Seeing Shadows

by S. H. Kolee

  The indignation disappeared from Sarah's face, replaced with horror. "Oh my God, Caitlin. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just getting so angry and..." She trailed off, glancing quickly at Simon who had gone still at her last words. His eyes looked unfocused as he gazed back and forth between us, as if trying to figure out a puzzle in his head.

  I looked Simon straight in the eye. "Well, you can see that Sarah is a little overprotective," I said, trying to make my tone light. I swiped at the trail marks the earlier tears had made on my cheeks. "I think we're all feeling a little overdramatic today. I know I am. I guess our hormones are in overdrive." I cocked my head and tried to smile at Simon. "What's your excuse?"

  Simon exhaled loudly, not returning the smile. "I can't play this game, Caitlin. I can't pretend that you're okay. But I can't seem to stay away from you. I can't handle you pushing me away all the time." Simon shoved his hand through his hair, looking frustrated. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

  He looked so defeated and forlorn that I had to stop myself from reaching up to soothe him, to stroke away the creases of worry from his forehead. The last thing I needed to do was encourage him. But I couldn't stop my next words. I had to do something about his pain.

  "I'm sorry, Simon. My life is a little complicated. And I didn't mean a lot of the things I said the other night. Of course I didn't mean it when I said we didn't really know each other. That we were barely friends." Sarah's eyebrows rose at my last statement but she kept silent. "You have no idea how much I value your friendship. I just need some time. Please just give me time and I'll try and confide in you."

  Simon looked dissatisfied with my answer but seemed to realize that this was the best he was going to get. He gave a rueful smile. "I guess I'll have to be happy with that."

  I smiled widely, a real smile this time. I was relieved that he wasn't going to push anymore.

  "Are you coming to Connecticut this weekend?" he asked, looking hopeful. "I promise, no pushing."

  "You still want me to come?" I asked skeptically. I couldn't believe that Simon would still want me to come after all of this.

  "Of course," he replied easily. "We can just have fun, forget about all the heavy stuff. Whatever the heavy stuff is."

  He couldn't seem to help adding on the last part.

  "Well..." I considered. Not only was I still tempted to go, despite everything, but I also thought about how Aunt Brenda lived in Connecticut. Maybe it was possible to make a quick trip to see her. I still had questions and I wanted to be face to face as she answered them. And as much as I needed to keep an emotional distance from Simon, I needed to keep him physically close until I figured out how to keep him safe. "Why not. I'm sure I can get someone to cover my shifts at Colette's."

  "Great!" exclaimed Simon, looking excited. He turned to Sarah and gave her a coaxing smile. "She needs someone there to defend her honor. You still game?"

  Sarah laughed easily. "Of course. You know I love you, Simon." She narrowed her eyes. "As long as you stay in line."

  Simon held up his hands in supplication, grinning. "I'll behave."

  "Awesome!" Sarah squealed, starting to get excited. "This'll be so much fun!" She turned suddenly to Simon. "Grant is still going, right?"

  Simon winked. "He wouldn't miss it for the world."

  Sarah glowed at his words. I cleared my throat. "Well, now that that's settled, I have some homework to do." I looked meaningfully at Simon and he seemed to get the message.

  "I'll let you ladies get back to-" Simon stopped himself, and I knew that he had been about to make a gibe about our secretiveness. "Whatever it was you were doing before I rudely interrupted you," he finished.

  Simon showed himself out and gave me one last smile. "See you later."

  "See you later," I echoed. Then he was gone.

  Sarah exhaled when he left as if she had been holding her breath. "That was intense."

  "No kidding."

  "I'm so sorry for what I said."

  "It's okay." It actually wasn't okay. I felt panicked by what Sarah had revealed. She hadn't really revealed much, had just alluded to things. But I had a feeling that Simon, perceptive Simon, wouldn't let any of it pass his notice and I'd be hearing about it again. I didn't want Sarah to feel bad though. It must be a burden to have to keep my secrets.

  "I was just getting worried. You were getting so upset. I've never seen anyone get to you like that before." Sarah looked thoughtful. "He really does get to you, doesn't he?"

  I sighed. "It doesn't matter. I can never pursue anything with Simon." But maybe if I were able to get rid of his vardoger... I shook off the thought. I had more important things to concentrate on than a romantic relationship with Simon. Like the end of the world.

  Sarah looked as if she wanted to say more but she didn't. She was respecting my earlier request to allow me to tell her things in my own time. I didn't think she would look so calm if she knew the thoughts swirling in my head.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Thankfully, the next few days were relatively calm considering I was trying to come to grips with crazy shadows trying to kill people. I slept with the iridium charm every night. In fact, I never took it off. It made me feel safer during the day, even if it was a false security. And I had gratefully been vision-free.

  I saw Simon a couple of times during the week. Once on Wednesday when everyone came over to our apartment for dinner. Simon was true to his word and didn't push. We fell back into our easy banter and it was a welcome reprieve. He showed up unexpectedly at my doorstep on Thursday again, remembering that I didn't have afternoon classes. He announced that he wanted to learn how to make meatballs and had bought all the ingredients. Typical Simon, assuming he would get his way.

  Of course he did. We had gone over to his apartment and had a fun and carefree afternoon making meatballs and then eating way too much junk food.

  Simon called everyone to come over and share in the Italian feast, but unfortunately I had to work at Colette's that night. His face fell when I told him the news but he insisted on walking me to Colette's when I refused a ride.

  "Simon, it's only a few blocks away," I said with exasperation. "And it's still light outside. You should wait here since our friends are coming over. Remember? Our friends that you invited over for dinner?"

  Simon waved his hand unconcernedly. "Like you said, it's only a few blocks away. I'll be back before anyone shows up."

  I relented with a roll of my eyes, but Simon's small gestures to show that he cared warmed me. I wondered if this would be a recurring argument about whether it was necessary to walk me places. This implied that I thought we would be spending more time together in the future. While this made me happy, it also made the thoughts of vardogers inescapable. No future could be considered without contemplating their existence.

  We talked about our trip to Connecticut on the walk over.

  "We should take off at five since everyone is done with classes by then," Simon said. "It's a pretty long drive - about six hours."

  "We'll get to your place late then." I paused before continuing. "Are you sure your parents are okay with you dragging so many friends home?"

  "Of course," he replied easily. "My mom is 'the more the merrier' type. She loves having company over. And my dad doesn't really care one way or the other. As long as his dinner's on the table on time, a parade could go through the living room. Besides, my mom is excited to meet you."

  "She is?" I asked, feeling trepidation. Why was she excited to meet me? What had Simon told her about me? I assumed that he had just told his mother he was bringing a couple of friends home for the weekend. Why would she be excited to meet me in particular?

  "Of course," he replied with a wink.

  We were in front of Colette's and I didn't ask any further questions. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answers. Simon gave me a big hug and I couldn't help but melt in his embrace. He had started hugging me Wednesday night, doing it so casually that I didn't
even think to protest. I told myself they were friendly hugs. I hugged Grant and Marcus often. If Simon held me a bit longer than a friend would, I didn't comment on it. But his hugs were becoming more and more frequent. At times when I wasn't sure were appropriate. Simon had hugged me in the middle of rolling meatballs. We had tried throwing M&M's in each other's mouths while the red sauce for the meatballs simmered, and when I had been successful in catching one, he had given me a hug.

  I decided that Simon was the best hugger in the world. I was surprised that I was so receptive to them. There were so many complications. He was in one of my visions. I was trying to discourage him with lies about Bob. I still didn't understand what his relationship with Claudia was. And then there was the whole "vardoger trying to take over his body" thing. I couldn't help constantly searching his eyes for a flicker. But Simon's hugs felt too good for me to protest and I decided to allow myself this one pleasure.

  His strong arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe and protected. Simon's chin rested on my head and I felt surrounded by him, enveloped into his body. And the scent of him - warm and masculine with a hint of cologne, was enough to drive any girl mad.

  I finally pulled back when the hug had lingered on for far too long. I gave him a shaky smile. I hoped he didn't notice the shaky part.

  "Well, thanks for walking me to work. Have fun tonight. See you tomorrow."

  Simon smiled in return. "See you tomorrow." Then he was gone.

  Unfortunately Marnie and Colleen had witnessed the hug since the front of the cafe was all glass. Colleen just gave me a smirk when I entered but I had to endure Marnie's barrage of questions about whether Simon and I were together. She also told me over and over again how disappointed she was that the Henchmen weren't performing this weekend. The band had been planning on performing at least once every weekend, but since we were going to Connecticut this weekend, it was impossible. I didn't tell Marnie that though because that would've added fuel to the fire about me and Simon.

  When my shift was over, I turned to wave at Colleen. "Bye Colleen. Have a good weekend. And thanks again for letting Emily and Gabe cover my shifts." Gabe was another server, and he and Emily had been willing to take my shifts this weekend so I could go to Connecticut.

  "Just be sure to make this weekend worth your while," Colleen said with a wink. I hadn't specifically told her where I was going this weekend, just that I was going out of town, but she seemed to have assumed it would be with Simon.

  I rolled my eyes and smiled, giving a last wave. Marnie had already left for the night. Since it was a slow night, Colleen had scheduled only one server for the last hour. Colleen and Devi usually stayed later, doing inventory and going over the books since Devi helped her with the business side of the cafe.

  The door closed behind me with a jingle of bells and I started walking when I saw Simon leaning against a tree in front of Colette's.

  "Hey!" I said with surprise. "What are you doing here?"

  Simon straightened and ambled over, his hands in his coat pockets. "I figured you'd need an escort home. And I found someone willing to fill that position. Me."

  I laughed. "Simon, it's perfectly safe for me to walk home alone. I do it all the time." And it was safe. The few streets from Colette's to my apartment were residential and there were often people sitting on their steps, hanging out even when it was late so it wasn't as if I was walking a deserted path.

  Simon cocked an eyebrow. "You can just say thank you."

  "Thank you. But it's unnecessary." I then softened my tone, since he was just worried about me. "I'm happy for you to walk me home though. This time."

  Simon shrugged without comment and then slung his arm around my shoulders as we made our way home. I accepted his touch as easily as his hugs. It was becoming addictive.

  "So how was work?" he asked conversationally.

  "Good," I said, burrowing into his side, relishing the warmth in the cold night. "It wasn't too busy so half the time I was just gossiping with Marnie." I gave him a sideways glance. "She's heartbroken that the Henchmen won't be playing this weekend."

  "Yeah, well Joel wasn't too happy about it either. But what can you do?" Simon sounded unconcerned.

  "But what if he doesn't let you play other weekends because you're missing this one?" I asked.

  Simon shrugged. "I doubt it since we seem to be bringing in a crowd. And if he does, who cares?"

  "Probably Grant," I laughed. I envied Simon's carefree attitude. I was the polar opposite of him, constantly worrying about the results of my actions. Although I had seen flashes of Simon being far from easygoing.

  Simon grinned. "Grant does live and breathe the Henchmen. But Joel would just be cutting into his own profits by not letting us play." He looked down at me, seemingly ready to change the topic. "Kendra's birthday party is Saturday night, and we'll be pretty busy during the day since it'll be lots of family stuff. But I want to spend Sunday showing you around Darien. We're not leaving until six so we have plenty of time."

  "I'm sure Sarah would love to see your hometown. Especially if you can drag Grant along." I smiled but my mind was racing furiously. I had called my aunt Monday night after I had decided to go to Connecticut. It turned out that she lived only about ten minutes away from Darien and I was planning on going to her house on Sunday afternoon. I knew we weren't planning on leaving until six in the evening that day, which would leave me plenty of time. I figured that Saturday would be busy with Kendra's birthday and it would be too obvious for me to slip away then.

  During the phone call Monday night I had realized that, at some point, I had accepted her as my aunt. My excitement in meeting her was growing, although I was apprehensive as well. It wouldn't be just a happy family reunion. Her answers to my questions would affect the rest of my life.

  I hadn't exactly figured out the logistics of getting to Aunt Brenda's. We were all driving down in Simon's car so Sarah wouldn't have her car there. I had thought about suggesting we drive down separately, but I had no reason to give that would justify the change in plans. At least, not a reason I would give willingly. Besides, I didn't know what excuse I could give even if Sarah did have her car. She certainly would want to know where I was going, and I wasn't ready to tell her yet. Never mind I didn't have a clue what to do about Simon.

  "I was thinking it would just be you and me," Simon said, breaking into my thoughts. "Grant said he was going to stop by his parents' house on Sunday. I suggested he invite Sarah along and he agreed."

  I bit my lip. Now it was going to be even harder getting out of spending time with Simon on Sunday. It was bad enough trying to figure out an excuse to slip away when it would be the four of us, but now I had no idea what to do. I distractedly thought about how ecstatic Sarah would be to finally go over to Grant's house, but I pushed the thought aside. I had more pressing matters to deal with.

  "Well, um," I started. I decided the easiest path was the one closest to the truth. "Actually, I just found out that I have an aunt in Connecticut. And I was planning on going over for a quick visit on Sunday before we left."

  "Great!" Simon replied enthusiastically. "That's awesome that you have an aunt nearby. How did you find out about her? What town does she live in?"

  "She called me. She's my father's older sister and I guess she's always wondered about me even though we haven't seen each other since I was really young. She lives in Norwalk."

  "She's practically my neighbor. We can make a stop there during the day."

  I gulped. There was no way Simon was coming with me. "I think....I think it might be best if I meet her alone for the first time. She might feel awkward if I bring a stranger with me." From my conversations with my aunt, I doubted she ever felt awkward but Simon didn't need to know that.

  Simon frowned, furrowing his brow. "You don't want me to meet her? Why?"

  I groaned inwardly. Why couldn't Simon just let things go.

  "She's a very private person," I lied. "That's why she's never contac
ted me before. She's wary of meeting new people. I don't want to ask her if it's okay if I bring someone because she might feel obligated to say yes even if she doesn't want me to." My constant lying was really honing my skills. "Maybe you can hang out with Grant and Sarah on Sunday."

  "How are you planning on getting there?"

  I suddenly had a revelation. I didn't know why on earth I hadn't thought of it before. I wanted to clunk myself on the head, it was so obvious.

  "She's coming to pick me up." And I'm sure she would. I would just have to give her a quick phone call.

  Simon shook his head. "That's a waste of a drive for her. I can just drive you over."

  "But-"

  "Caitlin, just let me drive you over. I'll wait in the car so your aunt doesn't feel uncomfortable. That way, we can spend the day together and I can still show you around."

  His idea actually wasn't a bad one. If Simon didn't go inside my aunt's house with me, I could keep everything private. And I had a feeling that fighting him on this would be futile.

  "Well...okay," I relented. "I guess that's okay. I just feel bad making you be my chauffeur."

  Simon grinned. "I already said I was willing to be your escort everywhere. I'll just add driver to the list."

  I shook my head but couldn't suppress a smile. "I forgot to ask you," I said, wanting to change the subject away from my aunt. "How was dinner?"

  "Fantastic. Everyone loved the meatballs. But I barely have leftovers. How am I going to make a meatball sandwich tomorrow?" Simon looked genuinely forlorn and I laughed. We had made a mountain of meatballs but I knew from experience that the boys' appetites were enormous.

  We had reached my apartment and he walked me up the stairs. Before I could say goodbye, he scooped me up in a bear hug, lifting me off the ground and twirling me around.

  "Simon!" I squealed, laughing. "Are you crazy?"

  Simon set me down but didn't release me, his blue eyes shining with laughter and warmth. "I never thought so but now I think I might be. Just a little."