Hopelessly Devoted to Holden Finn

by Tilly Tennant

  Max shrugged. ‘Maybe next year, eh?’ he replied before hurrying out onto the windswept street.

  Jeanie decided that she was going to move at the end of January so Bonnie and Paige spent a quiet Christmas with her, knowing that next year, everything would be different for the three of them, wherever they decided to spend it.

  Lauren sent a Christmas gift box for Paige from Zach – a silver framed photo of him, a bottle of perfume and a nail varnish set – which Paige scowled at, though Bonnie could tell that she was secretly pleased. One morning shortly before Christmas, another parcel containing an anonymous gift arrived for both Bonnie and Paige – an incredibly expensive watch each. They both had a fairly good idea who had sent them, but neither of them said a word about it. So long as the gift didn’t come attached to a popstar boyfriend, Bonnie was happy with that. Not that it was likely – the last she had read in the papers, Holden was now dating a singer from an up-and-coming teen band called Love Note. Nothing arrived from Henri – not a card, not one solitary gift, not even a phone call to Paige. It was as though he had never been back at all. And Bonnie was pretty happy with that too.

  Fifteen

  It was a bright, frosty Tuesday morning in mid-January when Max knocked as he always did, but instead of his usual carefree demeanour, he wore a deep frown and seemed to be steadying himself against the doorframe. Bonnie clapped a hand over her mouth when she saw that he looked so ill he was almost grey.

  ‘What on earth are you doing working?’ she squeaked. ‘You look terrible.’

  ‘Someone’s got to do it,’ he said gruffly. ‘I’ll be ok, it’s just a stomach ache. Probably ate something dodgy last night.’

  Bonnie stepped aside to let him in. ‘What did you eat last night?’

  ‘Toast.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘Just toast. I wasn’t hungry.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound very dodgy,’ Bonnie chided. ‘For God’s sake, come and sit down; me and Linda can get the stock off your van.’

  ‘No way,’ Max said, gently moving her arm from his. ‘I’m not having Fred on my case about his staff doing my work. I’m honestly fine.’

  But the violent shudder that suddenly doubled him over told Bonnie that Max was far from fine.

  ‘Lind…’ Bonnie shouted. ‘Come and give me a hand…’

  Linda emerged from the fridge, wiping her hands down her tabard. ‘God, Max,’ she gasped as her gaze settled on him, ‘what the hell were you drinking last night?’

  Max gave her a weak smile. ‘I wish it was down to drink. I’ve had this stomach ache all morning. Went to bed ok and woke up at about four o’clock in agony.’

  ‘Have you been to the loo?’ Linda asked practically.

  ‘Yeah, thanks, nurse,’ Max replied, clutching at his abdomen as a film of sweat began to form on his brow. ‘I’ll be fine, I just need to get the deliveries done this morning and then I can go to bed and sleep it off.’ He gritted his teeth and stumbled against the wall. ‘Bloody hell!’ he shouted, doubling over again.

  ‘Max!’ Bonnie led him to the bench to sit. ‘You need to go home, right now.’

  ‘He needs to go to hospital,’ Linda said bluntly, ‘never mind home.’

  Bonnie made him sit, real fear beginning to grip her as she faced Linda. ‘What do you think?’

  Linda glanced at him. He now had his head almost on his knees, holding onto his stomach and groaning. ‘Appendix,’ Linda said. ‘I’d bet my life on it.’

  Bonnie’s eyes widened. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘John’s brother had it and he was exactly the same. You stay with him and I’ll phone the ambulance.’

  Bonnie rubbed an awkward hand on Max’s damp back. It seemed such a pointless thing to do and was clearly giving him no comfort at all, but she had to do something. She was so rigid with fear that she could hardly think straight. Max was almost oblivious to her now as he groaned and clutched at his stomach, mumbling words to himself that made no sense at all.

  ‘Max,’ Bonnie whispered into his ear. ‘Max…’

  There was no reply. She rubbed his back again, then stroked a hand over his burning forehead before kissing him gently on his damp cheek. ‘I can’t lose you now… not like this. You just tell that bloody appendix of yours to hold on for a bit longer because….’ Bonnie felt tears blurring her vision, but she wouldn’t let them fall. It was Max who should be crying now, not her. She swallowed hard. ‘I don’t want to lose you. If anything happens I’ll never forgive myself for not telling you what I should have told you a long time ago…’ Bonnie paused. ‘Max, you great daft dolt, I –’

  ‘Ambulance is on it’s way,’ Linda said, rushing in.

  Bonnie sniffed back her tears and gave a strained smile. ‘That’s good. You told them to be quick?’

  ‘I told them to stop off at Tesco first to pick me a loaf up… Of course I told them to be quick!’ Linda snapped. She glanced at Max, who seemed to have become even worse in the last couple of minutes, and then back at Bonnie. ‘I think we’re going to need a miracle, though.’

  ***

  Three long hours later, Max stirred and opened his eyes. The doctor who performed his surgery had told Bonnie that, under the circumstances, it had gone well, but the appendix had already burst when Max arrived at A&E. Another half an hour and he would have died. This meant the possibility of many post-surgery complications in the weeks to come. For now, Bonnie was content that he was alive, and her heart leapt as his gaze flitted around the hospital room, as if trying to work out some complicated puzzle, before coming to rest on her.

  ‘Hello,’ she smiled.

  He didn’t reply for a long time, but simply watched as she smoothed his hair from his forehead and stroked his hand. When there was still no sound from him, she busied herself pouring a glass of water, which she left in readiness on the cabinet beside his bed and then straightened out his sheets. It wasn’t that any of these things needed doing, but keeping occupied was the only way to stop herself from crying.

  ‘I’m in hospital?’ Max asked finally.

  Bonnie nodded. ‘You were unconscious when we got here. In fact, you were out of it by the time the ambulance arrived at the shop.’

  ‘Ambulance?’

  ‘Lights, sirens and everything.’

  ‘Kind of embarrassing…’ he croaked.

  Typical Max, thought Bonnie, no matter how serious the situation was, he’d always try to make light of it. ‘We’ll forgive you this once.’ She squeezed his hand gently. ‘I didn’t know how to contact your parents or anything, so I’m afraid it’s just me here for now.’

  Max gave her a tired smile. ‘I don’t mind. Thank you.’

  ‘It’s ok.’

  Max’s eyes began to close again. ‘Don’t leave me, Bon,’ he murmured.

  ‘I won’t,’ Bonnie said, her eyes filling with the tears that kept threatening to fall. ‘Not ever.’

  And as Max went back to sleep, she finally wept.

  Sixteen

  Bonnie stamped her feet as she waited at the glossy black door. It had taken her a while to find the right street, tucked away as it was at the far end where the Waterlands housing estate met nearby farmland. Max had warned her it was tricky to locate, but even with his directions, it had taken her a frustrating half hour longer than she had anticipated. She tried to breathe slowly. Getting herself in a flap was not going to make her useful to anyone and Max needed all the help he could get.

  Max’s house was almost brand new – period-styled, exclusive and detached on a corner plot overlooking a broad expanse of empty fields. The cul-de-sac was quiet and peaceful. His garden was green, but bare and functional – the odd easy-care shrub breaking up the sweeping lawn but little in the way of colour. Bonnie had half expected him to have a vegetable plot and a goat tied up… Perhaps they were round the back, she mused.

  Just as she was wondering whether he had heard her knock, the door opened. He looked tired and drawn, his skin, if possible, paler than
it had been during his time in hospital, but his face lit up as he gave her a weak smile.

  ‘I didn’t think you were going to make it.’

  Bonnie’s tension evaporated and she returned his smile with one of her own. ‘Nurse Cartwright reporting for duty.’

  Max shuffled painfully into the hallway, allowing Bonnie to follow him. She wondered whether to help him back to his living room, but in the time she took hesitating, he had veered into a doorway off the hall and already dropped into a chair with a heavy sigh.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said ruefully. ‘I’d have baked a cake but… y’know…’

  Bonnie took off her coat and laid it on the arm of the sofa. ‘Don’t be daft. I just wanted to see how you were. It’s me that should be looking after you.’ She ran an appraising eye over him. ‘When was the last time you had a drink?’

  ‘G&T for breakfast,’ he said, the ghost of a cheeky grin appearing.

  ‘But you’ve got people who can come in and help you?’ Bonnie asked, ignoring the quip.

  ‘Max sighed. ‘People have got their own lives, their own worries. Everyone I know works or has family commitments. It’s bad enough that I’m expecting the warehouse staff to keep everything ticking over at work without getting people involved at home. I’ll be absolutely fine.’

  Bonnie looked at him sternly. ‘Yeah, sure you will. Now what do you want for your dinner?’

  ***

  ‘Max will be far too ill to come,’ Bonnie told Linda for the third time. ‘He’s still recovering from a burst appendix, remember.’

  ‘He’ll be ok,’ Linda replied sagely, ignoring Bonnie’s warning, as she had done every time it was issued.

  They were sitting in Linda’s brand new conservatory. The smell of fresh paint still clung to the walls, and the windows, with their stark white frames, overlooked a new decked patio area. Linda had insisted that they take their mugs of coffee in there as they planned Jeanie’s leaving party. She checked over the list again. Without looking up from it, Linda asked carelessly, ‘Have you told Max any of this stuff you told me?’

  ‘Like he’s going to give me a second chance,’ Bonnie replied. Her friendship with Max had grown stronger than ever since his illness, but Bonnie was convinced now that she had blown her chances of anything more. She didn’t blame Max; she blamed herself, and had to be content with what they now had.

  ‘I think you’d be pleasantly surprised,’ Linda replied airily. ‘He’s never stopped being nuts about you, as far as I can see.’

  ‘I’m just glad he’s ok,’ Bonnie said. ‘And that he’s talking to me again.’

  ‘He was talking to you before.’

  ‘Not properly, like he is now.’

  ‘He hasn’t got much choice when you visit every day, has he?’ Linda looked up with a wry smile. ‘If I didn’t know he was still recovering from his operation, I’d think you two were having it away or something.’

  ‘Well,’ Bonnie excused, colouring. ‘There’s nobody else to check on him, is there? Not since his mum and dad went back to France. Anything could happen to him while he’s all alone in that house.’

  ‘He’s not that ill now,’ Linda remarked. ‘Personally, I think he’s milking it so that you’ll carry on going round.’

  Bonnie frowned but Linda cut off any argument she was about to make.

  ‘Speaking of France,’ she asked, ‘still no word from Le Grand Dick?’

  Bonnie laughed. ‘No, thank God.’

  ‘How about Hot Holden?’

  ‘He’s all loved up now with a girl from another band. She’s as empty headed as they come by all accounts but she seems sweet enough.’

  ‘That was one crazy year,’ Linda remarked as she sipped her coffee.

  ‘It was,’ Bonnie said with a distant smile, ‘but this year is going to be nice and quiet.’

  ‘That’s what you think.’

  ‘Now, don’t be getting any ideas at this party.’ Bonnie wagged a finger at Linda. ‘No locking me in fridges or getting me so drunk I’m trying to snog your garden gnomes.’

  ‘Moi?’ Linda put on a shocked tone.

  ‘Come on, then,’ Bonnie said, tapping the list with her finger, ‘let’s get this sorted some time this weekend.’

  ‘So,’ Linda went back to the page where hastily scribbled notes vied for her attention. ‘Your mum has let all her friends know it’s at my house?’

  Bonnie nodded. ‘Friends – check.’

  ‘Paige is doing music…’

  ‘She’s putting together a playlist on her ipod of all Mum’s favourite stuff.’ Bonnie grinned. ‘As you can imagine, she’s loving every minute of that.’

  ‘Serves her right for making me listen to terrible music every time I come round to your flat.’ Linda scribbled on the paper. ‘Music and friends… I’ll sort the food out.’

  ‘I can help with that.’

  ‘I’ve watched you make butties, Porthole Jim,’ Linda said. ‘I’ll take care of the food. You can go on a booze run and do balloons and stuff.’ Bonnie was silent and Linda looked up at her. ‘What?’

  ‘I can’t thank you enough for doing this for my mum. You’re so good to me. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.’ Bonnie’s voice began to tremble slightly. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do without my mum either…’

  Linda dropped the list and pen onto the rattan table and put an arm around Bonnie. ‘You’re going to be just fine,’ she said gently. ‘Your mum is going to Spain, not Saturn. And you know that I’ll always be here for you. We’re mates, and that’s what mates do.’

  Bonnie looked up and tried to smile. ‘I know you’re right. It’s just that whenever Mum talked about it, I felt like it would never really happen. And now it’s almost time for her to go.’

  ‘Yep. It’s hard but you’re going to have to get used to the fact that things will be different now. But Paige is not a baby anymore and hopefully, Henri is finally out of your life, so maybe things will be easier in a lot of ways too.’ Linda squeezed her shoulder. ‘And there’s all those lovely free holidays to look forward to as well.’

  ‘You’re right, as always,’ Bonnie sighed.

  ***

  Bonnie and Paige arrived at Linda’s house early to set up the music and unload the booze from her car. They had been a little surprised that Jeanie had made an excuse to come later by herself when Bonnie had offered to pick her up on the way, but Jeanie had seemed adamant that they go on without her. Linda was already dressed in a sequined black top and palazzo pants, her hair piled elegantly on her head. Bonnie smiled to herself – if Linda’s other parties were anything to go by, at the end of the evening that elegant hair would be hanging around Linda’s face in sweaty ropes and she’d be wearing a pair of plastic boobs over her own as she staggered drunkenly around the house singing My Old Man’s a Dustman.

  ‘You look lovely,’ Bonnie said as she kissed Linda lightly on the cheek.

  ‘Ta, ducky, so do you,’ Linda smiled. ‘And Paige... wow!’

  Paige had opted for understated elegance too, as opposed to her usual jeans and t-shirt or tiniest hotpants available. She wore a short, ditsy flowered dress, fitted at the bodice and flaring out from the waist. It showed off perfectly her newly budding curves. The addition of opaque tights had made the dress look classy, rather than tarty, and Bonnie’s heart had almost burst with pride when she saw how beautiful her daughter looked. Bonnie herself had gone for a tried-and-trusted number – her forest green vintage dress. She had wanted to buy something new but in the end decided that she couldn’t justify the expense, and it wasn’t like anyone was going to be there that she needed to impress.

  Paige gave Linda an embarrassed but pleased grin. ‘Thanks, Linda.’

  ‘Everything is done,’ Linda said with obvious pride.

  ‘Blimey, you don’t mess about, do you?’ Bonnie said as they followed her into the kitchen where plate upon plate of bright and tempting finger foods lined the surfaces.

  ‘Mum went
to Iceland,’ Linda grinned.

  Bonnie laughed and went to inspect a plate of chicken kebabs. ‘I think mum cooked these from scratch! They look amazing, Lind. I wish I had your catering skills.’

  ‘Well, when you live to party like me, you have time to practise. Unlike some of us who are too busy chasing pop stars around town...’

  Bonnie grinned. That particular standing joke between her and Linda was one that was likely to take a long time to be forgotten. It was funny, but Bonnie didn’t mind it so much now, in fact, she had begun to look back on her encounters with Holden almost fondly. They had done a lot to change her life in some ways, and for the first time in many long months, Bonnie actually felt happy and content with her lot. She had begun to realise that happiness could be found in many places, and you didn’t always need a man to make it happen.

  ‘Mum is coming later by taxi.’

  ‘How come?’ Linda asked as she popped half a stuffed cherry tomato into her mouth.

  Bonnie shrugged. ‘She just said she wasn’t ready and for me to go on without her. She wouldn’t hear of me waiting.’

  ‘Who’s coming tonight?’ Paige asked.

  ‘Your nan’s crowd from Leathers all said they’d be here. Some people she used to work with at the tyre factory... Fred even said he might call for an hour. And Stavros is coming...’ Linda winked.

  ‘Stav? But he hardly knows my mum.’

  ‘I know,’ Linda said, ‘but I thought it would keep John on his toes to see that another bloke fancies me.’ Paige’s mouth fell open and Linda laughed. ‘You’ve got a lot to learn about men, young Paige.’

  ‘I’m beginning to see that,’ Paige said.

  There was no mention of Max and Bonnie didn’t push it. She had seen him earlier in the week, but with the last-minute preparations for her mum’s departure, there hadn’t been much time to get round as often as she had been. And at that last visit, although he was brighter and had made coffee for her for the first time, instead of the other way around, it was obvious that he was still too ill to be going out anywhere. Bonnie couldn’t shake a small, needling feeling of disappointment all the same.