After The Snap

by Peyton Miller

  Channing gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before straightening his clothes. “Hey, I have to head back. I’ll contact you when we can get together again, and don’t worry about that question. I just really thought you didn’t want that, but it’s okay that you asked.”

  Seth nodded and watched Channing walk away yet again. He felt empty, his body trembling with fear that he’d pushed too hard. He shouldn’t have said anything about being sucked or any of the other stuff about Channing not giving, but as more time flew past, he felt more and more off about everything, including if he should even be in a relationship with Channing.

  Seth sat on the edge of the bed, his heart breaking once again. Channing didn’t know how much Seth hurt when they were apart. It was almost like he couldn’t go on living. Everything dimmed and he was left with nothingness when they weren’t together. He hated the distance and the silence. Maybe they weren’t supposed to be together, but if that were the case, why did he feel so freaking good when he was in Channing’s arms?

  Chapter Three

  Colby Larsen picked up Neil’s jeans and stared at the stain on the front. He knew what it was, didn’t need confirmation. Did he dare sniff the spot or should he leave it alone? What if he was wrong? What if Neil wasn’t cheating? Colby glanced around the room, taking in the rumpled sheets, the shirts tossed on the floor, the dirty socks and the red pair of Diesel underwear shoved in the corner. Deep down he knew Neil was fucking around on him, had known for a while. Two months ago he’d suspected and questioned his boyfriend, but Neil had acted offended, hurt that Colby had even brought up the subject.

  Colby’s business trip had ended two days early because the CEO’s son had been in a car accident at college and the man had to leave town in a hurry. Colby had come home, catching a late flight without telling Neil. Maybe it was his fault for coming home early from his trip, but this time, he knew he wasn’t wrong about the cheating. This stain was proof enough, but the red underwear sealed the deal. They may, under some weird coincidence, be a pair Neil had recently purchased, but he knew from experience that Neil only wore Calvins. Hell, even from the arms length he was holding Neil’s jeans he could smell the scent of sex and the strange cologne.

  “Fuck, Neil,” Colby whispered. His heart ached and his head hurt. He curled into a ball on the floor of their bedroom, too disgusted to lie on their bed, and cried, bawling like a baby for almost an hour. How could Neil do this to him? They’d been a couple long enough for him to trust Neil, at least he thought he could trust Neil, but obviously he never should have.

  Once he could stand without the need to vomit, Colby placed the jeans back where he’d found them and moved to the bathroom to wash his face. The man staring back at him in the mirror looked hurt and lost. He barely recognized himself. How had it come to this? He and Neil had something, or maybe they’d never had anything and he’d been delusional, believing that their something special didn’t include cheating. He’d been a fool and was paying the price for trusting too much.

  Colby made sure the bathroom didn’t look like he’d been in there before he moved to the room they used as an office and set up his computer. Normally, if Neil wasn’t around during the day and he was working from home, he would sit at the kitchen table, but he didn’t want Neil to know he was home. If he stayed in the main room he may not put up his computer quickly enough, possibly leaving something out.

  Around midday he moved his car around the corner to a store parking lot that was busy enough that even if Neil stopped to pick something up, he wouldn’t necessarily see Colby’s car. It was a dick move, but he wanted to know the truth, and he could make up some excuse for his car being at the store if he were totally off base and Neil wasn’t cheating.

  Colby didn’t take a break except to grab a soda close to three. He’d wanted a beer, but being drunk when he confronted Neil wasn’t a good idea. Once he finished the soda, he tossed the can in the recycling bin, burying it under the newspaper so it wasn’t obvious he’d been there all day.

  Then his hunger was too much though he was still upset about Neil. He fixed himself a sandwich, making sure not to create a mess. Instead of using a plate, he employed a napkin to hold his food. By five, and long before Neil usually made it home from work, the kitchen was spotless. He looked around, knowing that Neil wouldn’t even be able to tell he’d been home. After he gave the kitchen one last look, Colby moved through the house, making sure the place looked like it had when he’d arrived home that morning. Maybe he was making a mistake. What if Neil didn’t bring anyone home with him tonight? Perhaps he shouldn’t sneak around. Being open and honest, asking Neil about the underwear and the stain might get him the answers he needed. But being honest hadn’t worked so well the last time.

  He tried to work after cleaning and tidying his mess from eating, but every few minutes between five and five-thirty he stood up, wondering if he was being too deceptive. Was it wrong to lie in wait, hiding his presence from Neil?

  Eventually, Colby opened an email and got lost in answering the questions. Close to six he jerked straight when he heard a noise at the front door. His heart hammered and his hands shook. It was time to decide exactly what he was going to do. Very quietly he closed his computer, worrying that he was being too much of an asshole hiding like this. Over the last few hours he’d gone from being pissed to feeling guilty for suspecting Neil of cheating. The fears of Neil having an affair were probably overblown, and once again he would end up looking like a fool. The stain on Neil’s pants could have been anything, even food. The underwear could be new too. Accusing Neil of having an affair might just push him away. And maybe Neil had jacked off. Just because the room smelled a bit like sex didn’t mean Neil had cheated. What if Neil was just getting off and hadn’t done anything wrong?

  The front door opened and it didn’t sound like anyone was with Neil. Colby breathed out a sigh of relief. He was angry at himself for blowing this out of proportion. Hopefully Neil would forgive him. Colby shoved his computer into his bag and was ready to step out of the room when a knock sounded at the door. He froze, his heart pounding hard as he heard Neil open the front door and begin talking.

  “Hey babe, I missed you today.” Neil’s voice was loud and clear and for a second Colby thought his boyfriend was talking to him. Then Colby’s heart squeezed as he realized Neil couldn’t see him, so there wasn’t any way in hell he was talking to him.

  Colby lifted his hand to his mouth and bit down on his knuckle to keep quiet. He was pissed that he’d been duped. Sad that he’d lost something, and angry with himself for not doing something about it earlier. Above all he wanted to know how Neil could be doing this to them?

  “Missed you. So when does he come home?” The question was asked by someone who’s voice he knew. Colby shut his eyes and thought about who could possibly be at his front door calling on Neil like they were a couple when he and Neil were supposed to be exclusive. Faces whipped through his thoughts and he flashed open his eyes, knowing exactly who was fucking his man. The jerk was none other than Deshaun, their neighbor. Maybe that’s why Deshaun was so nice to him, he was really fucking Colby over, screwing around with his boyfriend.

  “Tomorrow,” Neil mumbled like he was coming out of a kiss. They both laughed, the sound a stab at Colby’s heart.

  “That really sucks man,” Deshaun said. “I wanted to spend the night again.”

  “You can. He won’t be back until late. Then we’ll just be creative again until he takes another business trip. We can do this. He’s gone all the time and doesn’t catch on to stuff anyway.”

  Deshaun laughed, the sound muted by what, Colby didn’t know but he could guess. Something or someone knocked into the wall and moans followed.

  After a long moment of moaning and groaning Deshaun spoke. “Well, we do have tonight.”

  Colby’s anger twisted even tighter when he heard the smacking sound of their lips. He almost marched out right then and demanded an explanation, but he needed more e
vidence. Kissing could be passed off. Neil had blown off his accusations before, this time he would have to have undeniable proof.

  Listening to Neil and Deshaun make out and chat about their day had been excruciating. He fucking hated Deshaun and now he hated Neil. They were eating his food, drinking his beer, and about to fuck in his bed. He heard them talking, kissing, laughing, and it ripped his heart to shreds. He was angry and hurt and wished he could make this end, but he needed real proof. He wasn’t okay with Neil cheating on him at all. He wanted a guy who actually loved him, not some asshole who treated him like shit but said he loved him. Cheating wasn’t love.

  Minutes turned into almost an hour and he was about to give up until he heard Neil say something about going to the bedroom. When Colby was sure they were in the other room and about to fuck, he gathered his things and quietly moved them to the main room by the door. The last thing he wanted to do once he confronted Neil was stick around.

  As he approached the bedroom door his head started to spin. This was possibly the worst idea he had ever had. He should just run out, not discovering the full ugliness of the truth. But to get some closure, he needed to see this through. Before he even put his hand on the doorknob he made a vow that after confronting Neil, he was leaving as fast as he could. There was no way he could stay here and not lose his mind. Neil would beg. Colby knew how Neil operated, and he couldn’t withstand the pressure, not today.

  In the morning, or later in the day, once Colby knew Neil would be at work, he would get his things. He had his computer and that was more important than anything else. He owned the TV in the bedroom and he had his clothes, but most of the other stuff, like the furniture, was Neil’s.

  The door to the bedroom was closed but Colby could hear their moans and grunts. Just the thought of Neil buried deep in Deshaun made him dizzy with anger, and thinking of anyone else fucking Neil’s ass made him pissed as hell. Fuck, were they even using a condom? How many times had he and Neil gone without one? He’d trusted Neil, and now he knew he shouldn’t have.

  “Fuck, Neil, so fucking good,” Deshaun cried out.

  That was his cue. Colby pushed the door open quietly, wishing he could leave without seeing the truth. The lights were on and there wasn’t any way to avoid seeing Neil’s ass clenched, his balls tight as he slammed into Deshaun who was face down, his fingers clutching the pale gray sheets Colby had bought last month. Fuck, he really liked those sheets; Egyptian cotton, one thousand thread count. He’d paid good money for those but there was no way in hell he could ever sleep on them again.

  Heat washed over him and tears filled his eyes as he realized he cared more about the fucking sheets than he cared for Neil. All of the excuses, the lies, the times Neil had told Colby he was imagining things, it all came back to him. Neil had pulled one over on him and it fucking hurt.

  Colby stepped into the room, his hands trembling as he watched Neil rock into Deshaun, both of them gasping as Neil swayed his hips. He knew how it felt to have Neil behind him, rocking just like that. It felt damn good and it looked like both Deshaun and Neil were enjoying themselves.

  Deshaun was moaning and grunting so loudly Colby doubted either of them could hear him step closer. Anger and bile filled his stomach as he watched the two of them fuck. He’d never really been dramatic, but this might just push him over the edge and bring out his internal bitch which would give these two and anyone in hearing distance a real show.

  Neil must have sensed or heard something because he turned his head, their gazes connecting. At first Neil didn’t stop, then confusion filled Neil’s face followed swiftly by panic. He pulled out, his hand on Deshaun’s ass. It was almost comical watching Neil try to hide his quickly shrinking erection that was thankfully covered by a condom. At least he didn’t have to worry as much about getting an STI from the bastard.

  One of the most un-Neil-like sounds he’d ever heard came out of his boyfriend’s mouth as he squawked and shook his hand. Neil’s eyes were wide and his face going from red to almost purple. It took Neil a few tries, but he cleared his throat and opened his mouth again, this time words were said.

  “C-Colby, God, I didn’t know you—”

  Colby flipped his hand up as he stomped his foot, getting Neil’s attention. “Just answer this one question. Why?”

  “I didn’t—It was an accident,” Neil whined.

  Any other excuse might have held some water, but the total lack of responsibility for his actions pushed Colby over the edge. “An accident?” Colby threw his hands up, not caring that he probably looked half-crazed because he felt totally out of control. Deshaun and Neil jumped when he rushed forward and slapped his hands together.

  “What? Deshaun was walking past, you tripped, then bam, your dick fell in his ass, then you couldn’t get it out so you shoved it back in before pulling it almost all the way out again and again? Because that’s what you were doing, you know, in out, in out. If it were an accident, don’t you think you could have just pulled it out and stayed the fuck out of his mangy ass?” He screamed the last few words, spittle flying from his mouth, landing on the light gray sheets, snapping him back to himself.

  What was he doing? He wasn’t going to get in a physical fight and he sure as hell didn’t want Neil to think he was going to beg him to come back, because he wouldn’t. There wasn’t enough between them to fight for. Slowly he lowered his hands, fisting them at his sides as Deshaun scrambled to the other side of the bed, his hand over his dick which looked as limp as Neil’s now looked.

  Colby felt oddly detached, like he was watching everything on the TV and wasn’t a part of the scene. He searched the corners of his heart and his mind for something, a sliver of love, or maybe concern, but he had nothing. He felt…dead. Any love, any caring he had died as he’d listened to Deshaun and Neil from the second bedroom and then again from the den. Neil was with Deshaun, not like in a onetime thing or an accident, but they were a couple. They had private jokes, they laughed, and talked like he and Neil had in the beginning. Humiliation spun through him as he realized Neil had left him a long time ago but strung him on for some reason Colby couldn’t fathom.

  Neil covered his dick, his eyes wide, his lips turned down in a frown. “Listen, Colby, this doesn’t change a thing. We can still be together. You know I love you. It’s just you’ve been traveling so much. I needed—”

  “No!” Colby roared. “You don’t get to blame this on me. Two months ago I asked you about a hotel bill and you told me not to worry, that it was something about work and you putting up a client, but that was a lie, wasn’t it? Were you with Deshaun that night or someone else?”

  Deshaun’s eyes went wide and Neil blanched. It was obvious Deshaun had no clue about the hotel.

  “Let me guess,” Colby said, “it was some other guy. Have you ever not been fucking around on me?” Colby waited for an answer but realized after a few seconds he shouldn’t have even asked the question because deep down he really didn’t want to know. He’d been duped for God only knew how long, and he wasn’t going to put up with it any longer.

  They’d only been living together for a year and they hadn’t combined too many of their things—thank God they hadn’t put any of their money together. He would rather walk away and lose his things than suffer the total loss of his dignity and his mind, anyway.

  Regret ate at him. His heart thudded and his body vibrated with anger. He couldn’t stay, couldn’t put up with this, not any longer. He deserved better than a man who would cheat on him.

  “I’ll be by tomorrow to get my stuff. I’m going to grab a few clothes before I leave,” Colby said.

  “Don’t, I’ll go.” Deshaun stepped away from the wall but stopped when Colby narrowed his gaze.

  He stared at Deshaun, wondering how much trouble he’d get into for punching the man. He balled his fists, keeping his arms straight at his sides. “Oh no, it didn’t look like you two finished. Go on, fuck him, Neil.”

  Neil held out his hand. “Col
by, don’t be a jerk.”

  “A jerk? A jerk? Really, a jerk.” Colby spread his hands wide and waved at the bed, then Deshaun. “A goddam fucking jerk!” Colby yelled. “Fuck him. Fuck him now! Because you sure as fuck didn’t care about me a minute ago. How long have you been fucking him? How long? Did you fuck him in our bed last week while I was gone? Our fucking bed! Fuck you, Neil!”

  Colby’s hands were shaking hard, and he really didn’t want to come unglued, but he was helpless to his unhinged emotions. If Neil said one more thing, he might really become hysterical. Out of control was only the tip of the iceberg. He didn’t want to get into a fight tonight, and if Neil or Deshaun pushed, he’d throw a punch.

  Neil stepped closer. “Colby, please, I just—”

  “No!” Colby roared. “No more. No more. Just shut up and sit down. I can’t talk to you right now. I’m too upset. Good God, how fucking long—wait, don’t answer that.”

  “Colby,” Neil whispered but Colby couldn’t look at him. He was pissed as a wet cat on a cold night. There wasn’t any recovery for them. No matter what Neil said, he would never trust the man again. When he’d assumed Neil was having an affair, he’d thought about him sleeping with someone else, a stranger maybe, but he hadn’t imagined it would be this hard to deal with the fact that Neil was fucking a friend, someone they both knew. Seeing Neil with another guy destroyed him. Why hadn’t he listened to his gut? Maybe that’s why he was so upset. He’d known that something had been off with Neil, but he hadn’t listened to his own heart in the matter. For months he’d suspected, but Neil had convinced him he was wrong. Could he ever trust his instincts again? Fuck, would he ever trust another?

  Colby pulled together a bag of clothes and left the room, stopping at the door to grab his other suitcase, the one he’d taken on his business trip, and his computer. He glanced back at the bedroom door, part of him wishing Neil would step out and make things right, say some magic words that would explain the betrayal. But there were no magic words, no way of explaining this deception. Neil had been caught fucking Deshaun in their bed. There were no misunderstandings, no accidents had taken place, it was real, and painful, and it fucking hurt all the way to the marrow of his bones. Now that he knew he hadn’t been imagining things, the reality was so much worse than he’d ever suspected.