Where You Can Find Me

by Cole, Fiona

  “That sounds great, babe. Thank you. I’m leaving now. I should be there in about fifteen minutes. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” I hung up and set about wrapping up the dish. I put together a salad for a side dish. I thought about grabbing a wine, but remembered the wine rack on top of Grayson’s refrigerator and figured he had enough. By the time I had my jacket on and everything by the door Jack pulled into my driveway. I met him halfway on my walkway and he took the dishes and gave me a quick peck. The night had already begun settling a darkness over the sky, and made it difficult to see Jack’s face, but I could see the sharpness of his cheekbones in his hollow cheeks. The moon, making its ascent into the sky, shone on his pale skin and made the shadows below his eyes seem even darker. He had been living on coffee alone the past few days and his lean body showed the results. His black t-shirt still hugged his muscular shoulders while his dark gray slacks clung perfectly to his butt and thighs.

  As we made our way to Grayson’s apartment, Jack filled me in on the day. “We didn’t get the DNA results in today. The lab said they will have them to us by tomorrow. I could hear Shane yelling at them from across the precinct.”

  “I can imagine how angry he is to be put off this long on something this big.”

  “Angry is an understatement. He’s feeling the pressure just like everyone else.”

  I doubted anyone felt the pressure like Jack did, but I kept it to myself. Instead I asked, “What is going on with Bennet?”

  A humorless laugh escaped his closed lips. “He’s out right now. We don’t know how that knife ended up in his car, but we don’t have anything to hold him on. Also, he finally told us how he went to Vegas over vacation and got the scratches from some prostitute. His story checked out but he is on enforced leave. I know Shane has some guys keeping their eyes on him. When he comes back he will have to have a psych evaluation and be put on probation. I still don’t fucking like him.”

  I nodded my head and we settled into an easy silence until we pulled into Grayson’s parking garage. Grayson opened his door and looked just as tired as we all felt. Dark shadows beneath his eyes matched his dark gray t-shirt. His beard stubble, that looked like it hadn’t been shaved all week, covered sunken cheeks that matched Jack’s.

  “Hey guys. Come on in.” He stepped back to let us into the apartment. After closing the door he took our jackets and hung them in the closet. I lifted my eyes to his when he took my jacket, trying to get a feel for his true feelings about all of us being here together, especially after his argument with Jack earlier this week. When I looked up, a chill ran down my spine as I connected with his hard, cold, gray eyes. I expected to see dull exhaustion weighing him down but instead, behind the ice, I saw a fire burning that made him look more aware than anyone in the room.

  My eyebrows scrunched down as I tried to understand, but before I could process any of it he turned to the closet. When he turned back a flirtatious glint brought out the blue and he scanned my body up and down with a cocky smirk gracing his lips. He winked as he said, “You look good, beautiful. I know Jack said no more threesomes, but I could always do a one-on-one with you.”

  Heat rose up to my cheeks while I processed if he meant the offer as a joke or not. Jack shoved him from behind with a quick chuckle. “Leave my girl alone, Grayson. Someday you’ll find a woman you can’t imagine sharing and you’ll have a new understanding of my position.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You loooove her and all that shit.” He dragged the word out, joking around with Jack.

  The mood lightened as Grayson continued on, making flirty suggestive comments to me, and I could only assume that would last as long as Jack and I were together. Jack and Grayson ribbed on each other as they returned to their brotherly ways. A lightness filled my chest as I watched these two men make jokes with each other. We ignored the dark cloud looming over our heads for the time being while we enjoyed our meal. The DNA results would be in the following day and hopefully that would give us the answers we needed to move on from this.

  Until then, we sat there drinking and laughing. Grayson told me stories about them in the Army and the pranks they would pull when they were going stir crazy. Jack just hung his head with a smile knowing he couldn’t defend himself and not really bothering to. They passed stories back and forth and ate more lasagna than was natural. I always had leftovers for the week, but once they were done I had maybe enough left for lunch for the next day.

  Grayson lifted his arms behind his head and stretched his denim clad legs out under the table. “Damn, that was some good lasagna, beautiful. I can barely sit up straight I’m so full.”

  “I’m glad you liked it.”

  “Alright, man. Dinner has been great and a much needed relaxing time but we need to talk about what we are going to do if the results come back tomorrow and are useless to us. We need to talk about the business. This case is taking much more time than expected. We might need to bring someone else in to help with the caseload.” Jack ran his hands through his long strands, pulling the dark hair tight at the back. His chest rose with a deep inhale and his exhale pushed his cheeks out with its force.

  Grayson paused and studied Jack’s face as it tipped back and he closed his eyes. Quietly he said, “I think we’ll get some results tomorrow.” Jack opened his eyes and gave a skeptical look to Grayson. I didn’t blame his doubt. This whole case hadn’t gone as planned. Before he could argue, Grayson continued, “But let’s head to the living room and get comfy before we dig into the conversation.”

  Jack and I cleared the table as Grayson moved into the living room to turn on some music.

  Jack pulled me into his arms after we placed the last of the dishes into the sink. “I’m sorry we have to talk about this now. I just wanted you near me and to share a dinner with you tonight. It’s been a long week.”

  I rested my head on his shoulder enjoying the comfort of his strong arms around me. He stood so much taller than me. The way my head only came to his chest and fit perfectly below his shoulder made me feel like we fit. I felt cherished and safe. “It’s okay. There is nowhere else I would rather be.”

  I pulled out of his arms as Grayson came into the kitchen with three glasses of wine. “Here you go. I had to finish off the bottle and figured we could all use a glass before we sit down for the serious talking now.”

  “I could definitely use a glass.” I tipped the glass back and drained it in one go. I did not look forward to sitting around and talking some more about a murder. I knew I needed to put on a strong face for Jack again, so I drank all my wine to help me out.

  Jack let a small laugh escape, shaking his head at my antics before taking a small sip. He sat his glass on the counter. “I’m going to take a piss before we get started. I’ll meet you in there.” He placed a kiss on my head and walked toward the restroom.

  “Go ahead and sit down. I’ll be in there in a minute.”

  I made my way to the living room and peeked around. There wasn’t a whole lot in the room. The black leather couch and matching loveseat made an L-shape facing a large flat screen TV mounted to the wall above a fireplace. Only an abstract canvas graced the white walls.

  Feeling the effects of the wine I drank too quickly, I stumbled on my turn to sit on the couch and looked at the cluttered mocha colored coffee table. Magazines piled neatly in the corner and nearest me sat a large photo album. Curiosity got the best of me and I tugged it closer hoping to find some pictures of Jack. Maybe even some in uniform. As I lifted the cover a smile tugged my lips at the thought of Jack in uniform. I wondered if he still had the uniform. I could get him to wear it during sex. It would be so hot and sex—.

  The smile slowly slipped from my lips as my brain tried to process what lay in front of me. My lungs compressed as the oxygen leaked from my parted lips. My vision blurred and I blinked over and over again trying to make the images change into something else. Air began to saw in and out of my dry mouth as blood rushed to my head making a deafeni
ng sound. A burning behind my eyes started and continued to my nose as they glossed over with tears.

  “What? Wha—?” I kept saying it over and over again, whispered on each breath that barely escaped my heaving lungs. I forced my shaky hand to turn the page. A tingling numbness made them almost impossible to control. A sluggishness caused from panic and the wine made the pictures blur as a wetness ran down my cheeks.

  The second page mirrored the first. Multiple pictures of different girls. At the top of each page held a name and a date. Megan: 2013. A nude girl with a ball gag in her mouth crying in a dog cage. The same girl strapped to a bed, a look of terror gracing her beautiful face. One beside it of her being raped from the rapist’s point of view. Her face scrunched in pain and anguish as she looked away from the camera. Another of her with her eyes closed and blood and cuts all over the sheets, her body brutalized in the worst way. Each page held similar pictures and my hands stopped working, incapable of closing the book, as bile rose up my esophagus and burned the back of my throat.

  “Oh. I see you found my collection. It’s pretty impressive isn’t it? I’ve been working on it for years.”

  My head jerked to see Grayson standing behind me. His lips stretched in a joyous smile. His voice was light and rang with pride at the book on the table. It began to click into place. Sweat beaded on my brow and slid down from my hairline. My breathing became erratic and panic settled over me and I couldn’t move. Move! You stupid fool! Get up and run. Yell for Jack. Do something!

  I opened my mouth to scream for Jack and a gasping whisper was all that fell from my lips. “Jack—” Faster and faster the breaths became harder to control. In and out. I had panic attacks after Asher’s death, but I couldn’t get a hold of this one. Grayson began to blur before me and I panicked more because I couldn’t pass out here. Jack would be out and he would get us out of this. Jack would need me. But the next time Grayson spoke it echoed as though through a rabbit hole and I felt a falling sensation. Peripherally, my brain registered that I collapsed and had fallen down on the couch.

  “You do like my collection, don’t you? I left it out just so you could see.” His calm face entered my vision as he leaned over the couch to watch me struggle for breath. He still looked so normal. Even knowing it was him, I struggled to see it. But it must have always been there in his eyes. “I know you’re confused. The drug in your wine isn’t helping either. Don’t worry, you’ll pass out soon.” He gave a wink and turned at the sound of the bathroom door opening.

  Jack. I needed to at least try and warn him. My tongue lay limp and swollen in my mouth as I struggled to get my overly large, numb lips to move. All I got out was a soundless whimper.

  “Hey man, where did Lu go?”

  I used my last bit of energy and threw myself off the couch to make any type of noise to alert Jack. His eyes flicked to my still form on the floor and connected with my panicked eyes. Jack’s eyes returned to Grayson’s in question as Grayson lifted his arm and shot Jack with a stun gun. The fall took the last of my consciousness and the last thing I saw was Jack jerk and fall to the ground before everything went black.

  Chapter Thirty

  Timshel - Mumford and Sons

  A roaring sound pounded through my skull as my body struggled to pull itself out of the heavy darkness weighing me down, refusing to let go. Where the hell was I? My subconscious dreams warred with the other part of my brain, struggling to wake up, fighting to determine reality. I arched my back and stretched from my curled toes to my extended fingers over my head. I flopped my limbs and let them fall out of the stretch. I kept my eyes closed and breathed deeply through my nose, trying to place my last thoughts. It was one of those mornings that you had such a deep sleep that everything felt like a blur.

  “Luella,” Jack whispered. Before I rolled over to acknowledge him I stretched one more time and rolled my wrists, feeling thick cuffs around them. My eyebrows scrunched, trying to place what was around my wrists. When I couldn’t figure it out I tried to bring my hands to my face and see what it was. They wouldn’t move. When I tugged my arms down the pressure increased. My eyes flicked open and I jerked my head up to see a rope around my wrists. I tugged again frantically trying to get my mind to catch up to my surroundings.

  My body felt weak and lethargic and I struggled to assimilate everything into the moment. My breathing became erratic and fast moving in and out of my nose. I tried to breathe deeply through my mouth and encountered a thick fabric gag between my lips. I hadn’t noticed it and when I did, I began to panic. Cries started strangling out of my throat and tears burned the back of my eyes.

  I couldn’t swallow.

  I couldn’t move my tongue enough.

  I was going to choke on my tongue.

  I couldn’t breathe deep enough.

  I was going to suffocate.

  Where was I? What the hell was going on? I squirmed my limp body on the bed and squinted my eyes shut. Something niggled at the back of my brain trying to remind me where I was but the panic wrapped around my neck and squeezed until I choked on the fear. Adrenaline shot through my body; shockwaves started in my chest and ended in my fingertips, making my heart skip a beat along the way.

  “Luella.” I heard my name but was too far gone to process it. “Luella, stop.” My name rang with a more persistent whisper. Deeper. More commanding, urging me to listen. “Luella, baby. Breathe through your nose. Listen to my voice. You’ve got this baby. You can do this. Control your breathing. Hear me.”

  Jack. Jack was there with me. I let his words guide me out of the dark and I listened to his instructions. I breathed in through my nose and forced a hard breath out, trying to lower my heart rate.

  “That’s it, baby. Calm down. Deep breaths.”

  I finally relaxed enough to squint my eyes open and looked toward the sound of his voice. The shadowed room hid the details, but I could make out Jack from the light filtering into the room from the moon and under the door. I turned my head again and squeezed my eyes shut trying to remember what was going on.

  Grayson.

  The images flooded back of Grayson smiling calmly at me with hollow eyes and Jack falling to the floor from being tased. The photo album came back with a punch to the gut and bile began to rise up. I just barely forced it down knowing I would choke on it with the gag in my mouth. Tears fell from the corners of my eyes into my ears. I tried not to let Jack hear me, but my fear made it impossible to control.

  “Shhh, baby. It’s fine. We’ll get out of this.”

  I opened my wet eyes to look at Jack and I could see more clearly as they adjusted to the darkness. We were in Grayson’s bedroom and Jack looked to be tied to a chair. Blood darkened his left temple as it dripped down to his sharp cheekbones. My eyes roamed him to look for any other noticeable injuries and saw he was stripped to nothing. His ankles and just below his knees were tied to the legs of the chair. His arms stretched behind him and I could make out a rope around his chest.

  Through the darkness, my eyes landed on his, and through him I found a calm. I didn’t know how long it would last and I didn’t care. I tried to memorize the feeling because I knew I would need it in the near future. The effects of shock and the drugs began to wear off and I tried to mentally feel every part of my body to search for my own injuries.

  The first thing I noticed was that I was naked except for my underwear. Another spike of fear made my heart leap and nearly stop beating, but I turned to look at Jack’s eyes and reminded myself I wasn’t alone. The next thing I noticed were my legs tied to each corner of the bed and something stiff keeping my ankles apart. I lifted my head trying to see what it was. A black thin pole with straps on each end attached to my ankles that also had rope securing them to the bed.

  “It’s a spreader bar.” His deep voice held an empty hollowness to it that rang with defeat. I turned to look at him and his eyes couldn’t hold mine as they dropped to the floor. A new wave of uncontrollable fear sprang to my eyes as I remembered the pi
ctures from the book. The girl being raped.

  Being tied to a bed without any clothes on is hard. Your mind can wonder and hope for the best. Maybe, at least, hope for a quick death. But knowing your fate. Having seen previous victims fucked with my mind in ways I couldn’t prepare myself for. I scrunched my eyebrows tight and dug deeper than I ever had for a strength I wasn’t sure I possessed. My breaths hiccuped out of me as I fought from the panic. I couldn’t panic. “Okay … okay.” The words came out muffled behind the cloth gag.

  I looked back at Jack and said it again. “Okay.” My chest heaved more than I could control, but if we wanted to at least give this a fighting chance of making it out alive, we had to be strong.

  Fake it until you make it, right?

  “Luella.” I focused my eyes and stemmed my tears. I needed to focus on Jack. Jack would be my beacon of strength and I would be his. We were not alone. He licked his lips before continuing. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I brought you here tonight and brought you to him. I’m so fucking—”

  “Stop, Jack. Stop and tell me what I need to know. How to make it through this.” I didn’t know if he could understand the garbled words. The gag hung loosely around the back of my head and I tried to move my lips enough for him to hear me.

  He shook his head and after a deep breath continued in what I could only imagine was the voice he used in his military days. “I’m going to be honest and I’m going to be blunt because there is no sugar coating at this point. We want to last longer than it takes for them to find us. The DNA should be coming in tomorrow or later today. We’ve been in here a couple of hours. I’m thinking it’s after midnight to early morning on Saturday. He’s been gone a while. That means—” He closed his eyes and swallowed, “That means don’t give him what he wants so easily so he won’t get bored. He’s going to want a fight. I know it’s your natural instinct to fight, but that is what he wants. Don’t give him the power.”