Mermaid Dreams

by Rinelle Grey

  Her choices could never be the same as his, and he’d never presume to think so.

  “Cari, I think you already know what you have to do,” he said softly. “You’re a princess, and you have a responsibility to your people. I don’t think you can walk away from that, no matter how much you want to. That is who you are.”

  Her face fell, and Rowan could feel his heart sinking with it. Even more so when she nodded slowly. “I know you’re right. I just don’t want it to be so.”

  That was when Rowan realised he hadn’t wanted her to agree. He’d wanted her to protest, to say her love for him was far greater than her responsibility to her people. Which was silly because she’d never even said she loved him.

  Yeah, she was attracted to him, but then again, from what she’d said there weren’t very many mermen. Maybe he was just the best looking guy she’d seen?

  Thinking that way wasn’t helping him any, and Cari was still looking at him hopelessly.

  He couldn’t mistake that look for anything other than an indication she was struggling with this as much as he was.

  That thought should have made him feel better, but conversely, it just made him feel worse.

  If she had to do this, then it would be better if it was easy for her. If it didn’t hurt.

  Even if his heart was secretly glad it did.

  Chapter 18

  Cari knew that Rowan was right, even if she didn’t want to accept it.

  Yes, this was bigger than her, bigger than both of them. One of her sisters, probably Ravi, might be able to continue to run Laquaria as it had been going on for years. The fact that Ravi had come up with an idea and braved coming to the human world to tell Cari indicated her sister probably had what it took to be queen.

  But now that she’d seen another option, Cari wanted something different for her people.

  She wanted to go back to Laquaria and tell them about the human world, about how they didn’t have to sacrifice who they were to achieve things in life. She wanted a chance to help her fellow mermaids have the same thing.

  Rowan was right. That was part of who she was.

  But that didn’t make any sense, because she hadn’t mated Rowan. How could he be helping her become who she was meant to be without mating? That wasn’t how it worked. Or it wasn’t supposed to be.

  Cari stared up at him, her mind searching for the answer. Somehow, she knew it was there, and when she figured it out, it would be something wonderful and amazing.

  Rowan’s eyes were soft and gentle as they stared back at her, even if they were filled with sadness. He cared about her. Cari could see it in his eyes. But he was prepared to give her up so she could help her people.

  A people he’d never met and who would reject him if they ever did meet.

  But that didn’t matter to Rowan. He cared about her people because he cared about her.

  That was who Rowan was.

  She knew she’d never find that kind of sacrifice in Laquaria. She’d never find anyone who loved her with that level of devotion. Giving that up just because it was the rule seemed like an insane thing to do.

  But did she dare do anything else?

  She didn’t know what would happen if she mated with Rowan. She might never get her tail back. She might never become who she was meant to be.

  But she did know that being with Rowan made her a better person, even without the mermaid mating magic. And that mattered to her.

  Giving up who she was couldn’t be the right way to help her people. That didn’t make any sense. Who they were was too important to them for that to be true.

  Mating Rowan had to be the right choice, even if she couldn’t see how yet.

  For the first time in her life, she trusted the mating magic.

  She wouldn’t give up Rowan. She couldn’t. Rowan was already part of who she was. He had been for a long time. She just hadn’t known she could have him.

  A slow smile spread across her face.

  Rowan cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head to one side. “What?” His tone was hopeful and wretched at the same time.

  Cari reached out her hand and put it on his arm, soaking in the jolt of excitement it caused. “I don’t care about all that.”

  An answering flash of hope lit up Rowan’s face for a moment, and then it died. He shook his head. “I know you say that now, Cari, but it will be different later. I promise. Right now things are exciting and new, and of course it seems like the right choice. But giving up your family is giving up who you are.”

  He was on the right track. He just wasn’t getting it all.

  “And giving up you would be giving up who I am too,” Cari explained softly. “I’ve… I’ve been watching you for years,” she admitted. It felt good to finally tell him the truth. “At first, coming up to the surface was about the sky and the clouds and the sun, but then one day I caught sight of you, and you lit up my life far more than the sun ever could.”

  As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Cari realised she’d said too much. It made no sense that she’d felt that way, even though it was the truth. Rowan could never understand.

  And yet, he was nodding agreement. “I know. I saw you a few years ago too. And I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since. At first I thought it was just because you were a mermaid, you know, but it was never just any mermaid I was looking for. It was you.”

  Both of them stared into each other’s eyes, sharing a deep moment of understanding.

  Then Rowan cleared his throat. “But, Cari, even if that’s the case, I can’t let you give up your family.” He hesitated for a moment, then said, “My stepfather lost his family, or thought he had, when he and my mother met. Even if their love helped cover up that hole, it could never fill it. His family was part of who he was, and without them, something was always missing. I don’t want that for you.”

  His words caused an ache in her heart. She recognised his stepfather’s predicament. She acknowledged it. But that didn’t mean she had to accept it.

  “And would you rather I had a hole in my heart where you should be?” she demanded. “Would that somehow be better?”

  “Well, since we haven’t known each other for too long, maybe it would heal faster.” Rowan’s face and tone belied his words though. They sounded wretched, like he didn’t believe them at all.

  Cari didn’t believe them either.

  “Rowan, I love you. That’s never going to change. And I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you.”

  His face lit up at her words. He stared at her as though he couldn’t quite believe it. “Really? You love me?”

  Cari smiled and nodded. “I do.”

  Rowan reached forwards and took her hands. “I love you too, Cari. More than I can ever say.”

  Cari felt like things were finally coming together, like this might just work out somehow after all.

  But Rowan didn’t stop there. His expression turned earnest and he said, “This isn’t just about us or our families or even our worlds, Cari. This is about you. If you mate with me, you might be a human for the rest of your life. I can get giving up the rest of it, but can you cope with never being a mermaid again?”

  Cari had been prepared to fight any argument he came up with, but that one disarmed her.

  She had no comeback for that one. In fact, she’d been trying to avoid thinking about it.

  But now that Rowan had mentioned it, she couldn’t avoid it any longer. She had to face the very real possibility that if she mated Rowan, she might be a human forever.

  And if she didn’t, she might be a mermaid, but she’d never get to see him again. Because her sister’s solution precluded that. She might have been able to justify coming to watch Rowan when she’d been single, but if she mated a merman, it would be unfair to all of them for her to continue such an activity.

  The choice was plain—did she want to be with Rowan or be a mermaid?

  She looked up at Rowan, at his lopsided, wry, sad smile, an
d there was no contest. She couldn’t leave him. Deep in her heart, she knew the answer.

  “I’ll never be who I am if I’m not with you,” she said simply.

  Who cared about who she was meant to be? She’d always said she liked who she was, and she meant it. And never more so than right this minute.

  “If being a mermaid is who I’m meant to be, then it will happen even if I mate you. Because denying this feeling between us would be denying a part of myself. I’m not prepared to do that.”

  Rowan’s eyes widened as she spoke, and his breathing deepened. “But, Cari…” he stared. But his protest was weak.

  Cari stopped it with a finger on his lips. “No more buts. This is my choice. What is yours?”

  Chapter 19

  Rowan stared at Cari, unable to take in what she was saying.

  She wanted to mate him. She was prepared to give up everything—her family, her place as queen, and even her tail for him.

  The idea set his heart pounding. It was what he’d longed for since the moment she’d kissed him and saved his life. Who was he kidding? Since long before then. But now that she’d said it, doubts assailed him

  He didn’t feel in the least bit worthy of that kind of a sacrifice. The very idea terrified him.

  But Cari was staring at him with such trust. How could he say no?

  How could he say yes?

  “Look, Cari, it’s not that I don’t want to. I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But…” He searched for the words, words that wouldn’t wipe the expression of love off her face. “I know you feel like that now, but how are you going to feel in five years’ time? In ten years? Will you still be happy with your choice then? This is forever, Cari. What if you hate me for taking that life away from you?”

  Rowan felt tears prick at the back of his eyes. He didn’t want to be saying this. He wanted to kiss Cari and mate with her and have the fairy tale he’d always dreamed of.

  But when you loved someone, you wanted what was right for them, not you. And he wasn’t convinced this was right for Cari.

  She had other ideas. “If I’m with you, I don’t care if I’m a mermaid or not.”

  Rowan stared at Cari. She might say that now, when the emotions were running high, but could he really trust she’d say the same thing later? He couldn’t bear it if she ended up hating him because he’d cost her her tail. “Cari, I…” he trailed off. How could he possibly explain? He’d rather say goodbye to her now and remember them loving each other than have that love turn to resentment.

  He had an argument all prepared, but he didn’t get to say any of it. Cari took a step forwards, closing the distance between them, and kissed him.

  As soon as her lips touched his, Rowan’s doubts faded away. For a second, he tried to hold onto them, tried to remind himself of all that he was risking, but it slipped away as Cari’s tongue flicked across his lips.

  He gave a groan. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” he said against her lips.

  Cari didn’t respond, but her insistent kissing, not to mention the way her hips were grinding up against his, said it all.

  Could Rowan trust it? Did she really love him enough to be willing to give up everything she’d ever known for him? If he truly loved her, could he let her?

  His thoughts must have translated into his kissing because Cari pulled back with a sigh and stared up at him. “Look,” she said firmly. “Your stepfather, is he happy?”

  “Yes, I think so,” Rowan said, confused. “But that was different. He thought his family were all dead. If they hadn’t been, I don’t think he would have been able to move on.”

  “You think he would have let your mother go?” Cari demanded. “I highly doubt that.”

  Rowan wished he could believe that. But he’d been there. He’d seen the weight of responsibility Calrian had shouldered. And he knew Cari must have that burden too. He shook his head. “You didn’t know them. My stepfather was a prince, just like you’re a princess. He had a responsibility to his clan, and even thinking they were dead, he still felt guilty for not being able to help them. And my mother would never have stood in his way. She knew how important his family was to him.”

  Cari stared at him for a moment, shaking her head. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “What?” Rowan asked, confused. He thought he got it pretty well. He had, after all, been living with it his whole life.

  “Right now, there’s a part of me that wishes I wasn’t a princess. That even wishes I’d never been a mermaid. Because then there’d be nothing standing in the way of us being together. You wouldn’t even be hesitating then, would you?”

  Rowan couldn’t deny that. But it wasn’t a fair question. “You are a mermaid and a princess, Cari. And I’m just a human. You don’t belong with me.”

  He knew he’d said the wrong thing as soon as the words were out of his mouth. The angry expression on Cari’s face told him that. But he wouldn’t take it back. It was the truth. He’d known it all his life.

  This was why he couldn’t accept that she loved him enough to be happy. What could he possibly have to offer her?

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Rowan,” Cari snapped. “I belong with the person who loves me. The person who cares enough about me to want what I need, not what they want. And I dare you to deny that person is you?”

  Well, when she put it like that, Rowan could hardly say no. It was exactly what he’d just been telling her. Except it was a contradiction.

  “But being with me isn’t what you need, Cari.”

  “How do you know that?” Cari demanded. “What if mating you is what will help be become who I’m meant to be? What if I mate a merman and I’m still a human? It’s all a guess. We don’t know if any of it will work. But if I have to take a chance, I’m going to take a chance on mating the man I love and believing that’s the right answer. Because I can’t accept anything else.”

  Rowan stared at her, struggling to believe she was right.

  But it was hard to deny it. No matter what else his parents had always believed in, no matter what else they’d instilled in their children, Rowan included, love had always been the best answer. It had always been what guided their choices.

  Cari was right. There were no guarantees her sister’s plan would work. They were in uncharted territory with no guide. Didn’t it make sense to let love be their guide?

  What if he was the one who could help Cari? What if mating him helped her regain her tail and return to her home?

  If it was, there was only one problem with that. “If it does work and if you get your tail back, then where does that leave us?” he asked. It was a selfish question, but one he had to know the answer to. “You’ll return home, and I’ll be here all alone.”

  With only the memory of Cari and their love. Was that enough?

  “That’s where we need to trust,” Cari said, her voice soft and her eyes full of tears. “We need to believe love will find a way, and the answers are out there. Who knows, maybe when a human mates with a mermaid, they become who they’re meant to be too? Maybe who you’re meant to be is a merman, ruling Laquaria with me.”

  The thought was both comforting and terrifying. The thought of being a merman held a thrill. Being able to swim in the ocean and explore the depths his brothers and sister could would be an incredible experience.

  But being a merman would mean he would have to leave his family, only see them occasionally and from a distance. He’d never walk into the Fins and Ships and have dinner with his family, never climb the mountains and stare over the whole island, never ride on one of his siblings’ backs and fly high above the island.

  Someone else would have to do all the paperwork. Well, okay, he wouldn’t miss that bit.

  Cari was waiting, staring at him expectantly, and as he stared into her eyes, Rowan knew it would be worth it. If he could spend every day with Cari, then he could survive anything else. His family would understand. They’d
have to.

  Rowan had held the fort while they’d been mated, supported them, and done everything he could so they could find love. Surely they’d understand if he did the same thing.

  Rowan took a deep breath. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked Cari, needing to hear it again.

  She nodded. “I want to mate you, Rowan. I know that we’re better together than we are apart, and that when I’m with you, I’m who I want to be. That’s all that matters to me.”

  Rowan’s heart began to thump. This was it. He couldn’t say no.

  He wouldn’t say no.

  Instead, he nodded. “I’m game if you are.”

  Chapter 20

  Rowan had agreed! Cari could barely believe it. Her hands shook in his, and she struggled to take it in. After watching, waiting, and longing for all these years, she was about to mate with Rowan.

  And when she did, either she would be going home or staying here. Her life hung in the balance. The idea was a little scary, but Cari tried to stay calm. She needed to trust the magic and have confidence that whatever happened, it would be the right choice for her and Rowan.

  She’d never been able to believe in it before, but she was fast coming to suspect that was because she’d never really listened before.

  The mating magic wasn’t about forced change. It was about finally listening to your heart and what it really needed.

  And what she needed was Rowan.

  The warm, caring, sweet man who was staring down at her with a mixture of hope and trepidation on his face.

  He leaned in towards her slowly, hesitating every few moments as though waiting to check she was still sure.

  Cari didn’t want him to double check. She didn’t want to wait to be sure. She wanted to take a leap of faith.

  She stood on her tiptoes, swayed in towards him until her whole body was leaning up against his, and then pressed her lips to his.

  As soon as their bodies touched, the last of her worries melted away.

  Nothing that felt this right could possibly be the wrong choice.

  Rowan slid his arms around her and pulled her close, deepening the kiss as though the contact had pushed his reservations away too. He shifted slightly and then swept Cari up into his arms, just like he had back on the beach to return her to the water.