Miles

by H. J. Bellus

  I barely lift my head to look at him. “Why?”

  “Why what, Willow.”

  “Why are you taking care of me?”

  “I told you already. I like you.”

  “I’ve only been a bitch to you, and you of all people know how broken I am. So, why?”

  “One, you know I don’t like shiny things. I’ve told you this over and over. Two, I’ve come to love the bitchy you, and three, I couldn’t leave you spread-eagle on the sidewalk in front of the dentist’s office on the main road.”

  I fly up to a sitting position, still holding my cheek. “Hold the phone! Spread-eagle, sidewalk, dentist… are you shitting me, Miles?”

  “Out of all of that, you picked up on the spread-eagle part?”

  “Just tell me you’re lying,” I beg.

  “I’m not lying. You were exposing your lady bits to the town. I love being with you and you’re not broken, Willow. You’re perfect. You never have to be something else with me,” Miles finishes as he hands me a glass of water.

  “Thank you, but why was I on the sidewalk?” I whisper.

  “The receptionist said you were convinced that Cree was coming for you and you insisted on waiting outside.

  “How embarrassing,” I whisper.

  “I’ll always hold your hand, Crazy.”

  Another shot of pain brings me straight back to reality. “It hurts so bad,” I say as I grab my face.

  Miles takes each pill and puts them in my mouth and then forces the water on me. I try to drink from the plastic Scooby-Doo cup, but the faster I pour, the more water escapes the left side of my mouth. I barely get enough water in my mouth to send the pills down the hatch. Miles can’t help but smile at the watery mess sitting on his lap. I try to blow a raspberry at him, but only end up dribbling more water down my own chin.

  I attempt to climb off Miles’ lap to use the restroom only to find that my legs are incredibly shaky and unsteady. The room starts to spin slowly.

  “Easy, tiger.”

  “I need to use the restroom.”

  Without any further harassment, Miles steadies my arm and helps me to his bathroom.

  “I’ve got it from here.”

  My cheeks hit the cool seat of the toilet and I let out an audible sigh of relief. At least I didn’t piss myself in front of Miles. Thanks to being put under, having a tooth pulled, and a root canal, those drug really made me crazy. The shooting pain in my mouth has silenced down to a dull roar, which must mean the pain pills are working.

  I take in the sight of the familiar bathroom. I kind of miss this place, but I definitely don’t miss the love-stricken girl who used to live here. When I did live here, I had lotions, bubble bath, candles and an iPod docking station covering every surface. Miles just has his two-in-one shampoo, Old Spice, and a couple fortunes from his famous stash of cookies lying on the counter.

  I take a quick gander at my reflection in the mirror and notice how puffy my poor left cheek is and how cracked my lips are. I truly look like I’ve been kicked in the face by a mule and then pissed on. The hoodie I’m wearing catches my attention again. It’s Miles’ favorite concert hoodie from Carter Hulsey. His smell and look is covering my body, and it feels so good.

  “Miles, why am I wearing your hoodie?” I shout from the safety of the bathroom.

  Then a thought hits me. Oh my God! I hope I’m wearing clothes under this. It takes all the courage I own to peek down the hoodie. Prying one eye open, I spot my t-shirt. Oh, thank you, God.

  The door flies open to reveal a smiling Miles.

  “Do you really want to know?”

  I throw the hood up over my head, and say, “By the look on your face, forget it.”

  Miles grabs my hand and leads me to the kitchen. “C’mon, you need something in your belly.”

  I follow Miles to the kitchen just like a sick little puppy would follow their owner. This is when I notice that he has his bed in the living room. As I examine the apartment a little closer, I notice that his living space is as atypical as it gets. No couch, no coffee table, no recliners, just a bed, a crate, and a large television. I finally look up to see Miles staring at me, and I just point in the direction of the bed.

  “Miles, was that there before?”

  Miles nods his head up and down as he tips back his box of cereal to create a stream of cereal rushing into his mouth.

  “Why is your bed in your living room?”

  “It’s a childhood dream,” he splutters out around a mouthful of cereal.

  His kitchen has a large fridge box and two white plastic lawn chairs. My head starts to spin and my tummy rolls while the dull pain continues to dance on, in, and around my face. I decide not to ask questions and just grab a seat.

  “Here. You need to eat something before you take your other meds.”

  Miles places yogurt, applesauce, and a fortune cookie in front of me. I shake my head with disgust at all of it. Habit kills me. I pick up the fortune cookie, crack it open, and read the fortune to myself, then slip it in my pocket. He has no clue that I’ve been collecting his fortunes and putting them in my notebook.

  “A good one?”

  I nod and attempt to gum a tiny piece of the cookie.

  “My eyelids are getting heavy. Can I lie down?”

  “Yeah, but finish that cookie.”

  “Do you have a spare bed or a couch in your room?”

  “Nope, it’s a slumber party, Crazy. Jump on board,” Miles says as he points to his king size bed in the living room.

  “You do know that if I was of sound mind that I would be running home, right?”

  “And miss out on this party train? I highly doubt it. I know you secretly want me, Willow.”

  Miles has no idea how close he is to unveiling the truth. I do want him and the chance to love him, my heart just can’t afford another nasty break. Truth be told, I have wanted a chance with him from the first day I met him.

  “I call the side furthest away from the door, so if an ax murderer breaks in, you get killed first,” I say, as I bound onto the bed, feeling no pain now.

  I decide to sleep in the hoodie because I love the smell of Miles on it. Burrowing under the blankets, I take off my shorts and toss them on the floor. His sheets are a freaking slice of heaven. They have to be the softest sheets I’ve felt and the cherry on top is his scent bathing them.

  “I’m not gonna lie, Miles, you are my favorite scent.”

  I peer over the best sheets in the world to see Miles clothed only in tighty whities chugging down orange juice straight from the carton. God damn the man is long and lean with just the right amount of muscle. He’s a walking, talking poster child for a hot-ass, light ya on fire, bad boy mechanic. Right when my eyes go in to take a sweep of his bulge he catches me staring, and I throw the sheets over my head, creating a shield.

  Ignoring my obvious ogling, Miles says, “Willow, I’m going to put a glass of water and two more pain pills on your side of the bed. You can take two more in four hours.”

  “Thanks.”

  The bed dips down as Miles climbs in.

  “You can come out of your hidey hole, Crazy. It’s okay to admire the goods.”

  I throw back the blankets, pop up, and come face to face with Miles.

  “I wasn’t admiring the goods. I was simply watching you drink orange juice in your barbaric fashion. There’s nothing wong with a girl watching her friend drink oj.”

  “Did you just say ‘wong’?” Miles asks.

  I can’t help but laugh. “Yes, I did. I was hoping you wouldn’t catch it.”

  I lay back in the bed, nestling once again in his sheets. Miles props himself up on his elbow and looks down at me.

  “Two things, Miles. One, why didn’t Cree pick me up? And two, where in the hell did you find a king size Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bedding set?”

  “One, your appointment took longer than expected and your family had that business trip in Fort Collins, so I volunteered to babysit you. T
wo, if I told you, I’d have to kill you…”

  Miles rambles on, but I can’t compete with the heaviness pushing down on my eyelids. I let the sound of his voice fill me and I even nod my head to acknowledge that I’m still listening. I hear his phone and then feel him leave the bed. I can barely make out the sound of his voice as I battle to stay awake. I can tell Miles is talking to Cree, or maybe it’s Tripp as I drift in and out of awareness. All signs of my pain are gone and I smile, thinking that all of my physical and emotional pains have disappeared for the time being.

  “Yeah, she’s in bed asleep. She was hurting pretty bad, but I think she’s out for now. Will do. Call ya in the morn. No worries, Tripp. She’ll be fine. Later.”

  The sound of Miles’ bare feet making it back to the bed make me come alive again, instinctively I roll over to his side of the bed and watch as he climbs back in.

  “What’s the smile for?” he asks.

  “I like your bed, that’s all,” I whisper.

  “Willow, I like you in my bed,” he whispers back to me.

  Digging deep down, I scoot over and cuddle up to him.

  “Willow…”

  “I want this, Miles.”

  With my go ahead, Miles wraps me up in his arms and I snuggle down even deeper and closer to him. With my face completely hidden and my fears gone, I finally allow myself to relax into this man.

  “You have no idea how happy you make me, Willow.”

  “I think I know. Tell me something about you. We always talk about me. Tell me something.”

  I lift my head, coming nose to nose with Miles, and I instantly regret my question. Pain is clearly covering every part of his face. Before I can take it back, he answers.

  “When I was little, I loved collecting Matchbox cars, but my mom never bought them for me. I would walk to the nearby playgrounds and look for lone cars in the sandbox that other kids left behind.”

  “Thank you for sharing and taking care of me, Miles.”

  “You’re welcome. Thanks for staying with me.”

  “I’m gonna sleep now, Miles. I really can’t keep my eyes open any longer.”

  Silence.

  “I have one last question. If I wasn’t high as a kite or look like I’ve been kick boxed by an ape, you know, would you have shagged me today in that sexy ass car of yours?”

  Miles pops up on his elbows, hovering above me with the sexiest, yet goofiest grin on his face.

  “You bet your ass I would have. We probably would have done it sideways, missionary, and doggie.”

  Good to know. Miles rolls off me to the side and I morph into the little spoon, making sure I stay plastered to him, and I let the medicine do its job.

  4:34 AM.

  Pulse. Throb. Slice. Pounding pain. The reality of the cruel pain throbbing in my mouth finally wakes me. A silent horrified gasp escapes at the realization that I’m not in my own bed. I turn to see Miles plastered to me, and it all slowly comes back to me, one embarrassing and heartfelt memory at a time. I nuzzle right back down into the best sheets ever and stare at Miles through my pain.

  This man took care of me when I couldn’t function. He picked up my meds, talked to my dentist, and fed me. He did all of this because…because I have been a royal bitch to him? Because I have tried to make his life a living hell? Because I wouldn’t let him in my life even as a friend?

  He’s the one person that has honestly tried to help me, not fix me, but help me. When he left last weekend, I missed everything about him. I missed his annoying comments and pesky conversations while I try to work. I missed trying not to laugh at his jokes, and I definitely missed him. I missed it all and never told him.

  I brush his hair from his face and trace the strong outline of his jaw. My lips brush his forehead and I lightly place a kiss on his forehead.

  “Miles, I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you. I’m done protecting myself. I want to let you in my life. I’ve never told you what I should have…I’m falling in love with you and I don’t want to miss another minute with you. I’m not strong enough to tell you this when you’re awake, so this will have to do for now. I might be brave enough one day, I just hope it’s not too late. I now see that I belong with you. I deserve you and I promise to never let you go.”

  I untangle myself from Miles, snag the pills he set out for me, and make my way to the kitchen. Fuck water. I grab Miles’ jug of orange juice from the fridge and use it to swallow my pills. Next, I grab a fortune cookie and my purse. It takes awhile, but I find my notebook and paste my two new fortunes in it. Then with one huge leap of faith, I take a look at myself and let it all go. I begin to write to Miles, my old self, my future self, and all my troubles. It hurts and stings like hell, but my venom is pouring onto the paper, freeing itself from me, allowing me to keep my promise to Miles. It is just a small step. But a step in the right direction.

  Dear Little Notebook,

  A dear friend gifted me this notebook to express myself. I’m sorry I threw you in the trash twice. I am fortunate enough to have a friend who cares so deeply for me that he’s not willing to give up hope.

  Tonight, I took a leap of faith and made a very important promise to myself. In order to keep true to that promise, I vow to scribble “me” all over your blank pages in the upcoming days in an attempt to let go of my deep seated pain. I hope you’re ready for this crazy ride that is about to take place. You know my name, but not my story…here goes.

  Willow

  My eyelids remind me of the grand effect the painkillers have. I check the time and notice that I have been writing for over an hour. After writing the first note it was easy to open up in my notebook. I didn’t write anything painful or necessarily deep—rather I shared some of my favorite moments from life, and I even sketched a couple of doodles.

  After placing the notebook on Miles’ side of the bed, I crawl back into my side. The sheets once again remind me how amazingly comfortable I am in this bed.

  “You okay, Willow?” Miles mumbles out, as he sits up to face me.

  “I’m fine. Just had to take more pain pills.”

  “Are you still hurting? Why didn’t you wake me?”

  I continue to climb across the bed and into Miles’ lap. I straddle him, resting my knees in the bed and wrap my arms around his neck. “Because I’m a big girl, Miles.”

  My actions render him completely speechless, and with a shake of his head, he rolls us back down into the bed. I end up on top of him and try to scoot to his side and resume my position as the comfy little spoon. Instead, he grabs my hips and holds me.

  “Stay here,” he whispers as he falls back asleep.

  My body melts into his, my brain turns off, and I drift away.

  ***

  Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! What does the fox say?

  Where in the hell is that annoying sound coming from?

  Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

  Oh shit, my phone. I turn to see my bright yellow iPhone on the worn wooden crate on my side of the bed, and sure enough it’s lighting up, alerting me to a call. Annie. The little shit is always changing my ringtone. For the last month, “All the Single Ladies” was my ringtone.

  By the time I reach my phone, it’s too late. I drop back into the sheets and turn to see an empty bed. My notebook lay open on Miles’ vacant side. I try to call out his name, but realize my face has swelled up at least double its size. My hand runs over my balloon size cheek. Feeling defeated, I lie back down and snuggle in, sniffing around for Miles’ scent.

  Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

  For the love of all things Annie, if this phone doesn’t shut up, I’m going to throw it out the freakin’ window.

  “Wello,” I manage to get out of my swollen mouth.

  “Holy shit! Is it true? Did you sleep with Miles? Did you get your freak on? Is your yoo-whoo sore? Because if it is, I’ll be needing a description of just exact
ly how large his member is.”

  “Lacey, enough,” I demand.

  “Okay, Rose and I are heading to pick you up and bring you home. Do you need like thirty or so for another round with dream boy?”

  “Gear it down, bitchface. Come get me now.”

  I hear the door slam. The vibrations send pain shooting through my jaw again and I start to cry just like a little girl who lost her puppy on a rainy day.

  “Willow, what’s wrong?”

  Miles swiftly makes his way to my side of the bed and wraps his arms around me. With the dangerous concoction of pain killers, emotional distress, my heart wanting to love, and the sheer pain from my mouth, I can’t control the sobs escaping me.

  “I’m here, Willow. What’s wrong?”

  “I hurt. I hurt everywhere. And I wrote. I wrote to you, and you left…”

  Miles lifts me further up into his lap. “Sshh, baby. I was downstairs packaging up cupcakes and that wedding cake, and then I waited for the customers to pick them up so you don’t have to worry about anything today.”

  He hands me a pill and some water, and without hesitation I swallow the meds and play with the button on his flannel shirt.

  “The notebook,” I whisper, so silently in hopes that he doesn’t hear me.

  “Don’t ever feel like you have to share with me, but I will always be here to read.”

  “I felt better after I wrote in it last night. It was hard, but it felt good. Oh, and thanks for taking care of the bakery shit.”

  Miles lays me down in his arm and cradles me like a baby. He brushes my loose hair away from my face and then strokes my swollen jaw, and with that gesture the tears are back.

  “Miles, will you be my friend?”

  He starts to chuckle and then slightly bends over to place another tender kiss on my jaw. “I want that more than you know, Willow. I need you in my life.” He winks and then kisses my cheek again.

  “Do friends get kisses?” I ask with a sly smile.