Spectrum

by MJ Duncan

  She led them off the service road and onto a dirt path that skirted the edge of her property. The path was just wide enough for them to ride side by side, and it provided a stunning view of Mount Hood in the distance. They rode in and out of shadows thrown by trees older than the both of them combined, serenaded by the hum of crickets in the brush, and Bryn kept an eye out for grasshoppers so that she could warn Anna should she spot one.

  The absolute last thing she wanted was for the day to end with Anna falling off Figment and getting hurt.

  The path eventually led them back down the hill toward the barn, and Bryn smiled shyly at Anna as she pulled Morgana to a stop just outside the barn doors. “Did you have fun?”

  “I did.” Anna nodded. “And there were no grasshoppers.”

  Bryn laughed, feeling more relaxed than she had all day, and slipped gracefully from her saddle. “Yes. It must be your lucky day. Do you need help dismounting?” she asked as she looked up at Anna.

  “I know, right? And, nah.” Anna shook her head. “I think I got it.”

  “If you’re sure.” Bryn took a step toward Anna, prepared to help her should she need it. Anna had no problems, however, and Bryn smiled proudly at her. “Well done.”

  Anna beamed. “Thanks.” She turned to pat Figment’s neck. “Thanks for the ride, big girl.”

  Bryn chuckled at the way Anna froze when Figment nickered and tossed her head. “Relax, Ms. Fitzpatrick. That’s her way of saying ‘you’re welcome’.”

  Figment turned her head to look at Anna, her dark, expressive eyes clearly asking why Anna had stopped petting her.

  “I do believe she likes you,” Bryn said as she reached out to give the mare’s forehead a light scratch.

  “Good. Then maybe she’ll let me do this again sometime.”

  “I think that’s something we might be able to arrange.” Bryn smiled and nodded, painfully aware of the way her heart seemed to flutter in her chest at the idea of it. She had been so certain that Anna would see how awkward and boring she was and run for the hills, that the fact that Anna wanted to do this again was almost too good to believe.

  “Excellent.” Anna’s smile softened as she reached out to give Bryn’s wrist a light squeeze. “So, lemme guess…next up is more grooming?”

  Bryn blew out a shaky breath and nodded, grateful for the distraction tending to the horses provided. “You guessed correctly,” she murmured. Her voice was oddly low and rough, and she cleared her throat softly to try and dislodge the lump that had settled in it. “I’m sorry. Do you feel comfortable walking Figment inside?”

  Anna looked up at Figment, who was staring back at her with an amused twinkle in her eye. “Whatta ya say, Figgy? Wanna go on a walk?”

  Figment snorted and bumped Anna’s shoulder with her nose.

  “I don’t think she likes that nickname,” Bryn chuckled.

  Anna grinned. “Me neither. Sorry, beautiful,” she apologized, patting the horse on the forehead. “My bad. No more nicknames.”

  Figment must have been appeased, because she bumped Anna’s hand with her nose and started walking toward the open barn door. Once they were inside, Bryn removed Figment and Morgana’s bridles and slipped their halters back on. She tied them off to the bar outside the tack room, and then set about removing their saddles and pads—placing the pads off to the side to be laundered, and the saddles back in their respective places along the wall of the tack room. She handed Anna the same grooming bag as she had before their ride, and tipped her head at Figment. “Same routine as last time.”

  “Wish I got a massage before and after every one of my workouts,” Anna grumbled as she pulled the curry comb from the bag and slipped it onto her hand.

  Bryn chuckled and shook her head. “Would a glass of wine make you feel better?”

  “Yeah.” Anna looked up at Bryn and nodded. “It would.”

  “Well, then,” Bryn said, pointing at Figment. “Finish that, and we’ll go see about your wine.”

  “Aye, aye,” Anna drawled, snapping off a crisp salute before resuming her grooming. When she was finished, she pressed a loud, smackeroo kiss to Figment’s cheek. “You look wonderful, dah-ling.”

  Bryn, who had already finished grooming Morgana, smiled at the way Figment whinnied happily in response to Anna’s compliment, clearly smitten with the brunette. “You know,” she drawled, “I may have to warn Kendall that you’re trying to steal her girl.”

  “Well…” Anna laughed as she smoothed a hand down the stripe on Figment’s forehead. “Can you blame me?”

  “No. I can’t.” Bryn shook her head and started giving Figment’s hooves a quick check for rocks or other debris. “She’s a sweetie.”

  “She really is.” Anna gave Figment a soft pat on the head.

  “Right, all done,” Bryn announced after a moment. She dropped the hoof pick into her grooming bag and picked it up to take into the tack room. She reached for Anna’s as well, but it was swept out of her reach before she could grab it.

  “I got this,” Anna said, shouldering the bag.

  Bryn nodded. “Okay. This way, then,” she said as she led them into the tack room and waved a hand at the shelf where the bags were stored.

  “Thank you for letting me ride her,” Anna said as she placed her bag beside Bryn’s on the shelf and picked up her shoes. She sat down on a small stool and began pulling off her borrowed boots, groaning softly as her toes were freed from their cramped quarters. “I really did have fun.”

  “I’m glad.” Bryn smiled. “I did too.”

  Once Anna had finished changing, she followed Bryn out of the tack room. “So, you do realize that I’m totally going to bug you to do this again sometime, right?”

  “I am very much looking forward to it.” Bryn blushed and looked away, busying herself with untying their horses’ leads. She handed Figment’s to Anna, and said, “Here you go.”

  “Excellent.” Anna took the lead and ran her thumb over the bumps in the rope. “So…just put Figgy back in her stall?”

  Bryn nodded as she untied Morgana’s lead. “Yes. Hers is the far one on the left.”

  “Okay.” Anna clicked her tongue and began walking Figment toward her stall. “Do we, like, I dunno, need to give them dinner or something?”

  Bryn shook her head as she led Morgana toward her own stall. “No. My stable manager will be around later to make sure they are fed and bedded down for the night, and there is a large trough in the corral their stalls open onto that is filled with water every morning for them. I assure you, they are completely spoiled.”

  “Lucky girls.” Anna patted Figment on the shoulder and led her back into her stall. The rolling door on the opposite end was open, and Figment did not spare Anna a second glance the moment her lead was unhooked from her halter. “Gee, love you too, Fig. Don’t miss me too much,” she said as she watched Figment trot over to a large metal trough. “She’s already forgotten me,” she groused playfully as she closed the door to Figment’s stall.

  “Hardly, Ms. Fitzpatrick. She is simply thirsty,” Bryn said as she gave Morgana an affectionate pat on the rump and sent her outside as well. “She will remember you the next time you come to visit,” she assured Anna as she stepped out and closed the stall door behind herself.

  “Yeah right. Lookit that traitor.” Anna waved a hand at Figment, who had sidled up beside Morgana. “Hitting on another girl while I’m standing right here.”

  Bryn laughed and shook her head. “Yes, well, I did warn you earlier that she has a crush on Morgana.”

  “Still,” Anna grumbled, smiling as she followed Bryn out of the barn. “She could at least pretend to mourn my impending absence.”

  “Honestly,” Bryn chuckled. “Would it make you feel better if I promised to discuss it with her later?”

  Anna grinned and flopped onto the UTV’s passenger seat. “Eh, after a glass of wine or two, I’ll probably forgive her.”

  “Are you always so easily mollified?” Bryn asked as
she lowered herself regally onto the bench seat and turned the key in the ignition.

  “When it comes to women, yeah.” Anna shook her head and looked out over the fields around them. Her expression was sad, almost wistful for a moment as she stared into the distance, and Bryn wondered what it was she was thinking about. After a few seconds, Anna shook her head, and when she finally met Bryn’s gaze once again, there was a small lopsided smile quirking her lips. “Glutton for punishment, remember?”

  The smile was not a necessarily happy one, something Bryn recognized because she had plastered similar ones onto her own face through the years, and she nodded. “I do.”

  Bryn stared at Anna for so long that she forgot to look back at the service road she was driving down, and she gasped in surprise when the left front tire got stuck in a rut for a split-second, the wheel under her hand yanking forcefully to the side. She gasped in surprise as she redirected her attention to her driving, and swore under her breath as, in her attempt to regain control of the quad, she overcorrected and sent the vehicle veering to the right. She jammed her foot onto the brake moments before they nearly ran off the road, and by the time the Ranger came to a complete stop, her heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest.

  “Fucking Christ,” Anna groaned as she rubbed at her head.

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

  Anna laughed and leaned back in her seat. “Well, that was exciting…”

  The way Anna continued to chuckle to herself was disconcerting, and Bryn scanned her body for more serious signs of injury as she reached for her. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” Anna said, shaking her head. “Are you?”

  Bryn’s hand shook as she pushed her sunglasses up onto her head. She knew by the way Anna’s expression turned more serious as she reached for her that she must look as panicked as she felt, and she took a deep breath to try and settle her nerves. She was fine. She was just worried about Anna. “Yes, but…”

  “No.” Anna placed a hand on Bryn’s leg and pushed her own glasses onto her head as she stared into Bryn’s eyes. “I’m fine. I promise. Are you hurt?”

  Bryn shook her head.

  “Okay,” Anna said, her voice calm and soothing in a way that was not at all patronizing. “Take a deep breath and just sit here for a minute, okay?”

  Bryn nodded and closed her eyes as she took a slow, deep breath. She focused the feeling of Anna’s hand on her leg, so calm and steady as she took one breath after the next, filling her lungs and then slowly letting the air go until the adrenaline that had been rushing through her began to dissipate enough that her heart was no longer trying to fly out of her chest. “Thank you,” Bryn whispered.

  “Not a problem,” Anna murmured, squeezing Bryn’s leg one last time before she pulled her hand back. “You good now?”

  “Yes.” Bryn gave Anna a rueful smile. “I am sorry about that.”

  Anna grinned and waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. You do know what this means, though, right?”

  Bryn’s brow crinkled and she shook her head. “No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

  “You’re not allowed to tease me about my driving anymore,” Anna declared as she draped her arm across the back of the bench seat.

  “I’m not…” Bryn chuckled under her breath and nodded. “I do believe that’s fair.” She shifted the Ranger into reverse and backed into the middle of the service road. She took a deep breath as she shifted it into drive, and pressed her foot onto the accelerator just enough to get them rolling at a speed that was not much faster than a walk.

  “Relax, Nakamura,” Anna murmured.

  Bryn’s startled at the feeling of Anna’s fingers gliding over the back of her neck and squeezing gently, and she held her breath when Anna’s hand dropped instantly as if she had been shocked.

  “Sorry,” Anna apologized.

  “No.” Bryn shook her head, frustrated with herself for her reaction. She knew that Anna had meant for the touch to be reassuring, and she had gone and ruined everything, just like she always did. “It’s just…” Her grip on the steering wheel tightened as she struggled to find the right words. “I’m not…”

  “Gay?” Anna asked, sounding hurt. “I know. You told me the other day at Jitters. I wasn’t hitting on you, I was just trying to make you feel better. You still look a little freaked.”

  “It’s not that,” Bryn muttered. She blew out a loud breath and shook her head again as she turned the Ranger onto the narrow access road that would take them to her house. A few minutes later, she pulled to a stop inside the single garage bay that was reserved for the UTV and killed the engine. “I’m just…”

  A heavy silence settled between them as they stared at each other. Anna looked both hurt and thoughtful, like she was trying to understand, and Bryn wished that she could find the words to explain why she had reacted the way she did—but she kept coming up blank.

  Fear that this was how the day would end curled sickeningly in the pit of Bryn’s stomach, and she sighed as she shook her head. “I’m not…”

  Anna’s expression gentled, and she nodded. “How about we get some of that wine?”

  It was a gift—a beautiful, understanding gift—and Bryn grabbed hold of it eagerly, afraid that if she did anything else, it might disappear. “Okay.”

  Thirteen

  The velvety texture of her favorite Pinot Noir did little to soothe Bryn’s nerves as she padded across the patio to where Anna was stretched out on a lounge chair beside the fire pit. She handed Anna her glass with a tense smile and a small nod, and then lowered herself to the edge of the neighboring chair. All she had wanted was for the day to go well, but here she was, sitting beside her guest with no idea what to say.

  The only bright spot, so far as Bryn could tell, was that Anna had not thrown her hands in the air, called the whole thing a mistake, and just walked away.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” Bryn murmured, staring into her glass as if the words she needed were hidden in its rippling crimson surface. “It was not my intention to make you feel bad, nor had I meant to accuse you of hitting on me.” She sighed. “I was just surprised, and I reacted poorly. I’m not used to physical contact…”

  “And I’m a touchy-feely bastard who can’t keep her hands to herself.”

  Bryn’s heart sank at the way Anna shook her head and rolled her eyes in obvious disgust with herself. “Please. No. That wasn’t…” She ran a hand through her hair and stared imploringly at Anna. “You’re not.”

  “I am.” Anna nodded. “I know I am. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

  “Please, don’t.” Bryn took a deep breath and reached out to place a hand on Anna’s knee, needing her to truly understand that she did not blame her for any of this. “I actually like the little touches. Which is strange, because I usually can’t stand anyone touching me, but I just wasn’t expecting it then, so when you—”

  “I’m sorry,” Anna apologized again.

  “While I appreciate the sentiment, you really have no reason to apologize,” Bryn murmured, heart hammering as she waited for Anna to realize that she was not worth her effort. “You are perfect. It was me. It’s always me.” She averted her eyes at the look of painful understanding that softened Anna’s features. The idea that Anna might see who she truly was behind all the walls she had painstakingly erected over the years was terrifying. She was too flawed. Too damaged by her lifetime of solitude to ever be a good friend, no matter how badly she wanted to be one. Kendall understood her, knew her parents and the loveless home she had visited during her youth but never really grew up in, but the idea of letting Anna—who was a ray of sunshine and joy—see her darkness was too much.

  “Bryn…”

  Bryn shook her head. “Please.”

  The silence between them was thick with unspoken questions, and Anna sighed as she covered Bryn’s hand with her own and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Okay.”

  When Bryn finally found the strength to l
ook up at Anna, she was relieved to see that Anna was not watching her at all—she was just looking out over the vineyard, sipping at her wine, everything about her demeanor so soft and warm and reassuring that Bryn could not help but be calmed by it. “Thank you.”

  Anna looked over at her and nodded. “This wine is great.”

  Relieved that Anna was not going to press her for answers she was not ready to give, Bryn smiled. “I think so too. Out of every wine we’ve produced, it’s by far my favorite.”

  “Thank you for sharing it with me, then.” Anna swirled the wine in her glass and then took a long sip. She hummed as she swallowed, and then smiled at Bryn. “Are you busy Wednesday afternoon?”

  Bryn blinked in confusion. “Yes. Well, I mean, there is the usual work to be done around here, but nothing that I necessarily have to be present for. Why?”

  “No reason. I just have clinic hours in the morning but my afternoon is free, and I thought that since you showed me what you do for fun, that I’d return the favor and show you what I do to relax and let loose.”

  Bryn could not have contained the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips had she tried. “That sounds lovely. What are you planning?”

  “Ah, I’m not telling you that,” Anna said, winking at Bryn as she finally pulled her hand away. “Just wear clothes you can move around in. Shorts, or workout pants, something like that. Nothing too loose, and if you do decide to wear shorts, make sure they hit at least mid-thigh.”

  Bryn nodded slowly as she moved her hand from Anna’s knee back to her own. The prospect of seeing Anna again had her stomach fluttering with butterflies, and she looked up at Anna through her lashes as she took a sip of wine to steady herself. “So, we’re working out?”

  Anna laughed and shook her head. “Not gonna tell you,” she sing-songed.