by Dan Walsh
“I will. Do you think after dinner we could go sledding at Donnelly Park?”
“Maybe, if Daddy’s not too worn out.”
“He said we could before he went on his trip. He said, ‘When I get home Saturday, I’ll take you sledding.’”
“Then I’m sure he will. But don’t bring it up right away. Let’s talk about it at dinner.”
Maddie walked to a spot about ten feet from the front door. She put her hands, including the one holding the reindeer, behind her back.
Taryn came up and stood behind her. She heard the car turn off. Tim would be in a generally good mood; she knew this from the earlier phone call. He’d been on a short business trip to Atlanta since yesterday morning. Apparently, things had gone better than expected.
The door unlocked and swung open.
“I’m home,” he said, stepping inside the foyer. He set his brief bag down and rolled his carry-on suitcase off to the side. Bending, he opened his arms, and Maddie ran straight into them. She hugged and kissed him, still clinging to her reindeer.
He stood, still holding Maddie. Taryn kissed and hugged him from the other side.
“Now this is what I’ve been waiting for all day.” After closing the front door, they took a few steps onto the carpet. He sniffed the air. “Smells good. What’s for dinner?”
“Chicken divan,” Taryn said.
“With extra divan?” he asked, meaning extra curry.
“Of course.”
He set Maddie down, walked a few steps farther, and stopped in front of the tree. Maddie came up right behind him. He put his arm around her. “Two weeks to Christmas.”
“I know. I can’t wait.”
He looked at Taryn. “I took Monday off, if you want to do a little more Christmas shopping while Maddie’s at school.”
“I’d love to.”
He looked down at Maddie, who had the reindeer ornament behind her back again. She was moving sideways back and forth and wore a mischievous smile.
“Is something going on? Something I don’t know about?” He looked up at Taryn.
“Not with me,” she said. “Ask Maddie.”
He bent down. That’s when he noticed her hands behind her back. “What have you got back there?”
“A surprise.”
“A surprise? For me?”
She nodded. “It’s kind of like a present too.”
“A present? Don’t I have to wait until Christmas?”
“Not with this one. It’s something you’re supposed to have between now and Christmas.”
“What is it?”
“Something I made at a store today with Mommy.”
“Something you made. What is it? Let’s see it.”
“Close your eyes.”
He did.
“No peeking.”
“I’m not peeking.”
“Okay . . .” She pulled the reindeer from behind her back and dangled it in front of his face. “Okay. You can open them.”
He did. It took a moment for his eyes to focus on the ornament. He smiled immediately. For a moment, Taryn was afraid that smile would turn into a laugh. In class that morning, Mrs. Winters had urged all the moms not to worry about how the ornament turned out. It was just supposed to be a fun time. It certainly was that. Looking at it now, through Tim’s eyes, the poor reindeer’s flaws stood out quite a bit.
One of its brown pipe cleaner antlers was considerably smaller than the other. The eyes weren’t spaced symmetrically apart, giving the reindeer the appearance of being cross-eyed. Maddie had accidentally glued the two back legs way too far apart. The reindeer looked like it was slipping on ice.
But one look in Tim’s eyes took away all her fears. They were welling up with tears. “You made this for me?”
She nodded. “Yep. Just for you. Do you like it?”
“Like it? I love it.” He threw his arms around her and squeezed her tight.
Taryn reached down and gently stroked the side of his face.
He released Maddie from the hug and took the ornament from her.
“Where should we put it on the tree?” she said.
Tim stood and turned around, facing the tree. “I know right where it should go.”
What he did next brought a tear to Taryn’s eyes. He took his favorite ornament—his previously favorite ornament—a very expensive collectible he’d bought in Florence on their honeymoon, from its front-and-center place of honor on the tree and moved it to another spot a few branches away. In its place, he hung Maddie’s little cross-eyed cork reindeer with the uneven antlers.
“Perfect,” he said. He took a few steps back and reached for Maddie’s hand.
She looked over her shoulder at her mom and smiled.
28
They had only been here for thirty minutes, but already Stan could tell this wasn’t a good idea.
He looked at Judith standing next to him, then up at the same sight she was looking at. At the top of the hill behind the Donnelly Center, another wildly happy child was sledding down one of the four snow runs, holding tightly to a green plastic disc. There was no way to steer these things, but that wasn’t much of a problem. The runs were lined with hay bales that pretty much kept the kids heading straight downhill.
Everywhere he looked, Stan saw smiling faces and heard laughter. Except on Judith. She smiled occasionally, like when one of the children would laugh out loud. But her smile would quickly fade.
It happened again just now.
“That’s Joey,” Judith said. “The one that just came down the hill.”
“Do we know him?” Stan asked.
“He’s one of Barney and Betty’s grandkids. See her son at the top of the hill? He was the one who gave the boy a push. There’s her daughter-in-law, Becky, the one at the bottom of the hill who caught him. See her? Walking him around for another turn.”
“Kids that age change so much from year to year, it’s hard to keep up with them.” He scanned the crowd. “I don’t see Barney and Betty anywhere.”
“They’re around here somewhere,” she said. “With all their kids and grandkids here, they’re probably making the rounds. Might be over at those tables where the kids are making Christmas cookies.”
“Do you want to go over there or stay here and watch the sledding a while longer?”
“Let’s stay here . . . for a few minutes anyway.”
Stan didn’t figure Judith was all that interested in the sledding. It was more about not being around Barney and Betty tonight. Before they’d left to come here, Stan had asked if she wanted to hang out with them tonight and enjoy the festivities together. She’d said probably not. She didn’t want to burden Betty with the job of trying to cheer her up all night. “She needs to give her undivided attention to her grandkids. That’s where it belongs on a night like tonight.”
Stan knew that was certainly part of the reason. But he was also pretty sure it was to avoid the pain of constantly being reminded that her kids and grandkids weren’t here. She’d be glad Betty was still able to enjoy her family, but seeing them together all night would magnify her own loss.
It was Stan’s loss too. He missed his kids and grandkids. But his pain seemed a fraction of what Judith was going through. The worst part of it was that she had seemed to be doing a little better this afternoon. Apparently, her ornaments class had been a great success this morning. Judith said everyone had a wonderful time, and before they’d left, one by one the children came to her saying they couldn’t wait to come back next week.
Stan should’ve realized that bringing her to this event would set her back. The same thing had happened at the Light Up ceremony. Seeing all the parents and kids having so much fun together, and the grandparents interacting with them, stirred up memories of past years when they had been here with their family. Those memories brought pain now, not smiles. Stan wondered if that would ever change.
Would she ever get used to celebrating the holidays alone?
Twenty minutes later
, they walked over to where the kids were making cookies. Well, icing cookies would be a better way to describe it. The kids spread white frosting and Christmas-colored sprinkles onto cookies that were already made. Betty and her family must’ve moved on to something else. Stan didn’t see them anywhere.
They watched the kids for a while. Stan also watched Judith, particularly her eyes. She seemed to be enjoying this a little more.
“Hi, Miss Judith.”
Stan looked toward the voice, a little girl who had just gotten in the cookie line.
“Well, hello, Maddie,” Judith said. “And Taryn. And who is this?” A man was standing behind them.
“It’s my dad. He came home from his trip a little while ago. Daddy, this is the teacher who helped me make the ornament.”
“This is my husband, Tim,” Taryn said. Tim reached out his hand.
Judith introduced them to Stan. “Have you been sledding yet?” Judith asked.
“She wants to,” Taryn said. “The lines are pretty long right now, so we thought we’d come here first.”
“This is our dessert,” Maddie said.
“Well, they look delicious.”
“Are you guys in line?” Taryn said.
“No,” Stan said. “Go right ahead.”
“It was nice to meet you,” Tim said as Stan and Judith backed away.
“You too,” Stan said.
“Oh, and by the way.” Tim looked at Judith. “Taryn and Maddie absolutely loved your class. That’s all Maddie talked about at dinner.”
“I’m so glad,” Judith said.
“Daddy said my ornament’s his new favorite. He put it on the best spot on our Christmas tree.”
“The best spot,” Judith repeated. “That’s because you did such a great job with it. Next week we’ll make another one.”
They said their good-byes. Judith and Stan walked away.
Stan noticed Judith was smiling again. “Maybe next year they’ll add making ornaments to the roster here. Set up a few tables.”
She looked up at him. “I don’t see that happening.”
“Why not? Making ornaments is a Christmassy thing to do. All your kids had a great time. Didn’t you say there were even others gathering around in the aisles as you taught the class?”
“Yes, but it would take too long. Look at these kids. They can make those cookies ready to eat in a minute or two.”
“Maybe you’re right. Or maybe you could think of something a whole lot simpler. Like Anna’s blue pinecone. Seems like that would go together pretty quick.”
She didn’t respond to that. He glanced over and saw a small line in front of another table. The night air was definitely cooling down. “Want some hot chocolate? It’s right over there.”
“That might be nice.” She began to follow him. “But can we go home after that?”
“Sure, hon.” Stan sighed and continued toward the hot chocolate table.
29
Midafternoon on Sunday, Stan was on his way to pick up Barney. He had just left Judith at the house. They had eaten lunch at her favorite barbecue place. She’d said she liked it but brought half of it home in a container. He’d hoped the sermon at church would help. At one point, the pastor had touched on the issue of people struggling with depression during the holidays. Stan wished the pastor had said more.
What he did say was for those who loved the holidays to be mindful of those who found it harder to celebrate, and to do what they could to cheer them up. And he urged those who struggled to try to keep their minds on the “reason for the season” rather than focusing on all the things that tend to bring them down during the holidays.
Stan had looked over at her at that point. He could tell by the look on her face . . . the words did no more good than a polite pat on the head.
Taking her to her favorite barbecue place had been his feeble attempt to cheer her up. But he knew that, too, wouldn’t help. He knew the reason she was so down and the only thing that would make a real difference. Judith wanted to go back in time; back to the days when their kids were still kids and all of them lived at home. Back to when the holidays were filled with their children’s laughter. When the memories that now seemed to cause her so much pain were first being formed.
But those days were gone. They couldn’t get them back. There was nothing Stan could do. It was an impossible situation.
Judith wasn’t doing well. That dark cloud of gloom and depression surrounded her. No wonder Stan wanted to get out of the house. Even she didn’t want to be there with herself.
Not when she was like this.
She was growing tired of this . . . this constant unhappiness. She had to do something, find some way to break free. She tried praying, many times. But even her prayers came off sounding like complaints to the Almighty.
A thought popped into her head from her recent conversation with Suzanne. A reminder to check her email. That’s right, Suzanne said she was going to send her a link to a magazine article about empty nesters at Christmastime.
She got up out of her chair in the family room and walked over to her computer.
Stan and Barney were almost there.
They were visiting the man who owned their dream rig. Barney had followed up on his idea of buying the boat several days before Christmas, so they could take it out a few times before the fishing contest. They weren’t buying it today, but with less than two weeks until Christmas, Barney thought they had better firm up the deal with this guy.
Stan wanted to see the boat again in person to make sure he really loved it, that it really was a “dream rig.” They were putting an awful lot of money down on this thing. “How much farther?”
“Turn left at the next intersection,” Barney said. “That’s his street. Don’t you remember?”
“I was only here one other time, and that was almost a month ago.”
“That’s right. I forgot. I’ve been back on my own several times since then.”
“Did you talk with this guy? The owner?”
“No, I just wanted to see it. But I didn’t get to. He wasn’t lying about storing it in the garage.”
As they approached the intersection, Stan flicked on the left turn signal. “Well, that’s good for us.”
“I know,” Barney said. “But it’s got me a little bit concerned about how we’re going to keep it in such great shape once we buy it.”
“I thought Betty had already agreed you could store it in your garage.” Between them, Barney was the only one with a two-car garage.
“She did, and she’s still fine with it. The problem is, one of my kids has most of one side filled with their stuff. They know they need to get it out of there before Christmas. I called them last night and told them we need it out of there three or four days sooner.”
The houses on this street were looking familiar to Stan. “What’s the street number?”
“Forty-two twenty-two,” Barney said. “It’s right up here on the right.” He pointed through the windshield. “Don’t need to worry about reading numbers on mailboxes anyway, because there she is. I asked him if he could move it out to the driveway.”
“I see it.” The house had a circular driveway in the front yard that fed into a double driveway between the garage and the street. The boat was parked there. Stan pulled into the circular driveway.
“I’ll go ring the doorbell.” Barney hopped out of the car.
Stan got out and walked toward the boat. Any fears he had about the boat being inadequate instantly fell away. It looked beautiful, better than he remembered. Definitely a dream rig. He heard Barney talking by the front door. A moment later, he and the owner were walking in Stan’s direction.
Barney spoke first. “Stan, you remember Ralph Houston.”
“Sure I do.” Stan stuck out his hand. He remembered the face, anyway.
Barney walked up and put both arms on the lip of the boat. “My, my. She’s even nicer than I remembered.”
“Barney here tells me you fel
lows would like to buy the boat next week and not wait until Christmas.”
“If that’s okay,” Stan said. “He tell you why?”
“Yeah. You want to take it out a few times before that big fishing tournament. Makes sense to me.”
Barney walked around to the back and looked over the outboard motor. Stan eyed the electric trolling motor at the front. It was way nicer than the one they currently owned. It had a fish-finder built right into it. He hadn’t noticed that before. They might not need that dream trolling motor after all.
Stan looked up at Ralph. The man wisely stood there letting Stan and Barney fall in love with this thing all over again. He didn’t need to sell it. The boat sold itself. Stan reached over and gently pushed the front pedestal seat. It swiveled around without making a sound. The gray indoor/outdoor carpeting looked brand-new. Maybe it was. He looked down at the boat trailer—not a spot of rust. Even the trailer’s spare tire looked new.
Barney completed his circuit of the boat. When he came back around and stood next to Stan, Ralph asked, “So, what do you think, guys?”
“I still love it,” Barney said.
“Me too,” Stan said.
“Then it’s settled. You guys can come pick it up next week. I’m assuming you’ll have the rest of the money then, in cash.”
“We will,” Barney said. “I have my half together now.”
“You guys want to do this today?” Ralph asked.
“Wish I could, but I can’t,” Stan said. “I’m almost there, but I budgeted for Christmas. So, I’m going to need one more paycheck to clear.”
“That’s okay. Just call me and let me know what day you’re ready, and we’ll make it happen.”
They shook hands again and said good-bye. Barney and Stan headed back to the car. Once inside, Barney said, “Tell me that’s not the most amazing bass boat you’ve ever seen.”
“Oh, it is,” Stan said. “It most definitely is.”
30
Stan had just dropped Barney off at his place and was headed back home. They were already discussing their first fishing trip in the new boat. It was hard to believe, but buying the boat a few days early would make it theirs early next week. All bought and paid for. They both had Tuesday off, so that would be their first morning out on the water.
