Hopelessly Devoted to Holden Finn

by Tilly Tennant

  ‘All good I hope,’ Bonnie said.

  ‘Well…’ he said with a playful look, ‘Everything about Linda was good.’

  ‘Cheeky!’

  ‘Enjoy your meal,’ Max said. ‘And I’ll see you on Monday morning bright and early.’

  ‘Yeah…’ Bonnie glanced at her dinner and then back at Sarah’s slender shoulders. Suddenly she wished there wasn’t quite so much food on her plate. She watched as they walked off together.

  Her thoughts were interrupted by Jeanie’s voice in her ear.

  ‘Isn’t that the delivery man for Applejack’s?’

  ‘Max, yeah, it is.’

  ‘Is that his girlfriend with him?’

  Bonnie nodded.

  ‘She’s very pretty.’

  Bonnie ran her eyes over Sarah as she laughed lightly at something Max had said. She wore a flared, cream cheesecloth dress that virtually swept the floor, sleeveless with delicate floral designs embroidered into the neckline and hem. Bangles clacked along her wrists and she had a set of ethnic looking beads at her neck. Her make-up was subtle but chosen perfectly to accentuate the peachy tones of her skin and her auburn hair.

  ‘That dress is a bit summery for this time of year,’ Bonnie decided. Her gaze flicked down to her own jeans, and a pale blue smock top that, although it was an old favourite, was now a couple of seasons out of date. Jeanie was wearing her leather trousers and Paige had lipstick on that glowed so brightly planes would be able to land by it in the event of a blackout, but at least they had made an effort for tonight. Bonnie was beginning to wish that she had too.

  ‘You’d better go and sit down,’ Jeanie reminded her. ‘Paige will be getting hit on if you leave her alone any longer in that outfit.’

  Bonnie looked over to the table where Paige was sitting tucking into her dinner and staring at her phone intently, oblivious to anything going on around her. Bonnie frowned. Perhaps she should have said something about that top; now that she looked again, it was just a bit too revealing…

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute, just as soon as I have my own bodyweight in noodles on my plate,’ Jeanie added.

  Bonnie nodded and went to join her daughter.

  As she slid onto the seat beside her, Paige looked up from her phone. ‘Wasn’t that the delivery guy from your shop you were talking to?’

  ‘It’s not my shop,’ Bonnie replied in a more irritated tone than she had meant.

  ‘Whatever,’ Paige said, glancing across to the food carts. ‘Who is that with him, his wife?’

  ‘No, a new girlfriend.’

  Paige laughed. ‘He managed to get a girl to go out with him?’

  ‘What does that mean? Max is a nice bloke.’

  ‘Yeah, but…’ Paige raised her eyebrows meaningfully.

  ‘But what?’

  ‘Look at him.’

  Bonnie followed her gaze. ‘There’s nothing wrong with him.’

  ‘Those trousers? With that top? Jeez, Mum, you need a visit from the fashion police if you think he looks ok.’

  Max was making his way back across the restaurant with Sarah now. Bonnie looked at what he was wearing: brown chinos with a white granddad shirt. She shrugged.

  ‘He looks good.’ As soon as she said it, she felt that heat spread from her neck again without knowing why.

  As she watched, she saw Jeanie catch up with the couple, stopping them for a quick word. They pointed to a table by the window and Sarah did an elaborate mime to indicate that she was cold. The restaurant was busy, with every table taken, but Bonnie, Paige and Jeanie had a table that was plenty big enough for them and more besides. Bonnie watched the conversation with a sinking feeling as she realised what was about to happen. Jeanie, a naturally gregarious woman, was never one to stand on convention. Sure enough, she saw Max nod eagerly; then he and Sarah went over to their table and grabbed the few belongings they had left there before making their way over to follow Jeanie.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Bonnie hissed at her mum.

  ‘They’re coming to sit with us,’ Jeanie answered. ‘That poor girl is freezing with the draft from that window and we have plenty of room.’ She raised her eyebrows at Bonnie’s look of consternation. ‘You’re always saying what a laugh Max is.’

  Bonnie had no time to reply as Max and Sarah arrived at their table with slightly awkward smiles.

  ‘It is ok if we join you, isn’t it?’ Max asked uncertainly.

  Bonnie smoothed her expression into something as close to politeness as she could manage. ‘Of course it is. Paige…’ she nudged her daughter who had barely looked up from her texting, ‘budge up so that Max and Sarah can sit down.’

  Paige pouted and looked as though she was going to complain, but then caught Bonnie’s warning look and clearly thought better of it. Instead, she shuffled along the bench seat, Bonnie following. Max put down his plate and looked for a moment as though he would sit in the space next to Bonnie, but then quickly changed his mind, taking a seat next to Jeanie and leaving Sarah to squeeze in alongside Bonnie and Paige.

  ‘Well,’ Max said as he pulled his plate towards him and picked up his fork, ‘this is cosy, isn’t it?’

  ‘The more the merrier, as far as I’m concerned.’ Jeanie smiled as she picked up her own cutlery.

  Paige’s attention returned to her phone.

  ‘So, it’s your birthday?’ Sarah asked Jeanie, who nodded.

  ‘Don’t ask me how old I am, though,’ Jeanie quipped, ‘or I’ll be forced to kill you.’

  Max chuckled. ‘Whenever we meet, Jeanie, I see where Bonnie gets her sense of humour from.’ He looked thoughtful. ‘How long has it been since I last saw you?’

  ‘Ooooh, last time I was in Applejack’s at the same ungodly hour you get there was when Bonnie’s car broke down and I had to run her into work until she got a new one.’ She turned to Bonnie. ‘How long have you had the car you’ve got now?’

  Bonnie shrugged. ‘About three years, I think.’

  ‘That’ll be it, then,’ Jeanie said. ‘Three years ago.’

  ‘Bloody hell,’ Max rubbed a hand across his chin. ‘Time does fly. I’d only just taken on the business then from my dad.’

  ‘I think you had,’ Bonnie agreed. ‘How is he, by the way?’

  ‘He’s brilliant. Early retirement was the best decision he ever made.’

  ‘He went to France, didn’t he?’ Jeanie cut in.

  Max nodded. ‘He has a house in the Dordogne, loves it there.’

  Paige’s head shot up for a moment and she caught Bonnie in a measured gaze. But the reference to France that Paige and Jeanie had feared might send Bonnie into a dour mood seemed to pass without note. Bonnie was now too busy watching Sarah eat. Max’s girlfriend seemed oblivious to the attention, and looked up from her plate with an unassuming smile.

  ‘So, what do you do for a living?’ Bonnie asked, trying to sound casual.

  ‘I’m a mature student,’ Sarah replied.

  ‘Oh, what are you studying?’ Jeanie asked, her interest clearly piqued.

  ‘Fine art. I’m going into my second year now. I was a teaching assistant before, but I knew it wasn’t for me. I’d always been interested in art, so I decided one day that life is too short and I should pursue my dream of becoming a professional artist.’

  Bonnie tried to look suitably impressed. Great, not only is she pretty but she’s clever and talented too. Is there anything wrong with this woman?

  ‘She showed me some of her work when I went to pick her up tonight,’ Max said, ‘it’s really good.’ He added self-consciously, ‘not that I know much about art. Potato prints, that’s about my limit,’ he laughed.

  Sarah smiled affectionately at him. ‘You are funny. You don’t need to know about art to appreciate what you like. I always think that art is too elitist and should be more about people simply liking what they like.’

  Oh dear God, Bonnie thought, pretty, clever, talented and also nice beyond reason. How much more annoying could she
be?

  ***

  ‘I’ve had a lovely evening.’ Jeanie undid her seatbelt as they pulled up outside her house. ‘It was nice to have Max and Sarah with us, livened things up a bit. I can almost pretend I had a real birthday party.’

  ‘Thanks. Nice to know our company would have been so dull if they hadn’t turned up,’ Bonnie commented with a sideways glance.

  ‘You know what I mean.’

  ‘You could have invited your friends,’ Bonnie said, ‘nobody stopped you.’

  ‘You don’t like my friends,’ Jeanie returned.

  ‘I do.’

  ‘As I recall, you called them a bunch of old crusties.’

  There was a snigger from the back seat. ‘Nice one, Mum.’

  ‘I didn’t mean anything by it,’ Bonnie said to Jeanie, ignoring Paige.

  ‘Anyway, I’m seeing them all tomorrow night. Pete and Tank have a special birthday performance lined up for me in Leathers.’ Jeanie grinned, clearly excited by this prospect.

  ‘That rock club at the edge of town? I thought you’d stopped going there.’

  ‘What made you think that?’

  Bonnie shrugged, suddenly feeling guilty. Had she really been so self-absorbed lately that she didn’t know what happened in her mum’s life when she wasn’t there?

  ‘I thought Sarah was boring,’ Paige cut in from the back seat.

  ‘Paige!’ Jeanie chided.

  ‘Max must have done too, because he spent all his time talking to Mum instead of his actual girlfriend,’ Paige continued in a scathing tone.

  ‘He didn’t,’ Bonnie said defensively. ‘We do see each other almost every day so he knows me really well.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Paige insisted. ‘You’d have thought he’d have nothing left to say to you and should be getting to know his date.’

  ‘That’s silly. It was just breaking the ice; he got the whole table talking. He’s a natural chatterbox, is Max.’

  ‘He’s a natural something,’ Paige pouted.

  ‘I think he’s lovely,’ Jeanie said. ‘Sarah is lovely too and I hope it works out for them.’

  ‘They deserve each other,’ Paige piped up, ‘both as sad as one another.’

  ‘Paige,’ Jeanie snapped, turning around in her seat to hold her granddaughter in an icy stare, ‘did anybody ask for your opinion?’

  ‘But –’

  ‘No buts,’ Jeanie said, ‘only to butt out.’

  Paige fell into a sullen silence and Bonnie gave her mum a withering look.

  ‘I’m in for a lovely evening now she’s in a mood, thanks, Mum.’

  ‘Don’t lay the blame at my door. You don’t tell her often enough when she’s out of order.’

  ‘Don’t start, Mum…’

  Jeanie held up a placatory hand. ‘It’s fine. I’ve had a lovely evening, despite what some people…’ she inclined her head at Paige, ‘think, and I don’t want to ruin it by falling out with you.’ She forced a smile. ‘Do you want to come in for a quick cuppa before you go home?’

  Bonnie shook her head. ‘If you don’t mind, I’m tired. I think I’ll just climb into my PJs and call it a night.’

  Jeanie paused for a moment, and then took a deep breath, almost as if she was screwing up the courage to say something important, something that she was afraid of. But then she smiled tightly and stretched over to kiss Bonnie on the cheek.

  ‘Alright. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?’

  ‘Maybe. I’ll see how late it is by the time I’ve cleaned the flat and done the shopping.’

  ‘Night then. And you, Paige, sleep tight.’

  Paige looked up and gave a sulky nod and Jeanie slipped out of the car and into the night.

  ***

  Bonnie chewed on her lip as she ran her eyes over the instructions on the pack. Then she put the box back on the shelf and picked up a different shade. She pored over the photo on the front of the box, and then flipped it over to look at the result panel on the back. Caramel Cream… was that too dark? It looked dark over blonde on the box, though Bonnie’s was a fairly dark blonde to start with. Did she want to go darker and more exotic, or blonder and bubblier? Her eyes caught another box: Copper Canyon. What about red? Maybe red could be a more exciting alternative? But could she really pull off red hair?

  It had been a spontaneous decision to call in at the chemist on the way home from work that Friday night and Bonnie didn’t even know what had made her do it. All she knew was every day that week had seen her mood become more and more impatient, and every day that she looked in the mirror, she was less satisfied by what she saw. Maybe a change was the answer?

  But right now Paige would be on her own in the flat, waiting for Bonnie to get home. She glanced up and along the aisle where a girl with pink hair and a nose ring was picking up the same colour that was already on her head, clearly a refresher application. Bonnie hesitated for a moment, mesmerised by how young and trendy she was. Then she grabbed the red and marched to the tills at the front of the shop.

  ***

  ‘Oh my God, Mum, you look amazing!’ Paige stared at Bonnie who had gone into the bathroom after tea without a word to her daughter, applied the dye and then dried and smoothed her hair with rarely-used straighteners. The effect was dramatic, to say the least, and even Bonnie had been shocked at the sight of herself in the mirror. After a moment or two of wide-eyed contemplation, she began to bubble with excitement at the change, and Paige’s reaction had reinforced that. Maybe this was all she needed to shake herself out of the rut her life had fallen into.

  Paige flipped herself from the sofa and went over to Bonnie, picking up a lock of hair from her shoulders to examine. ‘It’s gorgeous,’ she beamed. ‘How come you decided to do this?’

  Bonnie shrugged, trying to make light of the compliment, but the delight at Paige’s comments evident in her smile. ‘I just fancied a change.’

  ‘The men will be fainting over you,’ Paige said.

  It was the first time Paige had ever talked so openly about the fact that Bonnie was single. Bonnie cautiously wondered whether to take it as a good sign. Perhaps Paige was finally coming to terms with the fact that her father was not coming back, and maybe she was coming around to the idea that Bonnie deserved a second chance at love… something Bonnie herself was finding it hard to do.

  ‘I don’t know about that,’ Bonnie laughed lightly. ‘I think it will take a lot more than a new hairdo. A year on the exercise bike to lift this saggy bum for a start.’

  ‘Don’t be daft. You look way prettier than loads of my mates’ mums.’

  Bonnie felt herself swell with pride. Was that how Paige really saw her? Maybe she was having some sort of personality crisis and being unusually kind. Either way, it gave Bonnie a feeling of warmth that she hadn’t had for a long time.

  ***

  Dear Holden

  It’s not long until we come and see you now, at least, until my daughter comes to see you. I suppose I’ll be waiting in the flat here, or at the very best outside in the car trying not to embarrass Paige. I dyed my hair. I think it looks nice and Paige seems to like it. Henri would have hated it. I wonder what you’ll think if I do get to meet you…

  Bonnie ran a hand down her hair absently, still slightly surprised by the uncharacteristic sleekness of it. She read the letter through once more, then screwed up the page and threw it into the kitchen bin. The clock showed eleven-thirty and she had another Monday to look forward to again the following day. They came around so quickly she could barely keep up. In six hours she would be up again, yawning and arguing with Paige to get out of bed for school. With a deep sigh, she dumped her mug in the sink and went up to bed.

  ***

  Linda wolf-whistled as Bonnie pulled back the wet hood of her coat. ‘Wow, you look like one hot momma!’

  Bonnie laughed lightly. ‘Steady on.’

  Fred put his head round the door to the stockroom to give them his usual morning reprimand. He stopped in his tracks with his mouth han
ging open.

  ‘Bloody hell…’

  ‘Don’t mince your words, Fred,’ Linda said in a wry tone.

  ‘What the hell have you done to your hair, lass?’

  Bonnie frowned. ‘Traditionally, this is where you compliment me on how nice and different I look.’

  ‘I’ll have to go home to get my sunglasses.’ There was almost a grin, but not quite as he uttered his next sentence. ‘Don’t stand too close to the tomatoes today; we might not be able to find you again.’

  ‘Cheeky bugger!’ Bonnie exclaimed.

  Linda cocked an incredulous eyebrow at her boss. ‘I can’t believe you, of all people, are making scathing comments about hair.’

  Fred self-consciously ran a hand over his pate. ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he grumbled.

  Linda shot a sideways glance at Bonnie, biting back laughter.

  ‘Never mind that now,’ Fred insisted, ‘there’s a shop that needs stocking out here. Get those fridges unlocked.’

  With a quick grin at Linda, Bonnie went to get the keys from the kitchen. The usual early morning knock came from the back door and Linda shuffled over to answer it.

  ‘Morning!’ Max shook the rain from his coat. ‘Kettle on?’

  Linda stepped back to let him in. ‘Not yet but give us a tick.’

  ‘Alright, Max?’ Bonnie stepped from the kitchen, immediately aware of Max’s stare and suddenly feeling herself blush.

  Max shook his head. ‘Sorry… blimey…’

  Linda laughed as she went to put the kettle on. ‘Bonnie, you’d better not put make-up on tomorrow, the blokes round here might not be responsible for their actions.’

  Bonnie slapped her arm playfully as she passed and squeezed into the kitchenette.

  ‘You look…’ Max’s sentence trailed off again.

  ‘Lovely? I’m sure that’s the word you’re looking for,’ Linda called from the kitchen.

  ‘I mean,’ Max continued as if Linda hadn’t spoken, ‘not that you don’t always look nice… it’s just that….’ He shook his head again.

  Bonnie couldn’t work out whether he approved or not. But then, she thought somewhat peevishly, it was her hair and she could do what she bloody well liked to it. Why should she be bothered that Max may not like it? Equally, what did it matter to her if he did?