Seeing Shadows

by S. H. Kolee

  "Simon," I said, shaking his head. "We're really going to need to revamp your eating habits. Don't you eat anything besides junk food?"

  "Is pizza considered junk food?" he asked

  I laughed. "I guess it depends on what you put on top of it. I like junk food just as much as the next person," I said. "But you have to eat healthy stuff, too."

  "Let's make a deal," Simon said. "You pick out some healthier food and help me make it, and I promise not to subsist solely on Cheetos and Ring Dings."

  I paused. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to promise to spend more time with Simon, especially in his apartment. And doing something as domestic as cooking together. But I figured that things were going so well today as friends that it was harmless. The rest of the gang would be spending time at Simon's as well, so it wasn't like it would just be me and him all the time.

  "Deal," I said with a hesitant smile. Simon grinned happily and my heart beat funny at the sight. It amazed me that my acquiescence of a simple request could make him so happy.

  I picked out groceries like chicken, pasta and vegetables and added them to the overflowing cart. "Well, this should be enough food for a month," I stated. "But knowing how you eat, you'll probably have to go grocery shopping again next week."

  Simon laughed. "We'll see. There's one more thing I need to get." He wheeled the cart into the condiment aisle and grabbed an oversized bottle of ketchup.

  "Hey," I protested. "You don't even like ketchup."

  "But my personal chef loves the stuff," he said, grinning. "I have to make sure I have a constant supply to keep her happy."

  I rolled my eyes and laughed, but I couldn't help but feel a tingle of happiness that Simon seemed to remember so much about me.

  After the supermarket we headed back to Martin Street. The closer we got, the more nervous I started to feel about going inside his apartment so I tried to circumvent the issue. "You don't need to drop me off," I said. "I can just walk home from your place since it's so close."

  Simon frowned. "Aren't you coming over?" he asked.

  I checked my watch. "Don't you want to get ready for the show tonight? You guys probably have a lot of stuff to do."

  "Nah," Simon said, pulling into his driveway. "Grant went crazy yesterday posting up promotional fliers for the show and we've practiced to death. There's nothing left to do but play. Besides, I need your help putting everything away. I have no idea what most of the contraptions you got are for. I don't know where they go."

  I hesitated momentarily and then relented. I didn't want the day to end either. I was having way too much fun in Simon's company. I told myself it was okay, we were just becoming good friends.

  Simon opened the trunk and we started carrying the bags inside. His building was two floors like ours, but his was a single occupancy apartment. When I walked in, I understood immediately what Sarah meant about it seeming like a grown up's apartment. Instead of the mismatched furniture that cluttered other students' apartments, Simon's apartment had nice furniture that matched. He had a large dark brown leather sectional in the living room, with an expensive looking walnut coffee table. At least, I thought it was walnut. I really had no idea what type of wood it was made out of, but I immediately thought walnut since it sounded expensive.

  A large flat screen TV was mounted on the wall, above a glass cabinet full of an electronic geek's dream. A plush leather chair with an ottoman was in the corner along with a side table that matched the coffee table.

  "Nice," I said, looking around. "Are you sure you're not thirty?"

  Simon laughed as he lugged the bags inside. "My mother has a thing about furniture. It made her happy to pick out this stuff so I let her." I nodded, understanding that he must be this way with everyone. Simon wasn't particular so he let other people pick out his stuff. This made me a little disheartened but I pushed the feeling aside.

  Most of the bags went in the kitchen, and I admired the large space. All the appliances were stainless steel and gleaming like new. I doubted Sherry had ever turned on the stove unless it was to light a cigarette. There was an island in the middle with a couple of stools by it. It was a cook's dream and I couldn't help but look forward to putting it to good use.

  From Sherry's parties, I remembered that there was a half bathroom on the first floor, and the second floor had two bedrooms plus a full bathroom and another small room for a washer and dryer. It seemed like a lot of space for one person.

  We spent the rest of the afternoon putting everything away and washing Simon's new sheets and towels. I howled with laughter when we hung up the shower curtain and Simon just grinned like a madman.

  As we were snacking on a bag of Cheetos, feeling pretty proud of ourselves for having put everything away, I heard my phone beep, signaling a text message.

  "I bet that's Sarah," I said, reaching for my purse and taking out my phone. It was indeed Sarah, and I saw that I had missed an earlier text from her as well.

  What are you guys doing? Having fun? ;), the first text read, having been sent about an hour ago.

  The next text read, Has he kidnapped you? Where are you?

  I looked up from my phone and saw Simon watching me. "I should go. I think Sarah's going stir crazy."

  Simon looked disappointed. "But our show isn't in ages," he pouted. "What am I going to eat for dinner?"

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. He sounded like a little boy. "Why don't you come over for dinner later. I'll ask Grant and Marcus over too." I checked my watch. It was around five o'clock. "Say seven?" The Henchmen weren't going on until ten so that left plenty of time.

  Simon's face brightened at my invitation and I melted a little inside. He had so many sides to him, and this boyishness was proving to be irresistible. "Sounds good!"

  I slipped on my coat and grabbed my purse, heading to the front door. I saw Simon grabbing his coat and paused. "What are you doing?"

  "Walking you home," he said, putting on his coat.

  "Simon," I laughed. "It's early and I'm right down the street."

  He raised an eyebrow. "My mom, remember?"

  "Who am I to deny your inbred chivalry?" I said with a shrug, hiding my pleasure.

  We walked slower than the weather dictated since it was freezing, but we found ourselves not wanting to hurry. Our hands brushed against each other as we made our way to my apartment. I told myself we were walking close to each other because of the cold, but it didn't explain why our pace was so slow.

  After we climbed the stairs to my apartment, which Simon insisted on walking up with me, he turned and gave me a slow smile. I lingered outside my door although I had already fished my key out of my purse.

  "Thanks for your help today," he said. I could see his breath in the cold air as he spoke.

  "No problem," I said smiling. "Well...I'll see you in a few hours."

  "A few hours," Simon repeated. His hand came up but he stilled it, noticing my nervous glance at it. His eyes darkened and I saw a quick flash in his eyes, an expression crossing them that chilled me. I felt like I didn't recognize Simon in that moment where he just stared at me, his eyes boring into mine. I looked up at him, my mouth dry.

  Then Simon blinked and the humor came back into his eyes. "You can't escape me," he said with a smile that softened his words.

  I was unsure what he meant by those cryptic words. I decided to take it as a joke. "You've already roped me in as your cooking teacher. I'm obligated now," I said lightly. I unlocked the door and opened it, ready to step inside.

  Simon smiled. "I'll take any obligation I can get." He turned and walked down the steps as I stared at his retreating back, unsure whether I felt fear or anticipation.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Sarah dragged me to the couch and demanded I recount every moment of my day with Simon. I told her everything, but withheld the feelings that Simon was stirring in me. I didn't need her trying to push us together. I normally told Sarah everything, but even I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Ever since I
had withheld the visions coming back from Sarah, it seemed easier and easier to keep things from her. I felt guilty about it, but I wasn't ready to face reality myself and keeping it from Sarah let me pretend a little longer that everything was normal. That I was normal.

  Sarah texted Grant and Marcus, as well as Jenny, inviting them over for dinner and they immediately texted back, accepting. Sarah and I made chicken paillard with linguine because she had been bugging me about it since I had mentioned it last week. More specifically, I made the chicken paillard and Sarah made the salad.

  The apartment was filled with the smells of lemon and butter by the time the boys arrived. Simon looked irresistible in dark jeans and a black t-shirt that showed off his leanly muscled frame. He was going to break a lot of hearts tonight.

  "It smells awesome in here," Simon exclaimed as they shrugged off their coats. "I'm going to consider this a preview of what's to come at my place."

  "You're going to be doing the cooking, not me," I said sternly, but I wasn't able to suppress my laugh. "I'm teaching you. I'm not doing the actual cooking, remember?"

  Simon smirked. "I'm always open to negotiation."

  I raised an eyebrow. "You've never negotiated with me before."

  Simon leaned down towards me. "I look forward to the opportunity," he replied with a wolfish grin.

  I saw Sarah behind Simon, gaping at me. I knew she was shocked by our exchange because it sounded like I was flirting. And I never flirted. Her expression brought me back to my senses and I turned to address Marcus and Grant. "We'll eat as soon as Jenny gets here. Go ahead and help yourself to drinks."

  As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Sarah let Jenny in.

  "Thank God!" exclaimed Grant. "I'm starving!"

  "Well, hello to you too," Jenny said sarcastically but with a smile. She turned to Marcus. "Hi Marcus."

  Marcus smiled shyly. "Hi Jenny. You look great."

  Jenny did look great. She was wearing tight black leggings with tall heeled boots, paired with a green sequined top that complemented her red hair. Sarah had dressed for the occasion too, since we were heading down to the East End after dinner. She was wearing a black miniskirt with tights and a pink scooped-neck sweater that did wonders for her cleavage.

  I had tried to make some concessions with my own outfit because of Sarah's nagging. I was wearing dark skinny jeans with a black sleeveless turtleneck sweater and I had traded in my flip flops for black heels. Even though it was a relatively low heel, I was unused to them and hoped I didn't fall and make a fool of myself.

  Jenny grabbed my hand and twirled me around, letting out a whistle. "Caitlin, how is it that you look more sexy covered up than Samantha in her hooker clothes?" She winked at me.

  "Jenny," I laughed, horrified. "I'm wearing a turtleneck, for goodness sake. I don't think anyone can be sexy in a turtleneck."

  "I'm not so sure about that," Simon drawled, looking me up and down. "I'd say you were living proof it's possible."

  I flushed furiously at his words and lazy perusal of my body. "Okay, enough about my outfit," I said with a grimace. "Otherwise I'm changing into my Oscar the Grouch t-shirt."

  "Dinner's served!" Sarah called out, carrying out the chicken paillard with pasta and setting it on the table, unknowingly saving me.

  "Alright!" Grant said with glee. "The lemon chicken stuff!"

  We filled our plates and sat down, eating as Grant talked a mile a minute about the show tonight. Somehow, he was still able to shovel in the chicken and pasta without missing a beat.

  I sat on the recliner, eating more sedately and smiling at Grant's enthusiasm. Simon sat perched on the armrest of the recliner again. He seemed to have staked it as his spot, and I didn't complain. Even with his comments about my outfit, our earlier camaraderie put me at ease. I banished the moment of unease I had felt earlier outside my door as nerves. Simon had the ability to make me very nervous.

  "This is amazing," Simon said, indicating his plate. "Where did you learn to cook like this?"

  "I just picked it up," I said, feeling happier than I should be by his compliment. "My dad never used the kitchen except for the microwave, so it was either learn to cook or eat frozen dinners every day." It surprised me how easily I shared personal details with Simon.

  "Well, I'm grateful that I've roped you into my kitchen," Simon said with a devious grin.

  I saw Sarah watching us intently out of the corner of my eye. The others were involved in a conversation, but she just sat there watching us with a curious look on her face. She must have thought an alien had taken over my body. Even though I was good friends with Marcus and Grant, I knew I interacted with Simon on a totally different level. But I didn't know how to be any other way with him.

  I gave Simon a small smile and said with a measured tone, "I'm always happy to help out my friends."

  Simon frowned at my statement, but he was then drawn into a conversation with Grant, who was debating the merits of different amps.

  **********

  The guys left before us to prep their equipment and do sound checks. As soon as the door closed behind them, Jenny jumped at the opportunity for an interrogation.

  "What the heck is going on between you and Simon?!" she squealed. "I could feel the electricity crackling between you two from across the room!"

  "Nothing," I protested. "I just hung out with him today and we got to be good friends."

  "Ha," Sarah scoffed. "If you two were any better friends, we'd have little Simons and Caitlins running around here."

  "Sarah!!" I screeched as Jenny burst out laughing. "Don't even start!"

  "Seriously," Sarah said. "I know you say you're just friends but there's some major chemistry between you two."

  Jenny fell back on the couch, placing the back of her hand against her forehead and sighing dramatically. "I would kill for a guy to look at me the way Simon looks at you." She sat back up and looked at me. "Honestly. He looks at you like he hasn't eaten in a month and wants to devour you."

  I had a childish urge to stick my fingers in my ears and hum so I couldn't hear them. Their comments weren't helping my already precarious balance around Simon.

  "Guys," I warned. "There's really nothing between us. I think Simon just finds it funny to make me feel awkward sometimes. And this conversation is making me feel even more awkward. Let's stop talking about it, or I'm going to feel uncomfortable watching them play tonight."

  "Okay," Sarah acquiesced grumpily. She turned to Jenny. "We better stop or the next thing you know, she'll refuse to come."

  I smiled in triumph. Sarah didn't realize that nothing apart from a natural catastrophe would prevent me from going to watch Simon tonight, but she didn't need to know that.

  **********

  There was already a line forming when we arrived at the East End. It looked like an even bigger turnout than the Henchmen normally drew. It was rare that a line formed outside, which Joel only enforced when he was worried about exceeding capacity. Either Grant had done an amazing job promoting the show tonight, or word had gotten around campus about Simon. I suspected it was the latter.

  Charlie waved us in from waiting in line and we each gave him a hug as we slipped inside. I ignored the glares from the people waiting in line. I didn't blame them. It was freezing outside.

  We checked our coats and I surveyed the crowd. The bar was already packed. I saw the Henchmen's equipment sitting on stage but they were nowhere to be seen. Probably waiting to make a grand entrance.

  We pushed our way to the bar. "Beer?" Sarah asked over the noise of the crowd. Jenny and I both nodded and Sarah leaned over the bar through an opening in the crowd and held up three fingers. Paul, the bartender, smiled and nodded a greeting to us as he opened three beers and passed them down, momentarily ignoring the other people flocked to the bar trying to get a drink. There were some perks with being friends with the band, as well as a regular at the East End.

  "This place is a madhouse already," Sarah said, takin
g a sip of her beer. "I can't wait to hear them!"

  "Let's try to get near the front," Jenny said. "I'm not going to be able to see over all these people."

  I looked down at Jenny's short stature and grinned. "Maybe I can put you up on my shoulders," I joked.

  "Don't think she won't take you up on that offer," Sarah warned with a laugh. "Come on."

  Sarah navigated through the crowd and we followed behind, cutting a path through the throngs of people. We staked out a spot a few feet from the stage. I didn't want to get too close because it tended to get a little crazy right in front of the stage.

  "Joel must be ecstatic," Sarah said, surveying the bar. "I've never seen it so crowded this early."

  "There's been a lot of buzz about the new lead singer," Jenny said. "It doesn't hurt that he's hot. Claire Kroner is in the same music composition class as Simon, and she said that the girls were swooning over him. The professor asked him to give a sample of something he had composed, and apparently he was amazing."

  That didn't surprise me. Simon would succeed at anything in life. He was one of those golden people who loved life, and life loved him right back. Life didn't seem to faze Simon, and he took what he wanted with confidence and a smile. I felt him pull further away from my reach as I realized how different we were. While Simon was loving life, I was trying to shield myself from it. We were utterly mismatched.

  My depressing thoughts were interrupted by the crowd going crazy. I looked up and saw the guys stepping onto the stage. Grant grinned and took a bow before he settled behind the drums, which made the crowd get even louder. Marcus gave a shy smile and waved as he slipped his bass guitar around his shoulder. Simon already had his guitar slung around him as he took his place in the front, grabbing the microphone. I felt my breath quicken as I watched him. He seemed different than the Simon I had joked around with earlier, picking out sheets and towels. His stage presence was unmistakable as he grinned cockily at the crowd, his smile causing girls around me to scream. It was intimidating seeing him up there with the crowd worshipping him before he had even uttered a word. Simon's blue eyes seemed electric as he soaked up the crowd's enthusiasm.