Chapter Ten
Abigail
I managed to convince Liz to stay at her place tonight. It’s not that I don’t want to spend every waking moment with her. it’s just that she slept maybe eight hours this entire weekend, and I want her to be awake when she’s with me. She sends me a few messages before bed, and they’re amazing to wake up to, even if it’s not quite the same as having her in my arms.
I’m going to bed, so it’s your last chance to change your mind. I love you, Abby. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Her other message was a little less wholesome. Just broke out my vibrator for the first time in a while. Would having phone sex sometime be too tempting for you? I’ve been rather focused on that idea for the last twenty minutes or so, and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I might be up for trying it. I just wish I could try more with her without having to worry.
My phone rings, and I give up on figuring out how to use my likely atrophied genitals. “Hey, James.” Well, he is certainly the appropriate person to ask about a lot of this stuff. It just feels weird asking a guy for sex advice.
“Hey. I heard Ashley got to meet your girlfriend. When am I going to get to?” There’s some symphonic metal playing loud enough wherever he is that I could hear every note even if I was still human.
“Turn that down, and maybe I’ll let you.”
“Fine.” He clicks a button, the springs in a chair squeaking beneath him as he shifts. The music stops, and his foot hits the floor, causing a sudden cessation of the squeaking. He’s the king of annoying noises today. “When can I meet her? I mean, this is the first person you’ve dated since I’ve known you. She has to be like the most beautiful woman in the world to distract you from your obvious vow of celibacy.”
“She is, and maybe I won’t let you meet her.”
“I’ll turn the music back on.”
“You are the absolute worst.”
Another thunk as he sets his feet on his desk. “I wouldn’t make a move on her. I don’t eat people anymore, remember? Let me live vicariously through you. You can still have sex.”
Oh, if only. “No, I really can’t.”
“Why not?”
I growl. I can hear him gulp. I wasn’t even trying to threaten him. “If I give in like that, I’m going to end up hurting her or going all the way and eating her, like you said. I can’t trust myself. If I have a taste, I might take a bite. If I finger her, it might result in internal bleeding.”
“There are other ways to have sex.”
“I am not having ‘the talk’ with you.”
His laugh is so strange. Like, it’s almost too perfect. It’s somehow more intimidating than anything else about him. I guess you can take the demon out of Hell, but you can’t take Hell out of the demon. If that is where he came from; he’s stubbornly coy about it. “Come on, I wanted to do some shopping anyway. I’ll show you a few things.”
Is he going to help me buy a strap-on? Would a strap-on work? This is such a terrible idea. I guess it doesn’t hurt to have one, and maybe a vibrator would help with phone sex. God, I can’t believe I’m really considering this.
I start to grab a hoodie, but I resist. I’m trying to be better for Liz. I keep hurting her with what I’m not capable of. I can at least do everything I am capable of. I’m still wearing the green necklace—I finally took off my cross—and I decide to complement it with a green skirt. It’s been so long since I last wore a skirt. I bought it when I was feeling my most disgusting and awful, and I thought it’d make me feel better, but it only made it worse. But thinking of the way she looks at me, I almost feel human again. Even knowing how I look in a skirt can’t change that. I match it with a blue long-sleeved top that covers most of my fur. I don’t have any mirrors, and I have no desire to check, but I feel like I might look decent. If you squint.
By the time I arrive at the Community Center, James is already there. He whistles appreciatively as I approach. “You clean up good.”
I roll my eyes. It’s not that I don’t appreciate him complimenting me in one of the most insulting ways he could manage, I just know that he’s only doing it to make me feel better. I know exactly how awful I look. We head inside, and he leads me to a section that I never really bothered to explore. There’re some more esoteric items that require being immortal to be able to survive them during sex, but most of the goods are fairly mundane. Though they do tend to have much higher power settings than the human variety. A few are even name brand. I had no idea we were a demographic worth targeting. I guess a bunch of lonely wendigos and ghouls have uses for them. I groan. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Have you never bought one before? This is all pretty normal.” He eyes a device that seems to shove blades inside a male orifice. “Nothing I haven’t seen before, at least.”
“No, I haven’t, okay? I was still pretty closeted when I was human, and I was only twenty-one at the time.”
“Straight people buy sex toys too. A friend never took you shopping? Not even Liz?”
I shake my head. “No, now will you help me?”
A horrifying smile appears on his face, his eyes looking increasingly demented as they begin to glow red. “Oh, you are in for a treat. I’m going to show you everything you could possibly need to know.”
“How about just the basics that would let me not hurt her?”
“Well, if you don’t want to risk biting her, there’s always this.” He gestures toward a strangely shaped item.
I have to lean forward to figure out what it is. “Industrial-strength ball gags?” I am in so far over my head. What part is industrial-strength? “I don’t think I want to do anything kinky. I just want to be able to be intimate with her. Maybe eventually we could look into something exciting, but right now, I was mostly thinking a vibrator, maybe a strap-on if I could be really sure I wouldn’t get too excited.”
“They have restraints that can hold an ogre. With that ball gag, you wouldn’t be able to hurt her.”
I walk away from the table. This is all too much. What am I even doing here? “I don’t want to have to do that,” I cry as he catches up to me, concern clear in his still-glowing eyes. “There’s no intimacy if she has to tie me up like an animal before we can even try anything.”
“Speak for yourself. I’ve always found it very intimate. Besides, it lets you do what you want to do, even if it might not be quite to your preference.”
“I don’t care about getting to feel good. I just want to be able to hold her, kiss her, please her, and do all those things I’ve been dreaming of doing with her since I was sixteen.” Cold tears stream down my face, stopping only when they hit the necklace now that my fur is so much better groomed. Wow, it already sounds like I’m her pet. Why not just let her hog-tie me? It’s just never how I pictured things.
“You’ll still be a lot closer to your teenage dreams than most people ever get. Though I did have that Bacchanalia where we were all covered in beer, and a freshly waxed man fed me roasted pork belly. Gods, I miss the Roman Empire.”
“Why am I even talking to you?” I can’t do it. I can’t. I’ll try phone sex, and maybe after that, we can figure out some more things. Even if I was tied up, I’d still smell her, I’d still taste her, and I’d still be so hungry. How can this ever change? We’re gonna keep having this issue as long as our relationship lasts, assuming it’s not the death of it right away.
James draws a handkerchief from his pocket and offers it to me. I wipe my eyes and fur. “Okay, clearly this is all moving too fast for you,” he says. “How about we find you a nice toy to use, and maybe you could call Liz up and surprise her when you get home?”
If I call when she’d have to wake up anyway, it’s not like I’m depriving her of sleep. I guess I could do that. “Okay.”
“Will you at least talk to her about the other stuff?”
“Like the industrial-strength ball gag?”
Rolling glowing eyes are one of the few things that I can honestly say still disconcert me. “Yes. It
’s not ridiculous. it’s exactly what your jaws call for.”
“It sounds absurd.”
“You’re a wendigo dating a human. Things are going to sound ridiculous. Suck it up, and get used to it.” He turns back to the stand. Still trying to think of a response, I follow him. “Here, one of my favorite brands makes this for particularly sturdy undead and very durable demons. I’ll buy it for you. If this can’t get the deed done, nothing can.” He pauses, the wand still in his grasp. “Wait, you haven’t gotten off in six years?”
I think I might actually hate him. “No, I haven’t. Thank you so much for telling the cashier.”
“Oh, Lawrence is cool.”
“Hi,” the clerk says.
“Hi, Lawrence.” This is so stupid.
“Maybe you’ll finally be able to relax,” James says. “Who knows, maybe it’ll finally satisfy that hunger. I doubt too many wendigoag have tried.”
I take the stupid fucking sex toy and leave. When he follows me, I just mutter thanks.
“Abby, wait.”
I turn, my teeth bared. I don’t know if I could digest him, but I’m tempted to find out. “You made a fool of me in front of everyone for no reason.”
“I’m sorry. You know I don’t really have much of a concept of inappropriate. Sex is what I am, and especially now that I’m not doing it, I get a little bawdy.”
“It’s no excuse.”
“I just want to help. Please?”
As I bare my fangs, he takes a step back. “Why should I listen to you? Anything I say, you’ll just use as ammo to make fun of me.’ Oh, Abby’s never used a vibrator; Abby’s scared of a ball gag; Abby’s never had sex before.’ I’m sick of it.”
His jaw drops. Unlike Ashley that one time, it stays attached. “I had no idea. You mean ever? Not just as a wendigo?”
I fold my arms over my chest. I want to run away, but I really do need the advice. “I don’t know. What counts as sex? Like, I had a girl touch me before, but she didn’t put a finger in or anything. I did come from it, though, I think, but it was just the one time. It felt weird. I was already in love with Liz, and I thought she didn’t feel the same way, but it seemed wrong trying to make myself be with someone else.”
James blows out a breath, taking a seat on the ground and resting his head in his hands as he stares up at me. “Wow. I’m sorry. I knew you were a little uncomfortable with the subject, but I thought it’d just been a while. You’re really crazy about this girl.”
“I have been my whole life.”
“Well then, I’m going to help you figure out how to make everything perfect for her. It’s the least I can do after how I acted. I really am sorry.”
“I guess I can forgive you. I know it’s just how you are.” I blink away more tears. I’ve never told anyone that. Not even Ashley, and she’s supposed to be my best friend. Not even Liz.
“I know some really interesting people. Even if I have to break my diet, I’m going to see if anyone has any tips on wendigo sex. Preferably without resorting to vore.”
“I have no idea what that is.”
“That’s for the best.” He stands and rolls his shoulders. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Go call your girlfriend.”
“Thank you. I will.” After a few minutes collecting myself, I decide to do some more shopping to kill time. Maybe by the time he has that advice for me, my place could be a bit more livable for Liz.
* * *
My hands are shaking, and my heart is doing the closest thing to thundering it can manage as I lie in my new bed, waiting for her to answer my call. “Morning, Abby. You just about to go to sleep?”
I had to buy some fuel for my generator to make sure it could power this thing. My first ever sex toy lies on the bed next to me, staring judgmentally. “I was going to. I was just wondering if maybe you, um, would like to…” I swallow what feels almost exactly like a femur lodged in my throat. “Do that thing you suggested last night?”
“Oh. Are you sure? It won’t make you too hungry or anything?” She sounds almost as nervous as I am.
“I don’t know. I mean, even if it does, there’s nothing to eat here, and I doubt it’ll be as bad as when you cut your tongue, and I was able to resist then.” I know I’m not worrying over nothing, but part of me is starting to believe her. Maybe I really can manage.
“We could just talk and play with our toys. Or do you use your hands? We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. It’d be nice to hear you. I’ve fantasized about it so many times, and I’ve always wondered what you actually sound like. But if you’re not ready, it’s fine. I can wait. Even if I do keep pushing for it.”
How can she possibly still want me the way she does? I’ve changed so much from the girl she knew, and yet it doesn’t seem to have changed how she feels in the slightest. I’m the luckiest woman in the world. “I don’t want to wait. I wish I’d thought of this sooner. It’s so much less scary. And I just bought a toy for the occasion.”
“Really? It any good?”
“I haven’t tried it out yet.” I take in a deep breath. I should tell her. It feels weird having James know something so private about me that even Liz doesn’t know. “I’ve never tried anything before.”
She takes a moment to reply. “Huh. You always seemed so much more experienced. So you’ve never used a toy?”
“I’ve never done anything. I mean, I fooled around once, but that was it. I put on an act because I thought you weren’t interested, and I didn’t want you to know that I didn’t want to be with anyone else. You seemed okay with being with others, so I just kept up the act.”
“I’m an idiot.” She lets out a pained laugh. “I should’ve told you how I felt back when we were practicing kissing as kids. I’ve always loved you, Abby.”
I giggle like a nervous schoolgirl. Behold the mighty wendigo and tremble.
“So I’m kinda your first. I can live with that. Why don’t you try out your new toy?”
I do. The motor is almost deafening, but when I place it against parts that just this morning I had given up hope on ever using again, I can barely contain myself. I scream loud enough that I can hear animals around the cabin running away for half a mile.
“Wow. That was really hot.” How could she possibly have liked that? I’m sure her ears must be bleeding. “I may need to turn the volume down a little, but that was beautiful. I take it your new toy works. You came?”
I let out a throaty sigh, mewling in pleasure. “Yes. Oh my God, yes.”
“Good.” I hear a buzzing noise, which is soon muffled and joined by a slick sound. I can hear her shaking against the bed. “Oh fuck, I wish you were right here. I want you to feel this. I want your hands on me. I want to look into your eyes. I want you to hold me as I break again and again.”
I’m already close all over again. I may have to thank James later. “I want that too. More than you could possibly imagine. I’m trying, Liz, I am. I won’t make you wait forever.” I don’t know if I’m tearing up from arousal or emotion, but I can barely bother to care as the wand brings me to the edge.
“I’m so close.”
“I am too.”
“You are?” The machine picks up speed, and I can hear the faint vibrations of her hand pressing against her. “Think about me on top of you, looking down at you, my hand between us, teasing at you as I grind against you. Me kissing you as my finger slides in.”
“Elizabeth!” I cry as I fall over the edge.
She gasps, and I can hear her thumb swishing against her as she joins me, panting breathlessly. “That was amazing. Hell, that was better than most sex I’ve had.”
“Same here. Not that that’s saying much.”
She giggles, breathing heavily as she shifts in the bed. “I can’t wait to do it again, but I should get up and get ready. I’m running late now.”
“You should, and I should sleep. I love you, Liz.”
“I love you too, Abby. You’re amazing. That was the sexiest th
ing I’ve ever heard.”
“Monster fetishist,” I tease. I don’t know how to take a compliment.
“Just an Abby fetishist. Sweet dreams, honey. Can I come over tonight?”
I try not to bite my lip as I fret over that decision. I want to do this again, and if she’s here, I don’t know if I’ll be able to put it off much longer, and that’s a terrible idea, but I really want to hold her, kiss her, show her how much I’ve changed the place and, if I’m lucky, maybe try out James’s advice. “Yeah. I’ll see you tonight. I need to run a couple errands first, so ten or eleven? Have a great day at work.”
“It’s a date.”
I dream of nothing but her. I only even eat her in one of them.
Chapter Eleven
Elizabeth
I have some time to kill after work, and after everything that Abby confessed to me this morning, I feel like I owe someone else their own explanation. This is going to hurt so much. Well, if she tries to kill me, at least I’m armed. I’ve switched to jeans and have my dagger secured to the small of my back this time to avoid having to wear a skirt. It made sitting in my chair for eight hours a little annoying, but it was worth it to be able to look all confident and butch when I have to deal with my ex. It’s also way quicker to draw. I guess that could be important too.
I knock on Carol’s door, my heart hammering a million beats a second as I wait for her to answer. She should be home by now. It’s almost six. I guess she could be out somewhere. Hell, maybe she has a date. I should’ve called first. Just as I turn back to my car, the door opens, and she walks out, wearing a bathrobe, her hair a mess for the first time in her entire life and her eyes puffy and bloodshot. Shit. It’s been almost two weeks. How is she not over me?
“Lizzy?”
What am I thinking being here? “Hey, Carol,” I say nonchalantly. If I die, tell Abby she can eat my body.
“What are you doing here?” She wipes her eyes with a sleeve of her robe.
“There was something I wanted to tell you. It’s not that important, though. It can wait. I’ll get out of your hair.” I didn’t realize how badly I’d hurt her. She doesn’t deserve to suffer more.
My Date with a Wendigo Page 11
