Sleep No More

by Susan Crandall

  Father Kevin nodded and swallowed.

  “None of this was your fault,” she said.

  He leaned forward, his elbow on his knee, and cradled his forehead in his hand. “I handled things badly.”

  “Jason said these people were using COC before you were the director.”

  He sat for a moment, his eyes closed. Then he licked his lips and said, “I’m not supposed to tell anything, but you deserve to know. It started when my sister and brother-in-law needed money for Maggie’s heart surgery. It was supposed to be a one-time thing. They were to transport some unnamed cargo along with their COC relief supplies. In addition to paying for Maggie’s surgery, there were some very large donations made to COC that went toward their work.” He looked at Abby. “They were desperate—Maggie was their only child. Of course,” his gaze shifted to the cross again, “it didn’t stop after one shipment—that’s when they started threatening Maggie’s life. My sister finally discovered they were moving weapons, used to make orphans of the very children they were trying to help.”

  With a shake of his head, he said softly, “I learned firsthand how the desperation to protect a child robs you of everything, including your principles.” He buried his face in his hands and a sob broke free.

  Abby put a hand on his back. “Like I said, none of this was your fault. And your sister did what she had to do to save Maggie. So did you.”

  After a moment, he straightened and sniffled loudly. “Maggie and I are leaving tonight—going into protective custody. The U.S. marshals are already here.”

  “Now? You have to leave now?”

  “Before the people who hired Toby find out what’s happened.” There was still fear in his eyes, but his shoulders were more square than Abby had seen them in weeks. He was a man on the path to redemption.

  “Can I at least say goodbye to her?”

  Father Kevin shook his head. “I had to fight to get a minute with you myself. Maggie can’t ever know any of this. She’s too innocent; too vulnerable.”

  Abby bit her lower lip. She sat staring at the subtle pattern in the commercial carpet. She might never see or talk to Maggie, or Father Kevin, again.

  Just one more before and after.

  There was a light knock on the door. Their time was up.

  Abby and Father Kevin stood. She wrapped him in a hug. “Tell Maggie I love her and I’ll miss her.”

  Father Kevin broke away and left without looking at her.

  Abby sank back down on the pew, unable to watch him walk out of her life. She sat motionless for several minutes, absorbing the peace, the silence.

  It wasn’t until she heard him clear his throat that she realized Kitterman had come in the chapel as Father Kevin had exited.

  Kitterman stepped forward and handed her a paper cup. “Herbal tea.”

  He didn’t seem like the herbal tea type. Her thought must have been written on her face. When he handed it to her, he said, “It’s soothing, but won’t keep you awake once you get home.”

  The tea wouldn’t be responsible for her wakefulness, but she would not sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the cloud of blood in the water, Bryce’s still face as they’d pulled him from the river. Jason’s son had nearly died saving her.

  “Thank you.” As she took the cup, every muscle in her body protested. Her pulse pounded a rhythm in her head. Hot tea couldn’t hurt.

  Kitterman sat on the pew in front of her, turning to look at her with his arm on the back of the seat. “I figured this was as good a place as any for our interview.”

  Interview. He made it sound so innocuous. What she said could have Bryce under arrest for kidnapping, at the very least.

  She nodded and lowered her gaze to the cup she was turning in her hands. She’d been dreading this. Up until now, she’d managed to remain vague about how she’d ended up at the fishing shack.

  To delay a bit longer, she asked a question for which she knew there was no answer. “How long do you think Father Kevin and Maggie will have to remain in witness protection?”

  Kitterman shrugged. “Depends on the investigation and prosecution. Could be months… or forever, depending upon what the Feds uncover.”

  So much loss—and all of it was out of her hands.

  Kitterman informed Abby that she would still need to make a formal statement at the station, but he wanted to have a basic understanding of what had transpired.

  Abby nearly told him he’d have to wait, but she didn’t want her attitude to make her less credible when she tried to convince them to go easy on Bryce. She began by talking about awakening at the fishing shack and ended when she climbed into the boat with Jason and the officers. She hoped Kitterman would somehow not ask how she’d gotten to the fishing shack in the first place.

  Once she got to the end, Kitterman squashed her hopes. “Tell me about leaving your car on the side of the road.”

  “I was driving toward town. And I saw a stranded motorist and pulled over—”

  “Motorist?”

  “Yes.” She took a sip of tea, trying to figure out a way to explain what happened without sending Bryce directly to jail. Kidnapping was serious; although he was only seventeen she feared they would make an attempt to try him as an adult. How could she minimize this and keep the focus on the real villain in this situation?

  “Just to make this easier for you,” Kitterman said, “we found chloroform and duct tape in Bryce’s car. So I already have a pretty good idea of what happened.”

  “Well, then you know—and I don’t need to relive it.” She tried to sound like she was at her breaking point. But it didn’t look like Kitterman was buying it. He just sat there waiting.

  She sighed. “He was on the side of the road. I thought he was having car trouble, so I stopped. He asked me to get the jumper cables from the backseat of his car. I don’t really remember much more than that.”

  “They took scrapings from your fingernails in the ER. There was skin under them. From the looks of Bryce’s face and arms, it’s probably his.”

  “He was being manipulated,” she said. “That guy was trying to frame him for my murder. Bryce didn’t know what he had planned. If not for Bryce, I’d be dead. He saved me by knocking me into the river—and got shot in the process.”

  “Duly noted.”

  “What’s going to happen to him?”

  “That’ll be up to the prosecutor. I’ll do what I can to keep things in perspective.”

  “I’ll do whatever you think will help him… talk to the prosecutor, judge, whatever.”

  “I’ll pass that along.” Kitterman got up and closed his notebook.

  Abby couldn’t help but feel she hadn’t done enough.

  CHAPTER 31

  It had been five days since Abby and Bryce nearly lost their lives. And five nights in which sleepwalking had been usurped by nightmares that jolted her awake several times a night, sweating and gasping for breath.

  At least she couldn’t set her shop on fire with a nightmare.

  Jason and her father were helping her arrange a functional space in the rear of the carriage house. Throughout the process Jason had vacillated between trying to convince her to stay in Bren’s room, voicing arguments for them to continue their relationship, and tense silences.

  It had taken all of her will not to reach across those silences and make promises she could not keep. It would be better this way for them both; no sense in ripping off a Band-Aid slowly and prolonging the pain.

  It was nearly midnight; her father had left two hours ago. She and Jason were just finishing the last details of the plumbing. Abby’s limbs were heavy with exhaustion. But the exhaustion felt great. Her brush with death had made everything feel so much… more. Including her feelings for Jason.

  She was torn between relief and despair that the project was finished and they would no longer be spending all of their spare time together.

  He packed up the last of his tools and then stood in front of her.

&
nbsp; Abby stuffed her hands beneath her arms to ensure they behaved.

  Putting his hands on his hips, Jason took a deep breath. And then he said, “I know you think you’re protecting me. But I don’t need protection. I think it’s time to stop denying what’s between us.”

  “I’m not denying it. I’m choosing not to act on my every desire. I’m an adult. I know my actions have consequences.” The words were true—and so very bitter on her tongue.

  “Abby—”

  “Jason, no. There’s no future and I can’t ask you—”

  He reached out and grabbed her so quickly she didn’t have a chance to move away. He crushed her to him, kissing her the way she’d been fantasizing about for days.

  Within seconds, her pent-up desires obliterated the fortress of her restraint. The demands of her body out-shouted the whispers of rationality.

  Her hands moved beneath his shirt and she felt his muscles tighten with her touch. That tiny response sent her senses reeling. And when his hands slid under her clothes, it was like an electrical current shot through her. Since that moment when she’d thought her life was over, her entire body had become supercharged. Jason didn’t know it, but he could practically make her come just looking at her with longing in his eyes.

  Within seconds they were both frantic with desire. They ended up making love right there in the tiny bathroom; her bare back against the wall, her sweat-slickened breasts against his chest, and her legs wrapped around Jason’s naked hips.

  When it was over, they clung to one another, breathless, their bodies still intimately joined.

  Abby rested her face in the curve of his neck. “Maybe you should put me down,” she whispered.

  “This wall is the only thing holding us up,” he said weakly. “If I move a muscle, we’re both going to end up on the floor.”

  “In that case,” she kissed his neck, tasting salt and passion. “Stay right where you are.”

  “I think I’ll keep you right here like this forever.”

  Forever. Tears stung her eyes. The agonizing truth was she had to let him go.

  No matter how painful, loving Jason was one before and after she would never regret.

  They’d made love again on Abby’s new bed. They were lying face to face on the full-size mattress—Abby’s statement that she would always be sleeping alone. Jason didn’t like the look that was shadowing Abby’s eyes. It was as if this was goodbye.

  He wasn’t ready to give up, probably never would be. If he had to make adjustments to his expectations in order to keep her in his life, so be it.

  He said, “Let me stay tonight.” If he could spend enough nights sleeping next to her without disaster striking, maybe he’d be able to ease her into acceptance.

  “Jason…”

  “One night,” he said. “That’s all I’m asking.” He glanced at the clock. Two thirty-eight. “It’s more than half over already.” He slid his arms around her and tried to snuggle close, as if she’d already agreed.

  She stiffened, it was like trying to snuggle with a tree trunk.

  “It only takes one night to ruin the rest of your life.” She rolled off the bed and reached for her robe. Shrugging it on, she cinched the belt tight. “Just ask Courtney.”

  Jason snagged her hand and pulled her to sit back down on the bed. He said, “I don’t think you’re nearly as dangerous as you think.”

  She opened her mouth, but he raised a hand and said, “Hear me out.”

  “Okay.” Her mouth agreed, but her eyes had already shut him down.

  “I haven’t brought this up before now. You’ve had so much to deal with, but I’ve been thinking this ever since your hypnosis. There’s a good chance you didn’t start the fire that burned your family’s house.”

  “Of course I did,” she said, pulling her hand from his. “And I’m surprised you’d stoop to something like this to try and stay in my bed all night.” In fact she was stunned; it was totally unlike him.

  He gave her a scathing look. “I realize this is bad timing, but it has nothing to do with that. I think it’s worth asking some questions. I’d bet once the flames were out, none of your family discussed the details of that night again. Especially with you and your sister.”

  Her brows drew together and she frowned. He’d hit the nail on the head. Parents always wanted to shield their children from trauma; unfortunately sometimes they missed the truth because of it.

  “When you awakened in the living room, you said the dining room was already engulfed in flames.”

  She nodded. “The oil from the lamp—it must have made the fire escalate faster.”

  “Maybe. And maybe it had been burning for a while before you even came downstairs.”

  She sat quietly, thinking—the fact that she wasn’t actively arguing gave him hope.

  “And right after you awakened, you heard Courtney screaming in pain—on the other side of the burning dining room. Why, if she was up because she smelled smoke, why hadn’t she awakened your parents? Why was she downstairs?”

  Her eyes widened as she shifted her gaze toward him. “You’re trying to blame my sister for the fire?” Defensiveness laced her words.

  “I’m just saying that maybe it’s time for your family to have an honest talk about that night. Because you were a sleepwalker, everyone assumed you started the fire. What does she remember of the fire?”

  “Nothing, thank God.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “So you can’t say with absolute certainty that you started the fire.”

  “I can say with absolute certainty that I do sleepwalk, so it really doesn’t change anything, now does it? It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters. Just like it matters that you didn’t cause the accident that took Kyle Robard’s life. It’s the difference between a relatively harmless sleep disorder and feeling that you’re responsible for another person’s bodily injury.”

  “I could have hurt someone while I was sleep-driving.”

  “And you could hurt someone while driving awake. That doesn’t keep you from getting in a car.”

  Abby rubbed her forehead. “Listen, you need to go. I’m really too tired to argue about this.”

  “I don’t want to argue. I just want you to think about it.” He got up and went into the bathroom to get his clothes. He slipped on his jeans and came back to the bed, where she sat staring into space.

  “I’ll leave.” He ran a hand over her beautiful hair. “But don’t think you’ve seen the last of me. I’m making the informed decision to take the risk of being with you… minimal though it is.”

  “We’ll see next week, after you see my sister’s scars. Then you’ll have the proper perspective of the risk.”

  He slipped his T-shirt over his head.

  Courtney was coming for her father’s appointment with the Alzheimer’s specialist. Jason might just have a few questions for Abby’s sister himself before she left here.

  He leaned down and kissed the top of Abby’s head.

  Then he left, hoping with all of his heart that she would have that difficult conversation with her family. How could they all go through their lives just assuming—and letting Abby carry the burden?

  CHAPTER 32

  Since her arrival yesterday, Courtney had been the most civil Abby could ever recall. She’d come out of the airport wearing huge sunglasses, a long-sleeved turtleneck, and with her hair styled close to her face; her usual in-public attire. The instant she’d seen Abby, she dropped her carry-on and grabbed her into a fierce hug.

  She’d kept saying over and over, “Thank God you’re alive. Thank God that maniac didn’t kill you.”

  At first Abby had wondered if Court had been drinking during the flight, but she’d seemed cold sober.

  Not so now. The two of them sat in the darkness of their father’s backyard, deep into their second bottle of wine. It was chilly and they were both wrapped in bulky sweaters they’d dug out of a closet inside. Abby had a serious buzz
going and Courtney had admitted she rarely drank and was well beyond tipsy. Abby had always dreamed of moments like this with her sister, but never truly felt they’d experience one.

  Perhaps their father’s illness would bind them in a way nothing had before. It was sad to think so.

  The doctor’s appointment had gone well. He felt that their dad was still in the very early stages. The doctor had high hopes that the medication would significantly slow progression of the disease. There was no cure. At least for the immediate future, they wouldn’t be completely losing the father they knew.

  Courtney refilled both her and Abby’s glasses. “I almost wish I wasn’t leaving tomorrow.”

  “Really?” Courtney normally detested every moment she was forced to spend in Preston.

  “I said almost.”

  They were quiet for a while. Then Courtney asked, “When you thought you were dying, what went through your mind?”

  Abby took another sip of wine. That moment was something she’d continually turned her thoughts away from ever since she’d made it out of the river.

  She sighed and spoke the truth. “I wondered if anyone would miss me.”

  Her sister rolled her head against the back of her chair and looked over at Abby. Even in the dimness, Abby could see the ropy scars on the left side of Courtney’s face that pulled the corner of her left eye slightly downward.

  “That’s stupid.” Court sounded like her old self. “You have a life. You have… people.”

  “Hey, you asked. That’s what I thought,” Abby said. “I’ll never wake up with another person’s head on the pillow next to me. I’ll never have children. When I’m gone the hole will be so small, it won’t take long for it to close up like it was never there at all.”

  Jason’s comments the other night had been repeating themselves in her head for days. At first she’d been so defensive about his assumption that her family would let her believe she’d set that fire without absolute proof had kept her from thinking rationally. She’d spent a lot of hours recalling everything she could about the fire and what followed. Jason had been right. Once the initial assumption had been made that she’d been the one to light and overturn the lamp while sleepwalking, it had become a non-topic.