Does he feel the connection humming between us, or is it only in my imagination?
Then again, does it really matter?
Nothing can happen.
Those thoughts are like a bucket of cold water dumped over my head, and I take a hasty step in retreat. As I do, our hands drift apart before falling back to our sides.
I have a strict no-footballer rule in place, and it’s more important than ever I stick to it.
14
Demi
“Can you believe that girl?” Sydney mutters as we sit on the turf and stretch before practice.
I don’t bother to ask who she’s talking about; I already know. She reserves that particular level of disdain for very few people.
Unable to help myself, I glance toward the sideline only to see Annica talking with Coach Adams. Every once in a while, the auburn-haired girl will reach out to touch his bare forearm. It’s a harmless caress, barely perceptible.
Except...I know it’s not.
The way she smiles, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear and laughing, tells me it’s anything but innocent.
When I remain silent, Sydney continues to seethe next to me. Any moment, she’ll begin to foam at the mouth. “Does she seriously think that if she flirts hard enough with Coach, he’ll make her a starter?”
Yeah...that’s exactly what she thinks. I only hope our coach isn’t gullible enough to fall for her doe-eyed behavior. It’s not in my nature to see the worst in people, but over the last year, Annica has proven herself to be manipulative. I would be an idiot not to keep a close eye on her. Maybe Sydney is right, and I can be too trusting where my friends are concerned, but she’s burned me enough times to warrant my caution.
“Ignore her.” It takes effort to drag my gaze away and focus on stretching out my quads. I’ve got enough to worry about without adding Annica to the mess. Rumors are still swirling through campus.
Coach blows his whistle, and we get to work. For the next two hours, we run through drills and then scrimmage. Even though Annica and I are on the same team, she continuously knocks into me, trying to steal the ball before I have a chance to get off a good kick. The last one I send toward the net is easily caught by Sasha.
Goddamn it!
My placement would be better if I hadn’t been trying to fight off the redhead.
“You need to work together, ladies!” Coach bellows from the sidelines. “Teamwork makes the dream work!”
It might be a cheesy cliché, but it’s true. We won’t get anywhere if we’re battling each other instead of the other team. I place my hands on my hips to catch my breath. Annica shoots me a nasty look as she stalks past.
We scrimmage for another twenty minutes before Coach blows his whistle. “That’s enough for today. Hit the showers.”
A few of the younger girls gather around Annica as we walk to the locker room. I’ve had enough of her antics. Instead of being one team, there are factions.
We have Team Annica and Team Demi.
This behavior is so immature. If Annica and I can’t come together and find a way to coexist, I’m not sure we’ll make it to the playoffs, let alone championship. As much as I hate the idea of a confrontation, there’s no longer a way around it.
“I’ll meet you in the locker room,” I tell Sydney. When she raises her brows, I add, “There’s something I need to take care of.”
“It’s about damn time. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? I can be the muscle.” She makes a show of cracking her knuckles. “Your intimidation factor.”
I snort at the image she makes. Sydney can definitely be daunting. As much as I appreciate the offer, I shake my head. “No. It would be better if Annica and I had a private convo.”
“All right,” she mutters, as if unsure that’s a wise choice.
Before Sydney is able to talk me out of my decision, I seek the other girl out on the field and raise my voice. “Annica?”
My auburn-haired teammate turns and glares. The icy look is full of hatred. A shiver of unease scuttles down my spine. For the umpteenth time, I can’t help but wonder what I did to have all this loathing aimed in my direction. I’ve never been anything but nice to her and all the girls. I dealt with enough clicky behavior in high school and never wanted it to be like that on this team.
I jerk my head toward the empty field. “Let’s talk.” It’s not a question. We’re too far beyond that.
Annica purses her lips as if she wants to give me the finger and tell me to get bent. One glance at our coaches has her stomping over to me.
When she’s five feet away, she grinds to a halt and folds her arms across her chest. “What do you want?”
All right then. If I were under the delusion that she might actually apologize for sucking my boyfriend off last weekend, that notion is thrown right out the window. There’s not a trace of regret or embarrassment in her expression. If anything, it’s like I’m the one who has done something wrong. I really don’t know what to make of this girl. I’ve never dealt with anyone like her before.
“Well,” I clear my throat, momentarily thrown off by the sparks of anger flying from her eyes, “I wanted to talk to you about what happened on the field.”
She shifts her weight as boredom settles over her expression. “Okay. What happened?”
Seriously?
Is it really too much to expect that we act like the grown-ass adults we’re supposed to be?
I draw in a steady inhalation and fight for patience. I’m not someone who easily loses my temper, but Annica pushes every single one of my buttons. In a perfect world, I would simply avoid the girl, but that’s not possible when we play for the same team. She won’t be the reason I quit soccer. Once the season is over, we can part ways. Until then, we have to peacefully coexist.
Maybe Annica likes to play games, but that’s not how I operate. I refuse to be dragged into any more of them. The only way to handle this is to cut right to the chase. “You’ve made it more than obvious that you don’t like me.” Before she can cut me off, I continue. “And that’s fine. We don’t have to be best friends or even like each other, but we do need to play together. I think we both want the same thing, and that’s to win as many games as possible this season and take home a championship.” I pause, allowing the sentiment to sink in. “Is it possible for us to put aside our differences and work together as a team from here on out?”
Not that Annica deserves it, but I’m trying to be a good leader and extend an olive branch. Unfortunately, I can’t do it alone. Annica needs to let go of her anger and meet me halfway.
Thick tension crackles in the air as a myriad of expressions flicker across her face. I have no idea if anything I’ve said has resonated with her. A tiny burst of hope rises in me as she takes a step forward, closing some of the distance that separates us. Instead of giving me a tentative smile, the edges of her lips sink into an ugly scowl as her eyes narrow.
Any hope I’d been harboring bursts like an overinflated balloon. I don’t need to hear her response to realize my words have fallen on deaf ears. I should have known that sorting out our issues wouldn’t be that easy. Nothing with this girl is simple. By the furious expression twisting her normally pretty features, it becomes clear that I underestimated how deep her loathing goes. I would be lying if I didn’t admit I’m a little taken aback by the hatred.
My muscles stiffen as she takes another quick step in my direction until we’re practically standing toe to toe. I’m tempted to retreat but refuse to give her the satisfaction of thinking she can intimidate me.
“You’re right. I don’t like you. I’ve never liked you.” A nasty smile flits across her face. “Guess what? Most of the girls on the team don’t. You think you’re so damn special, but the truth of the matter is that you’re not nearly as good as you think you are. If you had any brains whatsoever, you would do us all a favor and quit.”
What the fuck?
My mouth drops open as my heart riots painfully beneath my
ribcage. Her behavior on Saturday night pales in comparison to the vitriol pouring from her mouth.
My mind blanks.
When I remain silent, a victorious light fills her eyes. “The fact that you’re a captain and a starter is the biggest joke of all.” Her upper lip curls maliciously. “You strut around like you’re some big shit when you’re really nothing. It’s pathetic. Know what the funniest thing is?” Before I can answer, she continues. “Everyone seems to know it but you.”
Air gets clogged in my throat. It’s as if I’m being suffocated from the inside out.
Ever since I started playing soccer when I was four years old, I’ve poured my heart and soul into the game. I wasn’t one of those kids who tried a bunch of different sports before finally settling on one. It’s always been my first love. I’ve played on a handful of different travel teams and then for my high school. When I was applying to college, I had several offers from Division I schools. I chose Western because the academics were top-notch, and the women’s team consistently ranked in the top two programs in their division. I didn’t come in as a starter freshman year. I earned my position through hard work and dedication.
How dare she insinuate otherwise!
It takes a few moments before I’m able to find my voice. “Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Oh, I know exactly who I am. I also know I’m more talented than you.” She shoves a hand against my shoulder, knocking me back a step. “The only reason you’re anything on this team is because of your daddy.” She smirks. “Not only does everyone know it, but they also resent the hell out of it.”
Heat slams into my cheeks. “My father has nothing to do with my position or being captain!”
“Is that what you really think?” She rolls her eyes and waves a hand toward the locker room. “Everyone knows that daddy is the one who secured you the spot.”
Rage bubbles up inside me.
I take a step forward, unwilling to back down or be intimidated by this girl who is nothing more than a loudmouth bully. “I’ve spent three years earning my position on this team. No one handed me anything. I’ve put in the time, and I’ve worked hard. Maybe you should try that instead of flirting with the coach and causing dissension on the team.”
Her eyes narrow as if she wasn’t expecting me to slap back. “I’ve got more talent in my pinkie than you’ll ever have.”
“Oh yeah?” I raise my brows. “Then prove it! If you’re so damn good, take my position away through talent on the field instead of constantly running your mouth and trying to turn my teammates against me.”
She bares her teeth like a feral animal. “When I’m done with you, you’ll wish you never picked up a soccer ball in the first place.”
“Good luck with that, Annica. Right now, the only thing I wish I’d never done is befriend you.”
Unwilling to argue with her anymore, I stride away, leaving her to stand alone on the field. It’s only after I distance myself that I realize my hands are shaking. Even though it needed to happen, I hate confrontations. The only good thing to come out of this conversation is that we know exactly where we stand with each other. For better or worse, it’s all out in the open. If I’d hoped we could put our differences aside and finish out this season as a united team, that notion has been blown to shit. Annica won’t be happy until she wipes me off the face of the earth.
And I refuse to go down quietly without a fight.
15
Demi
After the day I’ve had, the library is the last place I want to be. I feel like hammered horseshit. My run-in with Justin this morning and then Annica this afternoon has wiped me out emotionally. As tempting as it was to cancel my tutoring session with Rowan, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The conversation at the stadium this afternoon has shifted our relationship. He was there when I needed someone and stood up to Justin. If he needs help with stats, then the least I can do is return the favor.
As soon as my confrontation with Annica pushes its way into my brain, I’m once again taken aback by the viciousness of her comments. Over the last year, I’ve become increasingly aware that there was a problem between us. Never in my wildest dreams did I realize she harbored so much hatred for me. It’s a little disturbing. All right, maybe more than a little.
Even though I know exactly how hard I’ve worked to get where I am and that I’ve earned my position on the team as both a starter and a captain, the ugliness she hurtled earlier gnaws at my insides. Doubt mushrooms up inside me. It's stupid. I’ve never questioned myself before. So why am I listening to anything she has to say now?
And yet, the vitriol she spewed circles viciously at the back of my brain, refusing to be banished.
“Hey.”
The deep voice has me blinking out of my thoughts as Rowan slides onto the chair situated next to me. For the first time in my life, it’s a relief to see him. His presence forces me out of my own head. And right now, I need that more than ever.
“Hi.” I hoist my smile and attempt to shove everything to the outer recesses of my brain.
Rowan settles on the chair and pulls out his book and notebook from his backpack before carefully searching my eyes. His brow furrows. It’s as if he’s able to pick through all of the private thoughts I’m trying to shove deep down inside. He doesn’t know me that well. He shouldn’t be able to read me so easily. “Are you all right?”
His unexpected concern throws me off-kilter. “Yeah.” Rather than tell him the truth, I say, “I’m fine.”
A hard glint enters his eyes, and the easy-going expression he had been wearing vanishes. “You didn’t have another run-in with Justin, did you?”
“No.”
“What then?” His jaw tightens as stubbornness settles over his features. “It’s obvious something happened.”
Even though some of the barriers standing between us have been chipped away, that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to spill my guts. Maybe, deep down, I’m afraid that Annica is right, and my father has something to do with the success I’ve found at Western. Not once have I ever considered the possibility. Now that she’s breathed life into the idea, I can’t stop from worrying there could be a kernel of truth to it.
“Demi, answer me.” His voice drops, becoming more commanding.
My teeth sink into my lower lip as I glance away. “It’s nothing.”
His fingers wrap around my thigh before giving it a gentle squeeze. Electricity sizzles through me at the innocuous contact. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on and let me determine that for myself?”
I huff out a breath and try to steer the conversation back to safer terrain. “We’re supposed to be working on statistics, not talking about all the crap going on in my life.”
“I thought we’d decided earlier that we’re friends?”
A second ticks by as I consider the prospect. Is that what we are now?
Friends?
After spending so many years holding him at a distance, it’s a strange concept to wrap my mind around.
When I remain silent, he continues, “Friends talk to one another when there’s a problem. And we’re friends, right?”
I don’t know...are we?
I jerk my head into a tight nod. For better or worse, I suppose that’s the path we’re now careening down.
He squeezes my thigh for a second time. The heat of his handprint becomes singed into my bare flesh for all eternity. “Then tell me what’s going on.”
I press my lips together, fighting the strange need I have to confide in him. When I can’t hold it in any longer, all the details pour out. Every poisonous dart that Annica hurtled in my direction. Heat flames my cheeks as I purge it from my body. Sydney had drilled me for the details on our way home from practice, and while I told her most of it, I’d glossed over the ugliest parts. The ones that leave me questioning my own talent. It sucks how one little comment can fill you with so much self-doubt.
When my shoulders finally slump and eve
rything has been released into the atmosphere, Rowan’s expression turns thunderous. “She really said all that to you?”
I jerk my head.
“You know it’s a bunch of bullshit, right?”
Is it?
Dad is the highest-paid coach in the conference. Every two years, the university renews his contract. It’s important they keep him happy. The football team brings in a lot of money for Western. Money that allows professors to continue with their research. Over the years, Dad has fielded offers from several top-notch programs throughout the country. He’s always been happy here, so he’s never given them any serious consideration.
But...what if I’m part of the equation?
What if Dad hasn’t considered leaving because deals were made under the table on my behalf?
My heart stutters at the possibility. As much as I’m loath to admit it, Annica has done the one thing I never thought possible. She’s shaken my confidence.
If I found out that Dad had something to do with me being a starter or a captain, I would be beyond humiliated. I wouldn’t deserve to play the game at this level and would be forced to quit. It would take away all of my achievements.
When I remain silent, Rowan closes the distance between us. “Demi?”
I snap back to the conversation. “Yeah, I do.”
“But?” He raises his brows, clearly picking up on the uncertainty weaving its way through my voice.
I hate that I’ve let her fuck with my head. As an athlete, the worst thing you can do is allow an opponent to get to you. Even though we’re on the same team, we’re adversaries.
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