by Dan Walsh
Barney wanted to get a second trip under their belt before Christmas. They discussed Friday as “Day Two.” Of course, that depended on both men getting the day off, or at least the morning. Shouldn’t be too hard. That would be the Friday before Christmas. Stan could offer to switch shifts with someone scheduled for the weekend. He didn’t think Judith would mind, since they had no big plans for Christmas weekend this year.
That thought gave him pause as he turned onto his street. She might say she didn’t mind, but he knew better. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t want him to have fun or enjoy himself. It was the emotional situation she was in. Was it right for him to be off having so much fun with Barney and their new boat if that meant leaving her all alone at home? He needed to make up for it somehow, find some way to balance things out.
But was that even possible? Nothing he’d tried so far had made any difference. He pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. He didn’t have to worry about looking too excited about his new boat deal. Thinking about Judith and the state she was in had wiped the smile right off his face.
He walked through the side entrance into the kitchen. “I’m home.” No reply. He didn’t hear any Christmas music. The thing was, he had turned the radio on to a station playing Christmas music before he’d left for Barney’s. Stepping away from the kitchen into the dining room gave him a full view of the living area. He was glad to find she had at least left the Christmas tree lights on. He was about to yell out again but wondered if she might be taking a nap.
Walking toward their bedroom, he looked to his left through the open doorway into the family room. There was Judith sitting in her favorite chair, staring out the window. At least he thought she was. He stepped inside, but she didn’t look up. That’s when he noticed her eyes were closed. The book she had been reading had fallen to her lap. He came closer and sat on the edge of the opposite chair, which also faced the window. It made a slight noise and woke her up.
“Oh, Stan. You’re home. I must’ve dozed off.”
“You’re allowed to do that. It’s a Sunday afternoon.”
“How’d your meeting go? Did you get to see your boat?”
“We did. I don’t know if I mentioned it, but we’ve been thinking maybe we should buy it a few days before Christmas.” He explained why.
“That makes sense to me,” she said. “Was he open to the idea, the owner?”
“He was. We’re going by there next Monday after work to buy it. We have the next day off, so we’ll take her out Tuesday morning. If that’s okay with you?”
“With me? I don’t have a problem with it.” She turned her gaze back to the view outside the window.
He didn’t figure she’d mind. But he minded. He minded the dead look in her eyes, the missing smile on her face. The fact that she was sitting here staring out the window again. They’d been married long enough, and he’d gotten in trouble for it often enough, for him to know you can’t lecture a woman out of a place like this. But it also didn’t seem like anything he did was making any difference either.
He had hoped teaching that ornaments class would have done the trick. It certainly had done some good . . . for a whole afternoon. But now she seemed right back to where she’d been before.
“Before I dozed off, I was thinking about doing something.”
“You were?”
“But I’d need your help with it.”
“With what?”
“It would involve you doing me a favor,” Judith said.
“I’m up for that. What is it?”
“Could you go back up in the attic and bring down that box you call the ugly ornaments?”
This was a promising development. “Sure. You want me to do it right now?”
“You don’t have to do it right now. Just some time in the—”
“No, I don’t mind. I’m not doing anything just yet. I’ll be right back.” He left the room and headed through the kitchen out to the garage. Maybe she was finally turning a corner. She was actually going to put the ugly ornaments on the tree. He would offer to help her. They still had some eggnog left in the fridge. He could get that out, along with the nutmeg. He’d bring it out while she sorted through the box of ornaments. Get some Christmas music playing.
Reaching up, he grabbed a little wooden knob, pulled on the rope handle, and lowered the attic door steps. It didn’t take long to find the box of ornaments and bring it down. It was the last thing he’d stuck up there, and he’d left it right by the edge. He walked back into the kitchen and set it down on the dining room table. Should he get the eggnog first? Maybe not. He carried the box out to the living room and set it on the coffee table. He walked over to the radio and flipped the on switch. Burl Ives was already in the middle of singing “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas.”
Now, he’d get the eggnog.
“What are you doing?” Judith called out from the family room.
“Just getting things set up.”
“Set up? What do you mean?”
“To hang up the ornaments, the ones the kids made.”
“Hang them up? I don’t want to hang them on the tree.”
Stan stopped in his tracks. “You don’t? What do you want to do with them?”
“Can you bring the box out here?”
“Out there? What do you want to do with them out there?”
“I thought you were doing me a favor. This is starting to feel like something else.”
“Okay. I’ll get them.” He walked back to the coffee table, picked up the box, and headed into the family room. Setting it down on a little table beside her, he said as nicely as he could, “What are you going to do with them out here?”
She sat up and opened the lid. “I was talking with Suzanne a few days ago, and she mentioned something about wanting to have a few of the ones she made as a child. She wanted to ask me back when she moved, but she chickened out. She felt like I’d never want to part with them. The way things are now, it seemed silly not to let her have any since they’re just sitting up there in the attic. I told her I’d be happy to send her some. She told me she’d think it over. Well, she hasn’t called me back, and I just read an email from her, and she didn’t mention it then either. I got to thinking—maybe she chickened out again and didn’t want to ask me on account of how down I’ve been. So I decided . . . I’m not going to wait for her to call. I’m just going to box up her favorite one, maybe one or two others, and send them to her so she’ll have them before Christmas. Then I decided I’d just go ahead and do the same thing for Anna and Brandon while I’m at it.”
Stan’s heart sank. This was awful. Not at all what he’d expected. “You sure this is a good idea?”
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea, but I don’t see any harm in it.”
Stan thought a minute. “Well, how about this, after you pick out the ones you want to send them, how about you and me hang the rest of them up on the tree? I have the music playing out there, and I was just about to fetch the eggnog and nutmeg.”
She reached for his hand, so he gave it to her. “That’s sweet of you, Stan. I’m afraid I couldn’t take that right now, seeing all those ornaments hanging on the tree. Truth is, I’m half tempted to send all of them to the kids. It’s going to be hard enough dealing with seeing them now. I couldn’t deal with that every day between now and Christmas.”
He sighed. “Well, don’t do that. Don’t give them all away. I know you feel poorly now, but you’re not always going to feel this way. Maybe next year you’ll feel better.”
She let go of his hand. “I can’t think of anything that would make me want to see these ornaments hanging on our tree ever again.” She sighed. “I’m just becoming a burden to everyone, especially you. I know I need to try to move on with my life. Maybe doing this will help.”
He stood there watching her slowly fumble through the box flaps and lift out the first few ornaments, the ones wrapped in green. The kids’ favorites. He watched as a tear slipped down her cheek
. She said she couldn’t think of anything that would make her ever want to see these ornaments again. But suddenly, he could. An idea had popped into his head.
Maybe the craziest idea he’d ever had.
He stepped closer to the box, reached down, and gently grabbed Judith’s hands. “Hon, I can see how hard this is for you. Let me take care of it. I’ll make sure the kids get the ornaments.”
31
Stan walked away from Judith, carrying the ornaments box.
“Where are you taking them?”
“Back to the garage. I thought I’d box them up at my workbench so you wouldn’t have to see them.”
“That’s very thoughtful, but do you have the things you need to wrap them, like packing material? They’re pretty fragile. I wouldn’t want any of them to break.”
“I don’t have anything like that. I’ll make a list of stuff I need and go to the store.”
“They’ve got packing material in the office section of Walmart,” she said. “You know which ornaments go to who?”
“Pretty sure I do.” Of course, for Stan’s idea to work, he only needed to send one ornament each. He decided to send them their favorite, so he definitely knew which ones to send. “Anything else?” He was still standing there holding the box.
“I don’t think so. Oh wait, the addresses. You’ll need those. I’ve written them all down, along with their phone numbers, on a sheet of paper hanging on the side of the refrigerator. They’re under that magnet that looks like a glass marble.”
“Gotcha.” He started walking again.
“Oh, and Stan . . . thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” He walked a few feet into the living room. “You want me to turn this Christmas music off?”
Judith seemed to think a moment. “No, you can leave it on.” She smiled then picked up her book.
That was something anyway. If he could pull this off, pretty soon she’d be doing a lot more smiling. As he walked through the kitchen to get the addresses, another thought came to mind . . .
Pretty soon, someone else might hate his guts.
After Stan left for the store, Judith was actually feeling a little better. Almost upbeat. She had read that online magazine article Suzanne had recommended, and it made a lot of sense. It was written by a woman who seemed to completely understand what Judith was going through, because she had gone through it herself.
The bottom line was it was time to stop looking back and living in the past. Christmas memories were something to cherish and smile about, but cling to them too tightly and they’d turn sour, maybe even make you bitter. Trying to live in the past, wanting everything to stay the way it had always been, was a destructive illusion.
The trick was to move forward and be open to making some new enjoyable memories that connect with the things and the people in your life right now. Judith instantly thought about Stan. He was real, and he was here. Their relationship wasn’t the best right now, but then, what had she done lately to improve it?
The article talked about taking new pictures of things going on in your life, rather than constantly staring at pictures from the past. It then listed a number of great ideas empty-nest couples could do during Christmastime that might renew their friendship, maybe even their romance.
Judith decided she had to try.
Fifty minutes later, Stan was back from Walmart with all the packing material marked off his checklist. He’d only spent a few minutes down the office aisle. The bulk of his time was spent trying to pick out three Christmas cards for his kids. That aisle was a bit crowded, but the bigger challenge was finding a card that said just the right thing. For what he was planning to do, a few came close, but none of them hit the nail on the head.
He’d finally decided to get three blank cards that were just the same. Not that he was any good at coming up with clever things to write in cards. Judith was the writer in the family. He was amazed at the things she would think to say on cards. Usually, he’d just add something like “Love, Dad.” And that would be that.
But he’d already been giving this some thought on the drive home. He could write the same thing to all three kids. They wouldn’t see each other’s cards since they lived in different states. He was only sending one ornament each, but to throw Judith off, he bought boxes big enough to ship two or three ornaments in. He’d just fill in the gaps with more bubble wrap.
Twenty minutes later, he had all three boxes ready to go. The only thing missing was the card to put inside. He got out the first one and tried to remember what he’d thought of on the car ride home. Took a few minutes, but it came back to him. He wrote as slowly and carefully as he could.
After finishing the cards, he set them in the proper boxes. Just as he was about to box them up, a nervous feeling came over him, like he was forgetting something.
That’s right. He’d never done the math on this thing. He had better do that first, make sure the money added up. To do it right, he really needed to get on the computer, but that was back in the house. If he went there, Judith might ask him what he was doing. What would he say? Then he remembered his smartphone. Hardly used any of the features on it, but he knew he could access the internet from out here. It even had a calculator.
He pulled it out of his pocket and turned it on.
32
Three full days had passed since Stan shipped off the packages of ornaments to his children. None of them had called him yet saying they had gotten what he’d sent. He was getting a little nervous. He had paid extra to ship them 2nd Day Air. They should’ve gotten there yesterday. Judith was out shopping. He didn’t have to be at work for another hour, so he went online to check the shipping status.
He pulled out the slip of paper from when he’d jotted down the confirmation numbers and set it beside the keyboard. One by one, he keyed in the information and was pleased to learn that the status for each package indicated they should be arriving today. Better late than never.
He hoped, and had even prayed, that his kids would be sufficiently moved by this surprise to do what he was asking them to do. In his earlier phone calls to them, each had said money troubles were the only obstacle to them coming home. What if that wasn’t true? What if there were other obstacles besides money? What if only one of them said yes, or two? Should he still go through with this?
Then, of course, there was the situation with Barney and how to handle that. Stan had been avoiding his friend all week. Neither of them were great at leaving voice mails or returning them. And they’d never texted each other. But this delaying tactic could only work so long. Stan had thought it might be smarter to wait and call Barney after he had confirmed things with his kids. But Barney had just called Stan again an hour ago. This time he did leave a voice mail message.
Stan decided he had better listen to it. Picking up his phone, he pressed the voice mail app.
“Hey, Stan, it’s Barney. Been trying to reach you for a few days. Hope everything’s okay. Betty’s talked with Judith since the weekend, so I know you’re not sick. Call me back if you get this. No emergency. Just getting excited about our new boat. It’ll be ours in a couple more days. Just wanted to chat, maybe talk a little more about our first fishing trip on Tuesday. Well, call me when you get a chance.”
Stan’s heart sank. He had been dreading this phone call. Now he dreaded it even more. What could he say? How could he even introduce the idea? He’d thought through a number of imaginary conversations over the last few days. All of them ended badly. Some worse than that.
But it had to be done.
Or did it? He thought about what Barney said about Judith having talked with Betty. Maybe that’s what Stan should do, call Betty. Let Betty break the news to Barney herself. She would know what to say and when to say it. He figured it would still end badly, and Barney would still be sore at him for the next several months. At least.
Hopefully, though, it wouldn’t end their friendship altogether. But that was a di
stinct possibility. He searched through his contacts until he found her number.
Betty picked up after a few rings. “Stan, is that you?”
“It’s me.”
“I thought maybe it was Judith using your phone for some reason. Are you calling me on purpose, or did you mean to get Barney?”
“No, I meant to call you.”
“What is it, some Christmas surprise for Judith? Something you need me to do to pull it off?”
“Well, in a way, yes.” How should he get into this? “But this is no ordinary surprise. And it doesn’t just affect Judith. I think I’m going to need even more help from you with Barney.”
“Barney? You’re getting something for Barney? I thought you guys didn’t exchange gifts. Barney’s even been telling me not to get him anything this year. He said that boat the two of you are getting is his big gift.”
This was going to be harder than he thought. “Yeah, that’s kind of what I’m calling about.”
“The boat?”
“Yeah. It will take me a few minutes to explain. But once I do, you’ll know exactly what I mean about needing your help.”
“Hmm. Now you’ve got my attention.”
Stan heard their dog start to bark loudly in the background.
“Oh shoot, I’m sorry, Stan. Hold on.”
She must have pulled the phone away from her mouth. He heard her yelling the dog’s name several times, demanding him to stop barking. But he didn’t. If anything, he was barking louder.
She got back on the phone. “I’m sorry, Stan. I really want to hear what you’re saying, but someone’s at the door. I better go answer it. Mind if I call you back?”
“No, but I have to leave for work in less than an hour.”
“I’ll call you back in a few minutes. It’s probably just some kid selling something. I’m dying to hear what you have to say.”
