Pretty, Nasty, Lovely

by Rosalind Noonan

  Paranoid much? I knew I sounded like a lunatic, but Taylor didn’t bite. She signed off with a dismissal meant to calm me down.

  Coffee with Rory was one of the few breaks from the dread of knowing a creeper was mixing with us. I jumped into his arms when I saw him, and he tried to carry me in through the Starbucks door. We would have made it if his jacket hadn’t gotten caught on the doorjamb. I filled him in on the big excitement he’d missed. Well, at least the parts I wanted him to know. Some of the personal tidbits from last year were for sisters only.

  Except for the aura of fear hanging over the campus, it was an ordinary day. I drilled myself on parts of the central nervous system, and somehow, despite the craziness raining down on me, the material was sticking in my brain. I kept my fingers crossed for that night’s quiz.

  At a task force meeting we learned that the director of the student health center had resigned. We hoped that would open the door to positive change. Dean Cho showed us some netting that the university was considering for installation on two of the bridges, including the North Campus Bridge. She was concerned that students would complain that the netting was blocking their view of nature. We voted in favor of the netting, and she seemed relieved. Maybe her heart wasn’t made entirely of stone.

  The A & P test went well, and I was glad to see Rory waiting for me outside the lab. We cut through the inky dark night, carefully avoiding the topic of Lydia’s killer as we cut across campus. Up in our little living room, the conversation went flying in a dozen different directions as we tried to dissect the character of Graham Hayden. Angela didn’t get the attraction, and Darnell said Graham reminded him of a guy in a toothpaste commercial. Nice smile, not much more. Defiance was convinced that she’d been seeing Graham in her nightmares as a figurine on a wedding cake. The guys thought that was hysterical, but I could see that Graham was bothering her, a splinter under her skin. Rory didn’t like the way Graham was being favored by the police. And dear, soulful Isabel held out the hope that we were wrong and the real killer would be caught soon.

  When I finally got to bed around midnight, I dropped off to sleep quickly. The buzzing of my phone woke me up way too soon.

  It was just after one. A text from Tori.

  Forgiven. The one-word text helped me to breathe easier. At last, Tori was softening.

  It was followed by a longer text.

  Bitches like me don’t deserve friends like you. Tell the sisters that I love them.

  My relief at being off Tori’s shit list fizzled to confusion. Tori could share the love with the sisters in person. What did she mean?

  Then came a photo that shook my world. A night view of the gorge from the North Campus Bridge.

  “No,” I whispered. She couldn’t be thinking of jumping, not rock-solid, self-absorbed Tori.

  Adrenaline forced my body to a sickening state of alertness as I pushed back the covers and moved swiftly out to the living room. A jacket and Uggs were all I could manage in my rush to save my Theta Pi sister.

  * * *

  I ran all the way to the bridge, slowing only when I had to climb up the access stairs. My breath was roaring in my ears as I jogged along the dimly lit deck, moving steadily toward the figure of a lone woman standing at the center of the bridge, not far from the spot that Lydia had fallen from. With each breath and heartbeat, I sent her a silent message. Hold on, hold on.

  When she turned to me, her face was cold and hard, her jaw set in a grimace that detracted from her beauty.

  “I knew you’d come.”

  I stepped up to the handrail beside her. “I sensed desperation. I guess I was wrong.”

  “I’m fine. But it was lovely of you to run out here to save my life.”

  “Surprising, right?” I stared out over the dark river, the deep rocky slopes. Raw beauty and emptiness. “But you know what? You’re worth it, Tori. That’s why I went out on a limb and told you what I knew about Graham. He killed Lydia. And yeah, maybe there’s no hard evidence. And I know the police have to tiptoe around him because his father is a big-deal politician. But guys like Graham don’t stop hurting girls. And he’s not going to elude the cops forever. He’s headed for trouble, Tori. Don’t go there with him.”

  “You are so wrong about him.” Fury tainted her pretty face, a cool glimmer in her eyes. “He was trying to be nice to Lydia that night. He didn’t want to meet with her, but I pushed him. I thought she might move on if she heard it right from him. I set up the meeting.”

  There was a beat of silence as I took it all in. “You set it up?”

  “I was trying to help. Lydia was a hot mess—you saw her! She was way too into him, thinking she would trap him into marrying her just because she had his baby. Imagine, going through that bone-crushing experience just to snag a guy. And then the baby died anyway, so the way I see it, Graham owed her nothing. I set up a meeting to calm her down and help her get the fuck over it.”

  “And were you here with them?”

  “Only at first. I brought Lydia here, then went home so the two of them could talk. But Lydia was so out of it. She refused to let Graham go. Finally, when he couldn’t reason with her, he left her here and met me back at Theta House. We don’t know who attacked her, but the killer came along after Graham left.”

  “Really.” I ran my fingertips over a chink in the railing. “That was Graham’s story, and you bought it? Wow. He should go into politics like his father.”

  “You think you’re so smart, but you don’t know who killed Lydia. You don’t know shit.”

  “I know that you’d better watch yourself with Graham. Be careful. Stay out of his way, or he’ll kill you, too.” I turned back toward the west bank, to the scattered lights of Greek Row. “Let’s go home. If you still don’t believe me, you can call the police tomorrow and tell them what you told me. If Graham is really innocent, you can help clear his name.”

  The sullen crease of her lips broadened into surprise as she looked at something beyond my shoulder. In the next few seconds I heard a shuffling sound behind me. Someone was there.

  I started to turn back but was stopped by a sharp jolt that rippled through my body. A wild flicker of cold pain. Shock. Pain. And shock again.

  My knees buckled as I lost control and collapsed forward, slamming onto the pavement.

  Paralyzed, muscles seizing, I could only fight the waves of pain.

  CHAPTER 39

  “What the hell? What did you do to her?” Tori demanded. Her voice floated somewhere overhead, but I couldn’t see her. Face to the pavement, I was trapped in paralysis.

  The intense jolt of pain had subsided, but every cell in my body was still reeling.

  “I shut her down.” The other voice was male, low, calm. “But it’ll only last a few minutes. It’s a Taser gun.”

  “But look at her, Graham. Why did you do that?”

  “Because she’s turned on us. She’s never going to back off. We need to take care of this. Now. Help me lift her up. It won’t take much to get her over the side.”

  “Like . . . off the bridge? Are you crazy?”

  “Sane as rain. Do you think we can let her go around and trash-talk us?”

  “No, but I’m not going to throw her off the bridge like a can of Budweiser, and I won’t let you do it, either.”

  Fear rumbled beneath the sickness raking through my body. That protective netting for the sides of this bridge couldn’t come soon enough. I took a deep breath, of relief and hope and ease from pain. The shock of it was easing, but my body still felt strange and alien. I longed to slide my cell phone from my pocket, but my arms were heavy, uselessly sprawled on the cement.

  “Tori. We don’t have time to argue. She’s going to recover and . . .”

  Lights exploded in my head and my body seized. He had shot me again.

  “Stop that!” she growled. “Just stop. I’m not going to help you kill her.”

  “You’re already in this, deep in shit. You helped with Lydia. This will be the l
ast time I ask.”

  “I didn’t . . . you told me you didn’t hurt her. That she was still on the bridge when you left.”

  “So I lied. Come on. Let’s turn her over first. Then I’ll take her shoulders and you can do the legs.”

  There was a gentle sobbing falling over me as I was rolled onto my back and shifted closer to the edge, propped against the half wall. I could see Tori, her face red and snotty, and Graham, his dark eyes glittering against his creamy skin. He had the look of a man possessed, a demon stockbroker determined to make a trade. My life for his greedy future.

  It wouldn’t be long.

  Now was the time to move. Pull myself together. Kick or punch or flail.

  But my body was too stricken to offer more than gentle resistance.

  “Help me lift her,” he ordered. “Get her legs. The good thing is that, with the stun gun, there won’t be any marks. It’ll look different from last time.”

  Cold premeditation. Fear and panic and fury were a jumbled, thorny mass in my chest, and I couldn’t stop the tears that were running down my face. I was propped against the railing when Tori let out a pathetic whimper. “I can’t do this. I never wanted to really hurt anyone.”

  I could see her now, backing away from Graham and me. He was watching her, too, watching and losing interest in me. Without any support I slid back down to my bottom.

  “I’m going home,” she said. “I don’t want to ever see you again, and I’m just saying, you’d better stop this now.”

  Oh, grow a pair, Tori. I would have laughed at the ridiculousness of her protest if I weren’t a few feet from being pitched over the side of the bridge.

  “Bae, don’t go.” He took a few steps after her. “Come on. We’re in this together. You can’t just leave.”

  “Watch me!” Tori turned back dramatically and then gaped in a panic. Pointing. “Someone’s coming!”

  Managing to sway my head to look right, I recognized his uneven gait, his energy, his bald determination. Dr. Finn.

  I had texted him that I was meeting Tori on the bridge, but I wasn’t sure if he would see the message in the middle of the night or come out when he saw it.

  But here he was, coming to my rescue. Of course. Thank God.

  Skittish and panicked, Graham looked both ways and cursed. “Shit.” He flipped up his hood. “You two, forget you ever saw me. Say one word against me, and I’ll have you taken out.”

  I tried to mutter that he was a turd, but it came out garbled.

  Graham took off running, back toward Greek Row. When Tori stepped in his way, he bumped into her, knocking her aside.

  “Where the hell are you going?” she yelled.

  But he was sprinting off, a black shape growing smaller and smaller in the dim corridor of bridge light. He was fast. Of course. A soccer star.

  A falling star.

  * * *

  Dr. Finn was the perfect person to weed through the bullshit on the bridge. He read the scene properly, seeing that I was debilitated, spotting the Taser gun that Graham had abandoned, turning a deaf ear to Tori’s blubbering that she hadn’t done anything wrong.

  When there was no sign of Graham at the Gamma Kappa house, the police widened the search and posted a bulletin for his arrest. He was found a few days later when the manager of a Pebble Beach resort recognized his license plate down in California.

  With Graham in custody, I think everyone on campus slept better. But I didn’t mind the habit of walking with friends, especially after dark. One night when Dr. Finn was walking me home from a task force meeting, I made him go out of the way to stop on the North Campus Bridge. Snow was coming down, giving the evening a festive feel, and with Lydia’s killer behind bars and just one final exam left, I was beginning to feel truly liberated.

  The wind blew fine snowflakes through the air as we started across the bridge.

  “I’ll feel better when they get the netting up on this bridge.” Dr. Finn gestured toward the view. “It’s too gorgeous to be a suicide destination.”

  “And cameras are a good idea, too,” I said.

  “In the future, when the budget allows. Right now I’m more focused on getting the health center in line. For both women’s health and mental health.”

  “Speaking of mental health, how’s your crazy girlfriend?”

  “Ex-girlfriend. Please. Thank you for asking, but I’m trying to maintain professionalism and keep her out of my work. After two tours in Afghanistan and eight years in college, it’s not going to be a crazy ex-girlfriend that takes me down.”

  I smiled. He had apologized for her bad behavior a dozen times. Eileen Culligan had also called the administration to deliver lies about Dr. Finn getting romantically involved with students. He’d had a lot of explaining to do with Dean Cho, but he’d straightened things out.

  We paused at the center of the bridge, and I opened my arms wide to catch snowflakes. “We live in a magical place.”

  “I want you to know, I think about your miracle baby nearly every day. When things go wrong, when the shit hits the fan, I can turn it off for a minute and think that there’s a life out there because you did the right thing.”

  “You give me credit I don’t deserve.”

  “Nonsense. You’re my hero.” He braced his forearms on the rail and leaned down. “You showed me something that was right under my nose. I’d been neglecting my son, hoping he would go away with Eileen. I’ve been self-absorbed. A navel gazer. You opened my eyes to things I can do to effect positive change.”

  “Wow. I’d take a bow, but really, you did all that yourself.”

  “The synthesis possible in human interaction.”

  “Um . . . big words mean little nothings?”

  “You know what I’m saying.”

  “I do. I’m still on the fence about Theta Pi, rethinking what it means to me. A lot of good has come out of my involvement with the sorority, but there’ve been disappointments and moments of cruelty, too.”

  “True, but you’ve weeded out a few bad apples.”

  Although Tori’s charges of aiding and abetting a murder were probably going to be reduced because she was testifying against Graham, she had been put on probation from the sorority and the university. I knew she wouldn’t be back. The unofficial word was that she was planning to finish her degree at a small private women’s college in San Francisco once her case was decided. Without her, Courtney was a lost lamb looking for someone else to follow. Violet didn’t seem so cold and evil when she was operating on her own, but I wondered about the morality of someone who involved themselves with Tori.

  And wasn’t I guilty of that, too? I’d been her sister. I had tolerated her cruelty.

  “I just know that I’m done with mean girls. Moving forward, my friends and I are committed to making Theta Pi a group of girls who operate from a place of kindness and who support one another’s strengths. If that doesn’t work, we’re out of there.”

  “I hope you can make it work out.”

  As we looked out over the snowy ravine, I wondered if my brother was holding Rebecca right then. Or maybe she was in Amy’s arms, working on a bottle while Amy sang softly or told her a story. I imagined Rebecca in a cozy romper, stretched out in her crib, blissfully asleep. Babies needed a lot of sleep; I had learned that quickly on the train ride north.

  That strange morning in the gorge when Rebecca had come alive, I had searched my mind for anyone who understood babies, anyone who would be a good mother. I’d recalled my sister-in-law’s tearful report of another failure with in vitro fertilization. “We can’t afford another round, and it’ll be a few years before we can save enough to adopt,” Amy had told me last year. At the time I had felt her pain, but she’d been such a stranger to me and the problem had seemed too personal to discuss.

  But that morning in the ravine, Amy’s words came back to me. So I brought Lydia’s baby to them and swore that she was my newborn. After that, I left it up to my brother to deal with the paperwork and l
egal matters of getting a birth certificate and adopting. Amy and Joe had been shocked but thrilled, and from their phone calls it was clear that the joy had not worn off.

  Standing at the rail, Dr. Finn and I looked down into the dark ravine, a beautiful abyss beneath the dancing snowflakes. We had both come a long way since the night we met on this bridge. He’d been wrapped up with the crazy girlfriend, and I had been trying to make my peace with a death I couldn’t understand. I had thought my stars were burned out and fading, but I’d been wrong. Today, tonight, we were just beginning to shine.

  CHAPTER 40

  Finn followed Wiley over to the colorful mural at the center of Pioneer Courthouse Square. The kid would run for three or four steps, then look back and howl in laughter when he saw Finn following him. Every time Wiley laughed, it was like he’d just heard the most hysterical joke in the world.

  Bright, genuine laughter. Finn couldn’t get enough of that.

  Finn paused in tandem with his son, waiting as the boy turned back and roared with laughter. Good times.

  At first, Eileen didn’t want Finn to take Wiley for visits. She had seen Finn’s involvement with the boy as a way to weasel her way into his life again. But Finn had asserted himself through his attorney, and Eileen had backed off. Within two “visits,” Finn had realized that he didn’t resent the boy when his mother wasn’t around, harping on Finn.

  He chased Wiley through the square for a good half hour, skirting around a musician, a homeless man with an enormous backpack, and a few other children who had come into the city to see the lights of the towering Christmas tree. On days like this he was grateful for the technology that allowed him to scamper around the square, playing with his son. When Wiley began to slow down, Finn swept him into his arms, blew some raspberries onto his neck, and carried him over to the curved steps where their new friend waited.

  “Want some pretzel? It’s still warm.” Sydney Cho broke off a small piece and handed it to Wiley, who put it in his mouth and started dancing as he chewed. Eileen wouldn’t have liked the idea of Sydney or any other woman spending time with her son, but it was just another reality of life she would have to get used to.