fresh.”

  He cupped her cheeks, smoothing tears away with his thumbs. He met her gaze and held there so she could see the truth in his eyes. “I will never lie to you again, Amelia. Never.”

  “And do you love me?” she asked, that little smile lifting her lips again.

  He laughed. “Have I not said it? I swear, I’ve screamed it out a thousand times in my head since we got to London. I love you, Amelia. I love you with a power that frightens me. I thought I was fine and that my life was balanced. You came in, crashed in, and I realized I’d been in the dark all this time. I told you in Brighthollow that you were my light. I meant it.”

  “And you are mine,” she whispered, her voice filled with joy again. Touched by laughter and happiness.

  �
�I need you, I love you, I cannot live without you,” he continued. “And if you can truly give me a chance, I won’t squander it. I will spend all my life earning what you’ve given me. And I will never let you go.”

  She lifted up on her tiptoes and her lips found his. He pulled her flush against him, tasting her, drowning in her, surrendering to her fully, perhaps for the first time. And he felt the same in her. A kiss that was a vow, as much as any they had ever spoken. A kiss that gave them a future together that he couldn’t wait to watch unfold around them.

  She pulled back at last, her fingers tracing his cheeks as she whispered, “We’ll never let each other go. Not ever.”

  “Not ever,” he repeated, and then he kissed her again as his heart soared.

  Enjoy an exciting excerpt from

  The Duke of Desire

  out October 2018

  Fall 1812

  Robert Smithton, Duke of Roseford, looked out over the ballroom floor with disinterest. He’d never enjoyed this exercise in exhibition, but as of late it had become almost unbearable. He felt his mouth turn down even lower as he looked at the couples bobbing about the floor. Friends of his, many of them with happy brides in their arms.

  Once upon a time, he would have said those men had thrown away their freedom. But it was hard to feel that way now when their joy was so clear. So sharp. Like a knife to the gut.

  “What are you brooding about?”

  Robert jumped and turned to find three of those very friends standing at his elbow. The Dukes of Abernathe, Crestwood and Northfield. James, Simon and Graham respectively, because the titles were so damned tedious.

  It was Graham who had spoken, and he handed over a drink for Robert with a grin. Robert refused to return the expression. “Who says I’m brooding?”

  He took a slug of the drink and found it watered down, indeed. God, he would be happy when the Season was over. When his friends would retreat back to their estates and their frustrating contentment and he would be left to…to prowl and dive into all the darkness that kept the pain away.