A Toiling Darkness

by Jaliza Burwell

  My tone was cold and matter-of-fact. He looked away, had to since my tone didn’t match my face. I knew the pain was in there, in my eyes. I couldn’t keep it out, not from Kalen.

  “There are children and women in here. Trying to live and knowing they won’t because of humans.” I looked back out into the room.

  Beings in nursing outfits moved between the beds, helping where they could, trying to make the transition to death easier.

  “Some of those nurses are taking away some of the pain and making it their own. They are suffering too, just to make the victims’ deaths just a little less painful. Is this not the compassion you speak about?”

  A loud, ear-splitting scream tore through the building, using the cement walls to bounce off. It slammed into us and I had to hold on tightly to Kalen’s hand as he stumbled back. The scream ended just as abruptly as it came, as if someone pressed the mute button.

  Kalen recomposed himself, his face pale and hand growing sweaty. He was holding just as tightly to me as I was to him. Both our hands were turning white. My nails were digging into his skin, but he didn’t say anything. I wanted to ask if he even noticed. I don’t think he did. I forced my grip to loosen.

  “What was that?” he asked, his voice breathy.

  “A keener’s scream.”

  “Keener?”

  I thought about it for a moment and nodded, happy with my answer. “Banshee. I’ve heard you guys call them banshees.” Keeners, banshees, and other loud obnoxious beings really jumbled up the human folklore for them. They were all grouped together and called a banshee. That’s what happens when you let Queen Baeir into the limelight. She outshined all other beings in the screaming department, making a name for them all.

  He looked at me incredulously, his eyes wide. “Someone died?” He just couldn’t believe it. He wanted to be angry. I could feel it in the tightness of his grasp. But who do you take your anger out on when there is no one person responsible around? There wasn’t even a face we could put on the hunters. They were just as mysterious and hidden as us beings.

  “Yeah, probably the keener.” Which would explain the sudden stop.

  Humans believed that if you could hear a banshee scream, then a member of your family was going to die soon. It was an interesting lore, just completely wrong. They screamed because they communicated that way to each other. Anyone not a banshee just didn’t have the right translator for their language. I met a man once who acted like a translator. He said they sounded like they were singing and it was beautiful. I could only go off by what he said because to me, it was like they were scratching their nails against a chalkboard, only about a hundred times worse, and doing it right inside my ears.

  Kalen stepped forward, still holding my hand. His eyes were focused on a young woman on one of the beds. Her eyes were closed and I gave her another day or so. She looked like a teenager. Her hair was thin enough to see a pale white scalp, barely a shade lighter than her face. Her lips used to once be big and luscious. Humans described them as kissable. Not anymore. They were deflated and a weird shade of pink, more like a greyish-pink. Spots of rot dotted her skin. If we looked closely enough, we could see a white flash of bone. She was rotting from the inside.

  “How can a human even do this?” Kalen asked. I could feel his need inside him. He wanted to help.

  “You used to work in a hospice,” I said.

  He looked at me surprised by the answer.

  “How’d you know?”

  “Woman’s instinct?” I shrugged.

  “How’d you know?” he asked again.

  I sighed and looked back out into the room. “Your eyes, and your emotions. You want to help, probably already thought of a thousand different things you could be doing right now.”

  “Of course I want to help. Seeing others suffer is hard. Don’t you want to help them?”

  “No, I don’t. I won’t get anything out of it.”

  He looked at me hard. “Are you sure it’s humans who did this?” It sounded like he was trying to blame me. I didn’t rise to the bait.

  “Witches are humans. They like to work with the hunters. Their organization has some really powerful witches in their care.”

  “Is this what you wanted?” he whispered. “To destroy the line I created between humans and beings?”

  I kept my voice low and my eyes on that girl. Her chest was barely rising, her breaths coming out ragged. “Humans are not the only ones who suffer.”

  I nearly lost the hold I had on the shadows and it took almost everything I had left to keep them. If we were revealed, all these beings would try to run away and most of them couldn’t even get out of their beds. I made that mistake once. I walked into a hospice and caused a massive panic. Even at full health, these beings were weak. But like this they were hurting and scared, and my presence didn’t help. Then again, back then I was in my real human form. Maybe the reaction wouldn’t be so extreme this time. I didn’t want to find out though. So I clenched my teeth and held onto those shadows, drawing them closer around us.

  Kalen was silent long enough that I had to glance over at him. He was staring down at me, his face soft and filled with a foreign expression. I wanted to say it was a mixture of pain and pity, but that just didn’t cut what was deep in those eyes.

  “You know this personally, don’t you? That’s why you didn’t care about what happened in the park.”

  I looked back at the room, at the nurses moving between each patient, looking haggard but determined.

  “Darkness, am I right?”

  “We all have our stories,” I snapped at him. His eyes widened and he tried to step away. I held onto him tightly, unwilling to break the connection. Touching him made it easier to hide us. He stopped moving away.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your apology I want.” I yanked on him hard and headed back out of the room. I was at my limit. We quietly left the room, leaving all those beings behind to suffer. There was nothing I could do anyways. I was busy fighting for my own survival. When we got just outside the gate, on the other side of the barrier, I let him go. It felt like I was letting go a part of myself. My hand was still warm from his touch and the place he rubbed with his thumb tickled.

  I walked away, wanting to just lay down and go to sleep. Each step was hard and only Kalen’s presence kept me moving.

  I am not going to show weakness in front of an enemy.

  I pushed through the exhaustion.

  Kalen followed behind quietly, lost in his own thoughts. Minutes passed as I just kept walking, one step at a time, back to my apartment.

  “Where is that necromancer you’ve been keeping with you?”

  A couple seconds passed and I just kept walking without looking back at him. I was tired, I just wanted to sleep and recharge. My apartment was only a couple blocks away.

  “I killed him.”

  That made me stop in midstride. I turned and didn’t miss the betrayal in his eyes.

  “Oh?”

  “He was only leading me around, hoping the beings he brought me to would kill me. I guess I was getting too close to the guys who are taking the children and he didn’t want me to.”

  “Before you killed him, did you at least find out who he was protecting?”

  Pain crossed his handsome face and I wanted to be able to take it away. That necromancer made Kalen cross over another line he made. If this kept up, he would lose that innocence. Did I want him to lose it? I can’t say for sure. I just didn’t want him to die and if that meant becoming cold and hard, then so be it. Right?

  If Kalen didn’t kill Chris, I would have done it. And knowing Kalen, he made it as quick and easy as he could. I wouldn’t have. That boy wouldn’t be anything but skin and bones when I was done with him, maybe even still alive, unable to move, no warmth capable of touching him. It would have been so easy. And I wouldn’t be so damn tired afterwards. I would be full of energy.

  “I did.”

  “And yet you�
��re here instead of going to him.” That must take some huge restraint. To waste time with me when he can go save those children he desperately wanted to protect.

  “It’s a man who works for a warlock. I want the warlock.”

  “Use the servant to get to the monster?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Who’s the loc?” I asked, pushing further.

  Kalen paused, trying to decide if he should tell me or not. “Devon.”

  I cocked my brow, completely taken by surprise with the information. What were the chances that there were two warlocks in the city with the same name? “No, shit. Really?”

  “Yeah.” His face lit up with hope, making him look boyish again. “Why? You know him? You know where to find him.”

  I let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I met him a couple of times. Shy little bugger.”

  “Do you know where he is?”

  I nodded.

  “Tell me.” Kalen got even more excited. He hopped from foot to foot, all ready to head out.

  I shook my head, hating to have to disappoint him. “Not tonight.”

  “Why?” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. His mood swing made me laugh.

  “Because tonight he’s busy with Lord Kay’s party bash. He’s one of his lackeys. Tomorrow, I’ll bring you to him.”

  “Do you know where he lives?”

  “No,” I replied, still confident. Finding beings was easy for me, especially someone like a warlock.

  “Then how can you bring me to him?”

  I smiled, letting my cockiness get the best of me. “I have my ways. Tonight, rest. Take a break. You’ll need to save your strength.” I started walking again. He followed closely behind, his pace twice as fast as mine so while I walked quickly, he simply strolled.

  “You can’t bring me,” he said.

  “Why?”

  “It’s too dangerous.”

  I laughed loud enough for a homeless man to look at me like I was the crazy one for once. Kalen didn’t like my reaction too much either. To think he still worries about my safety. “A loc won’t even be able to lay a single finger on me. Don’t worry.”

  “I don’t like it.”

  “You don’t have to,” I replied. “You just need to follow me if you want to find those kids.”

  We stopped in front of my apartment. The irony of him walking me to my home wasn’t lost on me. He probably wanted to make sure no one tried anything on me. If only he realized others needed protection from me, not the other way around.

  “I’ll meet you at the harbor tomorrow night, around midnight.”

  “So late.”

  “I love the night.” I smiled and went into my apartment, leaving him to stare after me.

  Chapter 19:

  The room was an off white with nothing on the walls, or on the tables. It was more like an empty office space instead of a living room. Usually homes had something, anything, to give a little clue into the life of the occupant. Even my apartment had some clues into my life, like all those picture books I collected. Seeker’s living room had nothing, spotless, probably too clean. There were no worries about dust bunnies coming out from under the chair.

  I wanted to wander around, see if there were more in the other rooms or if they were just as blank as this one. I stood up and started pacing.

  I slept half a day and then the other half of the day was spent looking for Seeker’s house. If I were in my other form, it would have taken maybe an hour, tops. This form limited me too much. Kay was right, after all this stuff with Kalen and his master ended, I had to stop hiding like this. I had to face everything. For the first time in nearly two hundred years, I felt that I could do it too—face Eithna’s death and everything I’ve done up to that point. I needed to if I wanted to be whole again.

  I looked at my small hands, clenching and unclenching them. The palms of my hands were soft and pink, my fingers short stubs. They were the hands that were incapable of protecting Kalen properly. They were too small. And yet if I protected him as my true self, he would only try to kill me and that will lead us to a fight I knew I would try to win. Dying was not an option but killing Kalen was no longer one either. Where did that leave me when we fought? I didn’t want to find out.

  The door opened slowly and then Seeker walked through it, moving every bit as gawky as I expected. His limbs were too long, making what normally would have been a graceful walk clumsy. Kind of like a doe learning to walk for the first time. I had to stop myself from saying: “You can do it, Bambi.”

  Similar to a blind man, he didn’t look at me. He didn’t need to. He knew I was in the room, where I was standing, and probably any decisions I had made in the last five minutes. He wasn’t blind though, he could still see what was in front of him. It was up to him if he really chose to look or not. Eyesight was not one of the senses he relied on.

  He paused in front of the chair I had vacated to pace the room. He turned to the couch and slowly sat down. His limbs spread right out, taking up the entire couch. He looked right at home, completely comfortable with where he was. How he could be so comfortable in such an empty room, I have no idea.

  “Darkness, so quick to visit me, are you not?”

  “You’re the one who decided to pass out right in the middle of a conversation.”

  “Is that what that was? A conversation?”

  I frowned. Seeker’s words were sarcastic, maybe even angry.

  “What has your breeches in a twist?” I asked.

  “My breeches, as you put it, are in a twist because the Consort are in the city and even I cannot see why.”

  That was really saying a lot. Seeker has pride in his power and being the best of the best at what he does. My heart added an extra beat to its rhythm and I slowly sat across from him, tucking myself into the big cushion. I felt like it was going to eat me.

  “Have they contacted you?”

  He shook his head. “They have not. But they are asking uncomfortable questions to every being they meet.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Like I have said, I cannot see. Therefore I cannot tell you. No one knows. It is only speculation right now.”

  Growing irritated, I asked, “Can you at least tell me who they are.”

  “Death.”

  That extra heartbeat that came to me at the mention of the Consort was taken back as my heart tried to stop.

  “No he isn’t,” I said, refusing to even entertain the words. They just sounded so wrong.

  “He is. Has been since the Early Middle Ages. Why do you think you still live? He keeps you alive.”

  I licked my dry lips. “Death hates the Consort.”

  Seeker cocked his head with a small smile. The bastard was happy to shock me. He was now enjoying himself at my expense. My anger rose and I had to force myself to sit there. Seeker’s head on spike was looking like a pretty good idea right now.

  I took a deep breath and released it slowly. It’s okay. I’ll bring him down a notch in a couple of minutes.

  “Maybe he does. What better way to change the Consort then by joining them?”

  “Change them from the inside,” I said out loud as I thought about it. Death was no pushover, and he was definitely more dangerous than anyone else who held a position on the Consort. He made it clear to me when I first met him that he didn’t believe in what they stood for. There was no one to police them and it allowed them to get away with too much. Death believed in democracy, before the concept even existed, and the Consort was more like a monarchy—their word was law.

  “Yes,” Seeker replied. The word came out more like a hiss, sounding less like a word any human would be able to say.

  I sat quietly, trying to get my brain to work properly again. To think Death joined the Consort. My earliest memory of him was from when Ancient Greece still existed. A long time, I know. He used me to take control of a society just so he could get a specific high-ranking soul.

  And now Seeker was telling me the arrog
ant bastard was in the Consort to protect me. I wanted to call bullshit to his bluff—if only he did bluff.

  “What kind of questions are they asking?” I asked, swallowing my fear and hatred.

  “From what I can see they are asking about some witch.” Something inside me relaxed. As long as it didn’t have anything to do with me, I’ll be okay, even if it has been thousands of years since I’ve been in the same city as Death. I worked very hard at avoiding him.

  Seeker tilted his head, considering something. “You seem more relaxed.”

  “Just glad I’m not the focus of their attention.”

  “Oh, you are always the focus of their attention, like a spoiled little daughter.”

  I stilled at his little comment. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

  “You still have not figured it out yet?” He still held that smug little smile on his face.

  I reached the end of my patience with his cocky ass attitude. He should know better by now. Apparently I was softening too much if he thought he could treat me like I was some kind of simple child.

  I pushed power into my words and when I spoke, the lights flickered with each word, hammering in my point. “You forget yourself, Seeker.” I stood up and stalked over to him.

  His body went still and he just watched me with fear. I slowly crawled into his lap and he didn’t dare push me away. He could see it in my expression. He could see the death I promised him. I knew my eyes were dead, all life out of my body and I used it to my advantage. Nothing like a child crawling into your lap, not to cuddle or be held, but to get close enough to kill you. Even I could taste the bile in his throat. It had a little aftertaste of life.

  I sat back on my thighs and reached up to his cheek, rubbing it gently. I let my hand make its way back to his throat. My hand was too small to wrap around his throat, but I didn’t need to. I could feel his pulse just under his skin, pulsing blood just under the tip of my index finger.