by Missy Jane
Finally Ryan shook Sean’s hand and motioned inside. Sean shook his head and walked off into the parking lot as the cops shut ABG into the back of a squad car. I stood gaping, wondering where in the hell Sean was going. Ben took one look at me and finally released my arm.
When I caught up with Sean he was already getting into his truck. I fell against him but he made no move to hold me.
“Oh my God, are you okay? Is that your blood? Do I need to drive you to the hospital?”
I was still sobbing but he seemed to understand me. He shook his head and gently pushed me away to pull his legs into the truck.
“No, Megan, I’m fine. I’m going home to clean up, but this isn’t my blood…well, not most of it.”
I grabbed his shirt and tried to turn him toward me for an inspection but he wouldn’t budge.
“Let go so I can go home,” he all but growled so I let go.
“I just want to see you. I was s-so scared.”
He sighed as he stared out the windshield. A chill crept up my spine at his sudden distance but I fought it down. We had shared a wonderful day together just yesterday. A boundary had definitely been crossed…hadn’t it?
“Look, I need to go. I’m sorry you got scared but it’s over now.”
He put the keys in the ignition and started the truck but I didn’t back away to let him close the door.
“Megan.”
“What’s wrong with you? Why are you being like this?”
He finally looked at me and the anger on his face nearly made me back away. I swallowed down my initial fear and held my ground. This was too important.
“Did you see what just fucking happened in there?” he yelled.
I flinched but still didn’t back away. “Yes. I did. Which is why I’m worried about you.”
He sighed and ran a hand down his face, smearing blood from a scratch on his forehead.
“It doesn’t fucking matter. I lost it and you need to just stay away from me, okay?”
“W-what?” Shock held me immobile until I’d swear even my heart stopped beating. I couldn’t have heard right.
“My temper can be really fucking bad, Megan. Just ask Mari what I did to her and you’ll understand why you should just stay the fuck away from me. The last thing you need is to wind up like Elle.”
His words were like a punch to the gut and I staggered back away from his truck. He shut the door without another glance at me and pulled out of the parking lot. I don’t know how long I stood there, but Ben finally came out and escorted me back into the gym. I spent the remainder of my shift crying my eyes out in Ryan’s office with all the lights turned out.
Chapter Seven
The next day was the hardest. I had to drag my ass out of bed earlier than usual to visit Elle at Hank’s house before work. Someone from the gym had called her and filled her in on the drama. She pulled me into her arms as soon as she opened the door.
“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry. If it wasn’t for that asshole Declan, none of this would’ve happened. Sean is just being an idiot. He’ll come around.”
I shook my head as she led me into the living room and sat me on the sofa. Hank was at work so we had the house to ourselves.
“You didn’t see his face, Elle. He was convinced he would hurt me if I don’t stay away from him. He…he…”
I had to swallow a couple of times as tears threatened again. Here I was, madly in love with the dumbass, and he was so worried about his temper he didn’t want me around? It made no fucking sense.
“Hon, that makes no fucking sense.”
I snorted as Elle spoke my thoughts. “Tell me about it.”
“Have you tried talking to him today?”
I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye. It was humiliating how many times I had called Sean’s cell phone, only to be directed to voicemail after one ring.
“I thought about going over to his house but I can’t handle him pushing me away again. God, Elle, things were so good on Saturday. I really thought we had it figured out.”
She nodded sympathetically and rubbed my shoulder.
“So what are you going to do now?” she asked.
I sighed and gave a halfhearted shrug. What could I do? The man of my dreams was giving me nightmares and I was more than sick of his rejections. We had made such progress but were now beyond square one into the negatives and I didn’t have the energy to try anymore.
“Maybe…maybe you should just let him be for now. You know? Maybe time apart will be a good thing.”
I closed my eyes and sighed again. I’d thought the exact same thing at some point during my long, sleepless night. I wasn’t sure if it was a good plan or not but I really didn’t have any other.
Elle and I had breakfast together and then it was time for me to go to work. I hugged her goodbye, only a little envious that her man would be meeting her for lunch.
* * * * *
At three o’clock my eyes jumped to the door every time it opened. I didn’t honestly expect Sean to walk in, but that bitch hope lingered in my chest anyway. By five it was obvious he wasn’t coming and I prepared to clock out.
“Hey, Nettle. You okay?”
I looked up to find Ben and Ryan watching me. They had been hovering all day, though I hadn’t realized it until then.
“Um, yeah. I’m good.”
Ryan nodded but Ben frowned. “You sure? We can talk over dinner if you want.”
My chest ached. Ben was always so sweet to me but there just wasn’t a spark between us. I had broken that news to him months ago and he had stopped asking me out.
“I appreciate it but I think I’m just going to head home.”
He nodded but didn’t flash his usual grin. I felt both men watching me as I walked out the door.
The drive home passed in a blur and I barely stopped myself from driving past Sean’s house. What good would it do? With my luck he would be outside and see my pathetic act. No. I had to stick to my guns. If he didn’t think our relationship was important enough to work past his issues then what the hell could I do? I considered all the chick lit I’d read where the empowered female stuck to her guns to fight for her man. Yeah, it looked great on paper. What the hell should I do when all the fight was drained out of me? It had started out as a fun game. I liked Sean and knew he was attracted to me. Getting him was almost a challenge. Then my stupid heart had to get involved. I was head-over-heels in love with the asshole and he had just trampled on my soul. I didn’t have the energy for another round.
My empty house was no more welcoming than it had been the night before. I left the lights out as I walked through the familiar landscape and found my bed. Sleep came more easily this time.
* * * * *
The days started passing more quickly and soon a week had gone by. Sean still hadn’t returned to the gym and Ben let it slip that Sean had finished out his contract.
“What?” I asked.
Ben froze in the act of stacking towels and glanced at me over his shoulder. He shrugged and went back to the towels as if he hadn’t just shattered my world.
“Uh, yeah. Ryan told me Sean’s contract ended two days ago and he called saying he didn’t want to renew. Uh…I thought you knew.”
Pain in my gut nearly doubled me over but I fought to hide it. I swiveled in my chair to face my computer so Ben wouldn’t see my face. Sean wasn’t coming back to the gym he’d been a member of for years. All because he no longer wanted to see me.
That was one of my worst days. I barely held it together well enough to do my job but Ben took pity on me and handled most of the members. I skipped dinner again when I got home and went straight to bed.
On Wednesday Elle finally returned to work. Her bruising was gone and she looked like herself again. It was bittersweet for me. Having her by my side helped at work and it was nice to have my best friend back. Unfortunately, her presence also reminded me of why I felt like shit. Declan’s asshole friend had posted bail almost immediate
ly, but there was a restraining order against him from both the gym and Elle. Hank was like a hawk where she was concerned so I had no worries there.
She tried to joke around with me and bought ice cream for lunch but I couldn’t even taste it. By the end of our shift she was cursing Sean’s name and threatening to put a hit out on him. That actually made me laugh.
“Come to dinner with me and Hank,” she said.
I shook my head and pulled my purse strap onto my shoulder. The last thing I needed was to feel like a third wheel.
“No thanks. There’s leftover pizza in my fridge that needs to be eaten.”
She made a face and looped her arm in mine as we headed for the doors. “Come on. I want to talk to you about something.”
I frowned at her. “We just spent eight hours together, Elle. You could’ve talked to me all day.”
“Not about this. Trust me. Hank is having a business associate over for dinner and he said I should bring you too.”
I saw where this was heading and immediately started pulling away. “Oh no. Hell no. I don’t need to be set up with anyone right now.”
She actually looked confused for a second but then her face cleared and she barked out a laugh. “Oh no, hon, it’s nothing like that, trust me. You’ll be keeping me company while they talk shop.”
I didn’t believe her for a second but a week and a half of spending my evenings alone finally got to me.
“Okay, fine.”
I followed her to Hank’s house where a shiny black Mercedes sat in the driveway. For a heartbeat I considered what it would be like to date the guy who owned that car but quickly shook that thought away. I really didn’t need a man so soon after Sean. My heart was nowhere near healing and it would feel like a betrayal. Not that he deserved my loyalty, but these things never make sense when said aloud. I’d been sending him one text a day all week but he never responded. My plan was to continue so long as he didn’t change his number or block mine.
We entered the house to hear masculine laughter echoing from the kitchen. Elle’s whole face brightened at the sound and I sighed in resignation. Pasting on a smile I didn’t feel, I followed her into the kitchen but stopped short at the sight that met my eyes.
“Mari?”
The beautiful brunette looked up when we entered and smiled brightly at me. I hadn’t seen her in almost a year, other than on the cover of magazines. Her husband Devon was sitting next to Hank at the kitchen table. Both men had a beer in their hands with a few empty bottles already on the table.
“Hey, girl. How have you been?”
Mari jumped up and came to me with open arms I felt helpless to escape. I gave her a heartfelt hug and glanced at Elle.
“See. I told you she would remember you,” she told Mari.
I nearly choked. As if I could forget the woman who had Sean tied in knots not long enough ago. I had filled Elle in on his confession. She obviously thought I needed to get Mari’s side of the story.
It took all night. Finally after a delicious dinner of homemade lasagna and French bread, followed by a scrumptious Italian cream cake, the men went out on the back porch to smoke cigars.
Elle announced she was going to find some wine and left Mari and me alone at the table, winking at me as she left. I turned to my unexpected nemesis and took a deep breath for courage.
“I have a question for you, but it’s kind of personal so don’t get mad at me, okay?”
She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, Meg. You wouldn’t believe what some magazines have asked me since I married Devon.”
I grinned at that but it quickly faded. “It’s about Sean Maxwell.”
Her easy smile slipped off her face as if it had never been but she didn’t look angry.
“Yeah? Elle mentioned you’d been seeing him.”
I nodded and prayed for the courage to accept whatever answer she gave me.
“Yeah. I was. Um…something happened and he broke it off but it doesn’t really make sense to me.” One of her elegant brows rose but she remained silent. “Well, he said something happened between the two of you and…he doesn’t trust himself not to hurt me.”
The surprise on her face made me feel a little better.
“Really? He actually said that?” I nodded. “Huh.” She took a sip from her beer bottle as I waited for more. “He didn’t actually hurt me. Well…he did, but it was unintentional.”
She took a deep breath and seemed to be searching for words. I fought down panic, tears and the urge to bolt from the room. Whatever she had to say, I needed to hear.
“Apparently Sean had a thing for me but I had no clue. To be honest, it took a bit for me to realize how Devon felt too. Once he came around Sean got upset. He cornered me in his office when I was leaving to meet Devon. He, uh…kissed me. Left bruises on my arms too but I slapped his face and did more damage. Really…he just scared me more than anything. I never would’ve expected it from him. Later on Devon met up with him and they actually had a fistfight, but I wasn’t there. It’s all water under the bridge now.”
And that was it. That was Sean’s big secret and silent fear. He had grabbed Mari, preventing her from leaving his office, shoved her against his desk and planted an unwanted kiss on her mouth. Devon had found out and they had exchanged blows over the incident, but then it was over and she was okay.
I sat in stunned silence for a few minutes as she finished her beer. Elle still hadn’t returned but I suspected she was listening from nearby.
“So…that’s it? He just grabbed you and kissed you. Nothing else?”
She shook her head, a sympathetic look on her face. It was so much less than I had feared I was almost giddy with relief.
“What exactly did he tell you?” she asked. “You seem completely shocked.”
“He made it sound like he fell on you like an animal or something. He made it out to be really bad.”
She snorted and rolled her eyes again. “He would. Sean is such an anal dumbass. He probably thinks he’s protecting you from his big, bad self. But really, he’s protecting himself from feeling too much for you. It took him almost two years to admit he liked me. Nothing would have come of it sooner because he was my boss. But he waited because he’s afraid of commitment. Typical man.”
I raised my brows at that and she laughed, waving the words away with one hand. “Not Devon.”
“No?” I asked, intrigued despite her earth-shattering revelation.
“Nope. He tracked me down and all but dragged me into his life kicking and screaming.”
I sighed at the picture she presented. It was definitely the other way around for me and Sean. “Oh…that’s sweet.”
She nodded and watched me for a moment. “So, what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. It took months to get as far as I did with him. I just don’t know if I can handle that kind of fight again.”
She seemed to think that over for a bit. “Yeah, well, if you really love him the battle will be worth it.”
I was surprised. That she would encourage me to go after Sean when he had given her grief was a bit of a shock. She just smiled.
“I don’t hate him, Meg. He was actually one of the few people I considered a friend. I’d like to see him happy and you definitely have a chance to do that. Just don’t give up on him, okay?”
I didn’t know what to say to that so I just finished my beer.
* * * * *
It took two more days to talk myself into fighting for the man I loved. My plans changed every hour until I was a complete neurotic mess. Luckily it was my day off and there was no one to witness me babbling to myself as I cleaned my house. It was spotless by noon so I decided to go grocery shopping.
Despite my resolve to win him back, I wasn’t ready to face Sean just yet. Especially on his turf. I drove past Hardy’s All Goods and down a few blocks to the Super Mart. Memories of shopping with Sean tried to invade but I pushed them aside and grabbed a basket. Just a few more d
ays of bolstering my courage and I would try to come up with a plan. I had to. Mari’s words rang in my ears. Sean was worth fighting for. I just had to prove it.
I’d hit the frozen foods aisle and was strolling down canned goods looking for soup when a familiar voice grabbed my attention. My heart leapt and I froze as Sean walked around the corner. He wasn’t alone. The bottom dropped out of my stomach as the petite blonde at his side laughed and hit him playfully on the arm. He grinned at her in a familiar way that immediately brought tears to my eyes. I was too late. He had already replaced me.
I must have made some sound or a sudden move or something. Next thing I knew he was looking at me and our gazes locked. He probably saw pain on my face. I was almost blind with it. I glanced at the beautiful woman at his side and stepped back away from my cart.
“Megan.”
I heard guilt in his tone but didn’t stop to analyze it. Leaving my groceries where they were I spun and bolted out of the store. I might have heard my name again but couldn’t be sure. It took no time at all to get into my car and drive away, but I could barely see past my tears.
My phone started ringing as I pulled into my driveway. I ignored it and made my way into the house. I locked the door, dropped my purse and kicked off my shoes. My bed was calling and I didn’t want to do anything but answer.
I buried my head beneath a pillow. There was noise outside of my house that I ignored. It could have been someone knocking on my front door. It could have been a bulldozer driving through my living room. I just didn’t give a damn. I cried until there were no tears left and I was hiccupping, barely able to catch my breath. My phone finally stopped ringing, and I suddenly realized it had been going off steadily since I got home.
The sun disappeared and I lay on my bed in complete darkness. I had cried myself out and felt completely drained but not sleepy. There were plans to make. Sean had moved on so I should too. It sounded so easy when I repeated the mantra in my head a few times. The problem was my sluggish heart didn’t want to go along with the game plan. It was still shattered and bleeding. I decided to just ignore it for a while and finally slipped into an uneasy sleep.
