Moment of Truth

by Emrys Apollo

  He focused on his eyelids. He had opened them once already, he could do it again. It was even more important now, he had someone he needed to tell he was alive. He needed this person’s help so he could get them to help him move again, get this pain barrier off his chest.

  Tears streamed from his eyes as he tore them open. He couldn’t see anything. Everything was too bright and stinging all of his senses. But he fought the urge to shy away from the light because he needed the other person to know he was alive. This wasn’t the afterlife, he wasn’t dead but he could be dying and he needed their help.

  Blurry shapes moved into his line of sight. He couldn’t focus on anything, the light still being too bright for his unused eyes. He gasped for breath he didn’t realize he had been holding, sending more pain racking through his body. More figures moved around him as he blinked his eyes to clear the moisture, too scared to let them stay closed for long in case they didn’t open back up.

  “Desmond? Desmond it’s okay.” A voice faded into his mind. He wasn’t sure how long ago the words were said, but he recognized that name. Desmond. Desmond must be his name. “Why is he gasping?” The tone was frantic.

  “He’s stable. He’s stable and fine.”

  “Desmond, buddy it’s alright, you’re fine. Take a deep breath.” The voice was soothing. British. Desmond trusted it. He trusted this voice. This must have been the person holding his hand. So he listened and took a deep breath. It hurt just as all the others had, causing him to moan softly as his lungs felt tight. “Slow breaths, Desmond. You’re fine, you’re just sore.”

  The hand was back in his and he held onto it like a lifeline. So glad his fingers had started to cooperate, he was relieved when the British voice squeezed his hand back. Feeling safe, he focused on trying to clear his vision, blinking fast.

  “I got you.” The voice breathed gently, soft material rubbing at Desmond’s eyes. He was drying the water that Desmond was blinking away, his face close to Desmond’s, hovering in his line of sight. Desmond focused on the face, gripping tighter to the hand when it tried to move away. He was just getting the details as everything started coming back to him. Blonde hair, blue eyes…

  Jody shook his head, trying to blink his own tears away as relief filled him from head to toe.

  “Shh, you don’t have to say anything.” Jody smiled, brushing his fingers through Desmond’s hair. A week Desmond had been unconscious. A week of unknown whether they had got there in time. Jody pressed his lips to Desmond’s forehead, grateful for the first time that the kidnappers had gotten Stuart. If he hadn’t been on the scene there was no way Desmond would have survived.

  Desmond’s breathing slowed to its usual pace as Jody helped him sit up, moving the bed so Desmond didn’t have to. Aches and pains covered his body and he was still having a hard time piecing together everything that had happened. He remembered the bridge and the choice. He remembered not shooting the man under the bag, who Jody had told him was actually Stuart, and turning the gun on the guard. He remembered how close he had been to grabbing Antony before he fell. He remembered screaming Antony’s name into the dark void, only getting bubbles in response.

  Jody hadn’t said anything about Antony, and with Desmond’s voice currently out of action he couldn’t ask. Jody was pottering around as Desmond was examined, lights flashing in his eyes as his pupil dilation was checked.

  “You were really lucky. Stuart said you inhaled some water but he got to you just as you passed out and managed to get it out of your system quickly.” Jody relayed, tucking into the grapes apparently Henson had left for Desmond. “You’d already lost consciousness though… Put us all in a bit of a worry.”

  “He seems to be fine, but we will keep him under observation for a few more days, check his responsiveness and alertness, see if there are any lasting issues and monitor any signs of secondary drowning.” The doctor said, writing a note on his clipboard. He slipped the thing on the end of Desmond’s bed. “As Mr. Blaine has been here since your arrival, I’m sure he won’t mind keeping you company for a few more days.”

  “‘Course not. I’ve got used to this hospital grub now.” Jody joked, moving back to Desmond’s side. The doctor smiled.

  “Rest, relax, and make Mr. Barnett do all your heavy lifting.” The doctor instructed, getting a salute from Jody. “I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you again and then if you’re hungry we can get you some food.” As he left the room, Jody turned back to Desmond.

  “You really gave us a scare there, mate.” Jody said softly, his hand gravitating towards Desmond’s again. Desmond just stared ahead of him at the powered down TV, his mind spinning from the last ten minutes. “I told you it was….” Jody stopped at the look Desmond sent him. This really wasn’t the time for ‘I told you so’. “None of that matters now.” Jody said, more to himself, clapping his hand on Desmond’s. “You’re here and you’re well and that’s the important thing.” He was avoiding Desmond’s eye and Desmond was sure that was deliberate.

  Desmond croaked, tears springing to his eyes. Jody reluctantly met them.

  “Shh.” Jody pleaded, his own eyes filling with tears. Desmond shook his head.

  “Where?”

  “He’s here.” Jody whispered, drying Desmond’s eyes. Desmond gasped in shock, more pain tearing through his torso. Desmond shook his head in disbelief. “You got him.”

  CHAPTER 12

  A few days had passed since Desmond had woken up in the hospital. He’d be checked and checked again and was now cleared to go as he pleased, the doctors content that there was no water or infection in his lungs. He had asked after Antony as much as he could, getting updates from Jody about his condition. Apparently Stuart had found them both, Desmond choking out water, on the edge of the River Thames. Stuart had tried to help Desmond out but the other man had lost consciousness as soon as he knew Antony was in safe hands. Antony had been cleared to go a few days before Desmond woke up. He was certain the man would have been by his side, but Jody had explained the whole turmoil had had some lasting effects on him and so he was being looked after by the Storming psychiatrist, Nathan Redford.

  Jody walked with Desmond as they made their way through the Storming headquarters after leaving the hospital. He was talking to Desmond but Desmond wasn’t listening. He found it hard to believe that they had all gotten out of this scot-free. He almost felt like he was being told Antony was here just to get him back to work, and the man was actually dead at the bottom of the river.

  “Desmond, wait.” Jody put an arm out in front of him to stop Desmond moving forwards, getting his attention. Desmond let out a deep breath, the pain from his sore lungs still hovering around the edge of his consciousness. “He’s… You need to be prepared.”

  “He’s in there?” Desmond said, trying to sound confident but unable to stop the hint of a question coming out. Jody dropped his arm.

  “Yes, but… This is all… New.”

  “New?”

  “Last time he was in a place like this, he was being held hostage and tortured and-”

  “I remember.” Desmond said sharply, shutting Jody down. He didn’t need to be reminded of what he had indirectly put Antony through. Jody sent him a sympathetic look.

  “Nathan said he’s suffering bad PTSD and that he’s not really sleeping. He’s… He’s not in a good way.”

  “He’ll be better when I’m with him.” Desmond nodded, certain of this fact. “He doesn’t know any of you.”

  “He’s on edge, and not the Antony you know.” Jody pressed. “You just need to be prepared, he might freak out.”

  “I can help him. We can work through this together.” Without waiting for another word, Desmond pushed through the door. Jody pushed past him, taking the lead as they moved through to the psychology wing in the building. Desmond had never spent a lot of time in this area; whenever the Storming agents needed to go through psychological assessment Nathan would always come up to them in the interrogation rooms. Desmond
could see rooms all the way down the corridor, all dressed differently inside. Some had cozy looking sleeping quarters, some were bare with just a table in the centre, but each one came with an adjoined observation room. He couldn’t quite work out in what scenario any of these arrangements may be deemed reassuring or comforting. Desmond cocked his eyebrow at Jody. “And you wonder why he’s on edge.”

  “It’s for his own good. We just wanted to keep an eye on him.” Jody said, with a tone like this was a mantra they were all being forced to recite whilst Desmond walked passed him. He wandered down the corridor, peaking in rooms looking for either Antony or Nathan. Jody rolled his eyes at him. “You honestly think we’d just leave him walking about with an unlocked door?” Desmond let out an inpatient breath, letting Jody take the lead. “The important thing to remember is that he is alright.” Jody continued as he led Desmond down the corridor, they took a left at the end and down some stairs to another part of the wing that Desmond wasn’t sure he would have realized was there if Jody hadn’t have shown him. At least they’re keeping him super safe Desmond calmed himself mentally.

  Jody had obviously informed the building that Desmond was coming today, because there was almost a guard of honor leading to what Desmond assumed was Antony’s room.

  “Alright, Desmond,” Nathan greeted with a nod. “How are you feeling?”

  “Better, thanks.” Desmond said, his voice slightly short and his eyes on the door he was being blocked from. Nathan let out a knowing smile.

  “I appreciate you want to get in there, but I promise you he’s fine. He’s struggling to sleep so at the moment we have him on some sleep medication. Helps him not get too worked up.”

  “Ok.” Desmond said, eyes still on the door.

  “We’ve tried to give him as many home comforts as possible, but he’s…. Well, he’s not taken to this new surrounding too well. We actually think that the simulation of home isn’t helping, it’s acting as a constant reminder of what happened. His brain patterns show-”

  “No offence, but I just want to see him.” Desmond cut in. Nathan nodded.

  “He’s due to wake up in about an hour. How about we go and have a little chat and we’ll make sure you’re in there when he’s awake?” Desmond’s body flinched towards the door, but he knew it was best. Nathan wasn’t trying to hurt Antony, Nathan wasn’t one of the assholes who took him. Antony was safe now, he was with the people Desmond trusted his life with daily. He knew they were only doing what was best.

  “How have you been holding up?” Nathan asked lightly once they had sat down in the cafeteria. Desmond looked up from his cup of coffee as Nathan took a bite into his sandwich. He shrugged.

  “Alright.”

  “Desmond, this has probably been harder on you than you think.” Nathan started. Desmond just shook his head.

  “I don’t really matter though, do I. I’m not the one who was taken and thrown into the middle of this crazy bullshit I didn’t understand. I’m just the one who put him in that position…” Desmond felt his stomach fill with stones.

  “You’re feeling guilty, and that’s totally understandable.” Nathan sympathized. “But you need to work through the feelings, not let them weigh you down.”

  “Is this why we’re here?” Desmond shot, eyes locked on Nathan. Nathan flinched slightly in defense at Desmond’s sudden sharpness. “Did Henson want you to run a diagnostic on me? Make sure I was still capable of working?”

  “No, Desmond.” Nathan said calmly. Desmond let out a hot breath. “Not everyone is against you.”

  “So Antony just happened to be asleep when I got there, so I just had to wait before I could see him.” Desmond barked.

  “Pure coincidence as far as I know.” Desmond scoffed at that. “Well, at least it has nothing to do with me. Had I have known you were coming down earlier I’d have told Antony that. It’s not been helping him that you haven’t been there. He’s in a room of people he doesn’t know or trust after having been kidnapped and put through some bad shit. I have you both down there together but-”

  “Henson didn’t want that.” Desmond glared at his coffee. Nathan let out a small sigh.

  “Henson wants to ask Antony some questions about what happened, try and get some intel on his kidnappers, where they had him, what they did to him,” Desmond’s fist tightened. “I told him Antony is currently in no position to be going back over anything, but Henson wanted to get the interrogation done before you got out because-”

  “He knows I’ll stop him.” Desmond finished. Nathan ate his sandwich in silence. “Our chat then-”

  “He’s sedated and asleep. Henson can try talking to him whilst we’re up here, but it’ll be as good as talking to a brick wall.” Desmond took a little bit of solace in that. Even if this was a final ditch attempt to get some answers, Nathan had foiled that plan by simply doing his job. “I, on the other hand, am taking advantage of the situation to try and get you to talk about you .” It was one thing Desmond always valued Nathan for: being outright honest about his intentions. “Because this hasn’t been easy on you, clearly demonstrated by your actions.”

  “I’ve always been reckless.” Desmond justified.

  “Yeah, but recently it’s just been plain right stupid.” Desmond couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “If I’m honest, I’d have been surprised if you hadn’t acted exactly as you did.”

  “Well, sometimes Henson can be stupid.”

  “Sometimes Henson knows you’re going to be stupid, so tries to stop you from making mistakes.” Nathan clarified. Desmond opened his mouth to argue. “In this case, he went too far, but I do see why he was trying to keep you away.” Desmond swirled the coffee around in his mug, watching the foamy milk start to dissolve.

  “I could have lost Stuart…” Desmond admitted quietly.

  “But you didn’t.”

  “But I could have.”

  “There isn’t any point playing the blame game now.” Nathan sympathized. “You need to try to focus on the positives of this situation. Both Antony and you and Stuart are fine. You’re all alive and in one piece. No one was killed.”

  “Focus on the positives.” Desmond rolled his eyes. Nathan returned to his sandwich.

  “You’ve been through a lot, both of you have. It’s important to be there for each other but you need to know it’s okay if you’ve suffered too. He may have been the primary victim but you’ve been through just as much.” Desmond nodded, sliding the half mug of coffee away from him, his want for the warm substance diminishing. “You always know where my office is. Don’t let this become your weakness, you’re too good at your job.”

  “Even if I am a reckless asshole who causes more headaches than he solves?” Desmond smirked. Nathan just rolled his eyes at him.

  “Let’s try and solve one problem at a time.”

  Nerves were boiling inside Desmond as they made their way back down to the psychology ward and he knew Nathan could sense it, but was grateful he hadn’t mentioned anything. Desmond was fairly confident that words wouldn’t help right now. He was pretty sure only seeing Antony looking well would calm him down. He tried to steady his breathing and slow his pace so he wasn’t jogging off ahead of Nathan as they moved down the stairs towards the secret corridor.

  “I’m only going to ask that you let me go in alone first and tell him you’re here. We don’t want him going into shock.” Nathan said lightly as he opened the first door. Desmond nodded a little, following him through to the observation room. He could see already a young woman was inside the room with Antony, writing some notes on a clipboard. Desmond took a deep breath as he walked slowly over to the window, looking in.

  His breath caught, moisture rushing to his eyes as he looked down at the sleeping form of Antony. He could see the hints of bruises blooming around his face, disappearing under the duvet and clothes that were covering his body. Last time he had seen Antony he didn’t have such a chance to take him in, but now he could see every mark they had put on h
im.

  Desmond turned away, anger pounding through him. He squished his eyes shut but it didn’t help; the last time he had seen Antony rushed to his memory, the fear and terror screaming for Antony’s face glowing harshly at him in his mind's eye. This was all his fault. He was the reason Antony had suffered. He hated himself for it.

  “Desmond, it’s okay…” Soft hands touched Desmond’s shoulder, but as if he was electrocuted he flinched away. Stuart looked over at him sadly. “He’s okay.”

  “But he’s not is he.” Desmond snarled, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

  “You got him back.”

  “I nearly killed him!” It was too much. All the pain, the worry, the anxiety, the stress, it all rushed over Desmond. It could have been so much worse. He could have lost him forever, the kidnappers could have decided at any moment they were done with the game and just killed him. They’d made it clear Antony was disposable to them when they’d used him as bait and Desmond had nearly hit him with the bike.

  “And you nearly killed me.” Stuart said, still a softness to his voice. Desmond blinked the tears from his eyes, looking at Stuart confused. “It was me, on the bridge… The guy they asked you to shoot.” It took Desmond a moment to piece together what Stuart was saying.

  “That was you?” It was all starting to come together in Desmond’s head. Jody had said it was Stuart who had helped him get Antony from the river. It was Stuart who had got them back to the safety of the Storming headquarters. So wrapped up in his own shit, Desmond hadn’t put together the ramifications of what that all meant.

  “Under the bag, yeah.” Stuart said, heavily. Desmond shook his head, slightly in disbelief.