“Sorry Gracey,” I said, catching my balance. Shit. What was she doing here? Gracey let go of me and straightened her delicate fingers over her jeans.
“Hi.” She looked behind her and flicked a wave at Ressler who stood leaning against his car. He gave her a nod and smiled.
“WTF,” I mouthed to him with my arms raised, while Gracey’s back was turned. I quickly straightened up when she turned back to face me and I smiled a little too happily at her.
“How’s Gabriel?” she asked me. A frown was creeping across her brow and she looked instantly sorry.
“He’s the same,” I said. “But he’s going to be okay. I know he is.”
“And you, how are you?”
“Good,” I said.
“And the garage?”
“All good.” Was that it?
“And your cousin?”
That’s what this was about. The ‘cousin’ she was referring to, was in fact Leah, who unbelievably, is an angel of earth. I would never be allowed to stay at home on my own with my dad not there, and it was too unsafe for me to live with anyone else, Caleb and I both agreed, and so queue Leah, my out of town relative. Leah wasn’t happy about it. Far from it, but eventually she agreed to do it. I hardly needed her. She was mostly just a cover story. I still stayed at home on my own. Well I was never alone, not really.
“She’s fine. She had to go out.”
“Uh huh,” Gracey said thoughtfully.
“Are you alright?” I looked closely at her. Gracey had been stunned the first time she had seen Leah and I knew exactly what she was thinking. Leah is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. I know that because I once thought exactly the same thing. Now I was beginning to wonder if she thought Leah was some kind of threat. Gracey seemed to be coming round here more often, looking more and more like she didn’t know exactly what it was she wanted. It was as if she was looking for something. Maybe she thought she would catch Leah and my dad in the closet one day, making out? Who knows? But she was acting strange, and it was making me nervous.
All at once the spark lit back up in her vacant expression and she smiled broadly. “Okay then, as long as you’re fine.” She rubbed her hands together. The air was crisp and fresh and the tips of her fingers were red from the cold. “Do you want to come over for dinner one night, Sunday maybe?”
“Sure,” I said. “That’d be nice.”
“Come by my house around six. I’ll finish at the restaurant early.”
“Great.”
“Great.” She wrapped me up in a hug and I put my arms around her and squeezed her back. She said goodbye to Ressler and then got in her car and drove away. Ressler and I watched the car until it disappeared at the end of the street and then when it was gone I heaved out a sigh of relief. “She’s always coming by here,” I said to him, getting in the passenger side of the Mercedes.
He got in behind the wheel and started up the engine. “She’s a real pain in the ass.”
“Ressler!” I thumped him in the arm.
“What? I’m just saying.” He looked at me unapologetically.
“That you want her to just get lost?”
“It would be nice.”
I shook my head. “You’re unbelievable.”
A few minutes later, we were sitting in the San Juan Library on Guard Street. I was seated at a computer and Ressler was standing over by a book shelf with what looked like a cookery book, open in his hand.
I looked over at him. “Thanks for helping me,” I said.
He didn’t look up. “I’m not helping you. I’m just watching you.” He flipped the page. “Someone has to be there while you do stupid shit like this.” I pursed my lips, but he looked up and smiled at me. “I’m just here to make sure you’re safe,” he said. “It doesn’t matter what me, or anyone else thinks. I only want to make sure you come out of this in one piece.” He put his attention back into the book and I rolled my eyes. Whatever, I thought. He was helping me.
An hour and a half later, after googling everything from Nevada, to Native American suicide, to my mom’s name and my dad’s name, I came up totally empty. I moved onto the newspaper archives but there was nothing. Nothing at all. It was like she didn’t even exist. I had no link to find whoever was supposed to be my real dad. The search was over before it had even started. What the hell did I think I would come in here and find anyway? A secret and mind-blowing trail leading back to a family that I never knew existed?
“This is useless,” I said to Ressler. I sat down on a vacant bench outside of the Library and shoved my hands into the front pocket of my hoody. “I might as well just give up before I’ve even started.”
“Sounds like a plan,” he said.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “That helps.”
“What do you want me to say? That I’m glad you didn’t find anything? Well I am. I hope you never find anything. The sooner you realize that Gabriel is your dad, your only dad, the sooner you forget about all this and get back to what’s important.”
“This isn’t important?”
“You know what I mean.” Ressler positioned himself on the top of the bench with his feet planted on the seat beside me. Resting his elbows on his knees, he rolled his shoulders forward. “This is a distraction.”
“It doesn’t feel like one.”
“Of course it doesn’t.”
I swiveled my body around and looked up at him. “There’s not a small part of you that doesn’t think that there’s the tiniest possibility that this could be true?” He tipped his head back and looked down at me. He really looked at me and he was seriously thinking about it. Something was weighing heavy on his mind. I didn’t hang around for his answer.
“You aren’t telling me something, I know it. It’s written all over your face.” I stood up to leave.
“Wait, please.” Ressler jumped down from the bench and I nudged his hand away with my shoulder when he reached for me.
“Maybe. Yes. There’s a possibility,” he said. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. None of us do.”
“It’s not up to you what I do. If I get hurt, that’s my choice. My decision.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I exhaled a frosty breath. “Next time I come up short like that, and I will because I’m not giving up on this, I’m still going to find out the truth, try not to look so pleased about it?”
“Done.”
“Let’s just go home,” I said. “I’ve had enough for one day.”
At home, I pulled off my hoody and leggings and put on my long sleeved, oversized grey tee that I wore around the house or to bed, and my soft pink sock-leg warmers, when I heard the door burst open. I pulled my hair free from the ponytail it was just in and let it fall down around my shoulders in its natural waves. I ran to the stairs and slowed when I saw Mellissa standing there with Drake. She had a huge pizza box in her hand. “Hungry?” she asked.
“Starving,” I said. I was seriously happy to see that big, red square box she was carrying.
“Cute top,” she said, walking through to the living room.
“Nice legs,” Drake dropped in, following her, grinning at me. I reached down over the banister and ruffled what I could of his immaculate hair. He ducked and grabbed my arm instead, twisting it until I begged for mercy. He wasn’t doing it hard, but it was hard enough to get me to surrender. I straightened my sleeve out and went through into the living room, plopping myself down onto the couch.
“I hope this is cheese,” I said, lifting the lid on the pizza box.
“No, they were all out of cheese,” Mellissa said. “So I had to get the three bird special. Turkey, chicken and duck. That okay?” I cocked my head to the side and gave her a tight lipped smile through narrowed eyes. “Funny.”
Inside the box was half cheese, half something that looked too busy full of meat and veg. “What’s the other half?” I asked.
“Drakes favorite. Chicken, beef, pepperoni…” Mellissa said, getting him a slice out
and passing it to him. Gross, too much dead animal for my liking. Ressler came in from the kitchen and sat down in front of the sofa, by my feet. He grabbed a slice of the pizza Drake was eating and finished it off in about five bites.
“I brought The Conjuring,” Mellissa said, holding up a DVD. A horror. Great. My nerves were already shot to pieces. “I brought this, too.” She pulled out one bottle, then two bottles of wine from her bag.
“I hate wine,” I said.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Drink enough of it and you’ll love it.”
“That’s a big bag you’ve got there,” I said, pointing my finger at the sizeable zebra print sack by her feet.
“Me and Drake are staying over.” She looked ridiculously pleased with herself.
“We’re having a sleepover?” She was completely unaware of how many times Drake had actually found himself having a sleep over at my house. It was small things like this that made me really detest all the secrets I had to keep from her. She deserved better. I was a shitty best friend.
“We might as well. A grown up sleep over. Me, drake…” She glanced over at Ressler who was still chomping away on pizza, then her eyes flicked back over to me again. “You.” She looked back down at Ressler. “Ressler,” she whispered.
He looked up at her. “I can hear you,” he said, brushing his hands together to get rid of the pizza crumbs.
“We’re friends,” I reminded her. She threw the DVD at me and I dodged out of the way, but Ressler’s hand was quicker as it flew up and caught it mid-air.
“I’m gonna change,” Mellissa said, jumping up and lugging her bag off upstairs with her.
“I guess I’ll pour the wine then.” I picked up the two bottles and took them into the kitchen. I half-filled two cups. My dad hated wine and even if I was legal age to actually be drinking this crap, I probably wouldn’t- therefore, we didn’t keep wine glasses in the house and cups would have to do. I took the drinks back into the living room with me. Mellissa came in shortly after, dressed in a fitted pink onesie with tiny red love hearts dotted all over it. Normally I hated onesies, but leave it to Mellissa to make it look sexy. I could tell Drake thought the same thing. He drank her in as she sat down and cuddled up to him with her legs resting over his. He brought her face up towards his and gave her a lingering kiss. It felt too intimate to watch and I quickly put Mellissa’s drink down on the table and looked away.
I curled up on the sofa while Ressler put the DVD on. Mellissa reached behind her and killed the light in the room, leaving just the glow from the roaring fire. I sipped my wine and pulled a face. I took three more slugs of it, hoping to get used to the taste, fast. Before the movie started, I stood up and closed the curtains. I knew all too well that anybody could be lurking out there and I didn’t need any extra frights.
I grabbed two blankets from the cupboard under the stairs and threw one at Mellissa and Drake and placed the other one over my bare legs. The room was warm enough from the fire but I knew that like me, Mellissa would need something to grip onto once the movie got going. I looked over at her. Her head was rested on Drakes chest and he ran his fingers through her hair absentmindedly. Looks like she didn’t need the blanket after all. She already had something to hold onto. So I was alone in that department. I was always the one out of the two of us who never had a boyfriend, but now I had felt what it was like to be with someone, I missed it. And he wasn’t just any someone, he was Caleb. I had felt what it was like to have the best, and now it was gone. I gulped down a mouthful of wine.
“You okay there?” Ressler sat looking at me from the other end of the sofa.
I nodded.
He leaned over and extended an arm out to me. He hooked it around my waist and pulled me over to him. I had to grip onto my cup tighter to stop from dropping it. My legs were pressed up against my chest and Ressler slipped his hand under my knees and pulled them down over his own legs. He flattened the blanket out over my legs and when the loose neckline on my top slid down over my shoulder and I brought my hand up to lift it back into place, he brought his own hand up to stop me.
“At least give me your bra strap,” he said. The glow from the fire outlined the smirk on his face. I laughed and settled my head back, ready for the movie. About a half hour in and one refill later, I had to admit, I was enjoying it. It was scary, but it had a story behind it so it was watchable. At least this was fiction. The things in my life were real and I couldn’t just switch it off like I would the end of this movie.
My gaze drifted over to Ressler and I mouthed, “Watch the film,” when I caught him staring at me. I smiled though, and he slipped his hand under the blanket and ran his fingers over the inside of my thigh. I let a giggle slip out and clenched my legs together. I looked over at Mellissa who searched between me and Ressler with a questioning look on her face. Looking like she couldn’t quite solve the scene in front of her, she turned back around and settled herself once again on Drake’s chest. Drake however, was still watching us and the hard lines on his face showed he was tense. His eyes were focused on Ressler and I didn’t understand what his problem was. Did someone forget to tell him Caleb was no longer an issue? My love life was my own now. Caleb was of no concern what so ever.
I shifted my focus back to Ressler. Was it the wine or did he look good tonight? He was dressed the same as earlier. Dark blue jeans and a white hoody, molded to his body with perfection with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. “So when it’s about twenty four degrees, you decide you need to cover up?” I said, tugging at the sleeve of his hoody.
His lip pulled up at the corner in something that made my stomach dip a little.
He leaned forward and reaching his hands over his head, he pulled his hoody up and over his back, dropping it onto the floor. “Better?” he asked.
“Better,” I said. What was I doing? I didn’t really want Ressler, not the way I should. He was too much of a good friend to me. Yet, I always ended up right back here with him at some point or another. He would never be Caleb, but I still found myself looking at him like he belonged to me. Somewhere, deep inside of me I knew I was trying to fill a hole and replace the gaping mess Caleb had left me with, but for now, I was going to suppress it and do something for myself.
To keep myself busy I poured me and Mellissa more wine, then settled back in next to Ressler. When his fingers continued to circle their way around my thighs, I knew this was only going one way tonight and tipsy from the wine, I wasn’t going to be the one to stop it. There was only one way to get over Caleb and Ressler was it.
When the movie was over and Drake and Mellissa went up into the spare room for the night and Ressler stretched out on the sofa, I threaded my fingers through his and pulled him up.
“Come with me,” I said. My voice wavered and I knew it was the doubt creeping in. I just hoped Ressler didn’t notice it. If he did, he didn’t say anything, he just followed me up to my room. I brushed my teeth and then sat on the edge of the bed and took off my socks. Getting up on my knees, I crawled into the middle of the bed, pushing the covers down with my feet. Ressler stood by my bed with his hands deep in his pockets. I leaned over and grabbed a hand full of his t-shirt in my fist and pulled him down so he was sitting on the bed with me. I was on my knees with his t-shirt still bunched in my hand and I stretched my body up higher, until my lips were level with his. His eyes were dark and lustful and I wanted to kiss him. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me down.
“What…?”
“You need to go to sleep,” he said, pulling the quilt up around me like I was a child. I didn’t get it.
“But I thought-“
“I know what you thought and as much as I want that, more than anything, you’re drunk.”
“I’m fine,” I argued, trying to free myself of the quilt. I was tipsy at best.
I burped loudly.
Okay, maybe I was drunk. I broke out into uncontrollable laughter and Ressler just sat there, looking at me like I was insane. When I
finally stopped laughing, I propped myself up on one elbow and pulled Ressler down so he was lying facing me. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” I said, and I meant every word of it. He was the only good thing I truly had to boast about.
“You don’t need to be without me.”
I moved in closer and he flipped onto to his back and cradled my head in the crook of his arm. I hooked my leg in his and let myself drift off.
***
I stood looking over what I now knew was Cape Flattery. I looked down at the green and pearl blue sea below me. I was so close to the edge of the rock that if I took one more step forward, I would fall and be swallowed up by that beautiful sea.
Why was I back here?
I stretched my arms out in front of me. I was wearing my grey t-shirt. I stuck one foot out. No shoes or socks. The breeze was sharp and it picked up the ends of my hair, blowing them forward around my face. I turned suddenly when I heard footsteps rustle up behind me. The rock was covered in lush greenery and Caleb came to a stop a few feet in front of me.
“Don’t tell me I’m dreaming,” I said. I put my hand out into the air. It was too fresh and too crisp not to be real. I moved my foot through the grass. The needles were solid under my feet.
“You’re dreaming,” he said. “How else did you get here?” I looked around me. I didn’t know how. Everything was too vivid, but it wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. There was no way for me to get here.
“I don’t want to dream about you,” I said, turning back towards Caleb. “I don’t want to see you.”
He took a step forward. “Don’t move,” he said. “Or you’ll fall.”
“What does it matter if I’m dreaming?
“The fall will wake you up.”
“What if I want to wake up?” I protested.
“We both know you don’t.”
“You don’t know anything about what I want.” I put one foot backwards and Caleb lunged forward, grabbing me by my arms and hauling me forward. We both rolled onto the ground and he pinned me down by my wrists. He hovered over me, his face inches from mine. His hair fell forward over his face. “I said don’t move. Do you ever listen?”
Falling Darkness: The second book in the Falling Awake Series Page 7
