The Mirror Apocalypse

by John Ayang

  “Here, sit down and I will make you a strong cup of coffee.”

  “I said, I don wan none o yar ‘elp,” Fr. Polanski protested, still feebly.

  “Well, friends need friends to help when situations make them no better than unaccompanied minors,” Fr. McCarthy teased, using Fr. Polanski’s words he spoke on the court day when he dropped him off the court parking lot. “I’ll make you some coffee now.”

  “I ain’ no companied minor, and ya not my friend,” Fr. Polanski kept on his feeble truculence. “Leave me alone. I got no friensh in the priestshood. Yo were ma friend, then yo went to resign from the priestshood. I got no more friendsh. Yo acted like a perfidiash coward. I pray Pope Benedette don’t grant yu laity statush. Don brew me no caffee. I don need ya gad-forsaken brew.”

  “Benedict,” Fr. McCarthy interjected, stifling his guffaw. “Try Pope Benedict. By the way, God doesn’t hear the prayer of drunks. That’s why you should drink my brew to sober up before you pray.”

  “He’s gonna ‘ear mine. Gad ‘earsh the cry a the poor,” Fr. Polanski iterated with vehemence, bobbing his head for emphasis.

  “Ah, c’mon, Charlie,” Fr. McCarthy continued to chat him up to keep him awake for the coffee. “You own a duplex and an antique Bentley. And you drive an Acura TLX and run a fairly affluent parish.”

  “Am poor ‘cause a gat no friendsh.”

  “How many times do I have to remind you that I am your friend?” Fr. McCarthy chided, pointlessly, just to keep his friend talking.

  “Ya not ma friend. Friendsh don ‘urt friendsh,” Fr. Polanski said, pouting defiantly.

  “Well, I’m sorry, Charlie, if my action hurt you,” Fr. McCarthy said, demurely. “Here drink this and you will be as strong as an ox. What’s more, you will be able to convince God to hear your prayer.”

  “Don’t ‘umor me. He’ll ‘ear ma pr’yer,” Fr. Polanski replied, looked at Fr. McCarthy’s outstretched hand with the mug of coffee for several seconds, then he took it and held it for a few more seconds, still pouting and looking simultaneously morose and bellicose.

  “Drink it, Charlie, and you will be fine,” Fr. McCarthy coaxed. “I am sorry that you got affected so much by my resignation. But it is a decision that I must make now. And as you have said, time will heal everything, I hope.”

  Fr. Polanski looked with rheumy eyes at his younger friend for a few silent seconds more and then took his first sip of the black brew that would bring him sobriety in the next one hour.

  Fr. McCarthy sat down on the couch, waiting on Fr. Polanski to finish his coffee. He felt deeply sorry to discover that his decision to apply for laicization could hurt his friend so much, to the point of sending him to the bottle. He began to weigh in his mind whose action was selfish: his own resignation to fate and the resolve to move on in a different mode of living, or his friend’s anger because he couldn’t prevail on him to stay on in the priesthood so he could have a friend. He wondered what kind of friendship that would be, if he stayed on to battle forever, his crisis of identity, and of what use that would be to Fr. Polanski, or himself, for that matter. He felt no regrets for his action. On the contrary, he thought he would live to regret staying on. The constant, daily battle to try and feel comfortable with the idea of being a walking contradiction, teaching a doctrine that judges and condemns the very origin from which he came as ’intrinsically evil’ would have destroyed him psychologically. Life was going to be simpler for him now that he would not be the teacher, but the hearer of the teaching. He would not be living a conflicted life, being a contradiction to himself. He believed that in time, Fr. Polanski would get over his anger and disappointment. They would continue to be friends, except that the dynamics of their friendship was going to change drastically. What the new configuration was going to be or how it would play out was not yet clear. The one thing he was sure about was that he would still be a good friend to Fr. Polanski. He hoped that Fr. Polanski would try to be the same to him.

  Fr. Polanski finished his coffee as fatigue and boredom were getting the better of him. He started dozing. Fr. McCarthy gently pried open his fingers, took the coffee mug from his hand, and put it on the table. Then he asked whether he wanted to go sleep on his bed. Fr. Polanski declined and trudged dreamily to the couch, sank in, and lay down. Fr. McCarthy brought a pillow and a blanket. He propped Fr. Polanski’s head up and covered him with the blanket. Soon, Fr. Polanski started purring like a giant cat. Fr. McCarthy sneaked out the back door and placed a call to Julio, the yard maintenance man, to go over and sit watch over his boss till he woke up. Then Fr. McCarthy got in his car and drove home. He resolved to call at hourly intervals to check on Fr. Polanski.

  Houston, Texas

  Tuesday, February 5, 2013

  TWO DOCUMENTS ARRIVED on Fr. McCarthy’s desk the same day: a very ironical coincidence, but through different routes. The one came by courier from the Holy See, while the other was an email forwarded to him by Sister Ellis, which he printed out. He laid the two documents side by side and read through them each two times. Then he sighed and reclined back. The Holy See courier document was not unexpected because he had initiated a process that needed a response which, in fact, he was glad to receive. The email printout was from the Holy See, as well, but not directly. It was a declaration sent to the Bishops by the Holy Father about persons born of IVF, preempting the official canonical formulation of it. The courier document was terse and formal in the way that juridical documents from the Holy See are usually cast.

  Dear Father Cletus Nicholas McCarthy,

  Grace and peace to you from the Lord Jesus Christ, our Great High Priest, who, in His great mercy has called us to a life of service in holiness. Blessings from me, the unworthy successor of Peter. In response to your formal request for laicization and in consultation with the office of the Congregation for the Clergy, after a prayerful reflection, I have decided to grant your request. You are hereby released from the clerical state of life and all the duties pertaining to that state of life. You can no longer perform the priestly duties by public administration of the sacraments of the Church, effective Thursday, February 14, 2013. Bear in mind that this ruling does not remove the mark of the priestly ordination from you which may efficaciously be used at the service of any person in danger of death. I pray that you find peace and healing in your new state of life.

  Yours in Christ,

  Benedict XVI

  The second document was equally terse and formal.

  To my Brother Bishops,

  Grace and peace to you in Christ, our Lord and Master. In light of the new things happening at jet speed in the scientific world of today, especially in the area of human reproduction, it has become necessary to issue an interim declaration to take care of emergent situations, pending a formal canonical decree. I hereby declare, by the power vested in me as the Supreme Pontiff, that persons born of the process of conception known as in vitro fertilization (IVF), whether of recalcitrant Catholic parents or received into the Church by conversion and profession of faith, are not to be denied or excluded from any of the sacraments of the Church, provided they request for such sacraments with sufficient evidence of faith and determination to lead a life of holiness and moral rectitude, their manner of conception notwithstanding.

  Fraternally yours in Christ,

  Benedict XVI, Successor of Peter.

  Given this day of the Presentation of the Lord, February 2, in the year of our Lord, 2013.

  For some reason that baffled Fr. McCarthy himself, he felt simultaneously relieved and depressed after he had read both documents. He sat at his desk for several minutes, pondering the implications of his actions of the past few weeks. His life had become a roller coaster of unpredictable events since he was outed in court: his cold winter vacation in Rome and Venice; his three-day retreat of self-exploration which, though very relaxing and very healing, did not produce solid answers to questions
perplexing his mind; his meeting with his biological parents and sibling which padded him, so to speak, with very positive feelings of support and wellbeing; and, of course, his twice sexual indulgence with Jennifer, who, he could no longer pretend, was the love of his life. Then there was what lay immediately before him: the answer to his request for laicization. He had refused to endorse Fr. Polanski’s opinion that he was becoming schizophrenic because of the trauma of being outed as the fruit of the very act he was preaching against and condemning. Fr. Polanski had insistently urged him to go for extended psychological counseling and rehabilitation instead of trying desperately, like a drowning person, to claw his way out of a suffocating identity crisis back to normalcy, all by himself. Was Fr. Polanski right after all? He began questioning himself. Was he beginning to feel despondent because he had passed the point of no return by requesting for laicization against all dissuasions from his bishop and friends? Was he acting rashly by opting for laicization instead of sticking it out in the priesthood, with the uncomfortable stigma of being the first exposed IVF-conceived Catholic clergy who judged and punished others who used the same method to beget children?

  The document that lay before him on his desk was a formal vindication of all Catholic children born, theretofore, of IVF, and an exoneration from the ‘sins’ of their parents in that aspect, he knew. But it was one thing being born into and growing up in a situation where such ruling was already in place. It was quite another thing to be presumed as being born normally, and growing up to condemn the IVF procedure, only to be exposed as the fruit of what you judged and condemned. Mentally and spiritually, it was a distressing situation to find oneself in. Maybe he was destined to be the one to draw the Church’s attention to provide the moral and psychological cushion for those not yet born, in an area of life that the Church hadn’t thought of providing such services. He felt like Moses, leading a generation toward the promise land, but not setting foot in it himself.

  The Mosaic paradigm cheered Fr. McCarthy and lifted his spirit. He still felt he had made a good decision. He knew that as a lay person, he could move from the State of Texas to another state and start his life all over. He could remain a good Catholic, living out of the public glare. Moreover, there was the conviction he felt deep inside him: the fact that he did not feel guilty about his amoral relationship with Jennifer, but, rather, felt liberated and healed every time he slept with her.

  The phone rang, startling him from his revelry. He heaved a sigh and stretched, getting up to answer the phone while assuring himself aloud at the same time. “Hey, Cletus “Nick” McCarthy, hold yourself together. It’s going to be alright.”

  “Hey, Nick,” Fr. Polanski’s voice came on. “You got the email I forwarded to you?”

  “What happened?” Fr. McCarthy inquired.

  “Oh. You haven’t got it then,” Fr. Polanski said.

  “Yes, I got the email, Charlie. I’m wondering why you opted to call on the house line instead of calling my cell phone as usual,” Fr. McCarthy replied. “And, also, I got the laicization document. It’s a bit uncanny that both documents came in on the same day.”

  “So, you have actually been laicized?” Fr. Polanski asked with a lilt of incredulity and disappointment in his voice. “Well, Nick, I suppose I have to deal with it. But make no mistake, I am heart-broken. I had no way of knowing how much I bonded with your priestly persona until now. But, hey! You gotta do what you gotta do.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Charlie,” Fr. McCarthy spoke dolefully. “I think I need to find myself. Or, better, I need to reinvent myself. I cannot prove anything at the moment, but I have a gut feeling everything will be alright.”

  “Do you have time for dinner tomorrow?”

  “Only on one condition, Charlie,” Fr. McCarthy replied.

  “What’s that?” Fr. Polanski inquired.

  “If you promise not to freak out and get drunk on me,” Fr. McCarthy said, without jesting. “Remember, this will be the first time of having dinner with me as a lay man.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, Nick,” Fr. Polanski replied, dismissively. “I’m over your rash impetuousness. Oh, by the way, don’t forget to meet with the Cardinal and tell him you have been granted the lay status. He knows about it, but it’s a matter of courtesy if you go and meet him and get his blessing before you disappear into the outside world.”

  “Okay, Charlie,” Fr. McCarthy replied. “I will do as you say. But don’t sound like it’s the end of the world. For me it is not the end. My world will end when I breathe my last. Besides, I am still a priest with faculties until February 14th.”

  His cell phone rang and Fr. McCarthy quickly ended his conversation with Fr. Polanski. Dr. Josef Horacek was on the line. He sounded very warm and polite, inquiring how Fr. McCarthy was doing. Fr. McCarthy, in turn, inquired about his surrogate mom, Barbara, and his sister, Crystal. He was told Barbara was still in Houston because the transfer from her job was going to take some time. Crystal was in Norfolk for the week and would go back to Houston in a couple of days. They exchanged more pleasantries and Dr. Horacek invited Fr. McCarthy to consider spending his next vacation in Norfolk, a proposal to which Fr. McCarthy agreed enthusiastically.

  They went on to lay out the plans. He would travel to Norfolk before Palm Sunday. That way, he could attend the Holy Week and Easter ceremonies in a nearby church, incognito, for the first time as a lay man. The time away from Houston could be another grace time for him to plot the course of his future life. He exchanged small talk with Crystal and after almost thirty minutes of chatting, begged Crystal to get off the phone. Later that night, Fr. McCarthy began nursing the thought of making Norfolk his and Jennifer’s future home, but wondered how he would be able to convince his parents without making them feel abandoned.

  Rome, Italy

  Wednesday, February 6, 2013

  “YOUR HOLINESS, this is a cruel irony,” Bishop Ignacio Caravaggio de Pietro said, shaking his head gently from side to side, exhaling sharply in exasperation. “It is the rusted-bucket syndrome: just as you are pulling the bucket of water out of the well, the bottom falls out. Just as we were thinking we have finally hit the solution to the problem, the press messes things up for everyone.”

  “How did the media get the documents so quick?” Pope Benedict XVI asked, confused, creasing his forehead in obvious mental anguish. “I just assented to the document with my signature last Saturday!” The pope wondered aloud.

  “And I sent it by Courier Service to Fr. McCarthy first thing Monday morning for overnight delivery,” Bishop Caravaggio de Pietro replied. “And today it is published in a very twisted format and given a very different interpretation by the press.”

  “We don’t know how they got the document, Your Holiness. Perhaps they got it from Fr. McCarthy himself or someone close to him,” Fr. Lombardi said, looking equally somber. On second thought, he quickly acquitted Fr. McCarthy as the culprit. “But I don’t believe he had the time and the eagerness to do that. Normally priests who get laicized on their own request are very shy of the limelight. They usually prefer to go quietly with no fanfare.” There was a brief silence. Then he spoke again. “With your permission, Holiness, I am going to issue a counter statement in article form to try to disabuse the minds of the people. Not that that is going to undo the damage, but it will present the Church’s side of the story, at least.”

  “Another option, Your Holiness, might be to refrain from giving any response to the inglorious headlines,” Bishop Jose de Alonzo opined, looking hurt by the turn of events. “Sometimes silence may be the best answer to a mischief.”

  “My Lord, Bishop, that would probably be misconstrued as confirmation of the misinformation,” Fr. Lombardi objected. “Most of the times when you refrain from addressing a situation, your silence is taken as assent. I will not respond to the misinformation of the media, I will simply come out with a statement detailing the procedure the
Church has taken at the behest of the young man himself.”

  “I think I agree with Federico,” Bishop Caravaggio de Pietro said.

  “I, too, think that Federico is right,” the pope concurred. He turned and addressed Bishop Jose de Alonzo: “Furnish Federico with the details of the procedure, and he will go from there. It is very puzzling to me that the secular social media should be so much at war with the Church. They are always eager to present the Church in a bad light, as heartless, and run by vindictive bureaucrats who delight in making life difficult for the people. But that is far from who we are!” The pope sounded exasperated.

  “Your Holiness, our way of life and our values constitute a reproach to the world,” Bishop Jose de Alonzo said. “I take consolation in Wisdom: Chapter two, verses twelve to nineteen”

  “When a priest requests for laicization with good reason, it is usually given. Fr. McCarthy himself made the request and gave good reasons for his decision. I think it is unfair that the media has put a spin on the whole issue just to have an excuse to bash me and the Church,” the pope interjected, plaintively. He went behind his desk and sat down, gazing pensively into space. It was obvious to the others that he was very distraught with the turn of events. He pulled toward him the papers that were brought into his office that morning: The Times had on the front page, in bold letters: Pope Benedict XVI Defrocks First U.S. IVF-Conceived Priest. The second paper, Agenzia Nazional Stampa Associata (ANSA), was a bit milder: First U.S. IVF-Conceived Priest Laicized by Benedict XVI. The third paper, the Corriere della Sera was in Italian and carried the headline, Papa Benedetto XVI Chiude il Primo IVF-Concepito U.S. Sacerdote. The tone of the headlines, the slant and content of the write-up that followed each headline did not exactly agree in details, but their collective message did not cast the pope in a very favorable light, either. The stories all gave the impression that the pope dismissed Fr. McCarthy from the priesthood as punishment for being IVF-conceived. The one thing they had in common was their detailed description of how the Catholic Church has always been against the new human reproductive technology procedure known as IVF.