‘While you two have bro-mance time, I’m going to contact Skye, Shelley and Cordy. Cordy will know what our next step should be if it’s a regression we’re talking about.’
‘And Shelley might have read something in the diaries,’ River finished for her. ‘I’ll come with you.’
‘I’ll stay with Eloise.’ He longed to get back into that room, to be near her.
Bron didn’t argue. ‘Call us if she wakes.’ She touched his cheek with a soft caress. ‘Do what you’ve been doing. She needs that the most.’
Iain’s skin prickled as they walked away to make their calls. There was something behind her words he couldn’t figure out. But River was right—he was good at puzzles. He would figure it out. Just like he would make sure they figured out what the hell had just happened to Eloise. He had to. It couldn’t happen again. Soon, his wolf would make it impossible for him to stay and he couldn’t be bound in any way to Eloise when that happened.
He was a Lone Wolf, and Lone Wolves walked paths that could never be walked with others. Especially a Shifter-Witch who obviously longed for a home.
Chapter 9
Eloise gritted her teeth, frustration streaming through her in a torrent so violent she thought she would scream if she didn’t get it out. But screaming would do nothing more than make the Were hovering behind her treat her with even softer kid gloves. She’d never been treated so carefully as she had in the week since her ‘episode’. They were all doing it, but Iain was the worst. It made her teeth ache with wanting to snap at him.
But how could you snap at someone when they were being so horribly nice? On top of everything else, she didn’t want to seem like she had a screw loose.
‘Try it again, Eloise.’
‘You just need to concentrate.’
‘You can do it.’
She wanted to glare at Bron for her cheerful encouragement, slap Shelley for saying the obvious and throw the computer against a tree. Cordelia O’Brien’s knowing smile as she looked out from the computer made her want to scream. How could the witch look so content, so pleased with what was happening? There was nothing pleasing about these sessions she’d Skyped in on every day for the last week. Sessions Eloise had nicknamed ‘magic for dummies’.
But instead of doing any of those things, she closed her eyes and tried again.
All she could see behind her eyelids was the dappled shadow of the sun shining through the trees above them. This was nothing like those exercises Iain had her do to tap into her shifter ability and none of them seemed to help her with this. The dark she needed to sink into to reach the meditative state that would allow her to tap into the power that they insisted was at her core. Nobody could explain what the presence that had taken her over was, but everyone was of the opinion that if she learned to control her powers, then she would be able to explore what had happened and figure it all out.
The problem was, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to figure it out. The power of emotion felt by that presence had overwhelmed her. And her dreams had been full of scenes she knew she’d never experienced. It was frightening and quite frankly, she didn’t want to think about it now.
However, they were right. She wanted to know that what she felt was hers and not some unknown presence. Not to mention she did need to control her powers. The daily shifting lessons with Iain were helping to make her feel more centred—she’d managed to turn into a horse she’d seen in a neighbouring paddock the day before!—but she couldn’t rely on her shifting to keep the dangerous build of power at bay.
Birds chattered in the pine trees behind her, their cheeping so happy and welcoming, she wanted to join them. Could she turn into a bird? Fly away from her problems to soar in the endless, open blue?
The tingle of change began in her fingers without her thinking about it any further.
Iain squeezed her shoulder. ‘Concentrate on this. We’ll play with your shifting later.’
He was right, damn him! She let the sensation slide away and focused again on that black spot in her mind.
The warm breeze fluttered the hair on her nape, whispering of secrets to be discovered if only she would follow the trail of scent it left for her. The trickling of the water in the fountain, which she was supposed to be using as a sensory guide, just sounded like someone was laughing at her for being such a dunce. Not to mention she was too aware of the Were standing at her back, her literal and figurative Shadow. He wasn’t touching her anymore, but she could feel the imprint of his hand on her shoulder. Just like she could still feel the imprint of his lips on hers, the sweep of his tongue inside her mouth, the warm pine and ocean scent of his skin, the brush of his silky hair through her fingers…
Breathe. Just breathe.
She couldn’t allow herself to think about The Kiss. It short-circuited her concentration every time.
Breathe. Just breathe.
The reminder didn’t help to settle her. Her skin was itchy with the need for something and with all the stimulation, it was too hard to ignore.
‘Ask the Goddess for help,’ Cordy’s smooth, calm voice suggested. ‘She’s there to guide you. Feel her warmth in the sun, hear her voice in the breeze, breathe in her scent carried on the air. And if you can’t hear or feel her there, look within. She’s in your thoughts. In the beat of your heart. The rush of your blood. The warmth in your breath. If you open yourself to her even a little, you’ll find her there, waiting for you. She’s part of everything around you. She comes in the quiet of the night, speaks to you in your dreams.’
Her dreams? She’d heard a voice in her dreams throughout her childhood. It had stopped for many years, but recently, it had come back.
Ever since she’d come in contact with the Were.
Was that voice the Goddess? There was no way to know. But it had never sought to harm her. It had even encouraged her to open her eyes and accept what she was seeing of the Were. At the time, she’d ignored the voice—it went against everything she believed. But now, she wondered if that had been the Goddess trying to make her see the truth: that what she was doing was wrong.
‘I think I’ve heard her.’
‘You see,’ Bron said. ‘I told you she comes to us all.’
‘But I’m no-one special.’
‘You are exactly who you are supposed to be,’ came from behind her.
Iain. His voice a stroke on her senses, his approbation warming her deep inside. Just like his kiss had warmed her. She may have started that kiss, but he’d kissed her back well before the presence had taken over. And the memory of that was a blissful madness. She wanted to experience the bliss of that madness again. And worse… she wanted to experience more.
‘Eloise?’ She jumped as Bron said her name. ‘Are you okay?’
‘She’s tired. She should probably rest.’
She glanced back at Iain and scowled at him—she couldn’t let her feelings show. And she absolutely couldn’t let him get away with treating her like she was made of fragile Murano glass. ‘I’m fine. Stop treating me like I’m going to break.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Yes you are, and it’s making me feel even more frustrated with how stupid I am at this stuff.’
‘Hey. Don’t talk like that.’
‘Why not? It’s true.’
He hunkered down beside the chair she was sitting on. The chair he’d made for her. His fingers were almost on her cheek before he jerked back, his hand spread across the weathered wood of the chair, right next to hers, but not touching. Even so, she could feel the warmth of him. Wanted it so badly she had to stop herself from leaning into it by moving her hands to grip the wood beside her legs.
‘You have to stop with the “magic for dummies” thing. You aren’t stupid.’ His voice was a rough caress. ‘You’ve just never been trained. And you’re doing really well, isn’t she?’ He looked up for confirmation.
Bron and Shelley nodded. Cordelia said, ‘Absolutely. Novices take years to get this right.’
‘But
I don’t have time to be a novice. I have to learn this or I could explode, right? I could hurt others, kill them even, if that happened.’ None of them answered, but they didn’t have to. ‘Then, I better get this right.’
‘Perhaps we should try another spot?’ Shelley suggested. ‘I prefer a quiet room and Skye found success in the backyard where she could hear the children playing in the distance. And we all know Bron loves to meditate and commune with the Goddess in the gardens River creates for her.’
‘We all love to do that.’ Bron’s eyes glowed with warmth.
‘Yeah, but it doesn’t work quite as well for us there as it does for you.’
‘Do you want to try somewhere else, Eloise? Is there somewhere that speaks to you more than here?’ Cordy asked.
‘No.’ She gripped the chair tighter. She loved this spot in the garden with the hill falling away towards the orchard to reveal a glimpse of the folding green, ruby and gold of the hills in the distance. And she loved this chair. ‘I feel safe here.’
‘Good. Then let’s try it again,’ Bron said.
Cordy nodded from the computer. ‘Concentrate on the moon. It’s almost full, heralding a very powerful time of the year. Easter is almost upon us. The time we celebrate the power of Ostara—we call it a Quarter Day. It’s a time ripe for learning.’
‘I know.’ Morrigan might have kept much from her, but not the basics of witch and Wiccan lore. Ostara—or Oestra as Morrigan called it—was the first day of the Vernal Equinox, celebrated as the first day of the year on the Zodiac calendar. It was a powerful time. Four days of growing power, made even more so by the advent of a full moon. Given what Morrigan had done at the last time of power growth, Eloise shuddered to think what evil her old Mistress was planning for this Quarter Day. She wished she knew what it was so that she could be of some help to the Were and their witches in stopping Morrigan, but she had no idea. At least they knew what Morrigan was capable of now and Iain had told her they were all working towards finding out what her plan might be. The only thing in their favour was that while the Quarter Day might give Morrigan power, it also gave power to the Pack Witches. Even more if she could just figure out how to help them by adding hers to the mix.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and settled into the dark. She reached out and tried to feel the vibrations of power from the coming Quarter. A tingle slipped through her and away before she could gather it. Cursing, she gritted her teeth, took a deep breath and tried again. She could do this. She would do this. She must.
She unclenched her hands, placing them palm up on her knees, and pictured the faint whitish blue of the moon above and the elements of nature all about her. The warmth of the sun on her skin. The brush of the wind through her hair. The way the scents of the afternoon wove through her mind. She couldn’t help but notice Iain’s scent mingled with them. It tugged at her memories, made her think of laughter and sunshine, lying curled up in the long grass on the dunes, listening to the waves crashing on the hard-pressed sand as a storm roiled in the distance; the endless seeking, longing of it. She could hear it now, the thunder of the waves, the arctic tang of lightning on the air. The whispered promise of something more, something bigger, on the wind as it brushed over her body, tangled in her hair.
‘Eloise.’
‘Shh. I’m trying to concentrate.’
‘Eloise. You need to listen.’
‘I am listening. To the wind and the rain and the thunder.’
‘Can you hear the sound of my words in them?’
‘No. I can only hear… your words?’ She sat up, looked around to see an empty beach, the grass swaying in the wild wind. ‘Where am I?’
‘You’re where you took yourself to commune with me.’
‘Goddess?’ She scrambled to her feet—it seemed rude to sit in the presence of a Goddess.
‘Who else would it be?’
‘I didn’t mean to bring myself here.’ Eloise shook her head, unable to comprehend that she’d actually not only succeeded in tapping into her essence, but was now talking to the Goddess. ‘How? Why?’
‘You are more than you think.’
She jerked as the words pulled at her. ‘That’s what Iain keeps saying,’ she said, hesitant.
‘He is a smart man.’
She let that digest for a moment before asking, ‘What should I call you?’
‘I am known by many names, but for the purposes of today, you may call me Arianrhod.’
‘Arianrhod,’ she breathed. It was strange and beautiful all at once.
‘You have a question for me, I think.’
Eloise nodded. She was meant to learn about her power, and who better to ask than the Goddess from whom all power sprung. She opened her mouth to ask how she could have had power all these years and not known; where she came from; what her main talent might be; how she could control it. Instead she said, ‘Bron and Cordy think I know Iain from a past life. But that’s not possible, is it?’
Her question was answered with silence. ‘Aren’t you going to even help me understand this?’ Her frustration rang in the air.
‘I wish to help you, Eloise, but there is no help in giving answers to puzzles already solved.’
‘Do you have to speak in riddles?’
The waves laughed at her, a bubble of warm, welcoming sound. ‘I speak as I must. There are rules that even I must follow.’
‘Rules? But who gives rules to a Goddess?’ There was no answer again. Eloise ground her foot into the sand, trying to find some patience. She may not have meant to come here, but she had to be here for a reason. She couldn’t lose herself in frustration. ‘Okay, so the puzzle might already be solved, but not by me. How do I find these already given answers?’
A bubble of amusement again on the waves. ‘You are learning well, my child. Bron and Cordy have the right of it. You have an old soul, as does your Were.’
‘He isn’t my Were.’
‘Are you certain of that? A past self cannot take over a body unwilling.’
The crackle of electrified warmth shot through her as she remembered how Iain had kissed her and how it had made her feel suddenly, shockingly alive. Desire, so fierce she trembled with it, shot through her and she’d been helpless in the wake of it. ‘Oh,’ she breathed.
‘This is a question important to you, but it is not why I have come to you today. You have come so far, do not falter now out of fear.’
Eloise’s eyes prickled. ‘I’m afraid.’
‘Of course you are afraid—you would be foolish to be unaffected by what has come to pass, what is to come. There is a nameless Darkness out there that I have spent an eon fighting. For an endless time, it seemed I must do this alone, but then warriors were sent to help me in my task. You are one of those warriors, Eloise.’
Eloise’s entire frame shook with enormity of the Goddess’ words. ‘I don’t feel like a warrior. I feel like nothing.’ The release of saying those words made her knees give way and she collapsed back down onto the sand.
A soft caress of breeze on her face. ‘I know, my child. But that is a borrowed feeling, swollen by fear. You were taught to doubt, but now you are learning a more positive lesson.’
‘I’m afraid it’s all going to be taken away if I cherish it too much.’ The words were rough, torn from the heart of her.
‘If you allow that fear to grow, you will never be who you are meant to be. You will never become the warrior you were born to be.’
‘I don’t want to let you down. Or Iain… I mean the Were. They’ve been so good to me.’
‘And they will continue to be good to you regardless of what you learn. But their wishes and desires are unimportant, as are mine. Believe in yourself. Live your life. Embrace all it has to offer and do not allow fear to rule your existence. Fear is a tool, no more. Learn from it but then cast it aside.’
Eloise pulled her knees up in front of her, wrapping her arms around them, rocking slightly back and forth. ‘But I don’t know how to do th
at.’
‘You will find a way.’
‘With Iain and his pack?’
‘That is up to you.’
She made an exasperated sound. ‘You know, you’re very annoying to talk to.’
Laughing bubbled from the waves again. ‘I’ve been told that before.’ The laughter died away. ‘What in my answer frustrates you?’
‘I wanted you to say yes, or no.’
‘How can I say either of those things when ultimately you are the only one who can answer that question? Especially when you already know the answer.’
Eloise blushed. She did know the answer. She was staying with Iain. He felt like home. She’d never felt that before, not even with her brother. Thinking of Cain, she blurted out, ‘How is Cain my brother but not a shifter too? Is it like River and Skye—one’s a witch and one’s a Were?’
‘No. Unlike Skye and River you are not equal and opposite with your twin. Both of you have equal power.’
‘Then why can’t he shift?’
The wind sighed around her for a long moment and she thought the Goddess wasn’t going to answer her.
‘Cain cannot shift because his ability was subsumed by you when you came into being in the womb. You are by far the stronger.’
‘It’s my fault? I took his heritage from him?’
‘In a manner of speaking, yes.’
‘Oh, God. It’s no wonder he hates me.’
‘He doesn’t hate you for that, child. He can’t miss what he never had.’
‘Then why did he follow Morrigan against me so easily? Why believe her over me?’
‘Because she filled him with fear.’
‘Of me?’ She couldn’t believe that. Who would be afraid of her? ‘Did they know I was a warrior? And how am I a warrior and Cain isn’t? He’s more powerful than me.’
‘As I said before, Cain is not the stronger—you are. But that is not the point. You are not a warrior because of the strength of your power. You are a warrior because you are strong in ways Cain will never be. You are good and kind and thoughtful. You have empathy. You think of the good of others. Cain thinks only of himself.’
Shifter Bound Page 11
