Rick Cantelli, P.I. (Rick Cantelli, P.I. Detectives Book 1)

by Bernard DeLeo

  I’d rather answer questions about gout. “Sorry, I don’t watch much TV. I bet your producers never had me in mind as an audience either.”

  Temple made a dismissive gesture. “I understand. I play a popular girl with a dark side, who has a sixth sense for danger. To cover for some of the things she does, the teen, Sally Waters, sings in a band. The movie will expand the role as Sally goes to college, and becomes embroiled in a strange case with supernatural overtones.”

  I hope I don’t have to field any questions on that one like I’m getting a pop quiz in high school civics. “You’ll help me out if someone starts peppering me with questions on the movie production, right?”

  “I promise not to leave you hangin’ out in the breeze… can I call you Rick?”

  “Sure kid.”

  “I like when you call me kid.”

  “You’re the only one. It’s a self defense ploy to keep one of my partners who has a grandfather fetish at a distance.”

  Temple giggled, and when she did, it wasn’t forced. “It’s Jadie Wentworth, right? I read about your adventure with her the night you killed Neil Garibaldi. What an incredible story! So Jadie has a crush on you, huh?”

  That’s one word for it. “Jadie is a great young lady, I get along with very well, until she starts trying to gild the geezer. I’m nearly old enough to be her grandfather, which I try to reinforce by calling her kid. She hates it. My old high school girlfriend is as old as me, but because she’s nearly gotten me killed a host of times, even the mention of her name makes my partner Lois mental. Then I have Karen, Lois’s half sister movie star, who also makes her mental.”

  “I love talking to you like this, Rick,” Temple said with genuine excitement. “No one talks to me anymore. Every time I’m with people, the subject is always me. It’s exhausting because I haven’t done enough living yet to fill an hour’s worth of conversation. I can talk Hollywoodese about production, direction, rehearsals, maintenance, sets, stand-ins, and even production costs – it bores the hell out of me. Okay… so… you arrive at your house with the lovely Jadie, and nearly get hosed down with bullets. Were you finally giving in to Jadie’s charm, Rick? Did she break you down?”

  Damn it! This kid knew too much, and assumed too much, and was disturbingly right about most of it. “You’re beginning to annoy me, kid.”

  Oh, she went off on that line, seeing she had struck pay-dirt in Cantelli land, reaching over to pat my hand while laughing her ass off.

  “Sor…sorry, Rick.”

  “Liar.”

  I grinned as that set her off again.

  She finally took a deep breath, lost it and started howling once more, before eventually straightening in her seat. “I have a working imagination, and the facts about what went down in front of your house really had me going. Don’t worry, my new BFF, I give you the benefit of the doubt. You would have resisted the fabulous Jadie, much to her chagrin if the gun battle hadn’t happened first. Is she still trying?”

  “Yep.” I was on a roll, so I explained Lois’s payback for my being with Stacy, and the bathroom fetish she mangled me with to piss off my supposed harem. I did not break my word to Jadie though. Temple laughed and laughed as I may have drawn out the Karen part longer than I should have. “None of it stopped Jadie. She’s sick, Temple. We have to help her. She needs a friend who will point out the obvious direction of her dementia with me.”

  My BFF, Temple, couldn’t even breathe. By the time I finished my Cantelli sojourn into frustrated sexual activities, she was making pleading gestures to stop. This kid was okay. I don’t know if she could survive Hollywood, but she definitely had all the tools for survival: savvy, calm calculation, sixth sense for bullshit, and she appeared to be able to count her blessings.

  “Oh God, Rick… that was so good,” Temple gasped out. “I love Lois. You and Lois are the pairing of the damned. You know that, right? The cosmic balance should never have been upset by the interaction between the two of you.”

  I pretended to sob and gasp, shaking my head. “Finally! Someone who realizes my plight in life. Thank you, my treasured BFF!”

  Even I laughed at the effect I was having on this movie star. She was the real deal – a star who knew reality from hype, and navigated the waters with real talent. Holy shit! If her parents don’t want her, I may have to adopt her just for entertainment value. Temple did not get back lucid for many moments after my last shot.

  “You’re the best, Rick! You will be my mentor. No one has made me laugh like that in ages. Is Lois really as tough as you say?”

  I considered that question seriously. “Lois is not to be messed with. I tried explaining that to Stacy, Karen, and Jadie, but the personality Lois shows in the presence of other people fools them into not only believing items like my perversity, but also that she is simply a businesswoman. Lois was a Mossad trained CIA agent and handler. She was my handler and my friend. Lois is married to my brother Frank, who is my brother in every aspect but blood. We are joined through the harpy forever.”

  Temple listened intently as I talked about Lois. “The harpy?”

  “Sorry, just a fitting name for Lois, and it’s mostly an inside joke between us. She and I are family now. Her kin are my kin. She liked you right off the bat, which is the reason I’m sitting here. Lois doesn’t abide with media generated hype about people. You impressed her, and you’ve impressed me. I bet you’re good at disguises, so if we mix well at the dinner tonight, come to the workout sessions.”

  I stunned her with that one for some reason. She stuttered for a second like I’d presented her with a reward. “I’d like that a lot, Rick. I’ll slink in without any notice. I’ve done it before. Can you kind of save a spot for me next to you?”

  “Sure. Lately, with the physical crap that’s messed my mug, and bruised all the unseen parts of my body, I’m usually in the back with Lois and our secretary Shelly. Karen stayed out of the limelight last session, but she’s usually in front for promotion purposes. I never figured out what I was in the promotional front position for.”

  Temple gripped my arm. “I am so there. You’re the whole package, Rick: good looking, dangerous, and best of all: funny.”

  “Just so you remember I’m a Daddy figure, we’ll get along okay, kid.”

  “I’ll never betray you, Rick,” Temple promised suddenly. “I already know you won’t betray me.”

  You got that right, kid. “Like in the movie Casablanca-”

  “Rick, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship?”

  I chuckled at her takeoff from Casablanca’s ending moment. “I think you’re right, kid. I sure like the way it’s headed so far.”

  “Can you adopt me?”

  Okay, that was a little too close to my own imaginings for comfort. Damn, I liked this kid. “We’ll discuss that after you’ve journeyed around in Cantelli land for a while.”

  “Cantelli land?”

  “A place of darkness and shadows.”

  “I like the darkness,” Temple vowed.

  I sighed. “Okay, I’ll cut you into my will, but there really isn’t much there to get excited about.”

  I waved on the way out as that last one liner had Temple rolling around on the floor. It’s nice to be appreciated.

  * * *

  Lois was nearly apoplectic when I met her at the office afterwards.

  “Oh my God, Rick. Our ship has come in. It ported in heaven! If you screw this up I will toast you like a shrimp on the barbi.”

  “Sure, Lo, I do all the work and you get to set all the parameters? I don’t think so. You heard our conversation. Temple and I are BFF’s. You’re just jealous because you’re not her BFF too.”

  Lois cackled nearly nonstop over that remark for a full minute. “You went all in on that one, Rick. I loved the way you handled the conversation. She shocked me. I admit it. Temple’s really into it. There wasn’t much she didn’t know or imagined. I’d be worried except I couldn’t detect a single Hollywood
pretend moment. Tonight will be the test. If she throws you to the dogs, we’ll know she just had a good time today, and she knows how to pretend well enough to even fool us.”

  “That would be my take. I doubt she’ll disappoint though. If she were going to do something later, I would have seen a hint of it today. I didn’t. I’m the most cynical bastard on the planet. I didn’t see a single feature on her face or hear a single word she uttered that made me think she was a phony.”

  “Wow. I never thought I’d see the day when Cantelli became a surrogate father. What’s happened, Rick, did your padre hormones kick in?”

  “Maybe. The kid’s fun to be around. She doesn’t take anything too seriously, and she has a sense of humor. What’s not to like? Besides, with all we know about the Hollywood contingent and their hangers-on, why wouldn’t the kid be suspicious of everyone and everything connected to it? Add in her parents wanting to steal her blind, and I’m surprised she doesn’t have one of those idiot psychoanalysts like the ones around Oprah joined to her at the hip. I’d bet money she’s been approached by them all, wanting to guide the poor young starlet through her trials and tribulations.”

  “No takers here, Sparky. She was so real I almost felt guilty about listening in.”

  “That would indeed be a first. We’re on a roll, Lo. We have a guy in our employ who may be the visual answer to at least eighty percent of our physical confrontations. Now, we have a live billboard to the stars, heralding our understanding and commitment to every potential Madigan/Cantelli client. Maybe, the Cantelli curse has been lifted after these months in hell.”

  “Ah… that’s so cute… Ricky believes all is well in Cantelli land because a teenage starlet put him in her fave five.”

  “Live in the present where we may have caught a break, you cynical old crone. I have to admit, I don’t like how good her instincts are about my personal hell.”

  “Yeah, I heard that part. She took delight in zinging you about the Jadie equation. That was one of my favorite parts. Temple sure wasn’t overawed about your near death experience with Garibaldi. All she wanted to know was whether you would have closed the deal on Jadie if Garibaldi hadn’t tried to whack you both. Well… what about it? Are you still ducking the question, Sparky?”

  I sure as hell am. “I don’t comment on hypothetical, smartass deductions from either the young in Temple’s case or the ancient, such as in your case. I did gather information on the business front. She already had a state of the art motion detection and heat sensing system installed at her place with around the clock surveillance.”

  “Damn it!”

  “Ah, what’s the matter, Granny Madigan, did the tooth fairy not leave you with something under the listening pillow to cackle about later. Poor baby.”

  “Guess what, Sparky? Since I know how well you and T-bone get along, I’m putting you on installs starting Monday to teach him the ropes.”

  “Damn it!”

  Lois cackled as I got ready to leave. I never thought I’d do it, but I’m going over to Karen’s place and make her bark like a dog. Then before I leave her place, I’m going to do a FaceTime with Lo so she would have a whole extra day before she could rake me over the coals.

  “I’m tracking you, Cantelli. I’m monitoring your GMC and your phone. You even think of FaceTiming me from Karen’s place, you will rue the day you were ever born.”

  Damn it!

  Chapter 16: Celebrity Dinner and Day at the Beach

  I walked around the remnants of crime scene tape still fluttering in the evening breeze. Yeah, I know I should have done a better job cleaning off all aspects of my past sins, but I had spent the prior weeks at the beach house since my recent violent confrontations. I’ll work on cleaning my residual crime indicators tomorrow… maybe. I saw Temple standing near the back door of the limousine, giggling at what must have looked like tiny florescent yellow flags in the dusky twilight.

  At a little over five and a half feet tall, even with the black heels on she was wearing, Temple looked almost pixyish next to me. She wore an off the shoulder navy blue evening gown with her thick black hair cascading down around her face. As her pseudo dad, I approved of her choice in evening wear. As Rick Cantelli, geezer gumshoe to the stars, I was grateful I wouldn’t be sitting next to a young lady in skimpy attire, looking like I was a grandfatherly child predator.

  “You look great, Rick.” Temple peered at me, head cocked off to the side. “How tall are you?”

  “Six, two.”

  “Neato. How long you planning on leaving the little yellow flags sticking to your house?”

  I shrugged. “I was hiding out at the beach house Lois, Frank, and I own for the last couple weeks keeping a low profile. You really look lovely, kid. I like your style.”

  “Thank you, Sir.” Temple did a small curtsy. Very cute. “Are you still staying at the beach house?”

  “Yeah. Lois and I decided I needed a month out of the headlines. Then she tired of not having a target to poke at, and volunteered me for this juicy BFF gig.”

  “Can I come over?”

  “Let’s see if you can stand to see me after we do this dinner thing. Besides, if you come to the beach house, I’ll need a chaperone.”

  “Now that’s funny. Okay, I’ll try you out for a night first, but then I want to see your beach house.”

  Tomorrow was Sunday, so I guess having my new BFF over would be fine. “You’re kind of pushy, kid.”

  Temple took my arm and guided me inside the limo. “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, Rick.”

  “Now you’re starting to scare me.”

  “Don’t be scared.” Temple pointed at the guy driving. “This is Pete, my driver.”

  Pete glanced back and waved. “Hi, killer.”

  He looked older than me, and seemed more of a smartass. “I see you collect old relics, kid. Does this one do anything besides spew out crap from his pie-hole?”

  Pete growled comically, pointing at me. “I can drive too, killer. On our way.”

  Temple was of course giggling at the exchange. That she had a driver like Pete was curious. I liked him. “What the hell do you need me around for with Lurch here in your crew?”

  “The first week Pete was on the job as my driver, he stole five thousand dollars worth of my jewelry. He’s a thief. I keep him on because he’s funny, but I don’t trust him for much else.”

  Pete shrugged his shoulders and kept driving. Temple was a bit deeper than I thought. “I guess that’ll learn you not to steal from Sally Waters, teen detective.”

  “He’s kind of a dumb thief. He thought I didn’t have security cameras in my bedroom. We have an understanding now, right Pete?”

  “Yes, Ms. Donavan.”

  “I have enough money to give anyone a second chance. Pete’s a good driver too. He’s never late, and dresses well – best of all, he keeps his mouth shut about anything he hears or sees. I know you’d never steal from me in a million years, Rick. Maybe you don’t think you’re a good guy to be around, but I’ve been around the worst, and between your background and present day action, there’s no one I’d rather have at my side.”

  This girl makes me want to turn into Superman. “You’re making me blush.”

  “You’ll like this. I invited Karen to the dinner party. She’ll be sitting with us.”

  My Cantelli alarm bells should be going off with a red light in my head beaming setup, but they weren’t. I found it a little weird she’d ask Karen along, but if I think of it in basic terms, she probably likes to stir things together and observe the results. Harmless, interesting, and I’m wearing our high tech wire, so Lois is probably smashing things right now. It’s all good.

  “Are you planning on something out of the ordinary happening with Karen and me at the same table?”

  Temple’s smile went away. She gripped my hand. “No, nothing like that, Rick. This isn’t a trap. I’d like to see if Karen would mind if I worked out incognito at Jadie’s fitness center. I would neve
r do anything like put you in a position to be uncomfortable or humiliated.”

  It’s only been a short time knowing her, but if she were my daughter, I’d be damn proud of her. On the downside, she reads me nearly as well as Spock-ella. That’s not good. One mind munch in my life is enough. “I’m sure Karen will be okay with it. I think you’ll like her too. She knows all the ins and outs of Hollywood. Karen will make a good contact for you to know in the industry. She won’t steer you wrong just to watch it blow up in your face.”

  “That was my impression too. This is so exciting. I’ve dreaded going to these affairs in the past. This is the first one I’m actually looking forward to. Do you think Karen is in love with you, Rick?”

  Man, she gets right to it. “I don’t know, kid. She wasn’t above using me in that ruse back at the beginning to get noticed again. Karen was impressed when I immediately figured out what her game was. After that, our dates were more a matter of getting on her half sister’s nerves, which I kind of like too.”

  Temple’s eyes widened. “That was make-believe with the guy you decked on the awards ceremony red carpet?”

  “No, but the stalker listed as her original fear was make believe. The guy on the red carpet was real. Karen started seeing me, and Lois got involved, because nothing pisses my partner off more than being used. Her half sister running a scam stalker ploy on us to get attention led to some bad moments.”

  I told Temple about Lois’s ‘mean girl’ antics with her sister, including the stuffed horse’s head incident. She was incoherent for many satisfying moments, uncaring about her makeup or composure. I was liking the kid more and more. I noticed Pete enjoyed the anecdotes. I could imagine Lo cackling away at how the stories affected Temple too, because I can deliver a good story. Temple took some time fixing her face before arriving at the gated Malibu community for the dinner party. It was as extravagant a place as I’d ever visited.

  The media had their positions, so I could picture the community’s security force going nuts trying to cover all possible problems. Temple made me stand with her for photos with my Kevin Costner attire and sunglasses. I was used to it by now, having escorted Karen to quite a few functions. Temple did something then that surprised me. She didn’t go inside. She had me wait with her until Karen arrived. Temple did not interfere with the older star’s moment, hanging back until Karen had been photographed and did her own entrance. Karen looked real good. She wore one of those no back, spaghetti strapped black gowns that showed ample cleavage, and bared her in the rear all the way to her crack. Her blonde hair was loose and gorgeous. Karen was indeed surprised seeing Temple and I waiting for her.