Miles

by H. J. Bellus

  All the hurt, anger, and pain washed away from his voice as he recognized the baby growing inside of me for the first time. This time my jaw dropped. My family once again became my world.

  “Cree, just promise me one thing.”

  As if he could read my mind, Cree whispered, “Willow, I’m not going to forgive him.”

  “You have to, Cree. I don’t want things ruined for you because of my stupid, stubborn heart. Please?” I pleaded.

  “Willow, I can’t,” Cree whispered down into my hair.

  Milly reached over and grabbed Cree’s face. “You will, Cree, and you will do this for your sister.”

  The tears are flowing, my legs are crumbling beneath me and I’m ready to die with all the memories attacking and flowing through my body. I sink to the floor with my notebook in my lap and the picture of my baby, and begin to finally write the whole truth.

  Notebook,

  I used to be in love with a man named Greyson. From a very young age, I wanted to marry him and live happily ever after. I did everything in my power to make him love me and see me as Willow. It never worked. He never saw me as Willow. My family and friends warned me to stay away, but I never could.

  I allowed Greyson to use me for years. He was a smart man and would always promise me a relationship in the future, but there was always one excuse after another. Chasing the fairytale ended when I found out I was pregnant. Pregnant with Greyson’s baby. I was scared, but absolutely thrilled to the core to be carrying his baby. He, on the other hand, was not impressed. In fact, he wrote me a check and asked for an abortion.

  Cree and Milly supported me unconditionally. Cree was excited to be an uncle. Lacey and Tripp were busy then with becoming new parents, so I never told them about it until a couple months ago.

  I lost my baby.

  Fourteen weeks into the pregnancy, I started to bleed. I knew it was over. Finished. But I pretended otherwise. Milly found me a couple hours later in the bathroom. She rushed me to the doctor, but the baby was dead. Greyson’s wish came true.

  The doctor sent me home to finish out the miscarriage. Well, that never happened, so after a weekend of carrying my dead baby, I had to have a d & c. You’ve never experienced true darkness until you have to wait for your dead baby to leave your body.

  Everyone insisted that it wasn’t my fault and that better things would come my way. The cold hard truth is my body couldn’t carry and provide for my baby. I own my body and let my baby die. It was all my fault. I never heard from or saw Greyson again until the night in the restaurant and today.

  I fucking hate him. I fucking hate myself.

  I’m sick of the tears. Sick of being motherfucking weak and the victim of this situation. Greyson has walked away into a new life and I sit here broken. Writing how fucking weak I was with Greyson in my past is fucking crippling. I silently reread what just poured out of me and I instantly become sick with disgust. What a weak fool I was. Why did I ever let Greyson own me? I fill with rage and I let it take over.

  ***

  Miles

  20 Minutes Earlier

  “Travis, grab my phone. See who’s calling.”

  “Dude, it’s just a couple texts from Willow.”

  “’Kay.”

  She’ll have my fucking balls on a stake if I don’t respond soon. I don’t know how many freaking times I have explained to my crazy girl that when I’m elbow deep in grease under a car that it makes it hard to shoot her a quick text. The little shit is always busting my balls for not getting right back to her. For once in my life, it’s been great to have someone want me in theirs.

  I traveled to this sleepy little town in search of the last piece of the missing puzzle to put my family back together, but I found her. I uncovered the true treasure of life called love. Willow has no fucking idea just how much I love her and would sacrifice for her. I’m risking everything just to spend the next day in her presence. The most selfish part of this whole charade is that I’m risking her own happiness, too.

  Life has been a real shit for me. The kind that turns you into a felon or makes you suicidal, and I have fought damn hard to avoid those two scenarios. Everyone back home seemed to follow down one of those paths. Having Willow in my life has given me hope that my mine can be different.

  Tonight is our movie date night, and I have big plans of making her all mine. Candles, flowers, romantic fucking music, and a prepared speech to declare my love for her are lined up at the apartment for us to partake in tonight. My cock springs to action just with the simple thoughts of claiming my crazy girl. Thank fuck, I’ll be off work in about seven minutes.

  “Travie Boy, I’m out of here. Lock up, you little shitdip.”

  “Luck tonight with your lady.”

  “Boy, a man doesn’t need luck.”

  The short drive to The Shop takes for fucking ever. I hope Willow’s roses were delivered in time. My mind races with about a hundred other things that should be in place. Deep down, I know Willow only needs my company, cookies, and cereal.

  Pulling into my normal parking spot at The Shop, I first notice that her flowers are sitting on the sidewalk. Two dozen yellow roses sure look funny on the sidewalk. Talk about being out of place, just like I have been my whole life until Willow. She must have locked up before the delivery person arrived.

  Snagging the flowers, I go to unlock the door and it pushes opens. It wasn’t even completely latched. Fucking odd. Willow has been known to do crazier shit. I pull the door closed and lock it, and go in search of my girl.

  “Willow, your stunning, hot hunky BFF is here. Are you ready for an epic movie night?”

  Rounding the corner, my heart stops. All the blood flowing in my veins instantly stalls at the sight before me. Everything that lies before me is shattered, beaten, and destroyed. Glass is strewn across the floor. Every single display case has been beaten to hell, her mix has been slung across the floor and display pictures are torn to shreds.

  “Willow!”

  I check the bathroom and then instantly race up to my apartment to find nothing. No Willow. No mess. Racing back downstairs, I continue to call out her name.

  “Willow! Where the fuck are you?”

  I dial her number, ready to rip her ass for scaring the shit out of me, and ready to grab her through the phone and never let go. Within seconds, I hear her ringtone. Her fucking yellow phone is on the center of her workstation next to her journal. Her handwriting catches my attention in the notebook. I instantly focus in on the words Greyson, pay, baby and die. It takes me several attempts to get through the whole entry.

  Then looking back up the wrecked bakery, it all makes sense. She cracked. She finally broke and lost it. I have to get to her now. There are moments in life when you think that you’re able to cope with any stressful moment; here I stand, unable to cope with anything but the thought of finding my girl.

  “Tripp. Miles. Willow is gone. She destroyed the bakery and is fucking gone. She’s gone.”

  “Miles, slow the fuck down. What are you talking about?”

  “She’s gone.”

  “I fucking warned you about hurting her. I’m going to fucking rip your motherfucking head off, Miles. I’m coming right now.”

  I race to my car, continuing to talk to Tripp. “She’s not here. She wrote in her fucking notebook about Greyson. I think something happened today. I was at work.”

  Silence.

  “She’s not here, Miles. Lacey and Milly are in Fort Collins shopping. Just slow down. Are you sure she’s not there?”

  “Tripp, fucking listen to me. I’m only saying this one more time. She destroyed the bakery, left her cell phone, wrote about Greyson, her car is missing, and she’s nowhere to be found.”

  “Go to Cree’s. She has to be there. You take the highway and I’ll take the back roads.”

  “Tripp.”

  “What?”

  “She wouldn’t… you know. She wouldn’t do anything stupid. Would she?”

  “If
she wants her pain to end, she’ll probably do anything to make that happen.”

  Tripp hangs up and I lose all hope with his last words. I had no clue that Greyson ever put her through that. Memories of the first night I met Willow come flooding back to me. Her attitude at dinner, the alcohol, and her uneasiness of opening up all fit together perfectly. She was playing hard to love, she was protecting herself. Fuck! Could I have been any bigger of an insensitive prick? Here I thought she was just a wrecking ball bound on sabotaging herself and anyone in the way.

  I finally hit Cree’s dirt driveway and send my car sideways down half of it, fish tailing out of control. I notice another small dust cloud coming up the other way, it has to be Tripp. I don’t see Willow’s car at the house, so I speed up to the shop. Tripp and I get there at the same exact time. We both fly into the shop and catch Cree off guard.

  “Have you seen Willow?” Tripp blurts out.

  “Not since last night. What’s going on?”

  I catch Cree up on Willow, and his facial expression is not reassuring in the least.

  “Where the fuck could she be?” Cree asks no one in particular.

  “Call the girls, just to make sure she didn’t take off and meet up with them,” Tripp suggests, but we all know that wasn’t the case.

  Cree dials Milly, and alerts the girls of trouble at home. “Fuck! That wasn’t good. Annie’s crying in the background, Lacey is freaking out and Milly is driving,” says Cree.

  “She ran,” Tripp whispers.

  Hanging his head low, Cree says, “Yeah. She always ran when she was a kid. Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her too, but she can’t fucking do that when she’s an adult. She never dealt with losing the baby.”

  Cree slams his fist into the door and screams out in anger.

  “I’m going to fucking kill Greyson. Kill the motherfucker,” Tripp roars.

  Cree’s words keep replaying in my head…Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her. Where, though? Where would she run off to? Why wouldn’t she come to me? What the hell happened today to set her off? She ran, but she wrote in her notebook. She wrote to me. She tried to cope and let it out. She wanted to tell her side of the story, so what happened? Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her. Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her.

  Tripp and Cree’s tempers aren’t helping the situation at all, so I walk out to my car and lay my head on the roof. Laying all my problems out as I lean on my car, I silently bang my head on the roof.

  “Where did you run off to, Willow? Where are you, baby?” I whisper.

  My brain replays every moment spent with her, desperately willing her to come back to me or at least grant me a clue to her whereabouts. I remember her foul tempers in the beginning, her dreamy eyes when I would bring her a burger, nursing her back to health, and swimming. All of our swimming dates. The pond…she is at the pond. The place she always escaped to when she was a child. It was the one place her daddy would always find her. I remember she wrote about it in her journal and told Annie a story one night while swimming. She’s at the pond.

  “Cree! Tripp!”

  The two come busting out of the shop.

  “The pond,” I simply reply.

  Cree nods his head, Tripp jumps in Cree’s truck, and I grab the notebook out of the front seat. Cree peels out of his driveway and races to the pond. We spot Willow’s car and exhale a breath of relief. It’s a clue, a piece of hope that Willow is here.

  “Guys, just be ready for anything. You might not like what we find,” Tripp warns.

  “I’m going for her,” I claim without hesitation.

  “We’re her fucking brothers. We take care of her. She’s ours. Fuck that,” Cree says.

  We’re not close enough to see a person, but Willow’s car is still a beacon of hope.

  Slamming my fist down on the dash, I fire back, “Fuck you. Fuck both of you. I’ve spent nearly every day with Willow for the last couple months. She’s shared more with me than you know. Do you two realize she still cries herself to sleep every night because she misses her momma and doesn’t fit into this family? Do you two know that she wants to be an artist and draw? No, you don’t, because your heads are so far shoved up your wives’ asses that you don’t take a second to see the real Willow. That’s all she wants. And I am fucking trying my hardest to see the real Willow, so I’ll go get her because I love her. I love her more than anyone will ever know.”

  “We had a small service here for her and the baby shortly after she lost it,” Cree whispers.

  Not another word is spoken. Cree edges his truck up on top of the hill, and we all spot Willow on the edge of the pond. I fly out of the truck and make my way to my girl. The closer I get, I can see that Willow is kneeling in the shallows of the pond. She must be freezing. Her body is facing the open pond, with her back stiff as a board and her hands placed gently in her lap.

  “Willow.”

  I try to get her attention and know that she can hear me, but she doesn’t move. Standing right behind her now, I don’t know if it’s safe to touch her or not. Everything inside me wants to grab her and wrap her up in my arms and never let go.

  “Baby, I’m here now.”

  Still Willow doesn’t move or speak. Sometimes the hardest part is telling the world you’ve been dying silently on the inside every day, and only surviving by smiling and faking it. I know this from experience, however, I stand here no longer willing to let Willow suffer in her own hell. She needs, no she deserves someone to rescue her and show her just how amazing true love feels and how it magically heals broken souls.

  I turn to see Cree and Tripp leaning on the truck with their arms crossed in defense. I make my way into the pond, knee deep, and face Willow. With one look, she just broke my heart deeper than anyone else ever has. The only thing I want right now is to take her pain away. I would give anything for that.

  “I’m here, Willow,” I say, sinking down to my knees right in front of her.

  I hold her notebook out to her. She accepts it and holds it to her heart and silently cries.

  “I know, sweetie. I know. I read it and I’m here for you,” I whisper, leaning in and placing a kiss on her forehead.

  I feel Willow wince at my touch and I back off.

  “I love you, Willow.”

  “I hate myself. Hate the weak piece of shit I have become. I hate myself for allowing him to ruin me. I hate that he has his happily ever after and I suffer every day just barely able to hang on. I can’t love again.”

  “You can’t or you won’t allow yourself? Those are two different things, Willow.”

  “I’m broken beyond repair. I can’t love again. I’m a waste of your time.”

  “I’m not him. Look at me. I’m not Greyson, Willow. I’m Miles and your future.”

  Willow begins to sob harder with my words.

  “I’m not backing down, baby. I fucking love you, Willow.”

  “Help me forget,” she finally whispers.

  I scoop Willow up in my arms and make our back to the truck.

  “Promise to never leave me, Miles.”

  “Crazy girl, nothing could ever keep me away.”

  Cree offers a silent nod of approval as we approach the truck. Tripp immediately rushes up to us and wraps Willow up in a big hug. He places a kiss on her forehead and cries. Tripp has always been known to wear his emotions on his sleeve.

  “Willow, I know how it feels. Trust me,” he whispers.

  I climb into the back seat of the truck and Tripp hands me Willow. Cradled in my arms just like a baby, she nuzzles her head into me and cries. Not a word is spoken on the way home.

  Lacey and Milly are waiting in the driveway when we pull in.

  “Miles, we’d like to talk to Willow. Could you give us some time?” Cree asks.

  Willow lifts her head and looks blank. Everything inside me screams not to leave her for even a couple seconds, let alone minutes. I also don’t want to start a fight with her brothers ri
ght now. Before I have a chance to respond, Milly flings open Cree’s door and climbs over the top of him to look at Willow.

  “Oh my God, Willow. Thank God, you are all right,” she repeats over and over with tears streaming down her face.

  Milly sits on the console, facing Willow. Tripp’s door flies open next to a teary-eyed Lacey holding baby Rose.

  “Is she okay?”

  Tripp silently nods.

  “What happened?” Lacey asks.

  “Girls, we’ve asked Miles for some alone time with Willow. We need to talk with our sister and only our sister. Can you give us some time?” Cree asks.

  My grip tightens around Willow, and I can feel her relax even further into me. My heart is screaming at me to never let her go, but my brain is the logical part convincing me that she needs this time to heal with her brothers.

  “Crazy girl, what do you want?” I whisper to her.

  “Don’t leave me, Miles. Please don’t leave me.”

  “You want me to stay while your brothers talk with you?” I ask her, brushing her wild curls back from her face.

  Willow opens her mouth to speak, and instantly begins to sob again. Milly leans forward, and brushes Willow’s hair with her hand, trying to settle her.

  “No. I-I don’t want you to leave me after what you read and the crazy you are seeing. Please don’t leave me. I need you.”

  Her words relieve the tension built up in my soul, I needed to hear her say those words to me.

  “Willow, you are mine, and remember I told you that I take care of everything that’s mine. I’ll never leave you.”

  Lifting Willow’s head up from my dampened shoulder, I continue, “Look at me. I love you. I know you can’t say it yet, and I don’t want you to. This is the last time I’ll say this, I’m not him. I’m not Greyson, and I never will be. In front of your family, I promise you that I will take care of you every second, minute, and hour for the rest of your days. I will always buy your favorite cereal for you, and bring home your favorite burger for dinner. Hell, I’ll even be yours and Annie’s pool boy, if you’ll let me. Willow, I’ll let you drive me everywhere in that car of yours. Fuck, I’ll even sell my car and pedal a bike around town for you. Bottom line, babe, I fucking love you and always will. I have every bit of faith in you and your ability to heal because I’ve seen glimpses of the real Willow. She’s simply gorgeous and she steals my breath away. I know your story, and now I want to be a part of it.”