The E.T. Guy (Office Aliens Book 1)

by V. C. Lancaster

  “Is that why you were wearing the red dress that displayed your breasts?” Zir continued.

  “Woah! Zir!” exclaimed Ty, his eyes wide. Susan laughed.

  “It did no such thing! It was a normal dress!” Lois defended herself, blushing.

  “It was too distracting for the workplace,” Zir grumbled.

  “I didn’t know I would be going to work when I put it on,” Lois argued. “And anyway, this conversation isn’t much better for workplace etiquette.”

  “You’re right. Sorry, Lois,” said Ty. “And Zir, she didn’t necessarily want to mate with him. She might have just been seeing if she wanted to. You know, maybe she didn’t know him well enough yet. Or maybe she just wanted to mate with him once, like, for fun.”

  “Fun?” repeated Zir.

  “Ty!”

  “Sorry, Lois, you’re right. We shouldn’t be talking about your personal life,” Ty said as if he was quoting the office handbook.

  “Yeah, not as if I can’t hear you,” Lois replied.

  Quiet returned to the office as Zir ducked back under the desk. Lois’ systems got up and running and she unlocked the drawer she had put the immigration forms from Friday in.

  “So Lois is looking for a mate?” she heard Zir try to whisper to Ty.

  Lois caught Susan’s eye across the aisle, unamused, and the other woman stifled a giggle with her hand. Lois leaned across her desk, staring at Ty warningly.

  “Er, you should probably ask her that,” Ty told Zir, cowed.

  Lois sat back down, thinking that would be the end of it, but to her surprise Zir’s head popped up again.

  “Are you searching for a worthy male to mate?” he asked her, totally unabashed.

  Lois’ mind seemed to blank. “Er…” Was she? Yes, she supposed she was. That was the end goal, right? Marriage? That was what she wanted. That was why she spent so much time on all those dating sites. “Yeah. I think a lot of people are.”

  “Hn,” grunted Zir with a frown, going back under the desk and out of sight.

  Lois leaned across to try to follow him. “‘Hn’ what?” she said.

  “Yes,” Zir said.

  “‘Yes’ what?”

  “Yes, I agree.”

  “About what?”

  Zir sighed heavily, and twisted on his back so he could meet her eyes from under the desk. He managed to look annoyed and put upon, as if she was the one harrassing him when it was obviously the other way around. “A lot of people are looking for mates. I agree. Now please let me get back to work.”

  Lois’ jaw dropped and he twisted out of view again. She let herself fall back in her chair. Prick. Movement drew her eye and she saw Susan was giggling again, but she didn’t pursue it, instead ignoring them all and throwing herself into the immigration forms.

  Or that’s what she wanted to do. But she couldn’t let it go.

  “Actually,” she burst out, making Susan and Ty look up at her in alarm. Lois leaned across her desk again, glaring at Zir’s lower body. “It’s your fault I got dumped. If you hadn’t called me, it would have been fine. We would have had dinner and I would be in a relationship with a great guy right now.”

  Zir pulled himself out from under the desk, switching out a tool. “I do not see how I am at fault. It is your job.”

  “You jumped the rota.”

  “What?”

  “You jumped the rota. There’s a rota, of who to call in an emergency. It was Wei’s turn, but you called me,” Lois argued.

  Zir hesitated, then shrugged. “I did not know about the rota,” he said, then lay back down out of sight.

  “How did you even get my personal number anyway?” she said, narrowing her eyes, not caring they were having this discussion in front of their colleagues.

  “It is in your emergency contact information.”

  “You’re not supposed to access those files!”

  “Why not? It was an emergency.”

  “They’re personal! Anyway, you owe me for ruining my relationship.”

  “I owe you? What do I owe you?”

  Lois didn’t have an answer ready.

  Zir twisted enough for their eyes to meet. “A date?”

  “No!” Lois exclaimed.

  “A relationship? What?”

  “You owe me a-an apology, is what! You owe me an apology.” Pleased with herself, she sat back and folded her arms with a nod.

  Zir scoffed and went back to work, muttering something in Volin that she would have loved to have been able to hear so she could understand it.

  “What did you say?”

  “Nothing.”

  “I understand Volin, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “Like when you said it was cold. I understood that, not that it’s hard.” She heard a thud and some more muttered cursing. She peered over her desk. “You okay?”

  Zir scowled at her, pressing his claws to his forehead and checking them for blood. He appeared to have dropped whatever tool he was using on his face. He looked at Ty. “I am finished here,” he said, pushing himself to his feet. “I will see you in ITS.” He threw Lois a parting glare as he strode past out of the office.

  Lois met Susan’s eyes. “What was that about?” she said.

  Susan looked just as confused as Lois and gave a shrug. Lois looked over at Ty. He looked uncomfortable.

  “Zir’s just… a difficult guy to understand. But he’s okay,” Ty insisted.

  Lois humphed. They could agree to disagree on that.

  Chapter 7

  Later that morning, Lois got called into her manager’s office, where she spent over an hour recounting the night from start to finish like she was in an interrogation.

  Lucia apologised for what had happened and thanked her for coming in. She gave Lois several forms to fill out and pages to sign just to hammer out any loopholes in the office’s liability or her personal responsibility. Lucia also asked her for an official statement by the end of the day, so that she could add a copy to her incident report. They decided to collaborate on an official complaint to the Rhacahr as well. They weren’t sure yet where they would need to send it, but Lucia was going to find out.

  By the time she got back to her desk, Lois knew that would take up the rest of her day. The immigration forms would have to wait. The refugees were safe in the dorms for now, but she picked out the Immigrant Information Request forms anyway to send to the Family Connections team so they could get started on those at least.

  She left for her lunch early. Going over what had happened, analysing in detail just how a hundred people had been abandoned in a tiny room by a Rhacahr pilot who didn’t care, had tired her out. Her emotional reserves were depleted. She felt sad and tired, especially since she was still thinking about her date on Friday.

  She’d chewed Zir out about what he’d done, but in the end she couldn’t really blame him. He’d had to call somebody, he couldn’t just leave the Teissians where they were until the offices opened in the morning.

  If it had just been one cancelled date, Rico wouldn’t have dumped her. She’d fucked up. She’d had a good thing and she hadn’t appreciated it. It didn’t exactly make her feel chipper and energetic.

  She had to drag herself back to her office, which was rare for her. She knew she was in a funk and she needed to get out of it, but sometimes it seemed like as much as she did, it wasn’t enough. She bent over backwards to help the refugees when they arrived, but there were holes in the system and they still weren’t always treated right. And because she worked so hard, her personal life suffered.

  Susan was out, presumably on her own lunch break, but there were a couple of guys she didn’t normally overlap with in the Intake offices, so she had some company. Wei was one of them, and they’d heard something had happened, so Lois repeated the whole story again.

  They were just as shocked as Susan had been, and Wei apologised as if it was his fault she had been called instead of him. By the time she had reassured him, Lois was f
inding herself tired of it, just wanting it to be over, to move on. She tried picking up where she’d left off, missing the immigration forms she should be working with instead.

  It was almost three when Susan reappeared, breezing back into the office and waking her computer up. “Zir was looking for you,” she said.

  “Oh, really? When?” Lois replied, not really interested.

  “Just after you went for lunch.”

  “What did he want?”

  “Dunno. I told him to give you some space after what happened on Friday, with him calling you and everything. I had to explain, but I think he got it. The Volin just don’t date like we do, do they? I don’t think he really appreciated that you were actually upset, not just… bickering like you guys do, but I think he understands it now,” Susan told her.

  “We don’t bicker,” Lois argued, not liking the idea that Susan and Zir had been standing around talking about how sad she was, and just exactly how much it hurt when Rico dumped her.

  “Well, anyway. He might come back later,” Susan said.

  “Great, so I have that to look forward to,” Lois grumbled. Today of all days, she didn’t want to see Zir again. She would be better tomorrow, when she could get back to what she normally did, but today she didn’t want to see his blank, condescending face talking to her about how she was stupid or wrong for feeling upset. Once was enough.

  It was ten-to-five, and she had wrapped up the work Lucia had given her a few minutes before, and was toying with a few other loose ends wondering whether to start something or just leave it all for tomorrow, when Zir walked in. Lois sat up straighter and put her head down, knowing he was there for her but wanting to avoid his attention anyway. There was something about him that got her going though, chased the cobwebs away, whether he infuriated her or just annoyed her.

  She did a sneaky double-take when she saw he was actually carrying a teddy bear half-impaled in his clawed hand. He came to a stop on the other side of her desk, and she looked up at him. He put the bear down in front of her.

  Lois looked at it. It was one of the ones from the small gift stand in the lobby. It had curly brown fur, an innocent face, and it was wearing a little blue jumper with the DETI logo on it. The tag was still clipped to his ear and it still had the price on, not that she needed it as she had bought a similar bear for a friend’s baby last year.

  Lois looked up at Zir questioningly, noting the split pupils that weren’t even trying to focus on her this time.

  “You are upset,” he said.

  Lois shot Susan a look, but she was just watching with a confused and worried expression. Lois was also aware of Wei watching from the desk beside her.

  “Am I?” she sighed, sensing a fight or at least a struggle.

  “I was told you are upset that I called you on Friday and interrupted your mating attempt. I was told you are angry with me and that I should apologise, and that buying something would make it look sincere,” Zir elaborated.

  Lois leaned back in her chair slowly, as if to give herself time to take a deep calming breath, but she didn’t take it. Instead she was holding her breath, her teeth gritted as anger rose to the top of her throat. She told herself to be professional, but her mouth didn’t seem to want to listen. She knew she should smile, say thank you, and end it there. Instead she eyed the bear without touching it, appraising it. There wasn’t much forgiveness in her.

  “So, you were told to apologise,” she began.

  “Yes,” Zir answered, frowning now as if he could read in her body that this wasn’t going his way.

  “And you bought me this to make it look sincere.”

  Wei heard something in her tone and turned back to his desk, evidently deciding that pretending to ignore what was happening was the smart thing to do.

  “Yes,” Zir confirmed. He looked at the bear, his pupils springing into one briefly before he looked back at her and they separated.

  “You bought me a bear from the gift shop downstairs, and left the price on it,” Lois continued.

  Susan was giving her looks from behind Zir, probably imploring her to be merciful, but Lois ignored her.

  “Is it wrong?” Zir asked, looking at the bear again.

  “No, no, it’s fine,” Lois said, her tone sarcastic but – she hoped – not enough for anyone to swear to. She fingered the tag on the bear’s ear briefly, confirming the price, and feeling the cheap material of the little sweater. She plucked the bear up, kicked open her empty bottom drawer, and dropped it in there, out of sight. She smiled at Zir, a burning, tight-lipped grimace. “Anything else?” she asked.

  “No,” he replied, and she thought he looked uncomfortable.

  “You haven’t actually apologised,” she reminded him.

  He turned as if to look for the bear in her drawer. He lifted his face back to hers.

  “And you could actually look at me when you do,” she said.

  Beside her, Wei’s screen went dark and he picked up his bag and left, escaping out of the office and the awkward, angry, bitter atmosphere inside. Susan was watching Lois with an expression of almost pity on her face.

  Zir focused on her. “I apologise,” he said stiffly, obviously choking on his pride.

  Lois narrowed her eyes, considering him. She knew she could draw this out more, demand he specify what he was apologising for, but she didn’t. She was tired again. Being mean to him actually didn’t make her feel better.

  “Fine. Apology accepted,” she said, looking away from him, fiddling with her computer while she waited for him to leave.

  He stepped away from her desk. “I will see you again,” he said. She didn’t reply, and he left.

  Susan caught her eye, but Lois dared her to mention it. She hastily shut down her computer, not wanting to be there anymore. Damn Zir, she thought. Just when she had decided not to blame him, he comes in with a forced apology, and a last-minute gift that he had put no thought into at all.

  What was she supposed to do with that? Him bringing up her ‘mating attempt’ again, in front of her colleagues no less? It wasn’t like he actually felt regret, or empathy. He had been told to do it, so he had, probably thinking it was a mandatory Earth custom.

  She had accepted in the end, for the sake of peace in the office. As much as she hated him, she didn’t want to fight with him, or start some drawn-out, uncomfortable feud. She had to be professional.

  Lois packed up her things and left, feeling like she needed a holiday. She wouldn’t go to the gym that night, she didn’t want to stay another minute in that building.

  The low sun hit her in the eyes as she left, turning down the street for the bus. She noticed a little corner stall selling flowers, less than five minutes away from the DETI doors. He could have bought her some flowers. He could have left the damn building for his gift for her. She wondered whether she would have reacted differently for flowers, imagining Zir walking into the office with a bouquet in his hand. Maybe she would have liked them more.

  She shook her head, tossing her hair as she walked away. She wasn’t going to think about it, or him, anymore.

  Chapter 8

  It was a few days later, and Lois was feeling much better. It still pained her to think about Rico, but work was back to normal, and now that the wheels were turning on the citizenship requests for the Teissians who had arrived on Friday, it felt like business as usual. She had received updates saying they had all been settled in the dorms, and the complaint had been sent off to the Rhacahr envoy, though it would be a while before they heard back, if they ever did. She hadn’t seen Zir since he had ‘apologised’ to her in her office.

  Now she was heading off to the canteen for her lunch. She was going there because she had asked Tol to help her practice her Volin, and he had kindly agreed. Not wanting to waste any of his time outside of work, she had suggested meeting for lunch. It wouldn’t be every day, and she made sure he knew he could always cancel if it wasn’t convenient, but he said he was happy to do it.

&nbs
p; He was waiting for her by the doors, and he smiled when he saw her. He greeted her in Volin, obviously amused by the situation, and she returned it.

  As they bought their food and found somewhere to sit, they exchanged small talk. Tol said he found it funny to hear her speaking in Volin, and to have to speak Volin back to her. Lois laughed and thanked him for putting up with her.

  She could already tell the difference between the Volin she heard in her class, and the way the Volin spoke to each other. In her class, Ban was the only one who didn’t have an American accent in Volin, and he spoke slowly and carefully, with a limited vocabulary that he knew they knew. Tol was much more relaxed, he spoke more fluidly, words blending together sometimes. Lois had to concentrate to make everything out, and Tol laughed when she spoke formally to him without realising. He taught her a bit of slang, and was happy to explain when she asked him what a word meant.

  Lois had bought herself a pasta dish and a water that was mildly fruit-flavoured and infused with vitamins. Tol’s tray had a plate with what look like an aloe vera leaf that was as thick as a steak and cut like one, and some small skewers with thin ribbons of meat or maybe insects on.

  He also had a lemon and a big glass of pure lemon juice, which turned out to be another big Volin favourite. They didn’t have the same tastebuds as a human, so sour things like lemons apparently tasted refreshing and faintly sweet. He ate with his claws, neatly tearing bits off the leaf and pulling the meat off the skewers with his mouth.

  Lois watched as his claws made short work of the lemon peel. She had never seen anyone peel a lemon before, and when he noticed her watching she smiled and said “Humans don’t eat lemons on their own.”

  Tol shrugged and popped a quarter of it into his mouth, then pointed with a claw at the pasta. “No Volin would eat that,” he said, pulling a disgusted face.

  Lois looked at it. “Why not?”

  “It looks like -” and he said a word she didn’t understand.

  “What’s that?”

  “They live inside sick trees.”

  “It’s nice,” Lois said, eating a piece to tease him. He grimaced and shook his head. “You sure you don’t want to try it?” she offered, pushing her dish towards him.