Finding His Wife, Finding a Son

by Marion Lennox

  It was okay.

  But Toby wasn’t in the mood for hugs. He’d had a very long sleep, he was in a hospital room full of interesting things and he wanted down. So Luc set him back down. Toby found an oxygen canister he’d really like to unscrew—how did these things work?—and Luc had time and space to hug Toby’s mother.

  ‘Over,’ he said softly into her hair, and he touched her face and felt tears slipping down. So many tears over the last few days... His strong Beth... Even when she’d been desperately ill herself he could never remember tears, but now... Toby’s illness seemed to have undercut every foundation she had.

  ‘I can’t say... I can’t imagine...if you hadn’t been here...if you hadn’t taken us in...’

  ‘Not so much of the gratitude,’ he growled. ‘I think...we’re family, Beth. And family cares.’

  ‘After all this time...’ She drew back and stared at him wonderingly. ‘Is that how you feel?’

  ‘I’ve never stopped loving you.’ He knew that for truth—he’d known it the moment he’d seen her under the rubble. Until death us do part. He’d made that vow and it seemed burned into his psyche. Maybe it always had been. Since Beth, he’d never had a serious long-term partner.

  Because he already was married?

  ‘I think... Luc, I still love you, too,’ she managed.

  And he thought, Dammit, she’s even weaker than her son. She’d hardly eaten for the last three days. She’d almost worn herself out with fear, and she sure as hell hadn’t slept. He hugged her against him and felt her sink into him.

  It was where she should be. Where he could care.

  And the words were out before he could stop himself. ‘Beth, maybe we should think about getting ourselves married again.’

  He’d tried—desperately—to keep his voice light but she stepped back and looked up at him. The suggestion hadn’t been made lightly at all and she knew it. The bonds between them were still strong and he saw that she knew it as truly as he did.

  ‘Luc...it must be too soon.’ She turned away, giving herself space, looking almost panicked. She gazed down at Toby, who was starting to get seriously annoyed that the oxygen cylinder wouldn’t open to his command. ‘And Toby...’

  ‘I love Toby already. It would be my honour to love and protect you both.’

  ‘And you need someone to love and protect...’ She closed her eyes. ‘Oh, Luc, if I could be sure you weren’t sacrificing...’

  ‘How can I be sacrificing, marrying for love?’

  She shook her head as if clearing fog. ‘We need you.’ She sounded as if she was talking to herself. ‘I thought I was so self-sufficient, yet at the first hurdle...’

  ‘It’s hardly the first hurdle,’ he told her. ‘You’ve completed your medical degree. You found a job you were good at, and you and Ron have been providing Namborra a great little medical service.’

  ‘Little...’ She faltered. ‘Sorry, I know... I need to accept...’ She took a deep breath and went to lift Toby. She was still wearing her protective boot and she staggered, off balance. He was there in a nanosecond, hugging her against him, supporting her, with Toby somewhere in the middle.

  ‘We don’t have to decide yet,’ he told her. ‘Think about it.’

  Think.

  She should pull away, she thought, but he was supporting her.

  She had a broken ankle.

  She had a broken will.

  It would be so easy to sink into Luc’s arms, to let him take charge as he’d taken charge when she’d lost her sight, to admit that she wanted him and...she needed him.

  Luc had been right all those years ago when he’d said she should accept her limitations. And it wasn’t one way, she thought. Luc needed her to need him. It gave him strength and security to know that he was helping. She knew all about his painful childhood. She knew all about how helpless he felt when those he loved weren’t safe.

  So why was she hesitating? Why didn’t she fall into his arms with a yes when she knew he needed her as much as she needed him?

  But she wasn’t hesitating, she told herself. She was simply giving him time to figure what he really wanted. To be free or have a permanent millstone around his neck.

  A woman who’d tried and failed.

  ‘Hey.’ He’d always known what she was thinking and now seemed no exception. He guided her back into the chair and knelt before her. ‘Beth, this isn’t the end of the world. You’re seeing things at their bleakest now, even though Toby’s getting better. But your leg still hurts. I bet it’s hurting now. You’ve hardly eaten and you haven’t slept for three days. Give yourself a break. Let’s do what we need for Toby and then let’s get you some rest. In the next few days you can look at this again and decide whether what I’m suggesting is sensible. It’s sure as hell not a failure.’

  ‘No,’ she managed, and hugged Toby and went to say something else.

  Except the door was opening and Marsha entered, followed by a couple of med students.

  ‘I’m here to boast about my success story to my students,’ she said, beaming down at Toby. ‘I guess you guys are pretty happy, huh?’

  ‘We surely are,’ Beth said, and hugged Toby still tighter. ‘All is...perfect.’

  Luc wanted to marry her again. The concept was mind-blowing.

  She could have another baby, she thought suddenly. It would be Luc’s this time, not a sperm donor. If Luc thought she’d be able to cope... If he thought it was okay...

  ‘Everything’s looking good,’ Luc told Marsha but his gaze was still on Beth. ‘Our little family’s looking safe.’

  ‘Your family?’ Marsha’s eyebrows did an expressive hike. ‘Really?’

  ‘If Beth will have me,’ he told her, and Beth shook her head.

  ‘I don’t think... I doubt if Luc needs...’

  ‘Hey,’ Luc said, and lifted Toby from her so Marsha could check his progress for herself. ‘Luc doesn’t need, but Beth and Toby do. But let’s talk about this tomorrow. For now, Toby’s fine and we have all the time in the world.’

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  WHAT FOLLOWED WAS a week almost out of time. Marriage wasn’t mentioned again. It was almost as if they were afraid of it. But every night they lay in each other’s arms and knew how right it felt.

  They still seemed like a tight-knit family. Toby was recovering, but Beth wanted him close. She was subdued but Toby was anything but. The little boy was a blessing, a happy bubble in the face of Beth’s confusion.

  Luc was trying his best but she wouldn’t have him take more time off. ‘We’ll be right on our own, Luc. It’s enough that you’re sharing your apartment, that you’re helping at night.’

  And she did need him. When he got home from work she seemed almost relieved when he took over childcare for a couple of hours. He took Toby to the beach but she didn’t come. ‘I’m tired,’ she told him, and he knew she was.

  And at night...she slept in his arms, but that sleep was broken. He wasn’t supposed to know that she slipped out of bed and went out to the balcony to stare sightlessly out to sea.

  Once he’d gone out to join her and she’d come in straight away. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you.’

  And now... He’d come home from a routine shift and found her staring at her email.

  ‘Luc, the memorial service is happening next Monday at Namborra,’ she told him. ‘And I’d really like to go. For Ron especially. I was in hospital when he was buried so I couldn’t be there. But now... I need to be there for this.’

  Of course she did and things cleared in Luc’s head. Yes, she was depressed, but the fault didn’t lie at his door. She’d been injured. Toby had been desperately ill. But on top of that she’d lost her best friend, her colleague. Of course she was down.

  ‘I don’t think I can manage...by myself,’ she said, and he thought it almost killed her
to say it. The flatness...

  And he knew the depression wasn’t all about shock and injury and loss of her friend. What else had she lost?

  ‘Of course I’ll take you...come with you.’ He changed his words but he still saw her flinch. ‘We can fly. There’s an outback health service operating from Bondi Bayside. The team heads west three days a week. They could drop us off on the way and collect us on the way back.’ He tried a smile. ‘It’s cheaper than commercial flights and if you like you can have a whole bed to lie down on. It’ll be better for your leg than sitting up.’

  ‘And if they need to transfer patients?’

  ‘Then we hang around in Namborra until Wednesday. Or take a commercial flight.’

  ‘I still have my apartment at Namborra.’

  ‘Then that’s settled. But chances are good we won’t need it. Except for a place for you to rest, he thought. She was so tired. She seemed...as if the life had been sucked out of her.

  ‘Thank you, Luc,’ she managed, and he hugged her.

  ‘Hey, my pleasure.’

  ‘I know it is. I wish...’

  And then she shook her head and managed a smile. ‘No. It’s no use wishing. It is what it is. You want to take Toby to the beach?’

  ‘I do,’ he told her, and let her go with reluctance to pick up the bubbly Toby. ‘Would you like to come with us?’

  ‘I might have a sleep if that’s okay with you.’

  ‘Of course it’s okay. Beth... I love you.’

  ‘I love you, too,’ she whispered, but her face was bleak. And he knew that when he left, she wouldn’t sleep at all.

  * * *

  The memorial service for the victims of the plaza disaster was held in Namborra’s civic centre. It was a magnificent hall, built with community pride, on the only hill Namborra boasted. It could almost be taken for a modern church, Luc thought, with its soaring ceilings and magnificent stained glass. The glass, though, depicted the heart of Namborra, fields of wheat, sheep grazing in lush pastures, the wild birds that frequented the wetlands behind the town. And behind the stained glass were the very things the windows depicted. Luc looked around him and saw all of Namborra within the hall, and all of Namborra stretching away outside.

  The flight had been delayed because of a medical crisis. They’d arrived just as the service was about to begin, but the locals had known Beth was coming and had reserved them space near the front. Margie from the crèche had met them off the chopper. She and Beth had hugged for a long time. When Beth had hobbled into the hall, with Luc carrying Toby behind her, there’d been a massive stir. Those in aisle seats had risen and hugged her, and by the time they reached their seats, Beth’s eyes were already moist.

  Now they sat side by side. Luc cuddled a blessedly sleepy Toby and held Beth’s hand with his free hand as they listened to local after local recounting the stories of lives lost.

  First they talked of Bill Mickle, family man, retired plumber, passionate about his beloved greyhounds who never did any good on the track but Bill was always hopeful. Born and bred in Namborra. Five grown kids and three grandies.

  An elderly lady stood at the end of Bill’s son’s spiel and told how Bill had chopped her wood every Thursday night. She sat and wept and Beth sniffed and Luc held her hand tighter.

  Toby had been playing with a miniature toy truck but he’d gone to sleep in Luc’s arms. Beth and Luc seemed...a cocoon in the midst of the community’s grief.

  Except Beth was grief-stricken, too.

  Next in line were stories of Ray and Daphne Oddie. Farmers. They’d produced the best scones in the district, and the best merino sheep.

  ‘Ray used to bring me scones whenever he came for his diabetes check,’ Beth whispered, sniffing. ‘Daphne was always too busy with the sheep to cook. For Ray it meant cook or starve. They worked it out.’ She sniffed again and smiled. ‘Scones were his forte but you should have tasted his lemon meringue pie. I’d have married him for that.’

  She smiled mistily as those on stage went on to talk of a woman called Mariette Goldsworthy, a friend of Ray and Daphne from out of town, but she’d visited enough to be known and liked. She’d been notorious for cleaning up at the local bingo session.

  And then... Ron McKenzie. Beth’s partner.

  His daughter, Faye, rose to speak. Of Ron’s early life, his love of living. Of his grief at the loss of his wife. How Namborra had given him his life back and how the family would be grateful for ever.

  And how much Ron had loved Beth. ‘We were his kids,’ Faye told the audience. ‘But after Mum died we could do nothing. He was lost in grief but Beth... Beth, you were here when you were needed. What you achieved was a miracle. You gave us our dad back and we’ll be grateful for ever. Beth, on Dad’s behalf, we thank you. Our last loving memories of our dad will shine because of the joy you gave him.’

  There was a moment’s silence and then the hall burst into spontaneous applause. It wasn’t just for Ron, Luc thought. It was for the woman sitting silently weeping beside him.

  The knowledge was suddenly overwhelming. Beth had done this. Not only had she provided a medical service to this town, she’d spread her love. She’d made a community love her.

  A kernel of something he hadn’t felt before was budding deep inside. Pride? Admiration?

  Awe?

  And then she was standing, tugging on his hand until he released her. Heading to join Faye on stage.

  He was still holding the sleeping Toby but others rose to help as she hobbled to the stage.

  He sat, stunned. After all she’d gone through, to stand and speak in this packed hall...

  But she handed her crutches to the people who’d helped her onto the stage and rested her hands on the lectern, supporting herself so every speck of her concentration was on the people she was talking to.

  The people of Namborra.

  She spoke of meeting Ron for the first time, of his devotion to his wife, of the privilege of sharing his desolation when she died. She spoke of seeing him at his lowest, surrounded by his family and yet unable to see them. Unable to let them help him. Unable to see anything but his loss.

  And then she spoke of Ron’s face when he’d seen the advertisement for a family doctor at Namborra. Of the awakening. Of the emergence from the dark.

  ‘I was in a dark place, too,’ Beth said simply. ‘And Ron said could we? Dare we? And suddenly it was light again because we dared and we could. And that light...it seemed to flood our lives. Faye, you talk of what I gave Ron but it was two ways. We’ve loved the locals of Namborra and you guys...you seemed to love us. With Maryanne we seem to have built a medical team to be proud of. More than that, together we rebuilt our lives. We discovered that we dared lots of things. We dared take on the care of this community and you gave it back in spades. With Ron’s encouragement—with your encouragement—I even dared have my little boy. Ron gave me my courage back, and that courage spread to all who knew him. You trusted him, you trusted us, and that trust will stay with me to the end.’

  She fell silent for a moment, and a hush fell over the hall.

  And finally Beth smiled, that tremulous smile that Luc knew and loved.

  ‘To Faye, to all his family, to those who loved him most, I need to say thank you,’ she managed. ‘Thank you, Ron, from me, from every one of us in Namborra. Thank you for life. Thank you with love.’

  And that was it.

  The hall erupted, clapping so loudly the roof almost rose. The local bagpiper, a squat little woman with cheeks the colour of beetroot, lifted her pipes and the sound of ‘Highland Cathedral’ soared to the heavens.

  The service was over.

  But Beth was still on the stage, staring sightlessly at the departing crowd.

  Margie was suddenly lifting the sleeping Toby from Luc’s arms.

  ‘Go to her,’ she said, almost fiercely. ‘
If you’re her friend...she needs you.’

  Did she?

  But Luc made his way swiftly up the steps to the stage. Beth was still standing, mute, tears streaming down her face. Farewelling a friend who’d meant so much to her.

  He couldn’t bear it. Such pain...

  He gathered her into him and she folded, crumpling against his chest. He held, he simply held while the world seemed to settle around him.

  They needed to step down from the stage. Most people were leaving the hall but a cluster remained, waiting. Luc recognised a few from the day of the crash, Maryanne, some of the nurses, people who’d helped.

  Beth’s friends?

  They were waiting to claim her.

  He gave her a moment longer and then gently put her back from him. He produced a handkerchief—he’d had the forethought to bring several—and dried her off.

  ‘People are wanting to talk to you.’

  ‘I... Yes.’ She sniffed and blew her nose and mopped up. ‘Sorry. I... Where’s Toby?’

  ‘Margie has him.’ He smiled down at her. ‘I think Margie loves him.’

  ‘That’s her specialty. Luc...’

  ‘I know.’ He met her gaze. This wasn’t the time to say it but it had to be said and it had to be said now. ‘Beth, we need to regroup. This hurts but I need to say it. While I was sitting down there, watching you, listening to you, I felt such pride...such wonder... But, Beth, what I also thought, what I realised, was that you don’t need to marry me. You don’t need me. You’re an amazing woman, a powerhouse of love and talent, and you don’t need anyone to give you wings. You’ve proved that over and over. We might love each other but that’s different. I’m taking back my marriage proposal, my love, because the woman I love...she’s magnificent just the way she is. She doesn’t need me at all.’

  She stared up at him, mutely. Seemingly dazed. And then she closed her eyes and seemed to give herself a mental shake.

  ‘I guess...you’re right,’ she whispered. ‘Of course you are. After all, what basis...what basis is love for a marriage?’

  ‘Beth...’

  ‘Don’t go on,’ she begged. ‘You’re right, Luc. I learned to be independent once and I can do it again. I don’t need marriage. And, no, you’re right. I don’t need...you.’