Beautiful Disaster (The Bet)

by Francette Phal

  "In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister Isabella Grayson. We commit her body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord blesses her, and keeps her. The Lord makes her face to shine upon him and be gracious unto her and give her everlasting peace. Amen. "

  "Amen." The few in attendance chorused as they lowered the coffin into the ground.

  Maddie stood across from them, face smeared with tears as she leaned against her grandmother for support. Gabe and Ronnie were not too far off, their own sorrow painted on their faces. A subdued Sophie sat in Ronnie's arms, as if she understood the significance of the situation.

  Charles stood to Nicholas's left, face revealing nothing as he held on to his cane. His wife, the first Ellie had ever seen of her stood beside her husband, her face a beautiful mask of grief as she silently mourned for a granddaughter she would never know.

  Ellie chanced a glance at Nicholas's face and as unchanging as it had been over the last seven days, it remained so now. Vacant, apathetic, a frozen poker face of handsome features. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his slacks, beneath the charcoal blazer his shoulders were held high, taunt. Head bent low, his dark shaggy locks covered his face from everyone except Ellie.

  She wanted to put her arm around him, but she knew the effort would not be appreciated. It hadn't been the last few days. With a quiet sigh, Ellie followed the procession, picking up a rose and gently throwing it on top of the lacquered coffin.

  Once everyone was through, Ellie stood off to the side and watched Nicholas as he stood before the grave. Hands still shoved in his pockets, the rain pelted down on him making his hair look like ink against his pale face.

  "I love you." Nicholas said inaudibly, reaching over to take a rose from the tray being held out. He tossed it on the coffin. "Rest in peace, Bella."

  He turned away and headed for Ronnie. Sophie eagerly jumped into Nicholas's awaiting arms, heedless of the rain. She remained stuck to him like a limpet as they made their way to Ellie.

  "Let's get out of here." Indifferent to the stares they received, Nicholas held out a hand to her which Ellie immediately took. Wordlessly they made their way to the town car they’d arrived in.

  "Nicholas!" The name wrenched from the very depths of Maddie's soul echoed through the cemetery garnering the attention of several people. She looked like a drowned rat, her dark-red hair sticking to her sallow skin like blood. Heedless of the rain beating down on her, Maddie faced both Nicholas and Ellie, staring at them through raccoon rimmed eyes glistening with unshed tears.

  Only moments earlier her grandmother had pleaded with her to leave Nicholas alone to mourn, but the masochist in Maddie had wrenched her arm from her Gran's feeble hold to race over to him. Nicholas and Ellie, with Ellie's adorable daughter ensconced between them gave the appearance of a happy family.

  Jealousy was a like a boa-constrictor obstructing Maddie's airway. She swallowed back the tears and the aching curiosity of what it would've been like had their daughter survived. Isabella, had she lived, could've been the glue that kept them together. Kept Nicholas around. Isabella's presence would've eventually made Nicholas realize that they were a family and he would've eventually seen just how deep Maddie's love ran.

  But those dreams, those plaguing fantasies had been dashed away by her stupidity. She had screwed it all up. And now instead of love shining in Nicholas's eyes, the unmitigated hatred she saw there, shone like a beacon through those grey fog eyes.

  She looked as if she hadn't slept in months, Ellie observed silently, taking stock of gaunt features. The changes in Maddie were drastic enough that Ellie's heart went out to her.

  Despite the black, shapeless sweater she donned, Ellie could tell that Maddie had lost a significant amount of weight since the last time they'd seen each other. The effects of withdrawal, something she could gravely attest to were not a kind master and Maddie it seemed had become its whipping girl. The battle showed in the way she stood, hunched over slightly as if the weight of civilization itself rested upon her shoulders. Ellie's gaze traveled further down as she picked up on the snapping noise. Sympathy gripped Ellie further realizing what the snapping noise was.

  It was a coping mechanism used in outpatient programs to curb the impulse to self-mutilate. For Ellie it had been an ice cube strategically placed on the inside of her wrist, right above the vein. Ellie guessed the rubber band was Maddie's way of curbing the impulse.

  "What?" Nicholas's emotionless voice drew Ellie back to the situation at hand. Holding the umbrella over them with one hand and a muted Sophie in the other, Ellie was pleasantly surprised to see Nicholas keeping his cool. Although everything she knew told her that it wouldn't last long.

  The snapping doubled in rhythm and Ellie winced, knowing the razor sharp pain Maddie was probably feeling. "I…I'm happy that you invited me." She uttered through bloodless lips, teeth chattering from both emotion and the chill in the air.

  “Your happiness had nothing to do with it. I only did what I thought my daughter would've wanted." Those words and voice that held about as much warmth as the polar ice caps produced an involuntary shiver in Ellie and suddenly she was happy that Nicholas's wrath wasn't aimed at her. A wrathful Nicholas was something to definitely be wary of.

  Maddie swallowed, wincing despite herself as the tears trickled down her cheeks to mix in with the rain. "She…She was my daughter too." She said brokenly. "I loved her."

  Nicholas's laughter was humorless, detached and filled with lacerating hatred. "Right, you loved her so much that you decided to get her hooked on lethal amounts of what I am sure will be the newest prenatal vitamins for all pregnant women. Very good, Maddie, I applaud you." Maddie took step back as if slapped, the malice in his voice too much to handle.

  "It was an accident."

  "One that caused Isabella's life! You stupid, selfish bitch, do you have any fucking idea what you took from me? Do you have any idea of how much I wish it were you in that grave right now?"

  "Nicholas!" Ellie took a frightened Sophie from Nicholas's arm, his anger so palpable that someone so small could be affected by it. "This isn't the time or place to have this discussion.” she glared at Nicholas who still refused to meet her gaze, before continuing. "You’ve both lost a child. Putting the blame on someone else isn't going to change that fact." She reasoned, taking a step towards Maddie in the hopes of lending her some comfort. Suddenly Ellie wanted to mend the rift between them, however, the viselike grip on her wrist kept her at Nicholas's side.

  Nicholas's jaw clenched, his hold on the umbrella tightening. "Get in the car." He ordered succinctly and in a flash, Ellie saw Charles's in that face. The beautiful face she had tenderly kissed so many times before. The face that conveyed the simplest message of love with just a glance was now cast in granite, epitomizing the man that was the bane of their existence. Ellie was afraid of Nicholas at this very moment.

  "Nicky…"

  "Now!" Both Ellie and Sophie jumped, startled they gaped at him. The barked order driving them further into silence until Sophie's wailing cries pierced the air, snapping Ellie out of her stupor. She wrenched her wrist from Nicholas's grip, hurting herself in the process, but Ellie ignored the pain as she climbed into the backseat of the car, Sophie held securely in her arms.

  Nicholas slammed the door shut once he was assured that they were both ensconced inside. Lifting eyes to Maddie and further back to Charles, who had silently witnessed the entire scenario, he spoke.

  "Let this be the very last time our paths cross. From here on, if you so much as come near me, I will make sure you rue the day you ever met me. I promise you that." His gunmetal grey eyes remained on his father as he uttered those words and only came to rest on Maddie once Charles walked away. But not before leaving Nicholas with that mockery of a smile, the smile that promised pain and suffering for being contravened.

  "Stay the hell away from me, M
addie." With that, Nicholas opened the door once more, smoothly settling beside Ellie, once he had closed the umbrella.

  He had the driver drop them off at home and with a whisper soft kiss on a sleeping Sophie's forehead, he stiffly answered Ellie's question of where he was going with a terse. "I need to be alone." The door had closed then and the car had driven off, taking Nicholas with it. That had been a week ago.

  Seven days of worrying. Seven days spent wondering why the bastard didn't answer his phone. Seven days of tears, trying to understand why she wasn't trusted enough to be allowed in. Seven days of consoling a little girl who had fallen just as deeply in love as her mother with a guy who was too much of a stubborn ass to let them love him. Comfort him. The idiot was hurting, was it too much to rely on them for strength?

  Tiredly, Ellie scooped up her daughter, fluffy towel and all and exited the bathroom. Cool oak planks creaked beneath her feet as she hastily trudged to Sophie's room, careful not to wake her. The little tyke had tired herself out playing with the toys Nicholas had bought her a few months back. She'd fallen asleep only a moment ago when Ellie had taken her out of the tub and began drying her. She was exhausted and Ellie understood her exhaustion, feeling ready to fall into a dead sleep of her own. With a wary sigh, Ellie dressed Sophie in her cute princess one-piece before gently putting her down in her crib. She swept the jade green coverlet over her body.

  Tears gathered in her eyes as she gently brushed her fingers across Sophie's cheek. Ellie couldn't even begin to understand the pain that came with losing a child. Having her daughter was the best thing that could've happened to her and there wasn't a day that went by that Ellie didn't thank God for blessing her with those sweet Sophie smiles, her laughter, her exuberance for life and everything else that made Sophie so special. "I love you, Monster." She whispered affectionately. "And Nicky loves you too, baby." With a parting kiss on the velvet soft cheek, Ellie snapped on the nightlight before exiting her daughter's room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

  The emotions from the week taking its toll, Ellie hurried to her own room, praying that she didn't run into Ronnie or Gabe. They'd been particularly attentive as of late, their combined efforts in seeing to her wellbeing had become a little stifling. And the fact that they were forcing her to eat food that turned her stomach didn't help matters either. Add school, anxiety over college acceptance letters and work to the mix and you had a very frazzled teenage girl teetering at the breaking point.

  Ellie quietly closed the door behind her, wiping the tears with a sniff. She was a mess and she hated that Nicholas's abandonment did this to her. All the other things in her life she could handle, but this emotional roller coaster Nicholas kept strapping her in was doing far too much damage. It made Ellie wonder whether the unpredictable twist and turns were worth it. Could she handle being with Nicholas for the long haul if this was how it was going to be?

  It pained her to have doubts about their relationship after having gone through so much already. But right now, right this very second, Ellie couldn't seem to get over Nicholas pushing her away. Always he withdrew within himself when he was hurting, only to return when he needed a little ass. And always, Ellie gave it up to him. Like a stupid fool, eager to sooth, eager to take, eager to please, eager to wait until Nicholas was ready to trust her. A trust they should've had from the very beginning. How much more could this deep rooted love last before it withered and died?

  "Thoughtless asshole." She muttered despondently, hands fisting at her sides the more she thought of Nicholas.

  "I have my days." The voice brought everything to a screeching halt in Ellie's world and she nearly cried out when her heart slammed against her sternum, the impact of which brought her hand to her chest.

  He looked like her worse nightmare and her sweetest fantasy combined in one. Angry as she was at him, Ellie wasn't immune to Nicholas. She hated how her body betrayed her from just the sight of him. Sexy as sin, he looked good enough to eat in his attire.

  He looked as if he had just stepped out from a GQ editorial. Arrogantly sexy face, perfectly coiffed hair, swept back from said sexy face, with that one rebellious lock of hair falling across his forehead. The whole of his athletic body was poured into pinstriped slacks and a white dress shirt he'd rolled up to the elbows. A steel blue tie hung loose around the throat that Ellie suddenly wanted to wrap her hands around and squeeze. The fucking prick.

  "Who said I was talking about you?" She asked flippantly fire in her hazel eyes. "I could've been talking about another man."

  "Yeah?" he quietly queried, one perfectly arched brow lifting just the slightest bit. Ellie silently cursed him as she began to walk around her bedroom, picking up discarded clothes from the floor. The small task temporarily curbed the urge to throw herself in his arms. If Nicholas could abandon their relationship at the drop of dime without so much as a by-your-leave than Ellie didn't see why she had to make a complete ass of herself by falling into his arms---again.

  "Yeah. You're not exactly the center of my universe, Nicky." Which was a big fat lie, but the bastard didn't need to know that. She picked up a dirty sweater and mindlessly began to fold it.

  "Pity that, because you're the center of mine."

  Unbelievable, un-fucking believable! Ellie looked at him, took in the blank features and her anger mounted. She threw the sweater at him with all her might only to have it tossed aside as if it were nothing. He stood poised to block anything else Ellie dared throw at him and it only added fuel to the roaring fire blazing in her.

  "No!" she ground out, low enough not be heard by anyone but the man who began stalking her around the room. "Stay the hell away from me, Nicky."

  "It's not for my lack of trying, Ellie. Believe me." His lips quirked. "I'm incapable of staying away from you."

  "Try harder. Don't come near me!" She hated herself for crying, for showing how much he could hurt her, had hurt her. Always she was the one to shed tears.

  "And if I refuse?" Nicholas softly challenged.

  "I'll scream so loud that Gabe will come running in here with his gun," She'd managed to stupidly back herself into her armoire, with only a lukewarm half-emptied bottle of water between her and the lover with steel grey eyes. "And this time I won't stop him. In fact I'll be the one who pulls the trigger."

  "Really?" Nicholas loomed, a predator having cornered his prey and relishing the scent of fear. "Would you really shoot me, Ellie?" He was only an arm's length away now, his magnetism crashing against Ellie, further pinning her to the spot.

  Nicholas snatched her right hand, the move far too quick for Ellie to anticipate before flexing her fingers from the clenched fist she'd formed. He flattened her hand to his chest, open palm over his heart. "Because if you did, I would want you to make it one clean shot. Right here." His hand covered hers as he took that final step, his body bracketing hers. "If you missed and shot me anywhere else, I would always come back for you." He lowered his head, eyes holding Ellie hostage before nuzzling her cheek. "Always." He whispered a kiss at the corner of her mouth, lingering, warm, heartbreakingly tender.

  "Damn you, Nicky." Her emotions were raw, evident in the sound of her voice. "You're a fucking bastard."

  "One can only hope." He replied derisively.

  He kissed her than then, a soul raping kiss that had her gripping his shoulders for mercy and more. She was allowed breath for only a second before he claimed her mouth again. His leg found its way between her thighs, compelling Ellie to ride and grind to her heart's content and she wantonly did, unable to resist the simple sex he so generously offered.

  And that right there was the problem, Ellie realized. Here Nicholas had walked back into her life unannounced, appearing from seemingly nowhere without an explanation and Ellie was expected to open her legs because he wanted to fuck? Not gonna happen.

  "No!" She managed to push Nicholas away with enough strength to still remain standing afterwards, although she was thankful for the sturdy armoire behind her. "I can't do this
anymore, Nicholas. I'm good enough to sleep with but not good enough for anything else?" she had to force herself to say those words and as much as it hurt, they needed to be said.

  "Don't." suddenly the infallible façade cracked a bit and Nicholas, for a brief moment, allowed Ellie to see the agony. But just as quickly as it had come, the look fleeted away and Mr. Ice returned. "You know I love you…"

  "Fuck you!" it was months of pent up anger that burst out like a volcano refusing to be quelled. "You don't even know the meaning of those words! How easy is it for you to say those words and actually mean it? Are they the magic words for you, Nicky? Parrot I love yous to me and I'll just spread my legs for you? You fucking cowar…" Ellie didn't get a chance to finish her words as she was slammed against the armoire, Nicholas's hand precariously wrapped around her throat.

  "You think it's that easy for me? You think I just parrot my sentiments just to get a fuck from you? Hmm, Ellie?" his body was agonizingly close, the weight of it and his anger crushed Ellie. "I love you." he mockingly whispered against Ellie's cheek. "Come on sweetheart spread them for me," he shoved his leg in between Ellie's own, no longer coaxing, no longer for her pleasure. "I love you." Ellie struggled, but Nicholas kept her where she was as he yanked and tore the buttons on the short-sleeved shirt she wore, exposing her to his roving gaze.

  "You prick." Ellie panted out, aroused and angered all at the same time.

  "Ah, but you love my prick, Ellie. You’ve proven that more times than I can count. You want it don't you, baby?" he made quick work of the jeans she wore, tugging them down her legs with ease.

  "Are you going to moan and tell me how hard you want it, Ellie? I love how vocal you get." He touched her and she inhaled sharply, his large warm hand gliding between her quivering thighs gradually ascending. "Think you can keep quiet? You think you can stop yourself from screaming my name?” he asked harshly against her cheek.

  “If you get too loud, I'll gag you with your panties. It's always been a fantasy of mine, but of course that's what the one who loves you just for a good fuck would do. Isn't it?" Nicholas spun her around then, he was still clothed and she was helplessly naked. The feel of his clothed body upon her naked flesh appallingly sensual. He was rock hard, his erection pressed snug between her cheeks. And involuntarily Ellie pushed back against him.