by Vance Huxley
“Good. I’ll keep an eye open for more therapy.” Harold glanced over towards where the spectators were stood. “The same therapy seemed to work for Umeko.”
“Possibly, and if nothing else I’ll bet the Geeks daren’t even look hard at her again.” Celine smiled. “This is working; I forgot I was dancing with a man.”
“Great. That does wonders for my ego.”
“Your ego has a pretty blonde booster to keep it strong. I meant I was talking properly without tensing up.”
Harold smiled. “Don’t let Alicia know you’re weakening, she’ll be moving Barry in.”
“Not yet, and she reckons Finn can shoot well enough to be reassuring so he might get the job. Alicia really does know that women guards are dangerous. Unfortunately we both have the same problem, logic can’t persuade the bit in our heads that has bad dreams.” Celine sighed. “There are a few of those about, bad dreams.”
“Oh yes.” Celine’s look sharpened and Harold smiled. “Don’t worry, I know my job. Liz told me.”
“Alien killing machine parked at the end of the road for when it’s needed.” Celine nodded. “Those are handy, but what do you do with them when nobody needs killing?” She smiled as the music stopped. “Thank you kind sir.”
“Thank you, fair maid.”
Harold turned at a voice from behind him, “None of the fingertip stuff for this one, Soldier Boy.”
“Hi there Suzie. Are you three having a competition?”
Suzie sniggered. “Sort of, but not the knicker one Liz reckons. Don’t worry, you’re off the prize list.” She hugged a bit tighter. “Handy to practice on though.”
* * *
“This cuts out a lot of wondering and waiting, and promising chocolate and treats to trade tickets,” Holly smiled happily, “since you’ve already got the right number.”
“What were you trading for? You always end up with one of the older ones and walk them home?” Harold started to slow dance as the music struck up
“Oh. Right. Um, I didn’t mean me. Though I might trade in future to get a level three at the start of last dances.” Harold started to wonder about random and Holly’s walking home and then a prolonged level three while slow dancing wiped it from his mind.
“Another of those and I might start taking you home right now.”
“I might say yes, since the place is empty.” Holly blushed. “But I’m not Sal. Did I see you dancing with Celine?”
“Yes, and Umeko.”
“Enough talk. Since this is the last dance, and I’m your girlfriend, we’re supposed to snog a bit. It’s one of the rules.”
“I’m a great believer in rules.” Though the level three at the end nearly meant Harold forgetting a rule or two. At least with no coats they weren’t waiting at the end and were outside fairly quickly. Though not first. Doll and Matti were almost towing Liam and Jon up the road before gramps got clear of the cloakroom. Liam wasn’t hanging back this time.
Harold didn’t even ask when Holly went up Betty’s path and round the back of the girl club to the orchard. There wasn’t much moon but Holly did manage to find some buds where leaves were starting to form. “You should have captured Curtis if you like plants that much.”
“Oh no. I decided that…Look, another one. I like seeing the buds, especially this year. It means that everything will grow again, clean and new. No matter what happened to the tree last year, when the leaves start like this it’s all wiped out. Everything new.” The sadness in Holly’s voice prompted Harold to put an arm round her and they walked through the trees in silence, checking for new growth. Behind them Harold could hear some of the others being walked home, and others arriving later having seen the likes of Sandy to their door.
“We’d better go before Casper sends out the search party.” He turned and they headed towards the back of the girl club, not far since they’d done a circuit of the small potential orchard.
“Cripes yes.” Holly sniggered. “Cripes? Liz is getting to me.”
“To everyone. Celine used scroat tonight.”
“I like that one.” Holly turned towards him. “Level five. Oh, no buttons.”
“The cloaks are already unbuttoned.”
“Yes, but.” Holly parted Harold’s cloak. “You’ve got buttons anyway, but they’re undone.”
Harold parted her cloak. “It’s a good job there’s no buttons on this. That might be advanced.”
“Yes. Ooh, yes!” Holly giggled. “Right, arms round and…” Harold knew what the pause was and had sort of prepared himself for wet lips. Not for wet lips, no coat and Holly kept going for the full level three time.
“Cripes. In the nicest way.”
“I thought. I said not advanced and Liz said this wasn’t.” Holly’s laugh sounded bit shaky. “That felt sort of advanced.”
“We can back down to level four if you like.” Harold thought that would be safer because if Holly did that too many times he’d really kiss her back, and really hug, and Holly would run a mile.
“Yes. No.” Holly blew out a long breath. “I don’t know. But yes, I think just a four right now.” Harold barely had time to realise Holly really did mean right now. “Whew, I forgot there were no buttons so that was level five again. I’d better go in now. Because of Casper?”
“Happy Valentine’s Holly.”
“Oh yes.”
Harold spent the short walk home trying to work out what to do about these levels, and decided if Liz would stop pushing, everything would settle down.
* * *
“I need advice, or maybe you do.”
Liz laughed. “I can barely remember now.” She put down her hammer. “Ooh, serious face. Why? Considering the big grin Holly had you should be a really happy boy.”
“The smile is because she survived the latest hurdle you shoved her through, but only just.” Harold perched on the edge of a bench. “Maybe you could ease off?”
Liz grinned. “Exactly how? Just which bit of these hurdles is Holly having trouble with?” Harold sat trying to work out how the hell to say this without sounding crude. Liz’s grin widened. “Is it you having trouble? Don’t tell me you really are a wimp and can’t even fight Holly off?”
“I’m trying to resist going something that means she has to fight me off. Or thinks she does and runs away!” Harold stopped. “Oh cripes, that sounds gross.”
“That sounds like hormones.” Liz sniggered. “She might not run.”
“Holly’s not old enough. No, she is because I could see that last night with her hair up. Maybe that was it? But she’s innocent, so sort of young?” Harold glared. “If you breathe a word to Sharyn or Holly or Casper I’ll go alien killing machine.”
Liz held up her hands in mock surrender. “All right, but exactly why is this my fault?”
“You keep telling Holly to lick her lips and move from one level to another. Then unbutton things.” Harold sighed. “That really shook her. It bloody near ruined everything.”
“What thing? No, hang on, buttons undone. Did you stick a hand up her dress?” Liz didn’t look quite as happy.
“No!” Harold sighed. “But when she did the wet lip bit with hands under cloaks, I was bloody tempted. Just don’t tell her any more levels, all right.”
Liz sniggered. “If you’re tempted to go up her skirt, I don’t need to.” Liz held her hands up again at Harold’s glare. “I promise, all right. If you wanted some nookie why didn’t you grab Sal or Doll or Suzie, or possibly Matti? Any of those might have liked a hand up their skirt in the right setting.”
“I wanted a girlfriend, someone to hold hands and snog a bit and back off the rest, especially those four.” Harold listened to himself and that didn’t sound right.
“So you don’t fancy Holly really?”
“Of course I do, idiot. She’s bloody lovely, but doesn’t need a randy soldier getting a bit hands on.” Harold held his head in his hands. “It isn’t like that. I’m just worried tha
t Holly thinks she’s got to, you know, keep moving up these bloody levels. She was talking about rites of passage because someone is filling her head with all sorts. Though at least Holly doesn’t think she has to compete.”
“No, but you’re right in one way. She was definitely a bit worried about you expecting a bit too much to start with.” Liz grinned. “To repeat myself. Holly looked happy after last night.”
“Because I said we could go back down a level if it worried her. She wasn’t expecting, er, whatever she felt. I don’t think she was smiling about me.” Harold sighed.
“I’m a slut so I don’t see the problem. If Holly liked whatever, she’ll do it again. If not, she won’t.” Liz laughed. “Cripes, you make it sound like a problem.”
“It isn’t put like that. Providing someone stops pushing and giving instructions and suggesting things.” Harold glared again and couldn’t keep it up so he smiled. “Why am I talking to you about this?”
“So I don’t give your girl ideas. Perish the thought, that’s your department. I promise.” Liz grinned. “So do you like her Valentine’s dress or the tutu most?”
“Cripes, if Holly wants a level five in that tutu, all bets are off. After all, there is no skirt.” Harold smiled wider because Liz teasing him worked better than Liz coaching Holly.
“So which did you like most? Or was that the answer?”
“Oh no, not a chance. Anyway, because my thoughts are pure, I never looked below her neck.” Harold stood up.
“But you hugged.” Liz smirked. “With your sorts of hugs, you don’t need to look. Maybe Holly could try for Jessica Rabbit next time if Sal will loan her the dress?”
“You promised to be good. Anyway,” he says, in a desperate attempt to change the subject, “how are you for spare knives? After the demonstration at the gate, I reckon Umeko at least is a possible for spear wielder. She put some real venom into the caning.”
“That was a lovely sight. Made me wish I could hit someone.” Liz smiled happily. “Just what a few of the little scroats deserve, a proper spanking.”
“So just in case Umeko wants to upgrade from spanking?”
“I’ve not taken the hafts off all the spare knives because someone might need one. Unless you want me to replace the early ones, the ones from the fire, I can make another dozen.” Liz frowned. “I could make those up with lighter shafts so someone could throw them. That should slow some little scroat up a bit.”
“Magic.” His radio crackled. “Damn. I’ll have to go outside because there’s too much metal in here. We’ll have to sort out a phone for you.”
Harold’s radio buzzed several more times before he could make sense of the message. “Everyone to the gate and bring everything. We’ve got GOFS, Hot Rods and Geeks and they aren’t happy.”
* * *
“They’re not happy, but they’re not shooting either.” Harold inspected the line of cars and the men armed with crossbows and machetes. “They’ve put on the white flags and that’s Cadillac, Gofannon and Hawkins so it’s not too serious. They’re all bosses,” Harold explained to a baffled Billy. “The bosses wouldn’t all expose themselves like this if they meant to fight.” Harold didn’t think so, but kept remembering the comment about rolling over Orchard Close and dividing the spoils.
Harold stepped up onto his box so they could all see him. “You! You said fines.” Hawkins wasn’t waiting for the polite parts.
“Are you here to talk or fight? If you want to fight come ahead. If you want to talk, say so and three of you come ahead.”
“Talk, you idiot. You don’t think we’d stand here like this for a fight, did you?” Gofannon waved a hand at the houses either side of the gate. “In range and in plain view?”
“No, but then Hawkins started shooting his mouth off.”
“We want a meeting, about rules.” Gofannon pointed at Hawkins. “He says you changed them and cut up one of his men.”
“If you’ll talk we will explain. We had a situation, and the man lived and kept his nuts. Now will you come in and discuss it in a civilised manner?” Harold thought the ensuing argument a close thing until Hawkins threw up his hands in disgust.
Cadillac stepped clear of the rest. “I for one find your rules fascinating, but we have a problem with hostages. Have you got three top people?”
“Yes, but if they come down there some idiot will open his big mouth and people will die. One hostage. After all, if I kill you then all three gangs will combine and wipe us out.”
“Your logic is impeccable. Send him out.” Cadillac understood who wouldn’t start a bloodbath.
Casper had already passed his shotgun to Alfie and Jon started the car and moved the gate. Cadillac looked at the car as he came through and Harold sighed. “Still working on it. We’ve had interruptions.” A quick search showed that all three only carried a machete and belt knife, and they were soon in number three with the fan heater blasting away.
Hawkins really was upset. “You cut up a man and he never even touched a girl.”
“He threatened her, and she shook her head and he kept coming. Shaking a head is no. He’s lucky he didn’t touch her.” Holly came in and smiled at Harold. “Holly, what happens if someone claims a girl without her permission?”
“Whoa, we all know that one. But he didn’t touch?” Gofannon interest sharpened at that. “What if a bloke thinks he’s got a yes, he puts his hand on an ass or whatever, and she says no and he backs off? A bloke can get the wrong idea.”
“True and if that is clearly what happened we can work around it. But shaking her head and backing away until a wall stops her isn’t giving out mixed messages.” Harold gave Hawkins a long level look. “Especially when it’s a Geek and Umeko.” Harold glanced at Cadillac and Gofannon. “The girl he called chink.”
“Oh, now that makes more sense.” Cadillac smiled at Hawkins. “Doesn’t it?”
“Cutting him up is still over the top. Not only that but you took down the fence and came over the border.” Hawkins glared. “You killed someone our side.”
Harold glared right back. “He was shooting at us from behind that fence. A woman lost an arm when she was hit.”
Hawkins checked both Holly and Emmy for damage. “Who?”
“Our baker, so not a fighter. Are you missing anyone? Maybe you’ll recognise the man?” Harold watched carefully as he spoke but Hawkins kept himself under control or wasn’t involved.
“I thought he was dead?”
Emmy stood up. “I’ll get it.”
While Emmy went to get the ‘it’ Harold explained the border fence and the number of attempted shootings. By then Emmy arrived back with a frosted plastic bag and a garden cane. She gave Hawkins a beaming smile and rubbed away the frost on the outside.
“Bloody hell! Why did you keep his head?” Hawkins flinched at the next thought. “Where did you keep a frozen head?”
“Not with our burgers. We kept this in with the dog food as a present for Einstein.” Emmy’s curled lip spoke volumes about her opinion of Einstein. “We freeze rats and that seemed appropriate somehow.”
“Why for Einstein?” Harold had hoped for Hawkins’s reaction, but Cadillac just had to know.
“In case he had anything to do with it. The bloke shot at Emmy and had three tries.” Harold smiled sunnily. “I wanted Einstein to know that if we were going to start deliberately targeting people, I was up for that.”
Cadillac laughed. “Well Hawkins? Do you know him or do you let strangers set up on your patch and take potshots at neighbours?”
Hawkins hesitated because those options either made him look incompetent, or invited a sniping war. “Never seen him before. Fair enough, you were shot at but what about cutting my man up?”
Emmy held out the cane. “Here, we beat the little scroat with these. He should have run faster.” Before Hawkins could answer Gofannon started laughing.
“Oh Christ I’d have paid to see that. I thought you’d got creative after t
he rest had left and took a knife to him, because the Geeks were dead certain you actually cut him.” He shook his head and grinned at Cadillac, who had a big grin as well.
“May I see that, please?” Emmy passed the cane to Cadillac. “Educational as usual, Soldier Boy.” Cadillac looked across at Hawkins. “He’ll be scarred from what you say, but was your man crippled?”
“No.” Hawkins sounded sullen but there was little he could do in the face of laughter from the other two. “I thought he’d been cut. There was blood everywhere.”
“Scars, bleeding, pain and humiliation, but not crippled. Very informative.” Harold flinched internally because Cadillac seemed to like that idea a bit too much. “Anything else we need to know, Soldier Boy?”
“Yes, you’ve got a runner on your patch. We caught him spotting for the man in the bag but he got away, though he’s in his shorts so maybe he froze to death.” Harold shrugged. “I was going to let you know but we were busy yesterday with it being Valentine’s.”
“I’ll bet your lot didn’t get a traditional Valentine reward, not the way your women are about men.” Cadillac looked straight at Holly and she gave him a lovely smile.
“But we like men. We just like men who ask nicely. I found one.” She reached out and took a firm hold of Harold’s hand. “So I asked him to walk me home.”
All three gang leaders opened their mouths to make a comment, looked at Holly’s or Harold’s weaponry, and shut their mouths. Gofannon did manage, “Lucky boy.”
“Are we all square?” Harold wanted Hawkins out of there before Cadillac wound him up over something else.
“I’m done.” Hawkins stood.
“Don’t forget Einstein’s doggie bag. He might recognise an old friend.” Cadillac smiled and pointed at the bag. “Maybe Soldier Boy will sell you a cane to spank Einstein if he’s been naughty?”
“That’s a stranger. We’ll keep a better eye on the borders in future. Are you lot coming?”
