Moment of Truth

by Emrys Apollo

  “Come on, it’s going to be okay.” Desmond muttered into Antony’s hair, pulling him closer. Antony’s fingers gripped tightly into Desmond’s shirt. “It’ll take some time, but we’ll get there. Everything will go back to normal, I promise.”

  “Just… Cannot lose you again…” Antony breathed. Desmond kissed his forehead.

  “Neither of us are going anywhere.” He assured.

  Desmond wished there was something he could do to snap Antony out of this trance-like state he had gone into. Of course, it made total sense why Antony had repressed, but this paranoid broken version of the man he loved was heartbreaking to see. It seemed like nothing that Desmond was doing was good enough, and in all honesty Desmond was finding it hard to work out what his next step should be.

  Antony wasn’t sleeping, he was barely eating, he’d given up his job mid-season with barely an explanation to the team (as far as Desmond had overheard). He was clingy, would follow Desmond out of the room, panic and rush to find him if Desmond wasn’t back within a couple of minutes. Desmond was starting to feel suffocated, like he couldn’t breathe or move without Antony on his shoulder. It was starting to get too much.

  The first night back in their house had been a nightmare. Antony had flinched at any tiny sound, broken Desmond’s ear every time he got up to leave the room with questions of where he was going. His paranoia was in overdrive and Desmond couldn’t seem to find any way of calming him on it.

  The second night was just as bad. Desmond somehow persuaded him to come up to bed, but under the duvet Antony couldn’t stop fidgeting. The wind howling against the window made him toss and turn to the point where Desmond couldn’t take it anymore. He’d tried holding Antony, giving him space, not wincing when Antony’s nails dug into him so tightly as if he was afraid he was going to disappear. It had ended with Antony pulling a chair up to the closed door at 3am, shining his phone torch around the room every time he thought he heard something moving in the shadows.

  The third day saw Desmond crack. He needed to get out of the house, needed to break out of the paranoid bubble Antony was forcing them to live in. He had said he would be gone for half hour to do the shopping, that Jody would be coming over to stay with Antony whilst he was out so he wasn’t alone. He had thought it was a perfect solution.

  Antony had lost his mind.

  The sheer motion that Desmond was going to leave the house seemed to send Antony into overdrive, like the sole idea of that was somehow suicide. He was a man deranged as he begged and clawed at Desmond not to leave, to stay in the house. Desmond had come so close to just walking out, calling Antony fucking stupid and storming out. He’s quite sure he would have done too if Jody hadn’t been a voice of reason, saying that he would go to the shops instead.

  That was when Desmond had started taking walks around the garden. Antony seemed highly reluctant to join him, Desmond could understand that, but he would watch Desmond, eyes tracking him like some hunter keeping an eye on his prey, waiting for that perfect moment to strike.

  Desmond knew he couldn’t live like this. There had to be a break in Antony’s behavior. They hadn’t left the house since they’d come back, and although Antony was sure that he would be better when they finally got out of there Desmond wasn’t so sure. He’d had Nathan over a few times to try and talk to Antony. He just kept saying he was worried about Desmond, worried they would come back and make good on the promise they had told Antony and would kill him, worried he would be powerless to stop them, worried he’d be forced to watch as they drained the last breaths of life out of him. Nathan too didn’t seem to have any words to reassure him.

  There didn’t seem to be anything anyone could say to calm Antony down. Reassurance that they would be leaving this house soon seemed to be a temporary patch of calm for Antony, but Desmond knew it wouldn’t work forever. He was confident if Antony could just get a good night sleep, just turn off the worry in his mind for a while, it would help.

  Desmond had suggested he try sleeping pills but Antony had written it off instantly.

  “Had a thought…” Antony said, pulling Desmond back to the moment. Desmond looked down at the man in his arms.

  “Careful.” He teased, but the joke didn’t seem to land. Antony seemed much more interested in fiddling with the buttons on Desmond’s shirt. “What’s that?” Antony played with the words in his month for a while before he aired them.

  “What if… We work together.” Lead dropped in Desmond’s stomach.

  “What?” Antony took a quick glance up at Desmond before looking back at his hands.

  “We… We could use the money from my work and… And we open a bar or a restaurant and…” He blinked up at Desmond. “We run it together.” The claustrophobia clawed at Desmond’s throat. He couldn’t be stuck here with Antony every day, if not at work then at home. He also couldn’t easily sneak off to carry on his real job if he was spending every blinking moment with Antony. This was too much.

  “I’m not-”

  “We would both know the layout, only us. And there would be a safe place to go if… Just in case…” Desmond brushed his fingers gently across Antony’s cheek, cupping it.

  “Tony, we can’t stop living our lives.” He said softly. Antony’s eye darted between Desmond’s. “I’m not asking you to get over this today, or tomorrow, I’m just… I’m just saying we can’t let it dictate us and what we do. Don’t you think you’d get sick of me if you had to see me all day at work and all day back home?”

  “No.” Antony shook his head, not missing a beat. Desmond somehow held back his scoff. “Because if you were there with me all the time, you would always be there to…” Antony’s voice seemed to run out. He looked down at his feet.

  “Always be there to what?” Desmond pressed softly, trying to encourage Antony to look back up at him. Antony resolutely kept his eyes on the floor, head tilted down and fingers playing with the front of Desmond’s shirt.

  “Do not…” He took a deep breath. “Do not like your job, what you do, and the things you can do… Probably have done…” Antony shook his head a little whilst Desmond continued to frown at him. “Do not want to think of you as that person,” He brought his eyes to Desmond. “Doing what they did to me to someone else.” The comment hit Desmond square in the chest, knocking the wind out of him and any retort off his lips. Did Antony really think that of him? Sadly though, wasn’t that true? Hadn’t Desmond been on the other side of some questionable decisions because that’s what his job required him to do?

  “But…” Antony continued. “I also saw what you could have done… Would have done… For me.” He swallowed, holding Desmond in a deep gaze. “On the bridge that night… In your eyes…”

  “Because I love you, mate. More than anything.” Desmond met Antony’s intensity. “The thought of those bastards even laying a finger on you… I would have killed them all.”

  “I know you would.” Antony said the short sentence with such finality Desmond couldn’t understand why Antony was desperate to keep him close. Surely if you were that confident the person who loved you honestly would kill for you, you want to get away from them? “You make me feel… Safe.”

  “Safe?” Desmond questioned. But Antony was confident in his nods.

  “I feel that, if you are here and they do come back, they will never get me again because-”

  “I won’t let them.” Desmond finished, the penny finally dropping after two weeks of a needy, clingy Antony. He wasn’t worried for Desmond’s life, he just felt safer with Desmond around; felt protected. That’s why he didn’t want him out of his sight. Desmond brought Antony closer, kissing his forehead gently.

  “I promise, I will think about it.” Desmond said sincerely. He caught sight of a small spark in Antony’s eyes that had been missing since they’d returned home. “I need to really think about it though, so I need you to give me some time. But I promise you I will.”

  “Okay.” Antony smiled slightly, pulling Desmond closer
for a kiss. Desmond kissed his nose chastely as they broke apart.

  Taking Antony’s hand, he led him up the stairs to their bedroom. For the first time since he had been back home with Antony, he was honestly considering his future. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to get out of the game yet, but Antony clearly needed him. Although the dependence really wasn’t something Desmond should be encouraging, maybe for now it was exactly what Antony needed to get back on his feet. He was feeling vulnerable and weak, he needed a safety net, somewhere he knew he could fall if he accidentally let go or was cornered into stepping off the edge. And if Desmond had to put his own career on hold for a little while to help Antony get his strength back, then wasn’t that worth it?

  He certainly had a lot to think about, some things to discuss with Henson of course, but maybe there was some compromise to be found.

  “I’m just going to go secure the area with Jody, set up for the night.” Desmond explained, kissing Antony’s forehead as he tucked him into their bed. “If I’m longer than five minutes you can come out and find me, but I’ll just be at the bottom of the stairs.” Antony nodded, taking a deep breath and snuggling deeper into the covers as Desmond moved away from him. Desmond took the stairs two at a time with his new knowledge of the way Antony was feeling pushing him to get the nightly routine done quicker than usual.

  “Let’s put the frosting on the cake.” Desmond said, moving over to a relatively new plant pot that sat by the front door. Pushing his hand into the ‘soil’, he retrieved the earpiece that would connect him to Jody. “Strawberry or vanilla?”

  “Hearing you loud and clear.” he confirmed through the earpiece, acknowledging the coded message Desmond had sent. “Kendrick’s on a parameter sweep and you’ve got Daniel on standby three down.”

  “Cheers.” Desmond said, moving through to the kitchen to make Antony and him a cup of tea. All choreographed movements to cover him, just in case anyone was spying on the house.

  “Little bit of a thick one this evening, no?” Jody said casually. Desmond rolled his eyes.

  “I thought we discussed the eavesdropping thing.”

  “You either want 24 hour surveillance or you don’t.” Jody shrugged.

  “Keep your opinions to yourself. I don’t have conversations in my own god damn house so you can have a say on them.”

  “Just… Doesn’t fit with your plan with Henson.” Jody commented. Desmond slammed the kettle down a little too hard.

  “Plans change.”

  “You’re really going to give it up?”

  “You know what, I don’t fucking know. Considering I only had the conversation with my bloody partner about it five minutes ago I haven’t had a lot of time to digest.”

  “I’m just making sure you don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire. If you want out then by all means get out, but one, don’t drag your heels and two, don’t make the decision for the wrong reasons.”

  “Thank you for the opinion I didn’t ask for.” Desmond snapped, snatching up the mugs from the side. “Perhaps you could actually stick to your fucking job rather than your nose in other people’s business?”

  “Desmond-”

  “He should be done by now, are we clear?”

  “Dependence isn’t always possible to shift. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “Because your track record on the subject is just golden, isn’t it.” The radio silence let him know he’d hit a nerve, but Desmond didn’t care. This was the exact reason he really didn’t want Jody installing cameras in his house in the first place. Jody seemed to have some sort of problem with Antony and Desmond just knew he would use their private conversations against them.

  “Perimeter is clear.” Jody said a short while later. Desmond collected the two cups in one hand.

  “We’ll do the cookies tomorrow.” Desmond said, roughly pulling the device from his ear and dropping it back in the flower pot. He didn’t give Jody another though as he moved back up the stairs.

  - - -

  Something was wrong. It felt like the air was crackling, like the feeling when a thunderstorm is slowly getting closer and closer. The smallest fuse could set the air on fire. It had the hairs on the back of Desmond’s neck standing on end.

  Instinctively, Desmond pulled Antony closer to him, his eyes wide and alert as he strained his ears to see if he could hear the noise again. Maybe it was just in his head. Maybe Antony’s paranoia was rubbing off on him. Or maybe someone really was trying to get in the house.

  Knowing it was better to be safe than sorry, Desmond rolled briefly to his bedside table, extracting yet another hidden earpiece from the weirdly shaped ornament that hadn’t been there two weeks ago. He took a deep breath as he held Antony tighter, trying to keep his voice low.

  “Did you leave the bathroom light on?” Desmond muttered, eyes locked on the bedroom door. A few moments of silence passed.

  “You’re not going mad. There is something.” Jody’s voice came back. Desmond’s breath caught.

  “We did a parameter-”

  “Van pulled up three streets down ten minutes ago but we didn’t see any sign of movement. They… They must have known the blind spots.”

  “So it’s them then.”

  “Seems likely.” Jody agreed. A small tingle of relief moved through Desmond; at least he knew what he was up against.

  “How many?”

  “Not sure. Daniel is on the way, Kendrick is two minutes behind. We’ve already dispatched a backup team.” Jody reeled off. “There is at least one at the front door making noise.”

  “They want us to know they’re here then.” Desmond nodded, his work brain kicking into gear.

  “Desmond?” Antony’s sleepy voice pulled Desmond back into the moment; the man in his arms who was likely about to freak out.

  “Shh, it’s okay.” Desmond whispered, now trying to keep his voice as low as possible. He turned Antony in his hold, waiting for the man eyes to lock on him. “You need to stay calm, okay. I need you to try and stay relaxed.” Of course, these words had the opposite effect on Antony.

  “What is happening?” Antony asked, his eyes flicking to the earpiece in Desmond’s ear. The color drained from Antony’s face as the question was answered by a loud bang from down the stairs.

  “One’s in and we don’t think he’s alone. Daniel is at the window.” Jody stated calmly. Desmond was grateful for the work-like approach to it; it allowed him to detach his emotions from the situation.

  In a fluid motion, Desmond had climbed from the bed, thrown one of his hoodies in Antony’s direction and opened the bedroom window. Daniel climbed in gracefully, looking up at Desmond.

  “Looks like two entrants - one in the front making noise and another was coming round the back. I think they’re hoping to lure you down so the second guy can get the jump on you.” Daniel explained as Desmond began moving around the room. Pulling out a shoe box from under the bed, Desmond retrieved a short-barreled rifle and began attaching a silencer.

  “Does it seem like they have backup?”

  “Van’s gone so we think it a drop and run job.” Jody said through the earpiece.

  “They’re not planning another kidnapping then.” Desmond swallowed, for that meant one thing; they were here to kill. He loaded a magazine into his gun, clicking back the reload.

  “You’re staying here with him.” Desmond said to Daniel. “You barricade the door, the window, everything, and you protect him at all costs.”

  “Desmond!” Antony started to protest, but Desmond spoke over him.

  “He’s not to leave this room until the situation downstairs is handled, okay?” Desmond said to Daniel.

  “Okay.” Daniel blundered, glancing at Antony who was clambering to his feet. Antony gripped into Desmond’s arm, pulling him to look round at him as tears sprung from his eyes.

  “You can’t! You don’t!”

  “You need to keep your voice down.” Desmond chastened, trying to remove Antony’s arm from him.
Antony just held on tighter.

  “It’s you they want! They come for you! You go and they will kill you!”

  “I’m not sitting up here waiting. I need to protect you. I need to end this.”

  “Send Daniel… Please…” Antony whimpered. Desmond pulled him close, letting Antony bury himself in his hold.

  “You remember what you said early? Remember what you told me?”

  “You have a team, let them do it.” Antony sniffled.

  “I need to protect you, Antony.” Desmond soothed. Antony shook his head, looking up at Desmond.

  “Then you stay here and you protect me.”

  “You said you trusted me to protect you when I needed to. Now I need to. You’ll be safe here with Daniel.” Desmond assured.

  “Please… Don’t go…” Antony sniffed, burying his face in Desmond’s chest.

  “I can handle it, the others will be here in-” Daniel started, but Desmond held up his hand to him.

  “I need you to watch him and make sure he’s alright.” Desmond pressed, forcing Antony away from him. Antony tried to close the gap, tried kissing at Desmond’s neck to make him stay, but Desmond had a new focus. He needed to go downstairs.

  “Desmond!” Antony begged as Desmond strode across the room. Daniel just managed to get a grip on him before the man dashed after Desmond. The last thing the other man saw as he shut the door was Antony trying to wrestle out of Daniel’s grip, but Desmond knew Daniel would over power him. Daniel had the training; he would know exactly how to keep Antony calm and, importantly, inside that room. If the attackers were shooting to kill, Desmond wanted Antony nowhere near it.

  In all honesty, it was the fact they were coming to kill that Desmond knew he needed to face this. If Daniel had gone, the attackers would waste no time in ‘dispatching of a spare’ and Desmond was not about to have Daniel’s blood on his hands. This was the only way it could go down. If they were coming for him he could defend himself. If they were coming for Antony he would make sure they were dead before they got the chance.

  Taking a small detour into the bathroom, Desmond retrieved his bulletproof vest from under the sink, pulling it over his head before hiding it under a plain grey t-shirt. He gave himself a moment to reset, taking a deep breath and feeling the weight of his gun in his hand.